Veniae

by teresa

Raven searches for a way to reverse the process that has imprisoned Terra, but along the way, she finds more than she bargained for. Rated PG13 just to be safe.

2. Part Two

Veniae

Part Two

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Astra inclinant, non necessitant (The stars incline; they do not determine)

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"Here, let me get that," Beast Boy reaches for my cauldron, full of jars, some empty, some full, and various potion ingredients as well as other components I will need for the ceremony. "It looks really heavy."

"I can carry it." I tell him, not meaning to brush him off, but wanting him to back off a bit. The rest of the Titans are gathering as I stroll through the tower just as though nothing out of the ordinary is about to happen. Their nervous energy is making the air around me seem to crackle with high emotions. They are definitely not coming with me. "Look, I know you guys want to help." I turn on them when I reach the roof, the wind blowing my hair into my face, where my full hands are unable to move it. "But if you come with me, you will actually be compromising the atmosphere of calm concentration that is imperative here. You will be a lot more helpful if you all stay here. I'll call you once I've awoken her, as I don't doubt that I will be needing some rest when this is over, and I'd rather we didn't spend the night in a volcanic crater."

"Okay," Robin nods sharply. "We'll set up a perimeter around the outside of the crater, so we can protect from intrusion, and at the same time—"

"No." I cut him off. "I appreciate that you all want to help, but if all of this emotion gets anywhere near where I am trying to work, the chances of success will decrease infinitely. Stay here."

"But what if something—"

"Nothing will happen." I assure Beast Boy, a small smile on my lips. "I intend to set up a shield around the area, so that even if I should be attacked in the middle of the revival, we will be protected and I will be alerted to the need for your interference without ruining all of my work. I will call if something like that happens, and then you can bring your high emotion as close to me as you want. I should be back here before midnight. If I am not, and I haven't called, you can come looking."

"Sounds like you've planned this all out." Cyborg rubs the back of his head before giving me a wide grin. "Look, good luck. We'll all be waiting for good news."

"You shall certainly be victorious, Raven!" Starfire hugs me, surprising me enough that I almost drop the cauldron. I set it down and straighten my robe and hair once she releases me. As I stand, Robin steps forward and pats my shoulder in a friendly manner.

"You'll be fine." He assures me, though I know he is partially assuring himself as he speaks. "And when you get back, we'll make you the biggest breakfast ever."

"Waffles!" Cyborg does a short, excited dance, and I have to stifle a laugh before Robin steps back, and Beast Boy comes forward, holding out a hand. I eye him questioningly before taking it. He shakes my own hand before he suddenly pulls me into a hug that I can already hear Robin and Cyborg snickering about. I let out a gasp of shock at his boldness in front of the others before I hear him whispering in my ear.

"I'm worried." He tells me, and I can hear it in the tremulous quality of his breath. "I want to kiss you."

"Don't worry, and don't kiss me." I whisper back. "I'll be fine, no matter what else happens. If you want to worry for Terra, that's fine. But I will bring her back, I swear."

"Be careful." He says that loud enough for everyone to hear as he releases me. "I've lost enough friends in that volcano."

"I'll be fine." I reiterate, and I bend down to gather my things up again. "Remember, midnight."

"We'll see you soon!" Cyborg looks much more confident in my welfare than anyone else. Despite her words, Starfire is clutching at Robin's hand like it will somehow be able to end the suspense she will certainly experience for the next several hours. I wave to them briefly before putting my other hand underneath the cauldron to secure my grip on it. Then, I let my magic encompass me, transforming me into a black raven form before darting away from the waving friends still standing at the top of the tower.

It seems like only a few minutes before I reach the volcano, though I know it is much further than that. Breathing deeply to dispel any internal conflict and bad energy, I let my form float down from the lip of the crater to the interior, landing on the pathway that leads to her statue, arms outstretched, stone hair still billowing in the wind.

"Hello, Terra." I set down my cauldron full of supplies right near the base of the statue, doing some quick mental calculations before digging a piece of plain white chalk out of the rest of the supplies. "Ready to come back?" And then I climb up onto the base stone she is settled on, looking over her features, cast in stone. She was terrified, certainly, and full of guilt as well as sadness at her fate. And yet, when I look at the grey face before me, I see only courage and determination. Leaning forward, I drop a light kiss on the grainy lips before pulling back, feeling calmer than I did when I first landed, strangely enough.

I begin drawing a large pentagram with her at the top point, moving with care and skill born of practice down to the southern point, over to the north, across to west, all the way down to east, and then back to where I started, closing the shape and feeling the familiar wave of electric energy in the air at a perfectly created circle. The chalk seems to glow slightly as I fish five candles out of my cauldron in the middle of the pentagram, "Silver at the top," I speak as I set the candles, not knowing whether the words are to reassure myself that I am doing everything properly, or to let Terra know what is happening. "Red is fire, in the south. Brown is earth, in the north. Yellow is air, in the west. And blue is water, in the east." Having set all five candles, I sit lotus style before my cauldron, waving my hand lightly to conjure flames on each of them. Carefully unpacking everything within reach, I touch my fingers to my lips and then press them to the piece of fluorite hanging around my neck to aid me as I conjure a fire below the cauldron as well.

I am silent as I mix the Curalium, the last of my three basic potions, a curing drought, which is made from ground bloodstone in lavender oil. I make three jars worth, and after it is brewed, I calmly scrape two jars full and set them to one side with other component potions while my fingers close around a piece of birch bark, which I boil in the mixture until it is thin and pale as cooked pasta, at which point I add my last jar of Caeruleum to create Ostrinum, an antidote to most poisons. As it finishes, I let it settle in a medium-sized jar before cleaning my cauldron to avoid contamination.

After I am satisfied, I mix a jar of Curalium with my last Crocinum. Stirring slowly, I add chopped ivy leaves and one carnation head, boiling them until they dissolve completely before adding a small amount of powdered green jasper and letting it all take on a deep orange shade. This is Russum, a potion used to combat powerful diseases. I put it in its own jar and scour the cauldron with magic again.

Now that the Ostrinum has settled thoroughly, I move on to my next potion. Infusing a small, glittering garnet in a mixture of boiled hyssop and pennyroyal oil prepares the cauldron for the mixture of my last jar of Curalium with the Ostrinum. Once the mixture is consistent, I drop a pinch of powdered calcite in, causing a great flash as the entire mixture goes from deep purple to pale lavender. This is Herousum, the potion of heroism and bravery. I need to infuse a shining green amazonite crystal in this potion to prepare for the final mixture before I clean my cauldron again, leaving the Herousum and amazonite in a large jar.

Now for the second of two final component potions. I mix Obustum with a strip of willow bark, mixing them together until I know that it is time to add the Russum I brewed just today. I infuse a small piece of tiger-eye in the bubbling potion until it melts away into nothing. To this mixture, I add powdered kunzite, to create Motionis Corporis, a cure for paralysis, and in this case, a key ingredient in my final potion.

I have named it Calx Cedo Caro, or stone to flesh, and it is to be brewed at night. Meditating while I wait for the sun to set and the moon to rise, full and brilliant in Scorpio, I do not doubt myself. There is no room for doubts and questions in this circle. Only success and concentration. I glance up finally, seeing the moon filtering like a black light through the layer of magic that is shielding me from outside interference. It is time. A fire flares around the base of my cauldron, seemingly of its own volition, and I notice as if observing from outside of all of this, that the candles burning so brightly when I began are fastened with deep pools of melted wax, and nearly three quarters of the way spent.

Into the cooled Motionis Corporis, I add witch hazel oil and benison extract as well. Then I drop in an azurite crystal, stirring steadily as I have been all day until it has dissolved entirely. Next, I add minced nettle leaves and a large bit of powdered beryl. Now, I breathe deeply as I stir in the final ingredient, my amazonite infused Herousum. The waves of magic rising off of my cauldron are like an overpowering wind of heat and electricity, and I concentrate on controlling the situation as I finish my Calx Cedo Caro, which has become a pure white color, like thick snow bubbling and sparking magically in my cauldron. I must wait for it to cool enough that I might be able to touch it without burning myself, and for the magic of it to settle somewhat, so that I can avoid being overpowered by its strength during the next step in my ceremony.

The candles have burned down even further when I nod slightly, standing up and lifting the cauldron magically beside me as I clamber back up to Terra. "Hold still." I breathe the words as I begin painting her with my fingers, dipped in the potion and used now to apply runes to her stone figure. "Sowulo," I speak as I work, but my tone is a whisper, like words exchanged between lovers in the privacy of their sheets. "For healing, strength, centering, and luck. Dagas, invisibility, a catalyst, and connector of two worlds. Ehwaz, telepathic links, adjustment, and shape shifting. Jera, gentle gestation, chance, cycle, and time. Nauthiz, need, future, victory, opportunity, and defense. Hagalaz, drastic change and disruptive forces. And Uruz, for strength, higher self, determination, and health." I have painted the runes in bands and loops of text around and over her form, and in a final circle of repetition around the base of the statue. She is ready. I let the cauldron return to the ground in the center of the pentagram, and I float above it, my legs folded as always in the lotus position.

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos." And I feel my mind leave my body behind to enter hers, just as I have planned. There is a resistance, like breaking through a thin layer of cloth protecting her, but the potion and the runes have allowed me entrance, and have made it possible for me to awaken this form, and to return it to its original state. All that is left is for me to awaken her from the inside as well. I have no idea how simple or difficult this might be, but judging from my knowledge of minds and from Terra's state, I assume that it will be a considerable task, especially for someone who has been carefully brewing potions all day.

At first, all I know is that I am a raven, not just Raven, but the bird, made of black shadows and thought inside of her mind, and that I am flying, searching, seeing endless hallways and passages inside of her mind. There is light in some parts, but it is all rather dimly lit, owing perhaps to her long state of sleep. I will have to uncover her location, to find the Terra whose eyes are lit with awareness, and to convince her to accompany me to the outside world. Seeing quickly how large this place is, and how very long I could be here, I know that if I search on my own, I could definitely stay here past midnight. The Titans will come to look for me, and they might interfere, breaking the link and killing this chance without meaning to.

I need help, but there are certain risks I must take to gain that assistance. I must call on my emotions, but they will all answer. I cannot exclude those that I do not trust fully, such as Evil and Anger, nor can I count out those that may be of very little help, such as Sadness and Fear. They cannot be selectively summoned. It is all or nothing. Landing in the middle of a long, dank hallway that feels utterly abandoned, I return to my human form, and press fingers to my temples, while mentally calling out for their help.

It is only the space of moments before they are all around me, lining this long passage, and pressing closer to hear what I have to say.

"Where are we?" Confusion speaks first, and I lift myself up so that they can all see and hear me.

"We are inside of Terra's mind." I tell them. "We have come here to awaken her, as agreed before, and to let her rejoin the Titans."

"I love Terra!" Love squeals excitedly as many of the emotions whisper amongst themselves. I hold up my arms for their attention.

"We will split up to recover the true Terra, who will recognize us, and see us, rather than being part of a memory who can see nothing and only replay her part in a record of the past." I tell them all, though I know that Wisdom and Knowledge must already be aware of this. "That is how you will know you have found her. When you do, our link, through my mind, will call us all to the team that has recovered her, and we will awaken her. We are not killing anyone, and you must not damage anything." I clarify, knowing that they cannot disobey a direct order from me at this point.

"I have my team!" Evil calls out, and I look over to see her crowding together with Contempt, Hatred, Morbidity, Hostility, Anger, and Rudeness.

"Not a chance." I give her a tight-lipped smile before splitting the emotions in my own mind, pushing them around to form teams that I know I can trust. Setting the untrustworthy emotions with sides like Righteousness, Affection, Wisdom, and Confidence that I know can be trusted to monitor them and to complete the mission I have laid out. Once I am satisfied, we all split into seven teams of six Ravens each, entering rooms, turning down different passages, or heading in opposite directions. Each will know where the others have searched, and it cannot take long for seven teams to discover Terra's location. My own team consists of myself, Morbidity, Evil, Love, Purity, Contempt, and Pride. I choose these sides mostly because I didn't want to burden any of my more dependable sides with the challenge of controlling them.

"I can't believe we don't get to kill anything." Morbidity pouts, and Evil nods emphatically. Love is practically skipping. I turn to them as I reach a door.

"Okay, we're going into a memory. Remember, do not disturb anything. We will find Terra, and check if she is the real Terra. If not, we leave." I explain to them once more as I turn the knob and enter the first door in Terra's mind. Other sides of me are witnessing other memories, and I see flashes of them. Since they are all me, I know that everything they see will be something I know once we rejoin. I do not particularly want to cause damage here, so our search must be swift.

"Witch!" screams greet me as the door is closed and the memory plays out, forms taking shape all around us as we step into a scene from Terra's past. "Monster!"

"No…no, I didn't mean it!" there she is, a girl of maybe eight years, tears streaming down her dirt-covered face. "I lost control!"

"We don't want you here!" the screams are coming from a mob that surrounds her on all sides, and I see that we are in a city that looks like it has just been through a horrible earthquake. "Look what you've done!"

"You killed my baby!" A screaming woman calls out, and the people close in on Terra, who is panting and crying, panicking as she is cut off from any escape path.

"We'll stop you from doing it again!" another voice calls, and I continue pushing my way through the crowd, Evil clearing my way with more force than is necessary. I don't mind. I've got to get to the little girl before she escapes, as I know she must.

"Please…I'll leave!" she holds her hands up in surrender, just as someone hits her with a well-thrown rock, and beside me, I hear a whimper that sounds like a puppy being kicked. It is Love, whose face goes from tragic pain to fury in the space of a moment.

"Terra!" She calls out; bowling over everyone Evil has not already cleared from our path. "I'm coming, sweet child!" and she pushes past all of us, attempting to comfort the girl by wrapping her arms around her. But she does not see Love or Evil or any of my sides as her eyes go yellow, and she lifts herself into the air on a large chunk of earth, flying away, and sweeping the memory away as she disappears, revealing a blank room with the door we entered through behind us, and another ahead.

"Let's move on." Morbidity grits her teeth, and even Evil looks a bit upset by what we just saw. Although, she might just be upset that she didn't get to beat down more imaginary people.

In the next room, I turn to be sure that my team is still together, and see that Purity is clutching Love's hand. Pride looks very uncomfortable. Around us, the air becomes frigid, and we're in a very similar scene, except that from what I can tell, Terra is slightly older, and the town is covered in snow. Looking into the distance, I see that the edge of the town has been covered in much more snow than anywhere else, likely from an avalanche. Torches and rifles are clutched by townspeople as Terra runs away, trying to escape their anger.

"Stop her!"

"Get back here!"

"My son is dead!"

"Please!" she screams back at them, not turning. "I'm sorry!"

"Not again…" Love looks like she might be sick.

"Damn these people." Pride snorts angrily. "She's only a little girl!"

"A girl who has horrible powers." Morbidity adds on, still looking quite grim as Terra runs straight toward us.

"You'd still think they'd have some sense of pride, though." Contempt scowls at the mindless mass.

"Terra! I will save you!" Purity leaps forward, but Terra runs right past her, not seeing any of us as she continues her exodus. The townspeople are upon us, and Evil lets out a great blast of power, sending many of them flying. I turn a stern glare in her direction, and she smiles at me maliciously.

"What? They wanna kill your girlfriend." She blinks in a way that is clearly meant to look innocent. Pride looks as though someone has just forced a whole lemon into her mouth. The room begins to turn into nothing more than a room as the memory sweeps past our unmoving forms.

"Let's just go." I lead the way this time, pulling open the door and wondering exactly how many memories I will have to endure before I find her. The other sides have passed through many similar chase scenes, while some have found simpler memories of her time traveling the world, or the peace she lived in before she was chased from wherever she chose to stay.

"Hold still…just like that." Beast Boy has a camera, and I am surprised to not be surrounded by a screaming mob. I suppose she has memories of us, as well. "Yeah, that's it. Now Rae, come on, look up."

"I'm reading." Raven from the past is sitting on the couch with Starfire and Terra next to her. Terra has her arms flung over both girls' shoulders, and a wide grin on her face. This is a face Raven recalls much more readily than that of a frightened, lonely, hated girl. Beast Boy saw the moment as a good photo opportunity, especially since, as Raven recalls now, he had just stolen Cyborg's new camera, and the other boy had not realized it yet.

"She is totally faking." Terra giggles slightly, her arm leaving Starfire's shoulder to snatch the book away, even though past Raven's powers immediately attempted to pull it back while Terra clutched it in her arms. "Hurry! Take the picture before she gets it back."

"Hold still!" Beast Boy waits for them to freeze, as past Raven reaches for her book, and Terra hops over the back of the couch, running away. Past Raven is in hot pursuit, not bothering to fly as she enjoys the juvenile fun of chasing her friend around the living room. "You guys, come on!"

"Raaaaven!" Terra calls over her shoulder. "Come on, don't you want it back?"

"Let me have it!" past Raven is on one side of the coffee table now, with Terra on the other.

"Sit still for Beast Boy's picture…and maybe I will." She winks at the other girl, and past Raven, exasperated, summons the book swiftly. Terra is caught off guard, and flies with the book, straight at past Raven, causing them both to crash backward onto the floor, narrowly avoiding Beast Boy.

"I like this memory!" Love squeals happily. "Look, we're hugging!"

"Not quite." Contempt rolls her eyes, as there is a brief scuffle, followed by both girls standing up.

"Why were we being so ridiculous?" Pride has a hand to her head in disbelief. "Can we get out of here?"

"Terra?" I call out, and she doesn't look up. I turn to the others and nod, "We can leave…but we have to find a way out. I think if we walk out of the room, we'll leave the memory."

"Oooh, you're smart." Purity smiles brightly at me as I lead the other sides out of the room. Morbidity opens her mouth, and I shake my head at her before she can ask.

"No." Just then, the tower melts away, and we are in a room with two doors. "Here we go again." I check in with the others as we enter a new room and see that others have also seen memories of when Terra was a part of the Titans. Wisdom's group has even been to a memory of her attempt to kill Beast Boy and Robin, and I know that it caused Anger to throw a fit until she could be calmed down by Wisdom as well as Satisfaction. Everyone else seems fine, other than the fact that they haven't found the real Terra yet, and as I return my attention to where I am, the room becomes a small home that I do not recognize.

"Soon, they'll figure out who's causing it." I turn at the sound of an angry man, and I see someone with familiar features, though I do not recall if I have ever met him before. He is yelling at a woman who is sitting at a rickety table, crying into her arms. "They'll send her away if we don't, or worse. They could kill her."

"Where's Terra?" Pride frowns, upset that she hasn't spotted our host yet.

"I don't see her…" I frown as well. "But this is such a small space. Look around, you should find her."

"I can't bear to lose her…don't make me send her away." The sobbing woman's voice is muffled, since her face is still down.

"Her parents…" Love looks ready to burst into tears. "Her own parents." I realize why the man looks so familiar, and when the woman looks up, I gasp. She looks like an older version of Terra, almost exactly, though her hair is paler.

"They're idiots." Evil is digging through cupboards, tossing dishes around with no care for the mess she's making. "If they knew about her powers, they could have used her to gain a lot of power."

"There's no choice, we have to get rid of her." Terra's father urges the mother, his hand on her shoulder. "They'll kill us, too."

"You're right." She collapses into tears again, and I feel vaguely sick to my stomach, knowing just how it was that Terra left her home.

"Imagine that." Morbidity is searching around the windows, beating out the draperies. "Growing up as a tool, as though you have no soul, no self-worth."

"She could just kill them when she figured it out." Evil shrugs, and Purity looks horrified at the conversation. "Then think of all she could do."

"I found her." Love's voice is soft, and all of us look up, gathering around her. She's opened the small closet, and hidden under a blanket, Terra is listening to her parents argue with terror on her face. She looks to be about five years old, and her eyes, always large, look enormous on her tiny face. "She's so scared…"

"Wouldn't you be?" I push past her and kneel in front of the girl, looking for some spark in her eyes. No, she's just another memory. "I'm sorry, Terra. Growing up alone must have been horrid." I pat the small child's head, smoothing her hair before I stand and turn to the other sides. Morbidity looks intrigued, while Evil and Contempt both seem to be blushing at my display. Pride is pretending that she can't see me, but Purity and Love are beaming at me. Purity has tears streaming down her face. "Let's go. I've had enough of this place."

"Me too." Contempt wrinkles her nose in disgust, and we all leave the room with Pride in the lead. When the room reappears, she opens the next door for us, and we all follow her inside, waiting for a memory to take shape.

"This makes my heart hurt." Purity says softly, and Love gives her a hug as I hear a very familiar voice nearby.

"Try it again, child. This time, concentrate on your goal, and do not let your mind waver. With focus, you gain control." Slade is instructing her, and she looks exhausted as she lifts large stones, moving them as he bids. "And that is something you need more than anything else."

"More than us, apparently." Contempt is angry already, "I hate this guy."

"You have to admire how he worked." Evil admits. "Even tricked us into trusting Terra."

"I think Terra tricked us." Morbidity corrects the other side. "But you're right. I relish the memory of his death."

"This guy…we could have killed him." Pride is barely restraining the urge to attack Slade as Terra completes his exercises with many rocks, spinning them in complicated, interlocking patterns over her head. Any mistake makes the rocks smash into each other, and she has to start over.

"I could have had Robin as my apprentice." He tells Terra, who looks like she is only avoiding falling over dead out of sheer determination. "Don't make me regret my decision."

"He's so full of himself." Contempt growls angrily.

"Can I kill him?" Morbidity asks, and I roll my eyes.

"He's dead. Just don't worry about it." I push forward past the others and walk right past Slade to where Terra is working, her body shaking with fatigue. "You can stop, now. You don't have to listen to him." But she doesn't hear me. I turn to the others and shake my head in agitation before Love rushes forward, hugging her tightly and kissing her sweaty cheek.

"Ew, she needs a bath." Pride is blushing horribly, and Evil looks like she wants to leave right that moment.

"I just thought…she could use some encouragement, even if it isn't her." Love shrugs, smiling sheepishly as we walk past the girl who is still training. We don't have to walk far, as only a moment after we pass her, she collapses, going unconscious as Love lets out a yelp of terror.

"Wow, that really helped her." Evil teases the burgundy-robed girl, who looks like she might faint as we usher her toward the next door.

"Terra…" she looks back weakly, and I put a hand on her shoulder, pulling her into the next room.

"There's nothing you can do." I tell her. "I know it hurts, but they're memories. You can't change the past."

"I hope we find her soon." I am surprised to see that the voice came from Contempt, and I look at her, my eyes wide. "What? I'm sick of this wild goose chase."

"Oh, you know that you care for her!" Love recovers, hugging Contempt tightly. Contempt looks horrified, and I pull the unwise emotion off of her.

"Less hugging, more finding." I push forward into the center of the room, which looks something like a small town street. Just ahead of us, two girls are giggling and whispering on top of a pile of crates. "There she is, let's check it out."

"No, here, try this." The girl who isn't Terra is doing something, and it takes me a moment to realize that Terra is learning to make friendship bracelets from her. "There you go, now you've got it."

"It's all kinked up." Terra giggles slightly, pointing at the beginning of her project. "Will it still work?"

"Sure!" the girl smiles brightly, hugging Terra quickly. "We'll be friends forever!"

"Liar." Evil shakes her head in annoyance. "I think we can all tell from what we know that that doesn't happen."

"Determination saw her chased out of this town." I sigh softly. "Earthquake. This girl called her the devil."

"Life is so cruel." Morbidity leans down, her hand on this young Terra's shoulder. "Terra?"

"I'm so glad!" Terra giggles, continuing her work, oblivious to our presence. Contempt sighs in annoyance.

"This is never going to end." She walks past the girl, who Evil almost slaps on her way past, but Purity catches her hand and shakes her head.

"Don't hurt her." Purity pleads with one of my darkest sides. "Terra loves this memory, can't you see how light it is?"

"Probably loves it more than the memory of how long that friendship lasted." Contempt growls, "Come on already."

"Okay, okay, let's just go." Evil agrees, and soon enough, we're back to the room, and we go through the next door. When we enter the room, everything becomes very dark, and it takes a while for our eyes to adjust to seeing only shadows and shapes by starlight.

"It's cold here." Love whimpers slightly. "Where is she?"

"She must be here, it's her memory." I assure the others, and I hear a slight sound. "Wait…everyone be quiet. What is that sound?" It becomes clear after a few moments of silence that Terra is very nearby, struggling with damp matches and damp wood that won't light, shivering and sobbing with frustration. She looks about six years old.

"She's cold…" Purity sighs sadly, "she can't get the fire started." Suddenly, the wood bursts into flames, and Terra leaps backward, shrieking in surprise. I look at my sides, and when I see an all-too-innocent grin on Evil's face, I rub at my temples in irritation.

"What? She wanted a fire." She smiles at me, and Love giggles slightly.

"You do like her!" she teases. Terra looks up suddenly, and shrieks again.

"It's her!" I feel a flood of relief, and let the notice that she has been found travel to the other emotions, who start flying to meet us in the form of multicolored ravens. "Terra, do you remember me?"

"You…Raven?" she still looks vaguely terrified as I edge forward. "There…why are there so many of you?"

"These are pieces of me." I explain, waving to the others, as more and more sides arrive to stand with the rest of my emotions. "That one is Pride, Purity, Love, Contempt, Evil, Wisdom…" I trail off, and I notice that she has her eyes fixed on Evil in horror. "She won't hurt you. None of them can, without my permission."

"Does she…want to?" Terra squeaks out, scrubbing hands over her tear-stained face.

"No." Evil answers before even I can, and she kneels down beside me. "I don't want to hurt you. You've been hurt enough, haven't you?" Love giggles in delight, and her and Affection hug each other in excited glee. Evil holds out her hand to the girl who is still sitting on the muddy forest floor. "Come on, we need to get out of here."

"You're…really evil?" Terra looks doubtful.

"As Evil as Raven gets." She assures the small girl with a wink. "But that doesn't mean I'll hurt you."

"See?" I kneel down as well, and in a weird, sliding moment of vertigo, I merge with Evil, my robes becoming darker and redder. "If Evil won't hurt you, no one will."

"That is definitely true." Logic offers her opinion.

"But…all the things I did…" Terra points out, and I shake my head, smiling slightly.

"That doesn't matter." The voice is three voices, and I feel that vertigo again as Wisdom and Logic rejoin me. This is odd…nothing like how I usually feel when my mind gathers itself. And my robes…they are now an odd mauve color.

"I tricked you." She reminds me. Embarrassment comes back, as does Sadness, Confusion, and Anger. "What if I did it again?" Caution, Fear, Panic, and Indecision join me.

"If I don't trust you, I won't know." Hope, Morbidity, and Affection join me. "It's a risk, but it's a risk I want to take." Excitement, Impatience, Thoughtfulness, and Determination are now inside of me as well.

"I tried to kill you." Hatred, Pettiness, Loneliness, and Contempt flood back into me. "I said all those things!" Rudeness, Sarcasm, Hostility and Jealousy fill me. But it is me, and I am in control.

"Terra, take my hand." I tell her, my voice very soft, but merging with the voices of Seriousness, Temptation, and Purity as they merge with me. "Take my hand, and leave this place. Come back to me." Fatigue, Greed, Righteousness, and Love are with me now.

"How…how can you want me back?" Terra's tears spill down her face now. "How can you still want me?" Nostalgia, Confidence, and Knowledge flow into me.

"Because, you're just like me." Pride and Happiness are inside of me. "Don't you see that, Terra? If I turn my back on you, who would ever care about me? Who would save me if I fell?" Satisfaction settles inside of me with great warmth.

"What's happening to you?" she looks at my dark brown robes in awe. "What is going on here?"

"I don't know, and I don't care." Laziness joins me then. "All I care about is saving you right now. Will you come with me? Will you wake up?"

"I thought you would hate me, no matter what…after what I did." She finally grabs my hand lightly, tentatively. I give her time. "I thought I would be here forever, alone."

"I couldn't leave you." I smile at her softly, and she ages suddenly, going from small girl to teenager in the space of an instant. I realize that the woods have melted away.

"You're a good friend, Raven." She blinks, tears spilling down her still dirty cheeks, "A great friend." She stands up with me, and hugs me tightly, sobbing on my shoulder. I don't push her away, though. I hold her to me, patting her hair, letting her release her pent up emotions the way she let me. I feel a blush wash over me, and realize that Femininity has rejoined me.

"Ready?" with our arms wrapped around each other, I am sure we will escape together. "Hold on tight, whatever happens. Don't let go of me, and we can get out of here together."

"I…can go home?" she sniffles slightly, and I nod against her shoulder.

"Yes, everyone's waiting for you." I tell her, my voice soft and calming. "They're going to make us breakfast."

"I'm starved." She laughs slightly. "Let's go."

"Okay then." I transform into a giant raven, and fly upward, out of this memory, out of the maze of passages, to the grey boundary that I have to pass to move back out of Terra's mind. "Hold tight." As I hit the barrier with Terra, it feels like I'm trying to fly through a tornado, the wind and pressure pushing against me and biting at me, trying to hold me back. This pain is the pain of her waking up after all this time, I know, and so I push forward for quite some time.

"It hurts!" Terra cries out, and I feel her grip loosen. "Why does it hurt!?"

"You're waking up!" I call back to her, trying to tighten my hold, as she suddenly seems very slippery and insubstantial. "You have to hold on!"

"I'm trying!" her voice cracks with the effort, and I know that whatever I'm feeling must be nothing to what she is experiencing. I've never done something like this, but I can only imagine what she must be experiencing. "Raven…I can't!"

"You can!" I call back, but just as the words leave me mouth, there is a sudden dizziness, and then I feel like a cork suddenly released from a champagne bottle, my mind crashing back into my own body and laying me flat. "T…Terra?" I look up, and my head aches horribly. I reach back, but I don't have any major bumps or blood, so it must mainly be strain. My vision is blurry, and I cannot tell why everything is so very dark for a while until I realize that the candles have all burned out, and that the moon has set. The only light in this crater is what filters down from the stars still speckling the black sky. "Terra…are you…here?" I try to sit up, and nearly vomit at the sensation of nausea and disorientation. I am often made dizzy when I suddenly return to my body, but this is much worse. I have to take my time, letting my eyes adjust to the low light, and my mind adjust to this new, concrete body. Once I feel my vertigo pass, I realize that my mind, strange as it sounds, feels as though it has just been thoroughly cleansed. I expected to feel confused and burdened by the pain of Terra's memories when I returned to myself, but instead, I feel as though I have reached a plateau of inner peace and calm that I have never before experienced. "Terra, answer me." I sit up then, and my mind spins slightly, but I am basically fine. There she is, nearly forty feet away from me. I really was blasted back by my return.

Scrambling to my feet and ignoring the stabbing pain in my head, I stumble forward, trying to see her better, wishing that my magic could light the crater up like Starfire's bolts could. I trip a couple times as I make my way toward the silhouette, but I catch myself and strive forward. "Terra, can you hear me?" My stomach suddenly feels as though it is full of lead. There she stands. A solid statue of stone, runes painted all over her. They glowed when I first applied them, but now, they have dried and cracked slightly. "Oh…no." All that work. All that time, and she's still a stone. Tears spring to my eyes, and I am too tired to care about how stupid I must look, dirty, rumpled, exhausted, and crying in the dark as I clamber up her base stone to run my hands over her grainy legs, a disbelieving gasp escaping me as my hands only cause the runes to smear and peel off of the stone. "No."

I did everything. Everything I could think to do, everything that should work. I invented a potion, an entire ceremony! I spent months studying past what I already knew from years of sorcery and study, just so that I could reach this place. But I did not want to be here alone. I never believed I would be here alone. I knew she would be with me, smiling, maybe hugging me. Maybe pressing a kiss of thanks to my cheek. I don't really care that I am sobbing, rubbing my hands up over her, looking for some clue of what went wrong, how I could have failed in this spell, this thing that I was so sure would work. I went over every piece of preparation and work that I did, over every memory me and all of my sides visited inside of her mind, searching for her so single-mindedly that even Laziness and Fatigue wanted to keep going on. Even Fear wanted to fight to save her. Even Evil wanted to hold her close and tell her to forget the badness, and come back. Come back.

But now, here I am, and all of my sides are united inside of me, screaming and wailing and crying out in protest to this injustice. Why couldn't I hold her more tightly? Why couldn't I fly a bit stronger, shelter her from the pain a bit more? What is wrong with me?

She said I was a good friend, a great friend. She didn't know how easily I would let her slip through my fingers. And now I'm here, sobbing brokenly as my hands wander over her face, down her arms, over her fingers, now angrily scrubbing at those worthless runes with my own skin. I can feel that I am bleeding, that I've rubbed my palms raw, but I don't care. What does it matter? Whatever happens to me, she won't know, because I failed her. I abandoned her inside herself.

What if she is awake? What if she's trapped in this stone because I did it wrong somehow, and she suffocates and dies because stone cannot breathe? What if I'm sitting here, crying my eyes out, my hands leaving red streaks on her waves of stone hair, and she's slowly dying, her stone heart refusing to beat, her stone lungs refusing to work.

"No…" I scratch at her chest, like I can somehow break through this layer and find flesh underneath and force her body to live and work and wake up and be here and look at me and smile and tell me to just calm down and stop being so emotional. "No!" I beat at her unmoving arms with my bloodied fists, and it hurts, but I can't stop myself. "NO!!!" and suddenly, somehow, I've blasted her apart, blasted myself back, and I'm on the ground again, covered in bits of stone. "Oh no…no…no…" I roll over, sobbing, pressing bloody hands to my face, not wanting to see what I've done. What a great joke…I really did make her explode. Won't that be funny, telling Cyborg he was right?

"Rae?" the croaking sound is so horrid; I think it is some demon, come to congratulate me for my unintentional evil. "Raven? Is that…you?" Coughing, and a low groan. "Rae? I can't see…" the voice doesn't sound quite as much like a possessed toad anymore, more like a very sick person. There's more coughing. "Ugh…my mouth is like dirt." There are some shuffling sounds, and despite myself, I lower my hands, ready to see what is going on now that I've blasted Terra to a million bits. Someone is on the ground, crawling toward me rather weakly. "It's freezing…"

"Who…" it can't be who it looks like. I just destroyed her with my stupid inability to control my emotions. "Terra?"

"Who else would it be?" the form looks up, and collapses slightly on shaky limbs that seem unable to carry her forward anymore. "Where…where are the other Titans?" she edges forward further, despite her body's protests. "You said they were waiting."

"At the Tower." I have no idea what is going on. "I…um…how do you feel?"

"Naked, cold, thirsty, hungry, really scratchy, dirty, and completely exhausted." She grins, her teeth gleaming white still, though her skin is all covered in a layer of grime, as well as her spun gold head of hair. "You?"

"I…thought I killed you." I admit, laughing shakily. "I thought…I blasted you to bits."

"Naw, just blasted that stupid shell." She is close enough now to touch me, and she collapses, half her body in my lap, half on the ground. "I thought I was going to die…I woke up, and there was no air…I was caught inside, and I couldn't move. I was freaking out. It's pretty stupid, I guess. If I would have just used my powers…but I panicked, I didn't realize it was all stone."

"I…saved you?" I feel a smile twitch at my lips, and I let a hand go to her hair. It's horribly dirty, but I don't care. It feels great, sinking my fingers into the strands, feeling the warmth underneath. She's alive. "Some part of me…I thought you were dying, but I panicked, too. I must have known, but I don't know how."

"Maybe you're still in my head," she turns her head to look up at me, rolling her whole body over in the process with a great groan. "Pretty crazy night, huh?" she reaches up, her hand shaky, and nearly black with dirt, a thumb rubbing at the moisture on my cheeks. "You're bleeding?"

"Just my hands. It's a long, embarrassing story." I flush, and she chuckles slightly, dropping her hand into my lap, beside her head, which I still have a hand on, my fingers wandering through her hair, undoubtedly getting lots of dirt in my wounds and lots of blood in her hair. I don't really care. "Cold?"

"Yeah…you blasted my clothes off." She has a teasing lilt to her scratchy voice. "Not that I really mind. That mind control suit was cool for a while, but I got really sick of it."

"I can imagine." I sigh deeply, reaching up to unfasten my cloak, moving her a bit as I pull it out from under me and then drape it over her. "Sit up a little so I can put it on you properly." She nods, and I help her do as I say, one hand practically keeping her from tipping over as I drape the robe properly about her shoulders, closing it and fastening the top. "Looks good." I tell her.

"I'm making it messy." She protests weakly. "I didn't know you switched your outfit while I was gone." And that is when I realize. My robe is white. My whole outfit is white. How did I not see that before?

"I didn't." I tell her, my voice not hiding my surprise. "It just happened…just now. When I was in your mind."

"What does it mean?" she asks, her voice weary, but still curious.

"I'm…balanced." I tell her, hardly daring to believe it.

"That's…good." And she suddenly passes out, falling against me as I settle her back down so that her head is in my lap. Sleeping seems very tempting, but as I lay down, I feel something dig into my hip and reach down, finding my communicator. Sighing at my forgetfulness, I pull it up to my face and hit the call button.

"Raven?" Robin's voice answers me almost instantly, and I see all the Titans gathered in the living room, a half-finished board game forgotten on the coffee table. "What's up?"

"I've got her." I tell him. "We're dead tired. You have to come get us. I doubt I can even walk right now."

"Are you guys okay?" Beast Boy asks, his voice anxious.

"Fine. Just tired and a little dirty." I smile sleepily. "She's really hungry, but I can't say for sure when she'll wake up now that she's sleeping."

"Okay, we're on our way. Just…" before Robin can finish his message, my eyes roll back, and I drop the communicator, passing out.

-----

Serva me, servabo te (Save me and I will save you)

-----

I wake up in my bed, and notice that I am clean, and my hands are covered in bandages. My head feels like someone has stabbed me in the brain with a hot poker. I really want some tea. And I really want to see Terra. I have to know it wasn't all a dream. The bandages are nice, but I want to see her, awake, laughing, moving, talking. I want that more than anything else, and I stumble out of my bed, realizing that my headache is dehydration, as I feel very, very thirsty. My body hurts as well, and I feel like I could eat twenty waffles. Reaching my door, I suddenly realize that I do not have my cloak on. It must be in the wash…or something. Going to my closet, I pull the door open, and am not terribly surprised to see that all of my extra outfits are still purple. However, as soon as I pull a robe on, it suddenly turns white, as though the contact with my skin is too much for it to resist the change I know has occurred within me.

Now that I feel fully dressed, I exit the room, stretching my arms out and flexing my hands, still sore and now stiff with all the bandages covering them. Feeling less like I need to go right back to bed, I wander out to the living room, intent on finding Terra, and then getting something to drink. Maybe some juice before the tea. "You're up." Robin sees me first, as I can hear from the voices that most everyone is in the kitchen, probably working on that breakfast I was promised. "How do you feel?"

"Thirsty." I answer, "A bit sore."

"Hope you're hungry!" Beast Boy hears our voices and comes out of the kitchen, grabbing my hand and bringing me into the room where, as I guessed, everyone is gathered. "We're making a total breakfast feast!"

"Do we have some juice?" I ask no one in particular, and in less time than seems reasonable, Starfire is handing me a glass of orange juice, a bright smile on her face. "Wow, thanks."

"It is no trouble at all, Raven!" Starfire hugs me, causing me to almost spill the juice in my surprise. "You have succeeded, as we all knew you would, and Terra is back, and she is all better now, and she is our friend once more!" she releases me then, and I take a cautious drink from my glass of juice.

"Yeah, way to go, Rae." Cyborg is at the stove, stirring some eggs, and Beast Boy suddenly trips over himself to join his cybernetic friend, stirring his own tofu creation.

"If I knew everyone would be this excited, I would have come back long ago!" Terra is leaning over the counter, watching them cook, but now she stretches and strolls over to me, "Not that I could have done it without you, Raven. Thanks. I owe you everything." She leans over, kissing my cheek and wrapping her arms around my waist in a warm hug. I feel a flush rise in my cheeks, but no one says anything about the gesture. Strange.

"I was just…saving a friend who needed me." I stare at my orange juice, willing the blood out of my cheeks. "You would do the same if our situations were reversed."

"Raven, can you talk to me for a second?" Robin is at my side, and I cough slightly, wondering what he must be thinking of the way Terra is still hugging me. "In private?"

"Oh, you are in trouble." Terra winks at me and kisses my cheek again before releasing me and skipping back over to the counter. It's amazing; she doesn't seem to be at all bothered by the weakness that troubled her yesterday. Now that she's been cleaned up and is in some normal clothes, she looks perfectly fine, as if none of it ever happened.

"What is it?" I ask him, following him back into the living room where we can talk without anyone hearing.

"I just wanted to be sure you're okay." He says, and his voice is full of concern. "Terra's been up for hours, but you…when we came to get you last night, Terra woke up halfway home before falling back asleep. You didn't wake up once, even when Starfire was getting you cleaned up, and when I was cleaning out your hands…"

"I was tired." I shrug. "It took a lot out of me, performing that ceremony."

"I realize that, Raven." He nods slightly, "Do…do you want to tell me what exactly happened to your hands? They were…all raw and covered in dirt and bits of stone."

"I'd rather not." I flush brightly. "I…hurt them…helping her out of the stone shell."

"That's basically what Terra told us." Robin nods again. "Just making sure. So…no adverse effects at all?"

"Not that I can see." I hold up the juice, taking another long drink. "Except for all the energy it took, but I'll be completely recovered from the drain in a day or two."

"If you want to opt out of battles until then, you're welcome to." He assures me. "After all, you're the hero right now. We all knew you could…but still. You really did it, Raven. You woke her up when no one else could."

"Everyone helped." I demure, looking down at the white color of my cloak. It should remind me of Rorek, and it should bother me, but it doesn't really. Terra helped me do this, reach this balance. And that feels good. It feels secret, and special, and wonderful.

"You let us help so we'd stop bugging you." He smiles slightly. "It was your victory, Raven. Enjoy it."

"Okay." I don't want to argue with him now. I want to go back in the kitchen, let my eyes drink in the sight of a living, breathing Terra until they're satisfied. Robin walks in with me, and Terra, immediately calls me to stand next to her, where she is offering false instructions to the two boys in the kitchen, enjoying herself immensely. Her arm is brushing against mine, and she keeps touching my hand, asking how I feel, how my hands are, if I need anything else.

It feels like a victory.

-----

Alea iacta est (The die has been cast)

-----

So now I've won, haven't I? I did what I set out to do, certainly. I revived Terra, bringing her back from her stone-sealed prison into this world of flesh and life. It took her a few weeks after her triumphant return before she was back to the level of skill she had been at with her powers when she was frozen in the first place, but I think that is understandable, considering she did not train at all for quite some time. And now that she has returned as a full member of our team, she's back in her old room, back in our lives, and everything is as I thought it should be. I have begun to fade back into the woodwork, as I do so well.

Perhaps I should explain a bit. At first, after she returned, Terra was so gracious and thankful to me that she felt the need to always include me in everything and bring me along whenever she went anywhere or did anything. Since she was spending a good deal of time with Beast Boy, as I had expected that she would, I felt as though I was in a constant state of confusion. I felt like I should be very happy to be with the two people who I cared for most at the same time, but instead, I felt very tired and confused. I was happy if Terra would hug me or grab my hand, but then I would also feel guilty that Beast Boy was not receiving the same attention, and vice versa. The only time I felt comfortable was when they paid attention to each other. That was fine, I was quite accustomed to being extraneous and easily forgotten, and I encouraged this sort of thing. Soon, Terra stopped asking me along on outings, and Beast Boy stopped asking me to read to him, and I was able to return the way of life which was uncomplicated and totally normal and void of confusion.

And yet, though I should feel happy and content, I feel strangely…jealous, I think. Since I reached my balance, I have been able to express emotions without the repercussions I grew up with all of my life. This seemed very good at first, but now, I wish I had an excuse to just ignore and repress every sensation that I feel. I have been learning what emotions feel like from a first-hand perspective, instead of my earlier, objective outsider observations.

Yes, jealousy is what I feel, I think. I said before that I do not like being the one everyone looks at, the one who receives the attention. What if I were to revise that? I want their attention…or at least, I want to be able to feel their attention without feeling like every smile I share with the one is a betrayal to the other. I want to know what is going on inside of me, and what I should do about it. If I truly care for both, is it possible for me to love one without hurting the other, and thus hurting myself? Is it all right to love two people at the same time in that way?

What do I do?

I wish I had someone who knew about things like this. Starfire seems to be in touch with her emotions, but if her relationship with Robin is any model of how well she can handle feelings of love, then her advise might not be the most helpful.

And there is something else. I care about them both, but I feel like ever since the awakening, I have a special connection to Terra. I do not mean to say that I have seen more of her past and her feelings and her reasoning than anyone else on the team. I just mean…as much as I hate to admit it, I think something went a bit wrong with the ceremony.

I should have noticed it the morning after, when I was so very sore, so thirsty, so hungry, and felt such a strong need to see Terra, and to be close to her. I should have noticed how after a morning of sitting with her, next to her, close to her, being in contact with her, I had no headache, my body felt fine, my hunger and thirst were gone (though this might have been due to the breakfast) and then, strangest of all, I went back to my room to change the dressings on my hands. When I took the bandages off, I could hardly believe my eyes.

My cuts were gone. There was not one scar, and not even the sore feeling of newly healed skin. It was as if I had never torn them up at all. I had no idea why this was, and was so confused by it that I reapplied the dressings and pretended that my hands were still quite bad for another week before taking the bandages off for everyone to see. No one questioned that I was better, as I have my own healing powers, and it usually does not take long for me to heal from injuries. However…a few hours to heal completely raw palms? It seemed strange, but I attributed it to my newfound balance. It made sense.

But then there were other things. I went into battle and was caught off guard, caught under a load of rubble. My wrist was broken, and I was completely annoyed, but Terra took me home while the others turned in the criminal, who they had managed to finish off without my help. She dressed my wounds, and as a sort of joke, kissed my wrist once it was in a cast, saying that it was now all better. We laughed about it, and she then drew a little picture on my cast to help take my mind off of the aggravating feeling of worthlessness that accompanies an injury like that. Then, she insisted that we watch a movie and eat popcorn, which she kept hand feeding me, claiming that I needed to be pampered so I could heal faster.

Apparently, her pampering was highly effective. That night, I accidentally hit my cast against my end table as I rolled in my sleep, and while the noise woke me, I felt absolutely no pain, and I realized that I really had not felt an ache in my wrist since Terra had kissed it. Curious, I used my power to take the cast off, and then flexed my hand experimentally. No ache, no soreness. My wrist was healed. In the space of a day. Again, I hid it from the others, thinking there was something wrong, and that until I figured it out, I should keep it to myself so as not to worry them.

But yesterday, we were in another battle, and this time, it was Terra who was caught off guard. She was knocked from a rock she was flying on, and my first worry should have been that when she was cracked over the head, I felt a sharp pain in my own skull. Then, unconscious, she fell to the ground, and her former platform fell right on her left leg. The pain was so sharp, I almost fell out of the sky, where I had been levitating, tossing any and all sharp and heavy objects at the criminal. But I recovered, though the pain did not go away, and my leg hurt so badly, I doubted that I would be able to walk. Beast Boy had gotten to Terra first, and hefted the rock out of the way, slinging her up over his shoulder and carrying her out of the danger zone. Moments later, Starfire had caught the criminal by surprise, blasting him in the back while he concentrated on avoiding Cyborg's beam cannon from the front, and as soon as he was down, Robin pounced, cuffing him.

I flew home, my leg feeling like it was broken, and my mind racing in a hundred directions. I couldn't deny now that there was some strange bond between Terra and I that allowed me to feel her pain, and that allowed her to heal me just by being near me. I needed to know more, though. Did it work in the opposite direction? Could I heal her? Could she feel my pain? I would hate to cause her pain, but I would jump at the chance to heal her injuries, so I had to hurry back to the tower. When I got there, I indeed found that I could not walk on my left leg. It was as if I had broken it, but it had not been touched during the battle. I floated into the tower so that no one would notice I would have to limp horribly if I was to walk anywhere, and found Beast Boy in the infirmary with Terra, puzzling over her x-rays. Apparently, her leg was fine, as was the rest of her, but she was still unconscious. Judging from the pain in my head, I could tell why she was out cold, but I told him to go make some lunch while I looked at her vital statistics.

As soon as he left the room, I x-rayed my own left leg, and was rather worried to see that it was, in fact, broken. This could be bad. Floating over to her bed, I licked my lips, thinking of what to do. Feeling rather foolish, I pressed my hand to her leg, not even concentrating on my healing powers. Strangely, I felt the ache fade, and when I added a second hand to the first, it disappeared completely. I ran another x-ray, and as I had half expected, my leg was fine. I then walked to her bedside again, and repeated the procedure on her head. She opened her eyes almost as soon as my palms hit her forehead, and I leapt away as if burned. My head and leg felt perfectly fine. My stomach was doing back flips, however.

Everyone was surprised to see that Terra was utterly healthy when they returned, and I explained that she must have just been stunned, hit in just the right spot that it caused her to pass out without causing serious injury. Robin looked suspicious, but he didn't question my explanation, and I returned to my room to meditate and research, to see if I could find out what was going on.

I haven't found anything, and all I can say is that at least I know that Terra is in very little danger in battle. And in a way, I suppose this is an advantage for me as well. I know I can't hide it forever, though, and I worry about what her reaction will be when I tell her what I've done to her. She is tied to me now, in a way. If she wants to heal quickly after being injured, she needs me close by. The same goes for my ability to heal. Anyway, I don't want to be incapacitated for weeks if she breaks something and is in a different country so that she has to heal naturally. Or, I suppose, I have to heal naturally.

"Hey, Raven," I turn at the voice, and see that Cyborg is joining me out on the roof. The sun is setting, and there is an orange and red glow to everything, but I didn't really notice it while I was occupied by my own worries. "What's up?"

"Just thinking." I tell him, allowing a smile to show on my lips. Smiles are easier now, but I feel as though my mouth is out of practice, and it sometimes hurts my face to laugh or to smile. I can tell everyone is pleased that I am able to be freer with my emotions, though, so I keep it up.

"Anything you want to talk about?" he asks, the eyebrow over his human eye rising slightly. I consider him for a moment and then shrug; still not sure I can share my new knowledge with anyone else. I would really like to know more about the situation first, even though I am beginning to feel that I will not find anything. "Must be hard."

"What?" I ask him, turning again to look at the sunset, my arms wrapping around my waist as a breeze blows my cloak open.

"I know what it's like, ya know." He pats my shoulder, and I am suddenly reminded that he is much larger than I am. It seems like his palm engulfs the length from one shoulder to the other with no trouble. "Being the odd one out."

"What?" I repeat, feeling a bit foolish.

"I realized a while back…I kinda had a crush on Starfire." He tells me, not looking down at me, but out at the sky. "It wasn't like she was the one great love of my life or anything, and honestly, I've moved on. But for about three months there, I felt like a complete idiot. I had it in for a girl who was as good as taken. I actually thought about trying for her, thinking that it would seem fine if it made Robin actually do something, but when I really thought about it, analyzed it," he tapped the left side of his face, the cybernetic side, "I knew that I was only hoping he wouldn't do anything, that I could have a chance with her. But I knew that what I felt for Star wasn't really that serious. It wasn't worth ruining my friendship with her, and with Robin. Ruining their relationship with each other. So I didn't do anything. And I'm fine now. But if I really had loved her…I hate to imagine how that would have ended. Really badly, I think."

"You can't help who you love." I sigh, and then turn to him. "I'm sorry…I know someone said that, I can't think of who, though."

"Can you?" he looks down at me again, and I flush slightly. "Do you think that what you're doing will make it go away?"

"I can't…I can't be in love." I shake my head furiously, trying to clear it of thoughts that are all suddenly clamoring to be heard.

"Why not?" he asks me. "It's supposed to be one of those things…you really don't know until one day, BAM! You realize that how you've felt all along, it's been love. The only thing is you can't know how long it will take for you to realize, and sometimes, other people can see it better, because they're not as confused as you are…about what you feel, you know."

"I'm not in love," I tell him. "I know I'm not."

"Really?" he is not letting this go. "Just because someone used to annoy you, that doesn't mean that can't grow on you, work their way under your skin and—"

"You can't love two people at once!" I snap, cutting him off. He goes very silent, and I feel the blood rise to my cheeks. I did not blush often before being balanced, but now that my emotions are allowed to be stronger, it is very hard to repress this reaction. "You can't. It's supposed to be like…you're supposed to find this one person, and you fall in love with them, and then maybe they love you back, and if they do, you can be together, and it ends happily. You don't fall in love with two people at the same time."

"Um…" Cyborg finally speaks up, scratching his head. "Am I missing something?"

"Look, the problem is this…balance." I wave a hand at myself, indicating my white clothing. "I have complete control of my powers, but I have lost all control of my emotions! It is ridiculous, and I keep swinging between a hundred different moods every day. I think that once it regulates itself, I'll learn to handle things better, and not to feel everything so strongly. I think I'm in love now, but it's just an illusion."

"Rae, that's a great theory." He pats my shoulder again. "Except for one thing."

"What?" I ask him, still a bit annoyed.

"You can't apply that to things you felt before you balanced." He says. "I thought I knew the whole situation, and I guess I don't, so I won't try to give you advice. But before you say that your feelings are lies, you should think about what I said, and you should know this: love doesn't follow any rules. It does just what it wants to do, whether that makes your life hard or not. And if you try to fight it, it will definitely make life difficult. Look at Robin and Star."

I know he's right, and that really stings.

-----

Accipere quam facere praestat injuriam (It is better to suffer an injustice than to do an injustice)

-----

"Um…whoa." Beast Boy is the first one to speak after I finish my explanation of the side effects I have been experiencing since awakening Terra. Robin is making a face that tells me he is trying to figure out what scientific basis this situation has, and Cyborg looks about the same. Starfire is making a small o with her mouth, and is very quiet, which is quite an accomplishment as far as she goes. Terra looks like I just announced that she is pregnant with quintuplets, and that the father is Plasmus.

"I'm really not sure how that…works." Robin finally offers his opinion, his face still screwed up in concentration. "Any ideas, Cyborg?"

"Nothing I've ever heard of." He shrugs and shakes his head. "I guess…well, at least we know that neither one of them is in a lot of danger during fights, if they can just heal each other that easily."

"Maybe…when she was inside Terra…she kinda left something behind…and it somehow switched with a piece of Terra, and they can't really be complete by themselves…but then, it isn't like Raven or Terra could heal themselves this quickly beforehand." Robin was still puzzling through it.

"She came to a balance while she was still in Terra's head." Cyborg hypothesizes. "So maybe that kinda strengthened them both, but in a weird, symbiotic way."

"Whoa." Beast Boy repeats his sentiments, possibly for emphasis.

"I have sometimes heard stories of twins who were able to share in each others pains and triumphs." Starfire speaks up then. "But I have not heard of anything like this, even with twins."

"I've never read about it anywhere." I join in. "I've been looking into it since I first suspected something was happening, but I couldn't find anything, so I decided just to tell you guys anyways. You should all know, especially Terra, since it effects her directly."

"Any ideas, Terra?" Robin prompts the blonde, who has been silent since the whole team first began listening to my story.

"I…need to go lie down." And she flees the room like she is going to be sick. Beast Boy looks alarmed, but when we both move to follow her, Robin stops him.

"This is between them. Let them talk in private." I hear his words before turning into the hallway and following it to Terra's room.

"Terra?" I call out, and I wonder if everyone in the living room is listening to me, or if they're talking amongst themselves. "Terra, can I come in?" There is a long silence, and I wonder if she really is in the bathroom, but just as I am about to check, the door slides open, revealing her face, screwed up in an expression that tells me clearly she was about to start crying before I came to the door.

"Raven." She says my name like it means something more than what I take it for. Like those syllables have a special power.

"Can I come in?" I ask her again, and she steps aside, waving her hand toward the interior. I suddenly remember something similar…long ago…or maybe it was just a dream.

I should have just let you in.

She closes the door behind me, and I make my way to the center of her room, looking around at the murals we spent hours painting for her. Well, to be more accurate, I didn't actually paint. I supervised. It had been Beast Boy's idea to make her walls look like an open landscape, something she was used to, so that she wouldn't feel so confined here with us. I wander over to a spot that Starfire painted over after Beast Boy threw his colossal post-betrayal fit over Terra. He had torn in here, and as a gorilla, took a good-sized chunk of the wall out during his rampage. Later, Cyborg fixed the wall, and Starfire painstakingly repainted it. You can still tell if you look close enough that the mixture of the paint isn't quite the same.

"I remember this," I reach forward, brushing my fingers over the wall, as if it might feel different. As if I can feel the remnants of Beast Boy's anger and confusion. It just feels like a wall. "He was so upset when you left last time." I'm not sure if I'm talking to Terra or not, as my voice is very soft, and I'm not sure she can hear me unless she is close. I turn my head and see that she is, indeed, right behind me. "Starfire tried to make it look the same, but can you see? Where the paint is a shade darker…"

"When I saw you, I was so surprised…I thought it was another memory, but there was only ever one of you at a time in my memories." She reaches forward, a hand resting delicately on my shoulder. Her nails are kept short, which makes a lot of sense considering the fact that she works with dirt. Even if you wear gloves, fingernails and dirt do not make good companions. I reach up without thinking of it, and my hand is on hers. It takes me a moment to process this, and to decide what to do next. I could push her away easily.

Instead, I wrap my pale fingers around hers and squeeze slightly.

"I had to come back for you." I tell her quite honestly. "You're like me."

"You said that before." She frowns slightly. "What do you mean?"

"You want to help people." I explain, starting slowly. "You have this power, and you can't decide whether it is a gift or a curse. So you work hard, trying to make it a gift that you can give to others."

"But I took the easy way out." She flushes, moving away, but I turn, still holding her hand, keeping her from going very far.

"You did, but I could have done something like that…so easily." I think of my father and shudder slightly. "And in the end, everything was all right. We're all alive, we defeated Slade, and you're in control."

"So are you." She smiles then, and pulls me forward, hugging me tightly. I am surprised for a moment, but then I allow the embrace, my arms circling her lightly. "Thanks…I know I said that already, but you really did save me, Rae. I thought…with all I'd done, and with what I did in the end…I thought I'd maybe broken even. I didn't think I'd really be welcome back here, even if I lived. But you worked to get me back. I thought you hated me."

"I wanted to." I admit as she pulls away. "But then I came to understand you."

"I'm sorry!" she blurts out suddenly, turning away. "About…what's happened."

"It isn't your fault. I made the ceremony." I sigh lightly. "That's what I get for being arrogant."

"But still…what a pain, right?" she laughs nervously and walks over to her bed, flopping down on the mattress. "Every time I go anywhere, I'm putting us both at risk."

"You're perfectly capable of taking care of yourself." I tell her, walking to sit down beside her. "This just gives me another reason to watch your back during a battle, doesn't it?"

"Yeah, but I better watch your back, too." She pulled her legs up and under her, doing a strange sort of loop with her body before sitting up beside me, slender legs tucked up beneath her. "If I want you to be able to fix me up ever."

"I was wondering," I trace an imaginary pattern on the comforter between us. "Do you feel it, too? When I'm hurt, I mean."

"No." she admits, shaking her head and grinning sheepishly. "It's all on you, Rae."

"That's good." I sigh, leaning back a bit, propping myself up with both arms. "I was worried."

"What do you mean?" she blinks wide blue eyes at me, and I turn to face her more directly, surprised she doesn't know the answer already.

"Because," I shrug, "I couldn't stand hurting you like that. Knowing that my own carelessness injured my teammates—" and suddenly, I am tackled by a mass of skinny limbs and blonde hair, and I am on my back on her mattress, with Terra hugging me to her. I feel like my cheeks are going to catch fire.

"You're the best, Raven." She whispers in my ear, kissing my cheek lightly. As if I could possibly be blushing any more.

"Uh…thanks?" I don't know what to say, or what to do. I'm in her bed, and she's hugging me, kissing my cheek like that…whispering in my ear. If Beast Boy did this, he'd be all shades of brown at the moment, but she doesn't seem to have any problem with just doing what she feels whenever she feels it.

"Beast Boy asked me to be his girlfriend." Her words are dry, and I feel like this moment has been ruined so utterly, there is no way to repair it. "I told him no."

"Why?" Why would she turn him down? I thought they wanted to be together. Wasn't that part of why I was so gracefully bowing out?

"A lot of reasons." She shifts so that her skinny limbs are not boring into me quite so much, tilting to the side and falling off of me. She settles into the curves of my side, arranging her limbs so that they are not close enough to make me feel terrified of moving, but not so far that I think she's tired of the closeness. We're staring at her ceiling, and I feel that I can concentrate on composing myself much better while looking at that than facing her. "To put it simply, I want to avoid things getting messy."

"I wonder if you're not in too deep to stop yourself diving in now." I ask, pleased at this return to peace, serenity, and emotional calm. "Can you really stop a mess from forming at this point?"

"I don't know." She admits, nuzzling my shoulder lightly with her left cheek. She does it so casually, I am not sure she was trying to show affection, or did not just wish to relieve an itch. "But whatever I want, I don't think Beast Boy should jump into this sort of thing without thinking it through."

"He thought of you the whole time you were gone, Terra." I tell her dryly, turning to look at her in a leap of either bravery or foolishness. "What more can you ask?"

"Beast Boy cares about me, I know." She smiles softly, turning wide almond eyes to face me. "I just think that he'd be happier with you." There is a long silence, and she turns back to the ceiling, but I am staring at her in utter confusion.

"Excuse me?" I speak up after some time. "What?"

"He talks about you all the time, you know." She tells me, stretching the arm that is closest to me down to brush at some imaginary dust on her slender hips. "Raven read me this, Raven told me that, Raven has this in her room, Raven likes this tea best, Raven wants to do that, Raven, Raven, Raven. On and on, you know."

"We're friends." I justify immediately, but I feel guilty. I'm hiding things from her, and I don't want to hide things. I want this moment to be honest and open. "I mean…there was something…strange while you were gone. I wasn't ready, and he was just confused, and all that ever happened was that we kissed twice…wait, I think three times." I frown, trying to think how much time has to pass between kisses for them to count as separate events. "And I told him that I didn't know anything for sure, and it's not like he confessed undying love to me or anything. It was just…a thing."

"I kind of suspected something like that." She sighs, and I wonder if she is upset with me, or disappointed. I don't want her to be disappointed. I want her to smile again, like she did before. "I'm not mad, though. You two would be good together, you know? You've been in my head. You know that I'm not equipped for anything serious…long-term. I've never known how it's done."

"Neither have I." I shoot back. "I'm no better for this sort of thing than you are."

"Maybe not." She answers after a long moment of consideration, rolling back to face me, and I can't resist the pull of her eyes, so I have to turn as well. Her hand has found mine, and her fingers twine with mine, lifting up to where we can see the contrast of sun-kissed calloused digits against mine, ghostly pale and slender. "The pair of us…maybe between us we could find one stable person. You think?"

I don't know what I'm thinking at that moment, but one second, she's smiling that half-smile, sort of mournful and ironic at the same time, and I know that I want her to be happy. Then I suppose it occurs to me that she doesn't trust herself to make Beast Boy happy, and so she can't be happy with him. And then I do something that I really probably shouldn't. I lean over, and I don't think she expects it, because her eyes are still open when my lips reach hers, and Beast Boy always closed his. I remember, because he surprised me those times in the kitchen, and I saw his eyes were closed before I let my own drift shut as well. I'm not positive whether you are simply supposed to close your eyes, or whether it is because without vision to distract you, the feel of mouth on mouth is somehow much more intense.

I remember wondering if kissing Terra in real life would be anything like it was in my dreams. The answer is no.

Firstly, she had always initiated the contact those times, and here, in the reality of the thing, it is my lead. I suddenly can understand the blind foolish courage and disregard for consequences that Beast Boy must have been feeling when he kissed me. There is a soft reminder in my mind that kissing people without permission or warning is very dangerous and very stupid, but I ignore that voice. It is too late now, like I told Terra before. How can I stop myself diving in once I'm already in the water? And why should I leave?

Outside of this kiss, there is a world with questions and explanations and half-meant apologies and lies and hidden truths, and I don't want to face that world now. I want to live here in this kiss, this one moment. I thought that before was perfect, but this, this is the perfect moment, and I feel enveloped in the feel of her, and the taste, strangely reminiscent of blackberry tart, sweet and stingingly bitter at the same time, so full of feelings and expressions we can't put into words. I begin to forget who and where I am, and I think the fact that our arms are tangled together is part of that confusion. Am I Raven, or will I open my eyes and see that I am Terra, looking into heavy-lidded purple, shielded and hopeful at the same time? Will I see anger and disgust in cornflower shades?

I feel there is a definite difference here from what I felt with Beast Boy. With him, I felt wrapped in blankets and warmth, tucked away somewhere safe and clean and quiet and simple. Here, I feel like Terra is holding me by my ankles over a pit of lava, heat washing over both of us, consuming us, and my life resting in her hands. If she slips or tires or gives up, I will burn to nothing. If she holds me, if she accepts me and pulls me away from the danger, I will feel everything I could want.

I don't want to give up either of them, but if I give up Terra, I feel like I might die. If I leave Beast Boy, I will have to sacrifice the piece of me that he has so securely tucked away.

We fall apart, and I wonder why for a moment before I realize that I am gasping for air, and that while Terra is very good, air is something I need as well. I must learn to split my attention between these two necessities. She is breathing heavily as well, and I notice with a trace of amazement that our fingers are still entwined, and she is staring at me as intently as if I am something she has never seen before, something utterly fascinating and endlessly entertaining.

"So," she asks after a while. "Feel normal yet? Or do we need to be even closer than that for it to work?"

It takes a second for me to remember her words just before the kiss, and I let out a soft laugh, a lilting bit of voice that seems to have snagged on the air without me noticing its escape in time to stop it. "Give me a day or two to think it over." I tell her, "I've never been normal, and so it will take a while for me to know."

"That wasn't my first kiss." She admits suddenly, her voice hushed as though she thinks someone is listening in. "Once, there was this guy…I thought I could stay there with him, but then I slipped up." She sighs softly, and it is as if she is so tired of feeling the pain and rejection that every place she has ever known and every person she has ever loved offered her, she can no longer cry over it, or even seem to feel anything.

"I saw a few…" I don't elaborate, because I don't feel like there is a need. "You know that won't happen anymore."

"Most of me knows that." She smiles, moving so that she can cuddle up against me. She is cuddling with me. I am so glad we are alone. I think I would die of shock if anyone saw me letting her do this…curling beside me like a kitten. "Some little part, though…I can't help it. Every day, the first thing I look at is my bag. I wonder, how long before I'm living out of it again? How long before I lose it all again? That part is what makes Beast Boy unable to get as close to me as he wants. It won't let me depend on him, or on anyone but myself. I wonder how long I have to be here before it goes away, or if it ever will."

"We're still young." I tell her, my hand stroking the back of her head, which is buried in my chest. "Take your time. Date Beast Boy, make lots of emotional messes, and then help clean them up." I tease her, and she giggles slightly, the vibration of it shaking my ribs. "Just don't leave. Don't give up on this before you've had a chance to really appreciate it."

"This is so surreal." She speaks after a long silence, sitting up slightly so that she can look at me, and she is almost over me. "The two of us like this."

"Don't tell anyone." I smile slightly. "You'll ruin your chances with Beast Boy."

"I bet he'd just want to watch." She rolls her eyes, and I frown at her.

"What do you mean?" There is no way anyone is watching me cuddle anything. Clearly, Terra does not count in this edict, because she it the one being cuddled, and therefore is not really witness to the ridiculousness. But to be fair, she is the instigator. "Wouldn't he be disappointed?"

"Well…maybe I should explain to you how human guys tend to look on girls who…well, are very, very good friends." She smiles wickedly, and my frown deepens as she explains to me the finer points of sexuality and humans.

-----

Difficile est longum subito deponere amorem (It is difficult to suddenly give up a long love)

-----

After that day in her room, I have to admit that I was a bit afraid of spending more time alone with Terra. She explained to me then something that I had suspected, but had never been sure of. Usually, girls don't kiss other girls. Perhaps if I were a normal person, someone who had grown up on this planet, I would understand this better. But it seems stupid to me, and maybe I am just missing some key point. Because of my empathy, I see that inside, we're really not defined by gender or sex or any preferences having to do with that. We are people, and what we hope for and dream for and feel and believe in are the things that shape us. Apparently, the rest of the world doesn't agree with me. At least, that is what Terra says.

But if she knew that, why did she let me kiss her? Beast Boy had asked to date her, and she turned him down, but allowed me to kiss her.

I puzzle over all of this, over the implications as I hide in the safety of my room. She has not tried to get into it for a long time. Ever since that once when I sent her away instead of letting her in, back before the trouble with Slade…

Maybe she's afraid that even after all that has happened, I'll slam it shut in her face again.

I like it in my room. It is quiet, and my head hurts much less within the dark walls that separate me from the overly tense tower. I don't know if the others know what has taken place between Terra and Beast Boy, but I get a reminder every time I step out of the door. The two of them seem to be unable to handle things naturally, which I assume comes from the age and depth of the feelings involved. Terra seems mostly confused and scared, so she likes to run out of the room as soon as he enters. Beast Boy is also confused, but the rest of it is a pathetic level of sadness that always brings to mind his puppy eyes. Seeing how complicated all of this is makes me understand why Robin is hesitant to start anything with Starfire. What a hassle.

A hesitant knock brings me to myself again, and I leap from my bed as my heart also leaps in my chest.

Terra.

Half scared she will have changed her mind about all of it, and half excited just to see her, I press the door panel, and let it slide all the way open before my nervous grin disappears.

Beast Boy.

I know that he has spent much of his time since being rejected talking things over with Cyborg, mainly because of a comment or two I have overheard while passing the pair of friends in the hallway or in the living room. If he has finally driven the cybernetic boy away and is looking to me for sympathy, I don't know how I will handle it. Trying to comfort someone over something that secretly, has benefited me. I feel selfish and guilty, but strangely righteous.

I didn't do anything wrong, after all.

"Do you need something?" I ask him, and he looks like he was waiting for me to ask him that, because he lunges forward, hugging me tightly. I remember his hugs feeling warm before, but now I just feel surprised and panicked. "What are you…"

"Don't say anything, Rae." His voice sounds harsh and husky as he speaks in barely more than a whisper. "Please, don't make me leave. I don't know what I'd do." And his emotions, always tangible to me, his friend and an empath to boot, are so overwhelming it takes a moment for me to realize they are his and not my own. Despair and love and remorse and others that are too tangled to identify crash into my mind so harshly it almost hurts to be this close to his pain.

"You hurt…so much." It must sound strange, I know, and I feel bad that I showed any resistance to his embrace. He just wants to hug me, after all. We're friends. Friends hug, I'm sure. I've seen the others do it all the time. "Everything…you must feel everything ten times stronger than me." I wrap my arms around his shorter frame, one hand on his neck and the other on the small of his back. "How can you stand it?" and then there is a noise coming from him, halfway between the sound he makes when he is kicked in the gut and an exclamation of surprise. It takes me a moment of sorting through his intense emotions to realize that he is crying. On my shoulder. In my doorway.

I am not Beast Boy, so I can't say if it would be embarrassing to him, being seen by anyone who walks by sobbing on a my shoulder, but I know that I would prefer to cry in a more private setting, so I tug him forward, letting go of him with one hand to bat in the direction of the door panel. I finally am rewarded by a sliding noise and a decrease in light that tells me the door is shut, and the hand comes back to Beast Boy, patting at his hair because it seems like a good idea. I am no longer worried about the fact that he is hugging me so tightly that he is in danger of cutting off my air supply, as the fact that he is crying, something I have honestly never witnessed from him, is much more preoccupying. I'm sure he must have spent time crying after Terra betrayed us, and again after she was cast in stone. But he was always in his room by himself those times.

I feel like I should have no idea what to do, but some bit of me, perhaps Love or Affection, seems to take the initiative, continuing to hold him, patting his hair soothingly, and just waiting for him to calm down enough to talk. Eventually, he pulls back a bit, sniffling and wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. I offer him a small smile and cock my head to the side slightly. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Imagine, me, prompting Beast Boy to talk. Balancing has made me milder, more approachable, I suppose. I wonder what the others must think of this new me, but now is not the time for wandering thoughts. Beast Boy is having a breakdown in my room.

"Thanks," he sniffles one last time and lets out a shuddering breath. "But I don't think you'd want to hear about it."

"Why not?" I sit down on my bed and pat a spot next to me encouragingly. "We're friends, aren't we?"

"Yeah, of course," he takes the offered seat, scratching just behind his ear like he often does when he is nervous or unsure of what to say. "But it's about…well, it's about Terra. And with all the stuff that happened before…" he breaks off, laughing harshly, "I just would feel stupid, complaining about it to you, when I just…I did just what you said."

I remember now, accusing him of not really caring for me, saying that I was just a substitute for him, and that as soon as Terra returned, he'd forget I existed. "It isn't as bad as you think, Beast Boy. And don't worry about me. I'm fine."

"But how? How can you stand it?" his voice cracks sharply and he turns to face me better, pulling his leg up on the bed slightly. "Terra is ignoring me now, and it's worse than when she left, worse than when I thought she would die."

"You only think it's worse because it is this moment for you now." I tell him after a moment of thought. "If it was that moment, your emotions would convince you that it was the strongest hurt you've ever felt. That's the danger, when you feel things so strongly." I reach up and press a hand to his cheek as though expecting to feel the waves of emotion seeping through his skin. I feel like I'm swimming in them, and I can only imagine how strong they must be within him.

"It's stupid." He turns his face toward my palm, which must feel cool against his heated cheeks. "I wish I could be more in control, like you. You get to be emotional now cause of your balance thing, but you're still smart enough to keep it under control."

"You aren't stupid, Beast Boy." I assure him. "You just think more with your heart than with your mind. That isn't always a bad thing."

"It is right now." He tells me. "Cause my heart is telling me that life sucks. I shouldn't have…agh!" he flings himself back, hands ruffling his hair in frustration as he stares up at my ceiling. "Will she ever be my friend again, do you think?"

"I think so." I tell him. "She does care about you, no matter what happened. I think that she's trying to get used to life right now. Maybe it was too soon, or maybe it was too late. But give her time. Let her know that you aren't going to push the issue, and she'll warm up to you. Terra seems like someone who is easy to read, but she hides a lot more than you think."

"You know, for someone who only just started feeling things, you know a lot about this stuff." He sighs softly, and I turn to aim a slight scowl at him.

"I'll have you know, I have been "feeling things" for years." I tell him in mock indignance. "But you know, I learn most of this from books and from being able to sense what other people are feeling."

"Does that ever bother you?" he asks after a short pause. "Knowing stuff like that…private stuff."

"Only when you knock on my door and nearly drown me in your private stuff." I tease him slightly. He chuckles sheepishly, and I move closer to him, pulling my legs up onto my bed and looking down at him. "No…it does bother me sometimes. But it's useful, too. I used to ignore it a lot, but after Terra…"

"Hey, that wasn't your fault." He assures me. "But I can see what you mean."

"When she came back that time…at first I was too cautious." I admit, "But then, I wasn't cautious enough. She can confuse people sometimes."

"Tell me about it." Stretching his arms out in a way that reminds me of a sleepy cat, Beast Boy gathers himself and sits up, "I'm just glad I can talk to you about all this. I mean, Cyborg is great, but somehow it means more when you say it. Plus, how can he know how a girl thinks?"

"Good point." I smile slightly, glad that I seem to have effectively counseled my friend for the time being. "Any time you need to unload, I am usually in here. Just remember to knock."

"Sure thing." He stands up, stretching his arms over his head again and smiling at me broadly. "And Rae?"

"What?" I am carefully smoothing out the wrinkles in my comforter as he reaches the door.

"Thanks again." I turn and see the sincere gratitude in his eyes, and I straighten up slightly.

"No problem."

-----

Quidquid agis, prudenter agas et respice finem (Whatever you do, do cautiously, and look to the end)

-----

Nearly two weeks after his breakdown in my doorway, Beast Boy is visiting my room on a rather regular basis. In fact, I have grown used to his presence quite quickly, and soon enough, it has become customary for him to lie on one end of my bed and talk for a long time while I listen to all he says and occasionally offer comments or opinions. He didn't cry again, and there was no more hugging, but I now feel much closer to him than I did before. I feel like I know him better than most anyone, maybe even Cyborg or Terra.

So of course, when there is a knock on my door late one night, I climb out of bed, rub my eyes slightly and shuffle sleepily over to the door, expecting to see Beast Boy on the other side, clearly unable to sleep, because otherwise, he would be in bed at this hour.

It is Terra.

"Sorry." She blushes to see me standing in all but my cloak. Possibly, it reminds her of the night I revived her. "Did I wake you? I…I can go away."

"No…no, it's fine." I suddenly worry at the state of my hair. Why do I care what my hair looks like? It is the middle of the night, she probably can barely see it anyway. "Do you want to come in?"

"Yeah, thanks." She rushes inside, plopping down on the edge of my bed and looking around the room from her perch avidly. I realize that this is her first time in my room, and I wonder what she thinks of it. I wish I had cleaned up the stack of books on the other side of my bed…"It's just like I thought it would be."

"What?" I sit down on my bed, deciding that she won't see the stack of books if I just don't look at them. I wonder if I should put my cloak on. She keeps glancing at me and then staring at the wall, like seeing me without it makes her uncomfortable, or embarrassed, or something. I'm too tired to read her emotions at this moment.

"Your room." She gets up at that point, unable to resist the urge to explore my room closer anymore. "Clean, but not impersonal. Dark, but not scary. It's great."

"There aren't any pictures." I point out, not knowing where the words are even coming from.

"None in my room, either." She admits. "I've never been big on things that make me look back. You know me. Not a big fan of the past."

"Understandably." I settle back against the head of my bed, hoping I won't get too comfortable and fall asleep while talking to Terra. That would be mortifying. "So…it's pretty late. Anything you needed?"

"I couldn't sleep." She tells me, and I am not that surprised.

"Any reason for that?" I ask, easily taking up the therapist role I've become so comfortable using with Beast Boy.

"No, not really…" she is fiddling with a couple of stones sitting on my vanity, and then she suddenly turns, moving to the bed. "Listen, is there something going on between you and Beast Boy? I mean, it isn't like I mean to sound paranoid, only I've seen him coming and going in here a lot, and you aren't big on visitors, last I remember. And it isn't like I'm mad or anything, I just…you know…was wondering."

"That's why you couldn't sleep?" I'm certainly awake now, a smile playing across my lips, and a slight flush on my cheeks. "Because you think Beast Boy and I are…involved?"

"Possibly." She flushes deeply and sits down on the edge of the bed near me. "I know it's none of my business, but you know…"

"No, we are not." I assure her smoothly, repressing the urge to laugh. "He comes in here to talk about you."

"Me?" Terra's voice cracks, and it is so reminiscent of Beast Boy that I do let out a small laugh that time.

"Well, sometimes he talks about where he grew up, or about his place on the team, or something else." I elaborate. "But mostly, it's about you." There is a short silence, and she is clearly turning these words over, trying to think of what they could mean. "He misses you a lot, you know. He wants to be friends, but he's starting to think that he's ruined that completely, no matter what I have to say about it."

"He never…it isn't like that." Terra protests immediately. "I still want to be friends, but I thought…I thought he'd be angry with me after what happened."

"Do us all a favor," I reach over, patting her shoulder softly. "Talk to the boy. He's worrying himself for nothing, as I've told him endless times, but until he hears it from you, he's not going to believe a word I say."

"Sure thing." She smiles softly, and then her hand moves up to clutch mine. "You know, I miss you, too."

"What do you mean?" I blink at her in confusion. "I haven't been avoiding you, have I?"

"Well…not really." She admits, flushing softly. "But it was so nice, that day you came into my room. We never get to be alone, do we? Beast Boy keeps you all to himself."

"Jealous, are you?" I raise a dark eyebrow, hiding a smile that threatens to break through. "And not without good reason. I should remind you, the two of us have quite a torrid past."

"Stop teasing me!" Terra breaks into giggles, covering her red face with both hands and shaking her head swiftly. "It isn't funny. How was I supposed to know what was going on in here? And it isn't like I have any claim on you or anything. He's kissed you three times, and that's twice more than me." She informs me in what is clearly meant to be a chiding tone, but it comes off more as petulant. I can't help it. A wide grin breaks out across my face, and I begin laughing softly. "Now you're laughing?"

"Sorry, it's just…" I shake my head to clear it slightly, and then turn back to her, "I kept wondering what was going on between us, if there was even anything, you know. To me there was, but then, you didn't seem to make much effort to get me alone, so I thought that you were having second thoughts and didn't want to push you. And all this time, you were just worried I was off two-timing you with Beast Boy."

"Hey, he can be very charming when he wants to be." Terra is smiling now as well, understanding the irony. "I think we can both vouch for that."

"Yes, he is very sweet." I pause, pulling my legs closer and folding them beneath me. "Don't you feel bad?"

"How do you mean?" she quirks her head at me as though I just asked her something utterly ridiculous.

"Well, he's all alone." I shrug slightly. "And he had this huge thing for you, and now he's telling me all about it, and I'm supposed to be making him feel better, but secretly…"

"What?" she prompts me when I drop off.

"Secretly, a part of me is glad. Because, well…I'm not really mad that he kind of dropped me like he did, but I want to be with you, and if you were with him, that would be impossible. So a part of me is concerned for him, and wishes he would feel better. But another part is just relieved you said no to him." I flush, feeling deeply ashamed of this, but surprisingly lighter now that I have admitted it to someone else.

"Well, how do you think I would feel if it had gone the other way?" she asks me. "It isn't like you're a bad person because you want something for yourself, Raven." She reaches forward, a hand grazing over my face, making me look up at her. "You're allowed to be happy, too."

"I know." I tell her, but it means so much to hear that she doesn't think I'm evil for wanting this, to hear that she wants it as well. I feel as though a knot that I was unaware of has suddenly been loosened in my chest. And then, when I'm already feeling happy and light and content just to be sitting and talking with her, Terra leans forward, and her lips are on mine.

"I missed that." I sigh deeply, my eyes still closed as she pulls away.

"One more time, and we'll be tied." She informs me, and it takes a second for her meaning to register. I make a soft noise of amusement and let my eyes open up again.

"So competitive, Terra." I shake my head slightly. "I never knew you could be like this."

"I can be a lot of things." She smiles wickedly, and I'm not sure whether I should smile back or be deeply worried. "Just wait and see."

"It's late." Is all I can think to say, and she nods sharply.

"Well, it would look rather suspicious if someone saw me leaving your room at this time of night." She tells me in mock regret. "I should probably just sleep in here." My eyes goggle, and she starts laughing again. "I'm just teasing! I'm leaving, see?" she gets up, and makes her way to the door. "Unless you want me to stay?"

"Um…" I am having a hard time wrapping my mind around the concept of Terra sleeping in my room.

"I'll take that as a "no way, I'm not ready" and be on my way." She winks broadly, and I'm not sure if I understand all of what has just happened as she finally exits the room. "Good night."

"Yeah." I really need to go to sleep.

-----

Experientia docet (Experience is the best teacher)

-----

The next day, I spend two hours listening to Beast Boy mourn the loss of love, and just after dinner, as I am making my way back to my room, I am pulled bodily into Terra's room just as I pass her door. She had clearly been waiting to ambush me, but before I can accuse her of this, she slams the door shut and pins me against it, kissing me so thoroughly that I forgot what I was going to say and what the point of it was.

"Now we're even." She smiles cheekily and before I can say anything, I find myself back in the hallway. I stand there in silent confusion and a whole flurry of emotions filter through my mind before I remember that if I am going to contemplate life, my room is probably the best place for that sort of thing.

Two days after that, there is a criminal that we have to capture at the bank before he can make off with a good sum of cash, and in the excitement after we turn him over to the police, Terra and I somehow get back to the tower before everyone else. Before I can think of how strange it might look, both of us are in my room, and she spends an obscene amount of time asking after the condition of my elbow, which was slightly injured in the fight, but is now perfectly fine. While she does this, she massages my arm and we somehow end up on my bed, kissing several times. I keep expecting her to make some comment about how she has now kissed me more than anyone else, but she is much more concerned with touching my hair, rubbing my arm, and occasionally slipping a hand over my waist and down across my hips.

I'm not really disappointed that she isn't talking about Beast Boy anymore.

I mean, he is my good friend, and I care for him a great deal, but I would rather my time with Terra be time between just the two of us. It doesn't bother me if there is a comment about Starfire, a question about Robin, a joke regarding Cyborg, a reference to Beast Boy, as long as they are not the basis of every bit of conversation we have. There is a lot between us that can be shared without having to refer to others. Somehow, it is more intimate when she tells me about the time she owned a puppy for the space of three weeks than when she talks about the time Starfire beat her at a racing game.

That isn't to say that we no longer talk about anyone else when we are alone, but it is more common for us to talk about the rest of the team when they are present. And while Beast Boy still likes to visit me, he seems to spend less time telling me about how sad he is, and more time talking about the new fighting move Robin taught him or the new device Cyborg let him test. Sometimes he just wants to spend time with me, and he will ask me to read to him, something that I had not done since before Terra was revived.

I always find time for privacy with Terra, but whether or not we have spent hours in her room already, any day that Beast Boy visits me, she shows up at my door somewhere around the middle of the night, after everyone else is in bed, and after a few weeks of her visiting for a brief, groggy amount of time during which I was only half awake, she came to my door with a pillow in one hand.

"Need me to tuck you in?" I arch an eyebrow, and she snickers slightly before pressing me into the room, barely able to wait for the door to close so that she can begin touching me, kissing me. It probably sounds like we are up to all kinds of debauchery, but for teenagers, we are surprisingly behaved. I think she realizes that I am a bit hesitant about intimacy and affectionate gestures, as I certainly did not grow up with them, and until I balanced, I considered them strictly off limits.

"I'm spending the night in here." She whispers into my ear before kissing her way along my jaw line. I make a noise like a wounded duck, and she pulls back slightly, clearly trying not to laugh. "Look, I'm not after much. Just let me sleep in a bed with you. I swear I'll be good."

"Okay…" I answer after thinking for a moment. "I just thought you meant…something else."

"To be honest with you, I don't think I'm really ready for that one." She confides in me. "And besides that, I'd have to do some research."

"How do you mean?" I ask, furrowing my eyebrows as she recovers the pillow she dropped just inside my room and tosses it on my bed, hopping onto the mattress and turning back to me, looking very pleased with herself. "Research what?"

"Oh…" she blushes then and stops hopping around my mattress, which she was really only doing because she knows that it annoys me, and that I would have to stop her myself if I wanted her to desist, which would probably lead to kissing and cuddling on the bed. We do this quite a bit, as one might guess. "Well, I know how sex works, basically. But I'm not really positive what we would do. Since we're both girls."

"Oh." Now I am probably three times redder than her. "You can research that sort of thing?"

"Sure." She shrugs slightly. "That's the beauty of the Internet, Rae. Books are great, but try to keep your dignity while you purchase a sex manual from a seventy year old man."

"Good point." I purse my lips slightly. "Well…it isn't a problem now, is it? Because I really don't…"

"Hey, it's like I said, I'm not ready." She holds up her hands as though staving off the question. "And as long as you aren't, we won't do anything. But who knows how long this could last. If we ever wanted to…"

"I'll leave the "research" up to you." I flush slightly, but then an idea occurs to me and I smile as I move to join her on the bed. "Although, I will have you know that Beast Boy is an excellent research assistant. I would recommend you employ his services."

"No way!" Terra blushes so deeply she looks almost purple. "Can you imagine? "Oh, I'm just doing a little research on alternative sexuality. Look for anything with diagrams that seem instructive." I would die."

"What would he even think?" I frown slightly. "He doesn't know about us, as far as I know."

"No one does." She confirms. "He'd probably think it was a joke or something."

"That's something to consider." I point out after climbing onto the bed and situating myself comfortably beneath my covers. Terra scrambles to join me, and I pointedly ignore the fact that she is purposefully pressing her freezing cold feet against my leg.

"I don't think I need an assistant, actually." She twists her mouth up to express her distaste. "And anyway, it could be years before we even think about it."

"We're thinking about it right now, in case you didn't notice." I point out. "But that's not what I meant. I was saying, since no one knows about us…what do you think we should do?"

"Do you mean…should we tell them?" Terra looks a bit hesitant about this suggestion. "Well…we could."

"What would happen, do you think?" I ask her. "Other than a lot less of us sneaking around to have time alone?"

"Beast Boy might be mad." She answers after a moment of consideration. "I honestly can't see Starfire being anything less than supportive, because you know how she is. You're happy, she's happy. Robin will only care if he thinks it's going to make us worse fighters, but since we've been together for weeks, really he can't say anything. Cyborg…"

"I think he would be fine with it." I answer. "I've talked with him a lot about lots of different things, and I know that when it comes to this sort of thing, he just thinks people should do what makes them happy."

"I'm glad we have cool friends." Terra smiles softly. "But that still leaves Beast Boy."

"Well, if it was any other pair of girls, I honestly don't think he would care." I tell her. "But you know, I think he is really starting to get over you."

"Maybe we should wait a couple months." She suggests, flopping back and cuddling into her pillow. "Not like we're hurting them by keeping it a secret for a while."

"I suppose not." I use my power to switch off the light, and settle down next to her, cuddling into her side. She kisses me a few times, and I kiss her as well, but she does not attempt to push it any further, and true to her word, we simply sleep together in the bed.

It is very nice, waking up next to someone you care about, someone who cares about you.

It can bring your world into perspective very sharply, though. And I stare at her for quite some time, questioning the sudden epiphany that has just struck me as I look on her sleeping form. In fact, I stare at her so long that she wakes up, and turns to smile up at me sleepily.

"What's so fascinating?" she asks, yawning widely. "Is my hair all messed up? Sometimes I sleep on it wrong and it just…" I cut her off with a kiss so heated and urgent that when I break away, she looks very much awake. "Wow…what was that for?"

"I just realized," I tell her, sitting up and preparing to get out of bed. "I love you."

"What?" she answers after nearly five minutes of shocked silence. I have been in my closet during that time, and I now emerge with a bathrobe on and a towel draped over my arm.

"I love you." I repeat with an abbreviated smile as I head for the door. "I've got first dibs on the shower."

"You…hey, no fair!" she stumbles out of the bed and nearly smashes my lamp before I get out of the room and head to the bathroom, my heart pounding so loudly in my ears that I'm sure the entire tower can hear it.

-----

Hic habitat felicitas (Here dwells happiness)

-----

I spend a ridiculous amount of time in the shower, because even though I was sincere when I told Terra how I felt, I am now utterly terrified of what her reaction might be. After the advent of my balance, and the newfound emotional intensity within me, I had thought to research feelings a bit so that I would have a better idea of how much I would be expected to display, and what the best way of displaying those emotions would be. Mainly, this research consisted of spying on Starfire, seeing what she did that I felt was out of the question and what she did that was reasonable, and making a note of all this. I did the same thing with Terra, and then with Robin, Cyborg, and Beast Boy. It is fascinating, because while I am empathic, and therefore almost always aware of others emotions, I never paid close attention to the way that they would outwardly display their feelings. My friends are all very different people, and my research only clarified this point.

So I soon thought to research elsewhere, since I must also be very different from the rest of them. I watched movies placed in the "drama" genre, and I raided Starfire's personal library of dog-eared paperbacks, all of them full of sappy love stories that made me feel faintly sick, but at the same time, vaguely intrigued.

I learned that I should simply continue as I had been in my actions, letting my emotions prompt me, but not allowing them to control me completely. Sometimes, I still made mistakes. There were times I would speak too frankly. I worry that this is one of those times.

What if Terra wants nothing to do with love? In my research, I often came across unrequited love, something that takes place when the subject of a person's love does not return their feelings. At the time, I had not thought about it very much as something that could happen to me. After all, emotions were something I had spent so much of my life repressing, and love is truly the most intense thing I have ever felt, before or after the balance. I was still only beginning to come to terms with all of my emotions, and love took me longer than all of them to accept fully. I had only really done it this morning, I suppose. And so, suffering from someone not returning feelings I was not even sure of was certainly not something I found worrying.

But now, the idea that maybe this was all a bit of fun for her makes my stomach feel like a twisted iron grating, heavy and painful. I close my eyes as I let hot water flow over my pale skin, and I can picture what it is that I want. I want to have her return the sentiments. I want to go to my room, have her waiting for me there, and before I can say one word, I want her to kiss me, and to tell me that she loves me as well. Then…I am not sure what happens after that. I feel my heart leap at the possibility, and I know that I would be joyful beyond anything I've ever known if she would just do that, but the longer I wait in the shower, the sooner I realize that I am scared.

What if she isn't waiting?

What if she is waiting just to tell me that she doesn't love me?

What if she thinks I'm lying?

Maybe next time, I will remember that I do not need to express every emotion I feel every moment that I feel them.

Until then, I think my short-term goals will include getting out of the shower. This is made much easier by the fact that I can hear Robin pounding on the door in a businesslike fashion. He does not like having his daily schedule modified by teammates having personal crises in the shower, and I feel like this is a reasonable ideal. Finally shutting off the water, I step out of the shower and quickly towel down before clutching my robe around me and letting him have his routine. I am still a bit nervous about what I will find when I return to my room, and so I linger in the hallway, considering whether I should cut through the living room and go to make some tea or not.

"Hey," Beast Boy's voice startles me so badly I nearly yelp out loud. As it is, I am quite sure he saw the slight jump I was unable to repress. "What's up?"

"I was just…thinking." I reply, feeling like that is possibly the understatement of the century.

"Thinking?" he scratches the back of his head, ruffling up his hair unconsciously. "Anything you wanna talk about?"

"Not really." I answer, trying to sound as offhand as possible. I seriously doubt that Beast Boy would like hearing that I'm in love with his ex-girlfriend, who I slept with only last night. "I was only wondering whether I should get dressed and then have tea, or if I should do it in reverse order." This is partially true. It is.

"If you want, you could go to get dressed, and I could bring you tea." He suggests, a wide grin on his face. "Then it would be like you're doing both things at once."

"I've never done it that way, either, I suppose." I don't want him in my room right now. I have no idea who or what is in my room at the moment, and if it is anything like how I left it, I am almost positive he won't be able to handle it. If it is nothing like I left it, I seriously doubt that I will be able to handle it. "Maybe another time. I'll go, and then have some tea later. I'm not sure I'm all that thirsty, anyway." I am babbling. I need to stop. I will only raise his suspicions if I keep acting like an idiot. Stepping forward, I begin to make my way past him, heading for my room and whatever is waiting inside, but before I can take two steps, something has halted my progress completely. My arm.

Beast Boy's hand is on my arm, holding it firmly. The look on his face is suddenly serious, and I feel as though all the blood is draining from my face just as my stomach plummets to the floor. "Wait." It is only one word, but the way he says it, his voice a crackled whisper of desperation…

"Beast Boy, I don't know—"

I am being kissed. I had almost forgotten what it was like kissing Beast Boy, as I have spent quite some time now only being kissed by Terra. In my confusion, I try to figure out how long it has been since the last time I was kissed by the changeling, but my brain is being scrambled and I can't concentrate on any single impulse. A horrid part of me is curious to remember this sensation, and it wants me to press forward, to show him what I have learned in my time with Terra. Another part of me wants to scream and run away, to tell him to leave me alone, to slap him across the face and ask him what he's thinking. And then there is the part of me that feels deeply sad for him, knowing that now; I might have no choice but to tell him about Terra. Or at least, tell him that I am with someone. He needs to know that I am not available, and it is my own fault for hiding this from him for fear of his reaction. Perhaps I can simply tell him I'm no longer interested, but it seems the time for dodging the truth is swiftly escaping me.

"You…" the tone of her voice is devastating, and I know before I even fly back against the wall, my heart flooding with guilt and panic and a need to explain to her, it isn't what it must look like…I know that she does love me. Or she did. Who knows what she must think of me now? But the pain in her tone at seeing me kiss him makes me deeply aware of the fact that she must return my feelings, whether or not she is ready to admit it. That should make my heart soar with euphoric joy, but at the moment, I feel like vomiting. As I turn to see Terra's tear-filled eyes, I know that I need to explain, I need to tell her what happened, but I am so horrified that my mouth is dry, and I cannot find the strength to speak.

"Terra!" Beast Boy's voice cracks more on those two syllables than any others, it seems. "It wasn't…I mean…when you…when you said no to me…" And I want to laugh out loud and long and humorless, and tell him in my cruelest tones that she doesn't care who he kisses. As long as it isn't me. But I can't. He's my friend, too, even if he has some issues to deal with. Even if he probably just totally destroyed everything I've built with Terra over the past several months. How was he to know, after all?

"Why?" The tears spill down her cheeks as she looks at me, her eyes wide and questioning, pleading with me to tell her that it is all alright, and that what she saw wasn't real, and never could be, because I only love her. I do only love her, in the sense of being in love with someone. I love all my friends, I suppose, but it isn't the same heart-wrenching, all-consuming feeling. I want to tell her those things, but I am so overwhelmed with fear that she might leave that I can't find the strength to keep her there. And even as I waver, she whirls away, hair streaming like spun gold behind her as she runs down the hall and into her room, slamming the door shut.

"Now she's mad at you, too…" Beast Boy's voice sounds very far away, and I have to concentrate to hear it as my world seems to have fallen away from me. "I'm sorry…I didn't mean to just…"

Before he can continue, I run to Terra's door, and I pound on it frantically. "Terra! Let me in!" I am not too late. I can't be. She'll listen to me, now that I've found myself again after the shock of the last few minutes. "Please, let me talk to you!"

Silence.

"Maybe…maybe we should let her cool down a bit." Beast Boy suggests. He's just behind me now, and I give him a slight nod. I suppose he is right about that, at least. I'll get dressed, and then…if she won't let me in, I'll pass through her wall and talk to her anyway.

I walk back to my room feeling completely numb. How could everything have gone from so right to so wrong in such a short time? At least she loves me. Or she did. How quickly can one kill their love for another? I move a bit quicker, changing from my bathrobe to my regular clothes before tearing a comb through my dark hair and yanking my boots on.

And here I am again.

In front of Terra's door. Perhaps I should knock.

"Terra?" I hope that I sound calmer than I feel. I am trying very hard to sound reasonable, and not like I am in extreme danger of losing the most important thing in my life. When did she become that to me? I cannot begin to know. "Please, open the door." I begin to feel a bit more panicked. What if she was so upset that she climbed out her window and has flown away? What if she never comes back? What if she never forgives me, and if I ever see her again, it will be hatred that shines in her eyes? "Are you there? Because if you don't answer, I'm going to come in, whether you open up or not."

Nothing.

"I'm coming in, then." I pass through the wall easily, and I feel my heart plummet as I take in my surroundings. The room is torn apart. Clothes off the hangars, the dresser a mess, nothing like her usual bit of disorder. This looks as though she quickly packed everything so that she could be gone as swiftly as possible. But then I hear a slight sniffle, and upon further investigation, I find her curled up at the back of her closet, her head buried in her arms, which are in turn propped on her knees. She's still in her pajamas. I somehow didn't notice that in the hallway before. She's sobbing silently, and the soft snuffling noises wring at my heart as her shoulders shake in grief.

"Terra," I begin softly, just to let her know I am there. I kneel before her, reaching a hand forward tentatively.

"Go away." Her voice is muffled by her tears, and by the fact that her face is still in her arms. "Go back to Beast Boy."

"Terra, you know better than that." My hand finally reaches the back of her head, and I sigh softly as my fingers brush over her sleep-mussed hair. "Don't you trust me?"

"Y-yeah," she looks up, swiping my hand away with one hand, and using the heel of the other to wipe away the wetness that lingers on her cheeks and in her eyes. "I did, but then I s-saw you…saw you…"

"He kissed me." I tell her, knowing she isn't going to be able to get the words out. "I was surprised, I didn't know what to do, and before I could think to pull away, you saw us."

"Why?" she asks me again, but I know it isn't the same question she was asking in the hall. "I th-thought he wanted me…"

"I can't begin to understand what Beast Boy thinks," I offer her a tight grin, "but I assume it is basically the same as the last time he kissed me. He couldn't have you, and I was there, seemingly available. I suppose he sees me as a good second choice."

"But you aren't—"

"I know I'm not." I lunge forward, so my mouth is nearly touching hers. "Don't you think I know that?"

"I don't want him kissing you." Her voice is soft, but not as sorrowful as before.

"Maybe it's time to have a meeting with the others." I move forward a bit more, but also turn to the side so that instead of kissing her, I end up with our cheeks pressed together. Hers is still sticky from tears. I nuzzled against it, kissing at the salt-flavored skin. "Tell them about us."

"You…want to?" she lets out a slight hiccup, and I can't resist it any longer. I gather her in my arms and pull her back toward me so that we both fall in a heap on the ruins of her closet contents.

"I want to be with you." I tell her. "I want you to be happy. And I certainly don't want what happened in the hallway to ever happen again."

"I can't believe he kissed you. Now I've lost track of how many he has…" I blink as I realize a slow smile is playing across her face. "I guess I'd better just make sure I get more than him all over again." I think of reminding her that I can count the number of times Beast Boy has kissed me on one hand, while I lost track of the kisses I've shared with Terra long ago, but I don't want her to stop smiling.

"So, your room is an utter mess." I tell her, letting her kiss my jaw. "Were you going somewhere?" she freezes, pulling back a bit, and I wonder if I've said something wrong, but then I see the bright smile on her face, and I can't help my own mouth from turning up at the corners, even though I have no idea what I've said that is so pleasing.

"I was." She is over me, and she shifts so that she is sitting right on top of me. "When I saw you, and you didn't say anything, and I thought that it was all a trick…" her smile fades slightly, but then she lets out a little giggle. "I came back in here, and I was going to leave. Just…go where my feet take me. I couldn't stand the thought of being here without you…you know."

"I know." I reach a hand up to her cheek, and she turns her head to press a kiss into my palm. "What stopped you?"

"I couldn't find my bag." She giggles again, and soon she is laughing outright, collapsing on me in a shaking heap of mirth. I recall suddenly what she told me the day we first kissed. How she never felt like she could really be at home, and how every day, the first thing she looked at was her bag, wondering how long it was before she'd be living out of it again.

"You lost it?" I feel a bubbling sensation in my chest, and as she nods shakily against my shoulder, my own laughter breaks free. We stay there for a long time, just laughing until our stomachs hurt. Then we exchange slow kisses and smiles of utter contentment. "Want a new one?"

"I don't need it." She answers softly.

"I do, you know." I tell her then, my heart fluttering tightly. "Love you."

"I know you do." She tells me, before whispering something in my ear that I don't understand.

"What?"

"It means I love you too." She sounds extremely put out by the need to explain. "It's French."

"You speak French?" I blink at her again.

"I spent my whole life traveling. I speak a lot of languages." She smiles slightly.

"Teach me some time?"

"Sure."

There is a long silence then, broken only by the noise of kisses. I realize that I am on her floor, halfway in and halfway out of her closet, bits of clothing and hangars all around and under us, and that I could be here forever if she would just stay with me. Terra has become something utterly indispensable to me, something I cannot be without. Not like waffles or teabags, but like oxygen. Terra, it means earth, I know. And she is my whole world.

"Raven," she breathes in my ear after nibbling at it for some time.

"Mmm?"

"There's a hangar scratching the hell out of my leg." She tells me.

I start laughing again, and this time, she joins me.

----------

The End