A/N: I don't own ER or any of it's characters. This story takes place during season 6 during "All in the Family." Yes, this is a Cary fic because, yes, I believe it that episode should've ended up differently. I'm a Carcy lover and if you aren't, that's fine too. Anyhoo, this is my interpretation on what should've happened. (if Kellie Martin didn't leave to complete college.) Also, all of the opening quotes up to chapter 5 are from the song State of Mind by Merril Bainbridge.

Chapter 10: Awkward Scars

Lucy stepped out of the elevator and she walked down the long, blood smelling halls of County General. It didn't go unnoticed by her that Frank was still eyeing her as if she couldn't be trusted. He looked as though he wanted to say something to her but the phone went off and he forgot about in an instant. Lucy was about to go into the lounge to grab a quick cup of coffee and get her bag out of Carter's locker when, as if Fate intervined, there he was. He was leaving the Lounge just as she opened the door and he hit in her head.

"Lucy? Geez, I'm sorry." He apologized helping her to her feet while she rubbed her head.

"It's not a big deal, Carter. I'm used to this dorr kicking my ass. Kicking my head's a new one, but I'm used to it all the same." He couldn't help but chuckle. Carter, and even Lucy, was a mazed that she had a sense of humor even now. Carter looked at the Admit desk and noticed that the few nurse that were there were watching them.

"What are you still doing here?" He asked ushering her inside the Lounge. The nurses, containing Haleh, Yosh, Chuny and Lydia, started laughing. "I thought your shift ended an hour ago."

"It did. Drs. Greene, Weaver and Anspaugh needed to discuss my..." Lucy thought for a moment trying to place the right word. "...New schedule with me. I asked to hold it off, but they wouldn't have it."

"New schedule?" He asked pouring himself yet another cup of coffee. "Want some?" He asked gesturing a cup to her.

"Yes!" She sighed contently. "I missed the good old Cook County coffee."

"This sludge?" He laughed again with a big grin. "Drinking it doesn't come without a price, Lucy."

"Oh, really?" She coaxed him taking the cup. "And what price is that?" She finished taking a sip at the same time as him.

"Tastebuds." She nearly spit out her coffee when he said this. He cracked up laughing when he saw Lucy cover her mouth and nose to keep the sludge from coming out.

"Very funny." She said dumping out the coffe, having gotten over the craving.

"Back to the point, new schedule?" He asked getting back on topic as she moved from him to his locker to get out her bag.

"Yeah. I, uh...okay, this is a little embarassing." She turned around to face him with her hand scratching her head, as if she was trying to compose a sentence thatr would make this whole conversation less awkward. She had a feeling that wouldn't happen. "I have to go to Psych for therapy three times a week starting tomorrow."

"What?" He blurted out almost spitting out his coffee this time. "Do you who you're gonna be "confessing you inner most secrets to?"" He joked regaining his composure more quickly than she had.

"I don't know or care. This is a stupid question, but do you how long Dr. Greene is on for tonight?"

"No, but I know a GSW is coming in so he'll be busy for a while. Why?"

"Any chance he'll be done soon?" She asked fishing for that small glint of hope.

"Probably not. I was going to assist but Kerry told to lay off. Can't do more than two traumas a day. But I got a look at the patients chart. Not good. He'll be tied up for a few hours at least."

"Dammit!" She cursed placing her hand on her forehead, the feeling of worryment rushing back to her. She completely disreguarded the fact that he said he could only do two traumas a day. "He was supposed to check my stitches. He was going to yesterday but...well, you remember. I guess it'll have to wait another day."

"Don't be silly. I'm your former Resident and a doctor. I'll do it. Come here." She was a little hesitant, but nodded and he finished his coffee and led her to an exam room after grabbing a suture kit. She sat down on the bed as Carter pulled up a chair. Lucy removed her white jacket and untucked her shirt. Carter lifted her head up and pulled a light down to better examine her neck for when she had the Trach. He looked at the stitches carefully and it seemed like she was sitting there forever.

"Well, how do they look? What's the diagnosis?"

"They look good. Actually...I think they're ready to come out." She whipped her head down to look at him happily.

"Really? You're not joking?" She asked and Carter chuckled not believing what he was hearing.

"Of course not! At least the ones on your neck are ready. I'll check the others now if you want."

"Definately. If it means for them to come out, I'll do anything."

"Alright. Uh, according to your old chart--" He started out beginning to prepare the suture kit.

"You saw my old chart?" She interrupted him quickly a little taken back.

"Yeah. When you were comatose, I had Carol do frequent check ups and then report to me. This was before she left for Seattle." He informed her with a heavy sigh.

"Seattle?" So that's where she went.

"Yeah. She went to be with Doug. I thought I told you that? Anyway, according to your chart, you had to get stitches on you back, stomach and chest. So, if you don't mind, I need you to take off your shirt." Her eyes went a little wide as he said this without a second thought. "I can get Lydia or Chuny if you want? They should be on-call at the desk."

"No, it's alright. I just want this over." She got off the bed and Carter wheeled back to give her some room. She turned her back to face him, why she didn't know. He'd just be seeing her chest soon anyway. Lucy thought it gave aher a bit of comfort that he could only see her back as she removed her shirt. She turned around reluctantly and sat back down on the bed. Carter, she noted, was just as hesitant about this as her.

"Jesus Christ." He muttered so she wouldn't hear but tit didn't work.

"I heard that." She said looking down at him. He looked up quickly to apologize but she didn't let him get the chance. "It's alright, Carter. I say the same thing every morning." He nodded shortly and went back to removing the stitches that covered her back. "So..uh, how have you been?" She asked as if they were just standing around talking normally.

"Like I said, fine." he said smiling at how she hadn't changed a bit besides the smoking, well, as far as he knew. "Better since--"

"I left?" She interuptted sadly looking down at the floor.

"I was going to say "since you came back."" He corrected her with a small smile at how silly she could be.

"Oh. Why's that?" She smiled in relief but couldn't help but ask him why.

"Things just...weren't the same without you." He half lied, still not ready to tell her what happened to him.

"Couldn't find someone to yell at?" She joked but flinched a bit as he finished the last stich in her back.

"Yell at? I never yelled at you." He said as she turned around and she just scoffed. "Pushed you to work hard, yes, but never yell."

"Oh, really?" She cleared her throat and put on her best Carter imitation. ""Go check on your patients! They've been waiting for hours!" "You can do it by yourself. I can't babysit you forever!""

"Okay! Okay! I get the point." He quickly said stopping her from recounting his many mistakes.

"Glad to hear it." They fell into silence again as Carter worked his way up her chest from where she'd been cracked open. "Oh, god." She sighed painfully. "It hurts so much. More than I expected."

"I know." He said in a reassuring tone. "I'm lying. I have know I idea." He corrected himself this time. He really did have no idea what Lucy had been through and that had been one of his many regrets. For so long Carter wanted to turn back time and switch places with her.

"At least you're being honest." She said giving him a reassuring smile, telling him she understood and didn't blame him for trying.

"Better late than never." He luaughed as he pulling out the last stich on her chest. "Alright. That wasn't so bad, was it? Okay, last and certainly not least, your neck."

"It's almost over." She whispered to herself, as if trying muster up the courage to let him continue. To not leave the room until he's finished.

"Yup." He replied shortly, concentrating hard as not to mess up. The last thing he wanted was to give Lucy another scar. "That's it. You're done." He smiled pulled out the last stich, starting to clean up.

"Thanks, Carter. I don't think I would've been able to handle another day with these things. I was ready to pull them out with my bare hands." She said sitting still, watching him clean up.

"Well, it's a good thing you didn't. You could've caused an infection. Or worse."

"I know, I know." She replied sheepishly as he talked to her like he was a parent. "Thanks again, Carter."

"No problem." At that moment, unknowingly to both of them, they started to move closer together. Their heads, their lips; they were moving in for a kiss which their hearts wanted since the attack, but their heads knew could never happen. Mere inches away, they closed their eyes and as their lips were about to touch...

"Dr. Carter?" Alex shouted opening the door quickly. Lucy hopped back onto the table quickly as Carter put his hand to his hand and spun around to face his new Med student. "Dr. Carter, you all right?" He asked looking from him to Lucy, whose face was now in her hands.

"Yes, Alex. yes. What did you need?" He asked as nicely as possible putting his arm around Alex's shoulder, leading him out of the room. Closing the door behind them, Lucy sighed and couldn't help but laugh as she put her shirt back on. Sighing again, the smile never leaving her face, she ran her fingers through her hair.

"I am so sorry, Lucy." carter said coming back into the room, once agian closing the door behind him. "That was Alex, he's my new Med student. He needed me to sign off on a chart."

"Oh, I guess you did have someone else to yell at." She joked still smiling. Lucy remembered how she used to embarass so easily before, and now, she hardly ever did. But that didn't stop her face from turning red when Alex opened the door. "Um, whatever happened to Mr. Sobriki?" Carter looked at her for a moment in shock.

"Of all things to talk about after...that, you want to talk about him?" She just nodded. Carter understood though, Lucy needed to know. More so than anyone. "Alright. He went to court on a charge of manslaughter. All of us here testified and he's in a mental institution now. Once he's released from there, whenever that is, he'll serve a about a 10-20 year sentence in jail. Hopefully."

"Good. He deserves it." She replied coldly. "I know tht must sound a little selfish of me, but after everything that's happened...I wish I could've been there. To testify myself, that would've been..."

"Hard?" He put in for her and she nodded a little sad. "It was hard--for all of us. These past five months have been an abosolute nightmare."

"You want a nightmare? Try being inside my head at night, dreaming, and then you can talk to me about nightmares."

"You see it too, don't you? I relive that day every night."

"Me too." She confessed fidgeting with her hands. "Carter, when I said I blamed you--" She started looking at the floor.

"You were right. It was my fault. If I had just listened to you--"

"I was lying." She said at last followed by looking him in his eyes. "I don't blame you. I don't even blame Paul Sobriki. I blame myself. I guess that's why I'm going to therapy 3 times a week now."

"To be honest, Lucy, I thought about what you said after you left and I want to apologize."

"You have nothing to apoloize for." She said dumbfounded that he thought he did.

"Yes, I do." he replied quickly without thinking.

"Carter, what could you possibly have to apologize for? It wasn't your fault that I--"

"Almost died?" He interjected angrily. "You did die, Lucy! You were clinically dead for 2 minutes."

"It's over, Carter. It's in the past. Put it behind you." She said waving it off as if it was nothing and he couldn't belive it.

"I can't! Not when I know that I could've done something! Knowing when none of this had to happen! And not when I can't regret almost kissing you five minutes ago."

"Carter, that was a mistake and an arguement waiting to happen." She said half heartedly. "I think I should go home now. Thanks for the check up, Carter. Goodnight." She said picking up her bag and jacking and rushing out of the room. Carter stood there and replayed what he'd said in his head and what Alex had asked him: "That your girlfriend, Dr. Carter? I thought we couldn't bring dates into the hospital." Alex just smiled coyly and would hear Carter tell him the truth. He just left after Carter gave him the signature, a little bounce in his step.

Chapter 11: Confessions of the Heart

Preview: Lucy learns about what's really been going on since she was away.