Falling in Insanity: Inside Burning Out
By: Prince Marth a.k.a. Xai
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, but the story's mine.
Kira sat, facing his Gundam, sobbing silently. "Fl...aay...." He tried to move but his body stayed still as if it were a stone, and it had nothing to move it. "This feeling, this surge to kill...... it is in me!" Kira's voice raised to a shriek. "But I don't want to kill! My hands feel as if they held that sword back there, as if it were me standing out there trying to take the lives of those attackers. I felt that it was me, with nothing to hide my face, or protect my body...... I felt as if it were me showing this brutal display of hatred." Kira had appeared to be talking to Flay, as if she were there with him, however there was no one there, he was alone. "The saddest thing of all, the thing that haunts me, Is that it was me. I held that sword, I felt that urge to kill, I felt that urge to take life,...... to take life, without resistance." The bay was quiet.
A few floors above the captain waited, anticipating the arrival of her strike pilot, as to congratulate him on his display of skill. However, her anticipations were of a wasted effort. Kira had completed the fight nearly a half an hour ago and was no where to be found. Because the captain was so gleeful, though, she did not realize how long she had been waiting, and did not find it odd that Kira did not return. Kira tough showed no sign of returning, or even moving.
"I need to get out of this war........ no..... I need this war to end." Kira sat talking quietly to himself. "I don't want any one to die! I don't care what they are! There is no reason for us to be fighting!" Tears once again started at Kira's cheeks. "I don't understand... are we really that different that we have to fight each other because of our differences!?" Kira's voice hinted at a reserved anger. An anger that goes beyond that of possessions. an anger felt by the heart. "There are so many people out there, fighting, just out there killing each other because they are different! Because of what happened on 'Bloody Valentine's'. But shouldn't we stop the killing? Shouldn't we stop the bloodshed? So many people were killed then.... why do we have to go and kill more!? There is love out there...... Flay loved her father, and those zaft pilots, their parents love them...... and then...... my parents....." Kira fell to the ground, crying, shaking, sobbing. He cried, not as that of a child, nor as that of a man, but merely emptying his heart, in the sorrow he was forced to restrain when he was recruited as a pilot.
As dinner progressed, a floor above the bay, Kira's friends sat, quietly, they seemed more aware of Kira's disappearance. Flay, who claimed to be tired had left. Sai thought otherwise. Sai, one of Kira's good friends showed obvious signs of worrying, that none of the others tried to deny. Kira was not seen by any one of them, and Sai was getting scared. He had watched Kira's actions closely, but that was not what disturbed him, it was Kira's change in voice during the battle. The voice of a slayer of men. Sai was haunted by the voice, as Kira was haunted by the actions that voice had carried out. Sai became impatient and paced the room constantly; his meal had gone cold and untouched. Finally, after an hour and a half of waiting for Kira Sai got up, "I'm going to find him. I'm going to find out if anyone has seen Kira since the battle!" Sai's friends did not look shocked, they did not hesitate, they merely sat, knowing each of them was thinking the same thing. "You guys stay here, just in case he comes, I'll go check every where else." One of his friends stood up, "Do you want any one to help you?" "No.. no, I'll be fine.. Any way I wanted to talk to Kira...." "Oh..... I see.... about..." Sai nodded, remembering Flay's reactions on the day her father died.
Sai left the room without another word; he raced first up to the Captain's quarters, hoping to find Kira talking with her. As he approached he saw merely the captain, sitting there, looking very worried now. She spoke, sounding slightly off key, "Have you seen Kira?" "No, that's why I came here. Have you heard anything about him?" "No. Was it confirmed he even landed back on to the Legged ship?" "Yes, I checked the report, the strike landed..... but I have had no contact at all with Kira since then.." "Do you think..... no......" The captain almost seemed to be talking to herself, "Sai, keep looking for him, if you find him report back with him immediately." "Yes, ma'am." Sai left, looking much more worried than before, a sense of hopelessness veiled his mind. "The only other place is the docking bay.....and.... what was the captain about to say?...."