Falling in Insanity: Inside Burning Out
By: Prince Marth a.k.a. Xai
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters.
Sai searched frantically now, he rushed into the docking bay, where he found Kira. Kira was quiet now, he didn't cry. He didn't move, however, either. Sai stood looking at Kira, wanting to congratulate him and express his relief in finding him, finally. He didn't, f course see Kira's face from the angle he stood at.
"Kira! There you are, I was wondering what happened to you!! You did great we're all worried about you, though since you didn't come up---"
Kira turned around, his tear-stained face shown, but his eyes gave a blank stare, as if he comprehended none of what Sai had just said.
"- Kira…… What's?"
"No more….. no more!" Kira began to cry, "I…I tried, but I can't do it any more!"
"Kira what are you?.....-"
"I tried, I tried so hard but I can't see it, I can't see a reason." Tears poured from Kira's eyes, "Sai, I can't see…… a reason… for why I'm fighting."
"Kira……. You're fighting to……protect…"
"…. But all I end up doing is getting confused, because I don't know…. Which is the right side? Why should there be a right side!?"
" I don't know, but you should head out of here, the captain wants to speak with you."
"I have no wish to speak with her." Kira's voice hinted anger.
"Kira?"
"It was her…… Why!? Why is it that I have to fight because I found out about these stupid things!" Kira looked to the gundam, "Ever since then I've had to fight, but when I finally can be released from it, some one dies because I couldn't be there!"
"Kira….? You can't mean that….-?"
"It was my fault that Flay's father died; it was my fault that that ship exploded! If I could have gotten there a second sooner……But if I had… I would have killed….."
"What do you mean 'I would have killed Kira?"
"I would have had to kill Athren in order to save Flay's father!!" Kira practically shouted this last saying, and tears, though slowed, ran down his cheek.
"Kira…"
For the last few things Kira said Sai had not made eye-contact with Kira directly. At this he looked away, eyes downcast. Sai now looked as if he were about to cry from the sheer complication of it all. Sai thought, 'any normal human would have died under this stress, is it because he isn't human that he hasn't collapsed yet? No, he has collapsed, his body just won't show it…" Kira looked up finally.
"Why is there always a sacrifice? Why does battle do this!/ I don't understand! I…I don't understand……."
Sai didn't turn to look at Kira, but thought about what he said. His eyes turned a gloomy grey-ish shade. Kira spoke again.
"Sai, I wanted to fight for Flay, I thought that maybe I would be able to find reason in my failure….. but all I found was sorrow."
Sai was struck, but he merely looked up, still avoiding Kira. "Let's go…. The others are worried." Kira moved, he did not resist, oddly. He stepped into the elevator with Sai and ascended. They walked in silence, first they would speak with the captain.