A/N: I don't own ER or any of it's characters. This story takes place during season 6 during "All in the Family." Yes, this is a Cary fic because, yes, I believe it that episode should've ended up differently. I'm a Carcy lover and if you aren't, that's fine too. Anyhoo, this is my interpretation on what should've happened. (if Kellie Martin didn't leave to complete college.) Also, all of the opening quotes are from the song State of Mind by Merril Bainbridge. Thanx for all the reviews! I'm happy to have so many loyal fans!

LucyBethFan1: Sorry to disappoint you on Lucy decision. Don't worry, this is a Carcy, they WILL get together. Just not right away. I hate it when relationships are rushed.

Cartergal131: Perfect? Wow. I've never had my writing called perfect. Thanx! The recaps are easy to write with the internet around. All you really need to do is get the major point s and there you have it! Carter was going to tell Lucy about his addiction. That was part of the plot from the beginning. I love to write twists and I'm glad you enjoyed it. Here's the update, as requested!

Chapter 12: The Journey and the Destination

"Confusion is raising it's head
And I can't make a sound
I feel it tearing at my soul"

"Hey! There she is!" Jerry said from behind Admit Desk with a goofy red party hat on with all of the nurses too. Suddenly, Dave, Chen, Luka and Abby ran out from the Lounge and to join them. Abby had a hat on too and they all had noise makers. Mark and Elizabeth came around the corner with Carter in stride with them. The nurses and Jerry being the only ones with hats on their heads. Frank just rolled his eyes at Jerry and how ridiculous he looked.

"What's going on?" Lucy asked taking off her coat, going into the Lounge and coming back out to have Dave hugging her and hear the sound of laughter and noise makers. "Whoa! Dave! Dave! Stop it! What the hell is going on?" He put her down and pointed to the desk. Lucy looked at the desk and it had a banner around it. "'Congrats Grad?'""

"Ah, you can read, Ms. Knight!" Romano said with a cheerful and ever annoying tone as he strode down the hall. "Lizzie, need you up in surgery. Now." Elizabeth responded by giving Mark a quick kiss, Lucy a quick hug and a congradulations. "Love your hats." He said to the others in the ER before turning on his heel and walking up the hall. "Congradulations again, Dr. Knight!" He shouted back with a wave of his hand.

"'Dr. Knight?' You guys know?" She asked stunned looking at them. "How do you know?" Lucy hadn't told anyone she was graduating...well, graduated earlier today. It was the reason she asked Kerry when she first came in for a few hours off.

"Didn't I already tell you that we have our ways?" Abby said with a big smile blowing on her noise maker again.

"Oh, my god." Lucy mumbled with a big smile. She was glad that they cared and even more glad that they weren't mad at her for not telling. She walked behind Admit Desk and looked at the board as everyone started to take off their hats, put the noise makers in their pockets and go back to their patients. At least there's no cake. That was all she could think. When she'd returned, they got a cake in about 5 minutes.

"Lucy, you have some patients to see and now that you're an official doctor..." She said reaching into a drawer and pulled out a bottle of champagne. Lucy laughed and Kerry just smiled proudly handing it to her. "...Here. Just don't open that up in here. If you do, you're gone."

"Oh, gee. Thanks, Dr. Weaver." She said with a sarcastic lining. Lucy never was a big drinker. The only time alcohol really touched her lips was at the Halloween party a few years back, which ended badly as she vividly remembered, and at Mark and Elizabeth's wedding. Kerry nodded respectfully and walked off to an Exam room.

"You're doctor now, Lucy! Call me Kerry!" She shouted back to her from a door. Lucy chuckled and nodded to Kerry. Lucy shook her head at how silly this whole situation was as she went back into the Lounge to put the bottle in her locker. Luka was in there reviewing a chart alone and he glanced up at her momentarily.

"Okay, I want to know how you all found out about me graduating." She said closing her locker and turning to him.

"Your mother called while you were gone." He said with a devious grin. Luka looked up at her and saw her jaw drop. Lucy mumbled "Oh, my god," again and wrapped one arm around her waist while the other rested on it, her hand covering her face in embarassment. "She wanted to know what time the ceremony started so she wouldn't be late." Dave walked in with Abby close beind, arguing about a patient, but stopped when they saw Luka and Lucy talking.

"Well, she was late." She responded through her hand with a laugh.

"That would be our fault, Lucy." Abby said sitting on the couch with a cup of coffee. "We actually didn't know what time the ceremony was."

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you guys but I didn't think you'd come anyway." Lucy admitted ashamed walking toward the door, putting on her white jacket and stethoscope.

"Why wouldn't we come?" Luka asked putting down the chart and looking at her confused.

"I don't know!" She replied with a ridiculous grin. "I was just being...stupid. I'm sorry--Again!"

"No worries, Luce. Though I wish I was invited." Dave said with a little sing-song voice on teh last part leaving the Lounge, her right behind him.

"Shut up!" She said hitting his back as he went behind Admit Desk. "I've got patients." Lucy grabbed a chart Jerry pated to her and walked up the hall. While walking toward her first patient as a full-fledge doctor, her mind raced. What if I screw up and Kerry fires me? What if I can't cut it? What if...Carter and I are never friends again? I don't know what I'll do. How could I've been so stupid? Why did I tell him I...God, help me make the right decision.

"Congradulations." She heard voice from behind her. She looked next to her to the very man she was thinking about. His face was blank, unreadable. Lucy couldn't tell if he was mad or happy, but by his tone she was going with supressed anger.

"Thanks." She replied quietly. She came to where her patient was and was about to enter but Carter stopped her when she spoke again.

"Why didn't you tell us?" She looked at him from the closed door. He was leaning against the wall across from her. She did the same on the door with a sighed. "What was the real reason?"

"Honestly?" He nodded shortly. "I don't know. I guess I didn't want all the fuss and...what they did out there." She replied jerking her head toward the desk. "I mean, I'm not the only one who graduated today."

"True, but you're the only one who came back from the dead and didn't quit or feel sorry for themselves." She scoffed and chuckled softly, shaking her head at the floor.

"Not so sure on that last part." Carter noted on the melancoly in her voice and was a little disgusted by it. But he understood at the same time why she thought that way.

"I am." He said shortly, a little more comfort in his voice. Lucy looked up to where he stood to see a wall. She looked up the hall and he was going to the doors to help an incoming Trauma. As he, Mark, Dave and Malik rushed by, Abby close behind, she thought back to her first day in the ER--her first Trauma, her first time performing an IV, the first time she saw Carter with his ugly, bushly beard, the first time he yelled at her, and then she remembered everything in between. Everything that brought her to that moment. Everything that made her a doctor, everything that made her who she was and everything she'd face in the future

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"Hey there, Grad." Mark said coming up behind her outside. Lucy looked up and smiled at him as he sat down next to her on the bench. The rest of the day had been surprisingly slow for June. Normally, this month brought them tons of patients.

"Hey, Dr. Greene." She replied with a happy sigh. Lucy, normally at this point, would've taken a puff from a cigarette but, as she told Carter, she was trying to quit. So, instead, she was chewing gum a mile a minute to calm her nerves.

"Mark." He correted her as Kerry had done that afternoon.

"Mark." She said with some hesistance as she looked up at the starry sky from somewhere other than the roof.

"What's worng? Thought you'd be happy that you finally graduated." He asked a little concerned.

"I am. I am, really." She convinced him with a reassuring smile.

"Good. It's nice to know all our hard work wasn't wasted." They laughed and she reached into her pocket. There they were: the pills. The damn pills.Lucy didn't want one at that moment but she was looking for another stick of gum and her hand happened to fall on them.

"I am happy, Mark." She said using his name loosely, pulling out two sticks of gum and offering him one and he gratefully took it. "It's what I always wanted but..."

"But...It wasn't what you expected?" He asked unsure.

"No, just the opposite. But that's not the problem." She replied vaguely.

"Then what is?" He asked trying to pry the anwser out of her slowly and as painless as possible.

"A few days ago, in my last therapy session, my therapist told me to write a speech because she thought that I would be Valedictorian." She admitted with embarrassment in her voice.

"That's not so bad. She's looking out for you." He said with reassurence in his voice.

"But I wasn't Valedictorian and I did write a speech." Mark tilted his head down, put his elbows on his knees and laughed removing his glasses while Lucy looked up at the sky. "It's not funny." She said with a smile, knowing full well it was funny.

"You're right. I'm sorry. Continue." He said putting his glasses back on and sitting up straight.

"As I was saying, the reason why I'm not the happy graduate today is because I think she just told me to write the speech as a different form of therapy."

"It's possible. Some doctors are proned to do that. They say that it's suppose to help you sort out what you've been thinking and what you're feeling."

"Yeah, I thought as much." She said with an angry tone, scolding her therapist. "That damn speech. It's been in my pocket all day."

"Really?" He said intrigued. "Can I hear it?" She looked at him shocked. Mark just leaned back on his knees and looked at her with a waiting look on his face.

"It's not that good." She said trying to throw him off and possibly get off the hook.

"So?" He said not letting it go. She stared at him for a moment to see if her was joking and when he said nothing, just flashed a grin at her, she knew he was serious.

"All right, but you asked for it." She warned him. Mark nodded in response and cleared her throat. ""Distinguished guests, members of Faculty and Staff, parents, fellow graduates and friends. Good afternoon. It is a great pleasure and honor for me to be here to represent the Graduating Class of 2001. It's beautiful all of us being here together, even if it is just one last time. We may not know each other by name, but we've struggled more or less on the same papers and project and more importantly we have unanimously cherished the end of each semester. We all have unforgettable memories from the time spent in Chicago. I'm sure we will never forget the patients we met and tended to, as well as the good times and rumors we enjoyed at Cook County General with the nurses, for those of you who went there. I will never forget our residence, our great parties, and my roommate, Shealynn, who alone could snore louder than a group of bears."" Mark smiled and chuckled at this. He couldn't help but think of Doug and how he snored loud too.

""As I look back on my time here in Chicago and at Cook County General, I realize that my life has only just begun. That all our lives have just begun. I remember walking towards the building of County for the first time and feeling nervous. However, when I arrived Dr. Kerry Weaver was there at Admit Desk to meet students and the welcome was happy and warm. It was until a GSW came banging in and we all got our first look at what the work aspect of being a doctor was--A rush. Sometimes painful and other times outstanding success. This is still what County means to me. It's a university where everyone, patients and staff, can feel important and cared for.

The year there taught me to look at life and the world from an interesting new perspective. This new perspective is the outcome of a combination of the huge amount of academic effort we all had to work our way through in order to be here today. The experience of living abroad a long way from home, and of course getting to know fellow students from very diverse backgrounds and cultures, and absorbing this knowledge into ones own thinking. All of this is something we've experienced here day after day.

Some sad events took place around the world last year. However, at County, as some of you here may know, these events could not have seemed more distant."" Mark lowered his saddly and Lucy noted it. She figured Mark was calculated whether or not she was taking about Paul Sobriki. Honestly, she didn't even know herself. ""While sitting in the Lounge with friends, doctors, nurses and other students, all coming from different backgrounds, it was easy to realize that this is exactly what being international means. I believe that County's biggest strength is it's truly international faculty and staff. I think all of us graduating today can agree that we have made friends from all around the world and that we sincerely wish that these friendships will last a lifetime.

Too often we are so preoccupied with the destination, we forget the journey. In my mind, there is no destination because our whole life is a journey. All of us here today have come to the end of an important phase in our lives. We are at a crossroads where we have to make important decisions about which path to choose next in our lives. I think it is important to believe that anything is possible if you really want it and that we can really make a difference with our choices.

I'd like to use this opportunity to thank my mother and my grandfather for their love and understanding. I would also like to thank those people who have made it possible for me to be here today."" Lucy sighed deeply. " Here comes the embarrassment." She mumbled and Mark chuckled hearing her. Kerry came outside to wait for an incoming trauma when she heard Lucy go on. ""Drs. Mark Greene, Kerry Weaver, Doug Ross, Elizabeth Corday-Greene, Peter Benton, Luka Kovac Deb Chen and Robert Romano. These amazing and outstanding doctors never gave up and cracked down on me, on all of us, when neccesary. They made my time at County a vigorous experience and the knowledge they gave me I will take with me everywhere I go. As for the people who made my time at County have so much laughter, that goes to Dr. Dave Malucci, the desks clerks Randi, Jerry and Frank and the ER nurses Carol, Lydia, Haleh, Chuny, Abby, Yosh and Malik. But...I think the person who deserves the most thanks is my former teacher, Dr. John Carter..." Lucy sighed again and read the next part about Carter quickly. "...for his endless support and caring and for also making me work hard and never showing weakness. This incredible man taught me that "when you've done all you can, sometimes more, you have to walk away knowing you fought the good fight. Today, we have a good reason to celebrate and to be proud of ourselves, we made it. We fought the good fight. I wish the very best to all my fellow graduates and everyone at Cook County General. Thank you."" Lucy finished and refolded the speech, placingit back into her pocket. Mark leaned abck and looked at her. "Corny, right?" She asked starting to laugh at herself.

"No, not at all." He said laughing with her. "You know, Lucy, when I was in college, my classes Valedictorian gave a speech that pales in comparison to what you just read." She looked at him, her face growing red as he complimented her.

"Well, I thought I'd take a chance and write from the heart. I kind of haven't been using it lately." She lowered her head as she thought about her fight with Carter. Mark didn't know all the details but he knew she was talking about him.

"Well, you have to take chances...or you'll never see where life is leading you." She looked up at him and he was smiling at her. She couldn't help but smile back and Kerry watched the whole thing.

"Mark!" She called walking over to him. "We have a trauma coming in. ETA 2 minutes."

"Okay. Be right there." Mark patted Lucy's knee as he got up and walked toward Kerry and waited for the ambulance. "You off, Lucy?"

"Yeah. I thought I might stick around though. Need any help with the Trauma?"

"No, I think we've got it. Go on home. See 'ya tomorrow." Kerry agreed with him and Lucy listened hesitantly. She got up and went inside. Going into the Lounge, she opened her lockerand found a surprise. Someone placed one red rose inside with a note. She picked them both up and gazed at them.

Congradulations again, Dr. Knight. Don't screw up and don't forget to be fair minded and objective.

A Friend

She put the note in her pocket and smelled the rose, her eyes closed, a smile spreading across her face. Lucy put on her jacket and placed her stethoscope on the shelf inside. Pickingup her bag and the bottle of champagne, she placed it inside. She closed the door and looked at the name tag on it. Her eyes welled up as she read it over and over again. You did it. You really did. "A Friend..." Hope this "friend" knows how much I appreciate him. Lucy smelled the rose again as she walked out of the Lounge. Luka was behind the desk with Carter and the usual crowd and they saw Lucy leave with a smile as she smelled the rose. Everyone looked at Carter and he didn't realize they were until he went to erase his name from the board.

"What?" He asked and he got a bunch of "nothing's" in response as they went about their business.

Chapter 13: More Than You Know

Preview: Yet another recap to bring you up to date on what has happened.