Disclaimer: I own nothing, everything in this chapter belongs to Gerry Anderson, Carlton Television and to mcj.

AN: This chapter is dedicated to mcj. Without her generosity in letting me use events and dialogue out of her own story, this chapter would not exist. The parts I have borrowed, come from the John chapter of her "

Tales of a grandmother" story. If you have not read it, I strongly advise you to do so! Hope you all enjoy the chapter and thank you for your continued support.

Chapter 12

Scott winced at the truth in John's black humour. He sighed as he shook his head.

"You're too stubborn, you know that?" he paused as he looked down at John. "Is there anything I can do to change your mind? Anything at all?"

"Nope" stated John matter-of-factly, "I've decided what I want, can't you accept that Scott? Please, for me?"

Scott was torn. He knew that he should support his brother's decision, but then on the other hand, he knew that facing life without John around would be the hardest thing that any of the Tracys would go through, possibly even worse than the death of their beloved mother. After all, they had got through it as a family then. To lose another member of the closely-knit family could destroy them all.

Scott gave a growl of frustration, causing John to glance over and fix him with a questioning gaze. Scott sighed, knowing that he was probably fighting a losing battle. He opened his mouth to answer John's gaze, but before he could speak the door burst open and a harried looking Virgil burst in.

"John? John!" he exclaimed on seeing the figure in the bed, "You have no idea how glad I am to see you awake."

John smiled. "Hey Virge. Hope you managed to leave my bird intact…"

Virgil smirked as he replied "Well there are a heck of a lot of switches up there…its kinda confusing, but Brains says it won't take too long to repair…"

John, who had looked a little worried as Virgil started talking, relaxed. "Don't give up the day job just yet Virge" he deadpanned.

Virgil laughed, glad that John hadn't lost his dry sense of humour. He tried not to show it, but he was secretly shocked at the way John looked. While he'd been up on Five, he'd managed to convince himself that he'd imagined how bad John had looked. Back down on Earth, he realised his memory had been accurate.

John was still extremely pale, his bandaged head giving him a look of vulnerability. For Virgil, seeing his competent, strong brother, the one who acted as an anchor for them all, in this state was hard.

Scott quickly assessed the situation and decided that it would be best to leave John and Virgil to talk, although he didn't intend on leaving until he was sure that Virgil knew exactly what was going on.

"Virgil" Scott gestured to the corner of the room, indicating that he wanted to talk privately. John's eyes narrowed. He knew exactly what Scott was doing. Once Scott had his say, Virgil would do exactly what Scott wanted him to. That was how it was. That was how it had always been.

"Scott…" John said warningly. Scott ignored him. Virgil threw an apologetic glance John's way but walked over to Scott anyway. Scott began murmuring urgently to Virgil.

"Scott!" said John again, more forcefully this time. Again he was ignored. He scowled and let out an angry huff of air. He quickly ran through ideas of making Scott shut up, knowing that there was nothing short of a nuclear attack that would deter Scott from his chosen course of action.

John knew the exact second that Scott told Virgil he didn't want the operation. Virgil's eyes grew round and he looked incredulously at Scott. At Scott's nod, he looked over at John, shook his head and muttered something under his breath. Scott put his hand on his brother's shoulder and started to walk out the room.

"I'll be back to talk to you later Johnny" he said meaningfully, the words floating over his shoulder.

John grimaced; he could imagine that being a pleasant conversation. He quickly made his face blank as Virgil approached the bed, knowing that Virgil could easily read his facial expressions. He was too late though; Virgil gave a half smile as he said quietly "There's no escape ya know, not when he's like this"

"Yeah I know, but I can dream right?" John asked.

Virgil didn't reply, he just sat there staring at his brother. John shifted uncomfortably, waiting for Virgil to speak. After a long minute had dragged by, and Virgil still hadn't spoken, John decided to take the initiative.

"So…" he started, mentally congratulating himself on his brilliant conversational skills.

"So" replied Virgil meaningfully, "What's this about an operation then?"

John sighed. This could get very boring, very fast. "Didn't Scott fill you in?" he questioned.

"Yeah but I'd rather hear it from you, it is your life at stake after all."

John sighed again and looked away. "I've made my decision Virgil, I don't want the operation!"

"But why not?" asked Virgil.

"Because!" muttered John, knowing that Virgil wouldn't let up until he knew the real reason. "The thought of being alone in the operating theatre, possibly dying alone in there terrifies me" he confessed. "If I'm gonna die, I'd rather it be on my terms, ok?"

Virgil's eyes filled with compassion. "I know what you mean Johnny. Death is just so permanent. The end of everything. I guess if you've got time to prepare it's a load better for everyone." He paused and a thoughtful expression crossed his face. "I've never told anyone this, not even Scott, but when I got shot down by that navy carrier, I thought I was going to die. I was so scared, I thought of all the things that I wanted to do, things I wanted to say. I didn't think I'd ever get the chance to say them. That was worse than the fact that I could die."

John sat there, outwardly impassive, but on the inside his mind was buzzing. He hadn't been at home when the missile had struck Thunderbird 2, all he'd been able to do was pace the floor of Thunderbird 5 and anxiously wait for news.

"Life is precious, more so than we realise. We only get one shot at it, so we've gotta do it right, we have to make the most of the only life we have. You can't let the cancer win John, you have to fight!" Virgil turned and looked straight at John, eyes blazing.

John could only shrug weakly in reply.

Virgil's tone changed, his eyes became distant and his voice took on a pensive tone. "Hey Johnny, you remember when Dad was first trying to set up International Rescue? He asked me last, and I was gutted, I still am gutted, if you must know. You turned him down, told me that if I was the least favourite son, I'd just been superseded." Virgil gave a sad smile before continuing. "I know we talked for hours, about anything and everything, but do you remember what I said to you to make you change your mind?"

John nodded, he remembered every single word of the conversation as clearly as if it were yesterday. "Yes, you said that you needed me by your side if you were to do it for Dad."

Virgil nodded and motioned for John to continue.

John took a hesitant breath. "You also said that if I wouldn't do it for you, to do it for momma" Johns voice caught on the last word, even now, years on from the day his world as he had known it had ended, he found it painful talking about his mother.

Virgil caught this and pressed his point home. "It's still true John, there are only a few things that keep me going sometimes. One is that its for mom, another is for the people we save. The main one is that you're here, whenever I need you. The only reason you're here in International Rescue is because I talked you into it, and I'm glad I did. Seriously John, I couldn't do this without you. I read a quote once, 'Everyone who lives dies but not everyone who dies lives'. It's true. You haven't lived yet John. Please don't let it win, fight it with everything you've got. Momma wouldn't want you to give up like this…"

With that, Virgil fell silent, and walked quietly out the room, leaving John with his now conflicting thoughts.