The Sea of Change
La Magdalena copyright
Chapter 19:
"I need a kimono Fei." Ryoko looked at the jeans and t-shirt her friend had brought for her. She handed them back with a wry smile.
"We have to get out of here Cat. We have to go." Fei's vice was quick and desperate as she refused to take the clothes back from Ryoko.
The pirate frowned. What's happened?
"Quick! Put your clothes on. Ichima is waiting outside with a car. We can sneak out the window and jump the fence. We-"
"Why are we running?"
Fei looked at her friend. "What?"
Ryoko threw the clothes on the bed and approached her. "What's going on?"
Fei's eyes widened. "Nothing. Why would you think something is going on? Nothing is going on, nothing at all… You just need to put those clothes on... Why won't you just put your freaking clothes on?"
Ryoko narrowed her eyes and stepped back, leaning against the wall, arms crossed.
Fei looked at her friend unbelieving. "Did you hear anything I said?" she raised her arms and flopped them down the sides of her body in frustration.
Ryoko didn't bat a lash.
"I'm trying to help you. Can't you see that?"
The pirate barely breathed.
Fei growled under her breath and rolled her eyes. "Fine." She pointed to Ryoko, "but we're losing time."
Ryoko finally gave signs of life and got off the wall and sat down on the bed. Fei followed her lead.
"Okay, what's happened Fei?"
"I just found out this morning," she looked into Ryoko's eyes but couldn't sustain the gaze and it fell to her lap. "It's nobody's fault," she was quick to point out, "but since the empress was involved it's all over the news. You know how they like to drag people's names through the mud. And… after you went up… it was raining really badly… and… Basho and Mayuri left this morning to find out more information, but I overheard some servants talking about it. It's like a circus now. It's awful and… you're in the middle of it."
The paper door slid open; quieting anything else Fei might have to say. Ryoko looked over Fei's shoulder at the intruder who deposited a couple of packages on the same chair that Ayeka had used to rest her cloak on.
"Geisha Catara you should not be having visitors right now." A doctor wearing black dress pants and a white lab coat covering up a white satin shirt came through the door confidently.
"I got permission from her doctor to-"
"I highly doubt it. I'm her doctor." He said as he bowed to the two geishas. "What happened to the bandages on your hands?" He asked Ryoko.
She looked down at her hands, remembering she had picked at them while Ayeka was here.
"Wait a minute." Fei interjected. "Catara's doctor was a woman." She paused, waiting for the doctor to say anything. "With red hair…green eyes?"
"You must have spoken to one of the nurses and confused her as a doctor geisha." He smiled. "Now I must ask you to excuse us for a minute. I must check on my patient and get her ready."
Ready? Ready for what?
Fei looked at Ryoko and patted her hand before heading for the door. As she passed the doctor he again bowed his head. One more look back at her friend still sitting on the bed and Fei closed the door behind her.
The doctor turned to look back at Ryoko and with a smile motioned her to come closer. "It is a great honor to meet you geisha Catara." He bowed his head. "How are we feeling this morning? Does your head hurt?"
Ryoko shook her head.
He rested the back of his hand on her forehead and cheek, "You're a little hot. I'll give you," he pulled out a bottle from his coat pocket, "these pills; they should take care of any fever." He handed her the tiny pill bottle. "Take three right now and one every six hours. That should do the trick." He nodded to himself, and catching a glimpse of reflection in the mirror, fixed his hair. He picked up the packages on the chair and handed them to Ryoko. "You will need these geisha Catara."
She looked questioningly at him and opened the top of one of the packages. A light green obi was carefully folded within. She looked back up him. "Who sent these?"
"Serla did. She also told me to tell you the stars are aligning, be ready for anything." The doctor waited for any sort of explanation for the cryptic message but Ryoko remained pensive. He laughed. "My job is done. Ambassador Rojya will come and get you soon. Again," he bowed, "it has been an honor." He closed the door behind him and Ryoko was left standing in the middle of the room with a handful of packages in her hands and unasked questions on her tongue.
Fei's frantic attitude had spooked the pirate more than she cared to admit. She wouldn't react in a surge of rage like she often did in the past. So instead she withdrew, preferring that than to say the first thing that flew out of her mouth.
She splashed some water on her face and opened the silk bag containing the white makeup. Padding her face dry she proceeded to dip her index and middle finger in the tiny jar of makeup and slowly began to turn into the geisha she had worked so hard to become. Her eyes were now lined with fine dark lines running diagonal to the corner of her eyes, making their almond shape stand out so much more. Her full lips were now painted into a tight red heart shape. Ryoko thought they looked like a fish butt, but she quit complaining after the fifth compliment she got. She wrapped the kimono around her body, tying it securely with the obi. In the back of her mind Ryoko thought it odd that Serla had chosen a kimono of the same color as the obi. She had never worn anything that matched before. Serla knows what's best. She had set the pill bottle on the edge of the sink, not taking the three pills yet. Her cheeks had been flushed red but with the white makeup nobody would notice. She opened the last package. It was a black wig combed into a tight bun in the back. A couple of clear hair bands helped Ryoko scoop her own hair up and out of the way as she placed the wig. Her head felt itchy underneath the wig but she had learned to ignore it. She licked her dry lips and forcefully swallowed. Her stomach grumbled and her muscles ached. With a groan she closed the bathroom door behind her and sat on the edge of the bed. Her mind wanted to go over Fei's news but Ryoko blocked it out. She had a sickening feeling something bad had happened.
Washu's last words echoed in her head, "You're going to have to fix your mess yourself." What did she mean by that? Ryoko had originally thought she had meant her running away from Okayama, but now… That liar! She probably planned it from the start. Ryoko's eye got wide. Lord why did it take me this long to see it? She stood up and began to pace but the pain throughout her body intensified and she decided to stand facing the window instead. All of a sudden out of thin air she shows up, interrogating me like I was some criminal. The pirate grimaced at the thought. Whatever she has done, she's done it fast. I almost forgot how quick on her feet my dear mom could be.
"I really hope that for his own good Tenchi tells you to go to hell, because that's where a demon like you belongs." She bit her lip, her eyes narrowing.
"A demon." If half of me comes from Washu… and everybody thinks I am a demon, she thinks I'm a demon, then… what does that make her?
"A demon." Ryoko laughed. And why the hell does that hurt so much? Why the hell does it matter what Washu thinks of me? She clenched her jaw, blinking rapidly so tears wouldn't fall. I don't give a rat's ass what she thinks. Her laughter became tight, her headache becoming more prominent. But she's not going to mess this up for me, I've worked so hard… people, they respect me. They think of me as a person. The pirate's laughter ceased but an unnatural smile lingered on her lips.
And the one person who I want respect from the most is the one person who doesn't respect anything. Not even the bond between a mother and daughter. Ryoko had always carried with her an anvil of rage everywhere she went. Rage at her own inability to open up. Rage at Washu for being a horrible mother, Rage at herself for being a horrible daughter… And she was tired of it. It was time to let it go. Maybe not all mothers and daughters were meant to have a special bond. After all, that was a very earthly aspiration and desire. More than once Ryoko had to remind herself that as much as she loved this planet she would never truly belong. Not with memories of distant galaxies in her mind's eye making her keep one foot out the door. Ryoko looked out the window at the cold, windy day and squared her shoulders.
I'm ready.
Ryoko had run away two years ago from a life that had kept her running circles. But she had always looked in the rear view mirror, comparing everything she had become to her past. Now she was finally ready to venture forth, no looking back, at least where her mother was concerned. I can let her go. Her headache diminished. Can she let me go?
"Catara." Rojya stood in the doorway, admiring the geisha with a solemn face. She had been pacing the room, so lost in her own thoughts that she hadn't noticed when he had opened the door. At the sound of his voice Catara turned around suddenly, eyes round with surprise.
He smiled, placing his hands in his pockets. "You look beautiful."
She gave him a small smile, tight around the edges. Silence followed. She stood there, arms hanging loosely on her sides, her eyes unreadable. He scratched his chin absentmindedly. "Mind if I come in?"
She shook her head and he closed the door behind him. Sitting down on the chair he gave her a heartfelt smile. She sat down on the edge of the bed, back straight and hands folded politely on her lap.
"I'm relieved to see you're okay Catara. I could hardly believe my ears when we landed and the crew was searching the waters frantically for you." He cleared his throat, finding the geisha's unreadable face unnerving. "I thought…" I had lost you forever. Rojya chuckled. "It doesn't matter. You're okay and that's all that matters." He ran a nervous hand through his hair. "And for the rest of what happened that night," he paused and opened his fist, revealing the ruby bracelet, "this was a gift for you Catara. You and no other." His hand remained opened as he stretched his arm, offering it to her.
The geisha stared at the ruby, not sure what to do. She decided to follow her heart and accepted the bracelet a second time, clasping it around her left wrist and returning her hands to rest on her lap. She looked up at him, bowing her thanks with glittering eyes. Rojya licked his lips and nodded his head. His mouth parted, I love you. "We should go. The Empress is waiting for us." He stood up, offering his hand to help the geisha up. They looked at each other, a sad smile on her lips that broke his heart.
Images flashed in his mind like flashcards. A porcelain thigh, swollen lips, glistening skin… He swallowed, his patience wearing thin. It had been three days of waiting. Three days of not knowing. Three years of hating and loving her. An eternity since she had left his life. He was fed up with her and with himself for not being able to handle the situation. You can't love someone who doesn't want to be loved.
After they made love she closed her eyes and passed out. Her breathing so deep her chest seemed not to rise and fall. Being an Okayama native, the Juraian prince knew what to do if he ever fell in the icy water of the lake and there was no doctor. Don't fall asleep! You wouldn't wake up if you fell victim to it. That had been one of the first lessons his mother ever taught him, and as he quickly threw his clothes on and covered the pirate in the tattered kimono and blanket, his mother's image passed through his mind. Damnit Ryoko! If you don't live through this I'll go to heaven and beat you black and blue. The storm had spent its rain, but the dry wind still harassed his skin as Tenchi carried her in his arms through the beach, sand settling uncomfortably in between his toes. All he cared about right now was getting her to a doctor. He wasn't sure how 'human' Ryoko was without her gems, but frankly right now he didn't give a damn. He would give anything to have Washu appear right now. She'd know what to do to get her well. Where the hell is she anyway? Tenchi had enough with Ryoko running away, Washu hiding away in her lab, Ayeka not able to hold a conversation with him for more than ten minutes at a time, Sasami growing up with no one to guide her, Kiyone acting like Mihoshi leaving the galaxy police had no effect on her, and Mihoshi wandering through life with lesser of a clue than she had had before.
What kind of punishment is this? What horrible thing could I have done in my past life to be punished this way? And the worst thing is… I can't live without them! He felt like a prisoner in his own life. His eyelids fluttered and the sweet sensation he felt as his eyes closed scared him.
Yet… some people spend their whole life searching for love and never find it. I've found it five times over and all I can think of right now is throwing it all away if I could just sleep. Tenchi couldn't remember the last time he had a good night's sleep. Sleep without dreaming about Ryoko. Dreaming without worrying over which girl to pick, wondering why he had to pick at all!
Tenchi looked down the hall at two approaching figures. The last time I've truly slept was the last day my mother saw the sun set. After that my life was taken out of my hands and I've been a spectator in it.
"I thought we were meeting the Empress?" Rojya addressed the Empress' assistant, Jinosu, with confusion.
"She is… not yet composed." He looked at Ryoko and bowed his head, a strange look on his face. Ryoko didn't like it.
"Why am I here?"
Rojya who had also been studying Jinosu with curiosity turned to his left where Ryoko was standing. The Empress has something up her sleeve. He frowned, not wanting Catara to get upset. Despite her discipline and composure, Rojya knew she was not yet well. She needed all the rest she could get. When he heard that the Empress wanted to see her it made his skin crawl.
"The sea was too much for him." He paused, respectfully looking at the floor.
"Who?" Rojya asked.
"Ubi Matake," he answered looking at Ryoko. "He was one of the crewmen that went to the top deck, trying to sail the ship to safety." Ryoko began to bite her cheek; she didn't like the man's tone of voice, or the way he was looking at her.
"He- when you fell in the water he- all the crew had a list of who knew how to swim; it is something the Empress insisted upon to avoid any tragedies." He nodded to himself. "He went in after you and… as I've said before; the sea was too cold, too deep, too selfish. She wouldn't give him up, even after we pulled him on board with a life saver."
Ryoko unconsciously held her breath.
"He died this morning."
Ryoko's legs failed her and she fell to the floor, her will breaking like a twig. Her face was pale and her chest burned. She grimaced, pulling on the neck of her kimono, scratching her neck. It felt like somebody was squeezing all the breath out of her body. She felt a hand on her shoulder and looked up to Rojya's worried face and all she wanted to do was punch his lights out.
Rojya turned to look at Jinosu. "Can you give us a moment?" Jinosu nodded, looking at Ryoko through the corner of his eye.
"I'll knock when the Empress is ready." He turned around heading for the door when Rojya called after him quietly.
"Who knows about this?"
"Right now only the Empress, the doctor, and us." He gave the ambassador a sympathetic smile as he glanced at Ryoko still on the floor. "The nation is aware of the ordeal our Empress has gone through and pretty soon, whether we like it or not, the truth will be known."
Was that a warning or a threat? Rojya wondered.
Jinosu closed the door.
"Are you all right?" Rojya kneeled down besides her, rubbing her arm supportively.
"It's a hell of a thing killing a man…" her voice was hoarse. She looked down at her hands; clasped together so hard her knuckles were turning white.
"Catara-"
"Taking their life- their youth. Stealing their chance to grow older, grow wiser... to discover love, to make love… To- to snatch their future." She shook her head, talking to herself. "I'd promised myself I'd never do it again." She paused, biting the inside of her cheek hard, tasting the blood and feeling that it wasn't enough. "I killed him," she whispered. Bitter tears fell down her cheeks and she angrily wiped them away, scratching her face with her nails not so accidentally. All I've worked for and I end up where I started... a killer.
There was a knock at the door and Rojya, annoyed, got up to answer it. "What do you want?"
"I need to speak with Ryoko."
"Who?"
Ryoko's mind focused at the sound of his voice and she slowly stood up, taking deep breaths to steady her heart. She looked at the ceiling, willing her teary eyes to dry up. With the makeup, Tenchi would not be able to tell she had been crying. All she had to do was focus on keeping her eyes dry and her answers short.
She heard the door open and light footsteps enter the room. All she could think of when she turned around to face him was the way his touch had left marks on her skin. She glanced at her hand, remembering his kiss leaving a mark there. There was no trace of anything now, only impressions of her nails having pressed too hard on her skin. It's like it never happened at all.
"Rojya, could you leave us alone."
Not a question, Tenchi noticed. She's wearing that stupid bracelet again.
He looked back at the geisha. "There is no time, the Empress will-"
"Rojya," she interrupted. "I don't give a damn about the Empress."
He nodded his head and moved his arm from the doorway that had blocked Tenchi's way. Some of her fiery spirit had returned with the presence of this boy. "I'll be outside."
"I need to talk to you."
Ryoko bit her bottom lip. "I… um," she looked up at the ceiling again, feeling pools of tears forming.
"What's wrong?" He stepped closer. All other thoughts left his mind when he saw her swaying softly from side to side and her legs shaking.
He had been furious when he found out she was with the ambassador. All other concerns for her health had been ignored until he saw her trembling. He moved close to her, so close she could feel his warm raspy breath on her face. The show of concern from the Juraian prince only made her eyes water as she remembered that breath on her face a couple of nights ago.
His hands moved to touch her shoulders or maybe her face or worse her cheeks… Ryoko didn't know it but her eyes widened in fear and she stepped back. The last thing she wanted to feel was his hands on her body.
The rejection hurt. It hurt like hell, but Tenchi clenched his jaw and swallowed it down.
"I want-" Ryoko cleared her throat and decided to go for it. "I want to thank you for going in after me." That wasn't so bad. She squared her shoulders and attempted a small smile with success.
"I don't know what I was thinking." A cute chuckle escaped her lips and she tilted her head. "All I can say is that you bet I'm going to sign up for some swimming classes first thing after I leave here." She smiled easier. "Top of my list."
Tenchi didn't smile with her.
Ryoko leaned on the wall behind her and tapped her fingers lightly. "I would ask how you are doing but," she paused, "taking a dip in the ocean is child's play for you."
The geisha did not care for the look the prince was giving her.
"What is it?" She asked in a quiet tone.
"Are you done?"
Ryoko blinked. "Excuse me?"
"With this charade. Are you done?"
He's not going to make this easy for me. She gritted her teeth and forced a smile. "If you mean me thanking you for saving my life well yes I-"
"No." the sarcastic tone in his voice burned a whole in her stomach. "I mean with you batting your eyelashes and giving me that stupid little smile."
He moved closer and she instinctively pressed harder against the wall, cursing her stupidity for letting herself be cornered so easily.
His eyes followed her movement and settled on the gleaming red ruby hanging daintily from her left wrist. He let out an amused chuckle. "So when's the big day?
Ryoko remained silent.
"Congratulations are in order. Come here." He moved too fast for her eyes to follow as his hand grabbed hold of her left arm, squeezing too tightly as he pulled her towards him. "Let me kiss the bride."
"Let go of me," she whispered, pushing his body away with her free hand. Her eyes unfocused and she felt as if the room taken a free fall. "What's wrong with you?"
"What's wrong with me?!" He yelled. "What the hell is wrong with you huh?" He pushed her away in disgust. She grabbed hold of the wall as best she could. "How can you stand there giving me all that crap about swimming lessons? I never thought you could be this hypocritical-"
"Shut up!" Her legs trembled but her anger gave her enough fuel. "I don't know what you want from me, but I won't stand here and be insulted Tenchi."
"Since when is saying the truth an insult? Here you are with that makeup on your face, flirting with me after you died! Because you did die Ryoko! I held your cold body in my arms."
The room became hotter and her head itched more than ever under the wig. All Ryoko wanted to do was grab a handful of hair and jerk it off her head.
"Hypocritical?" Tenchi asked her. "Why don't you tell your ass of a fiancé who you really are?"
Ryoko's eyes grew round and she shook her head unconsciously.
"Or better yet," He raised his voice and turned towards the door. "Why don't you tell him about the other night?"
Panic struck Ryoko like lightning. "Tell him what? That you forced me?" the words rolled off her tongue before she could stop herself.
Tenchi felt like he had been slammed with a bulldozer.
"Is that what you think happened?" He asked with a quiet tone over his shoulder.
Ryoko bit her lip. She didn't know what to say. All she wanted was him to leave and for the room to stop spinning.
He turned around and in two easy steps grabbed both her shoulders, shaking her. "Is that what you think?" The look in her eyes made him let her go, stepping back until his body touched the opposite wall. He felt sick, like throwing up. How can she think that? Tenchi's chest hurt and his eyes stung.
"I don't know."
He looked up at her with red strained eyes. "What is that suppose to mean?"
"I mean… I do know- you didn't- I-" she paused. "It's all a blur okay?" She breathed in deeply, her clothes felt like dead weight on her body. "I don't think you forced… I don't know why I said that. Except that," she closed her eyes. The room had to stop doing circles sometime right? "I'm tired." She said in a whisper. "I'm so tired."
"And I'm tired of wondering where you are. How you're doing. Why you left that night."
"I left because you didn't love me alright!? Because I could not stand seeing you with another woman. Because I couldn't believe that I had given all my heart to someone who didn't want it." She balled her fists. "I disgusted myself at how fucking pitiful I was throwing myself at a guy who didn't want me. I couldn't break away though so I forced myself to leave. That was the only way to save myself."
"I was a kid Ryoko! How am I supposed to handle a house full of women? How am I suppose to handle a pirate and a princess who knocked down walls every time I walked in the room?"
"You weren't supposed to handle me. You were supposed to love me."
Both of them paused, staring at each other. Tenchi's mouth opened to say something but Ryoko spoke up first.
"And now I'm fine with you being with Ayeka." She shrugged. "I'm fine." The lower register her voice took helped steady her. "It took me a while but I'm over it. I'm over you. So you can leave here knowing that the hypocritical demon before you will be fine and you can finally go off in peace okay?"
Demon? Tenchi pondered her choice of words.
"Was that an apology?"
Ryoko almost growled in response. "It's all my fault, happy? I left, yes!" she admitted, her voice shaking. "And I did you a favor buddy!" She closed the gap between them, her eyes dark and menacing.
Tenchi stared her down, both of them bursting at the seams with anger. A moment passed and slowly Tenchi's tight sealed lips curled upwards. A chuckle escaped, than another and then he smiled, stepping back he straight out laughed.
Ryoko remained motionless but her eyes held confusion and hurt feelings.
"I-" he chuckled. "I give up Ryoko." He wiped a tear from his eye, raising his hands in defeat. "You hear me? I'm throwing away the towel." He cleared his throat from any more laughter and leaned against the wall across from her. He looked at the geisha long and hard. There was Ryoko; dressed in her kimono, face painted white, her hair jet-black and he could not recognize the woman he had known back in Okayama. She was long gone.
In a quiet tone he said, "You can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved"
Ryoko crossed her arms. "Don't do me any favors Tenchi."
He shook his head, disappointed but expecting her answer. "You know, in the beginning I thought you were fighting against what Kagato had made you do, but now…"
"But?"
"You like carrying those memories with you. It's not that you can't let them go, you won't let them go."
Ryoko stared at the Juraian prince, not blinking. She felt so little beside him; she had to say something before she disappeared. "I knew it." Her voice was bitter. "You think I'm a demon."
Tenchi rolled his eyes.
"You always did. Well, now you can just go on and say it. Come on, say it!" Washu's words swam circles in her mind. The room began to spin. She squeezed her head, trying to steady her mind. Tenchi ignored her antics.
He moved to the door. "You are whatever you want to be Ryoko. You say you left to find yourself. You are more lost now than you have ever been."
She was again left alone as the doors closed behind him.
"Jerk." She called after him but her heart wasn't in it. Her heart wasn't in much these days.
Ryoko collapsed on the floor weakly. There was a hollow ache deep in her heart that had just surfaced, taking her breath away. Her head hurt and Ryoko grimaced as she continued staring at the closed door the Juraian prince had walked through moments before.
Tenchi's gone. Ryoko's lip quivered. "I won't think about that now." She told herself. I'll think about it tomorrow. Ryoko inhaled deeply, forcing air into her lungs, brushing away the cobwebs in her heart. Her legs shook as she stood up but she ignored them. Rojya had said something about the Empress wanting to see her. Ryoko gritted her teeth. The last thing she wanted was to curb her tongue and talk to the woman. What she wouldn't give to slap her around a little. An amused chuckle escaped, surprising Ryoko. I'll have to get out of here unseen. She opened a crack on the door and peered out, eyeing about three servants in the hallway just milling around. Those lazy bastards! She closed the door gently, grunting at the growing headache. I better escape fast before I lose my mind. Footsteps caught her ear and she looked around the room panicked. By Tsunami! Someone's coming! She walked clumsily, like a drunk, across the room to the window. Damnit! If I could only phase away! She bit her lip and her hand rested on a round table next to the window, her fingers brushing the cold, smooth surface of a porcelain dog the size of her head.
The footsteps became louder. In a desperate fit of inspiration she grabbed the porcelain dog; ready to hurl it through the window she focused all her strength in her arm. Please, please let it brake.
"What on earth are you doing child? Put that down before you hurt yourself!"
Two strong strides and Serla was at her side. Forcing her raised arm down and prying her hand open, Serla put the dog back on the table without looking and turned Ryoko around to face her. The look of savage desperation hushed any reprimands she had on her tongue. The old woman had always thought Ryoko was stronger than what she was showing her now, but perhaps she had been asking too much.
"When you decide to walk away there comes a time when you're too far to find your way back," Serla said this more to herself as she studied her face.
"What?" Ryoko's eyes, now busy trying to decipher Serla's worlds lost some of their frightening fire.
"What were you planning to do after you broke the window?" The old woman didn't wait for an answer to continue. "Runaway to-"
Ryoko's eyes fluttered shut and her breathing became shallow. Serla's eyes narrowed instantly.
"Look at you!" She held Ryoko's arm firmly as she led her to a low-rise chair resting on the wall that was used more for decoration than actual use.
"You can't even stand up for more than a few minutes at a time and trying to make a hole in this room." Her tone was mocking but Ryoko felt an underlying truth in what she said.
"Sit down. Stop fretting."
The pirate's hands had been fiddling with her kimono. Serla held them in her own and began humming softly as her thumbs caressed the tops of her hands. Ryoko looked at the woman kneeling in front of her with a pained expression.
"Close your eyes Cat. Relax." Her voice was deep and soothing as her humming continued. Ryoko followed her advice and closed her eyes. Serla felt Ryoko's body loosen and the furrowed brow falling to a serene expression.
To Ryoko it felt like forever but eventually her headache diminished to an annoying ache deep in the back of her head and the room no longer resisted to stop spinning, it had finally settled down with the calm humming of Serla's voice. Besides all the physical pains, Ryoko's heart felt loads better. The heavy brick she had felt stirring in her chest had disappeared and her lungs once again felt light and airy as she breathed in and out.
Her eyes remained closed as her muscles now faintly ached, not with pain, but with the absence of it, missing the tight, condensed position they had been in.
"Open your eyes child."
Ryoko's eyes slowly opened, letting the light in as the irises shrunk to a circle smaller than a blob of ink.
"Feeling better?"
She nodded her head.
"Good." Serla stood up and brushed away the wrinkles of her kimono. For the first time Ryoko noticed Serla's attire. She was unexpectedly surprised at seeing her dressed so finely but still too weak to express it out loud, the pirate wondered Serla's choice of clothes in silence.
"Now be a good girl and listen very carefully to what I have to say."
Ryoko strained her neck to look up at the old woman with a small but growing interest.
"I know that the Empress' servant told you about the drowned boy."
Ryoko's eyes instantly clouded.
"Insensitive brute!" Serla hissed in anger. "Next time I see Jinosu I'll give him a piece of my mind. Giving you such delicate news so brusquely, and in your condition."
She studied the pirate's face, guilt written plainly.
"Now you listen here Cat. Cat? Cat!" She grabbed Ryoko's chin and forced her to look at her. "I don't know what that man told you, but that boy's death was not your fault."
"But he fell over trying to save me." The pirate's voice was as weak as a kitten.
"Let me ask you something, and answer truthfully," she warned. "Why did you go up deck?"
"To help drive the boat to safety, but I shou-"
"Did you mean to fall over the railing?"
Ryoko shook her head.
"Did you ever imagine anyone having their life at risk?"
Ryoko again shook her head, her eyes wide.
"Of course you didn't. If you had you would not have gone up yourself. You have the heart of a lion but the common sense of a mouse." She took a silk handkerchief from the fold of her kimono.
"Dry your eyes. Remember not to rub, your makeup will run. Now… you have nothing to feel guilty over. Trying to control a ship in the middle of a thunderstorm is a perilous job for anybody, man or woman. What you did was quite brave my child and I think that that young man would have tried to save any person who had fallen over."
Ryoko sniffed and stood up, nodding at Serla's words. She's right. It wasn't my fault. I had no idea this was going to happen. It's horrible, but it's not my fault. A shaky sigh escaped and Serla smiled.
"I feel like a fool trying to get out of here by breaking a window." The pirate's smile was sheepish and she smiled apologetically at Serla.
"You should feel like a fool." Ryoko pouted but Serla continued without a pause. "I heard of that little scene you played on the Empress."
Ryoko winced inwardly.
"Congratulations, now you have the Empress of Japan trying anything to drag you through the mud."
"What is she-"
"Somehow she got it in her head that it was your idea to take the party to the yacht with full well of the weather advisory. And if that wasn't enough, Basho will get ridiculed for not being able to control his niece."
"That- that witch!" Ryoko's eyes were on fire. That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Blaming me for what happened. What? Does she think I control the weather? She's crazy!
"It's outbursts like those that I'm worried about."
"How can you blame me?"
"The first one who gets mad loses," Serla reminded her.
"That's bullsh…" She stopped, eyeing Serla's disapproving arched brow. "…shoot." She sighed loudly, her cheeks expanding like a balloon.
She's not going to get away with it! Ryoko's mind began to speed up. I'll eat my pride and apologize- but she won't buy that. Ryoko could imagine the whole thing. Her on her knees, bowing, apologizing… and the Empress would stand up straight, letting her drag her apology on forever until she was satisfied and probably still go on with her evil plans. In Ryoko's limited experience in acting civil to get your own way she had learned that the only way to handle someone more powerful than her was blackmail. And blackmail it is. All I have to figure out is what she wants and how I can take it away from her. There was a wicked gleam in Ryoko's eyes. Then I'll tell her to go to hell.
"I know that grin. What are you thinking child?" Serla asked with a heavy tone of curiosity.
"You sure you want to know? You might not want to get involved if this all blows up in my face." Ryoko warned.
"I just want to know the plan; I'm not signing any papers." Sera joked back.
Ryoko's voice subconsciously turned into a whisper. "I just have the idea; I still don't know how I'm going to make it happen but if somehow…" Ryoko's hands moved as she talked and thought at the same time. "I could find something she wants or needs… then- maybe… I could blackmail her into shutting her big mouth." She grimaced frustrated. "I just don't know what that is."
"How about some photos of her husband getting fresh with a geisha?"
"Yeah something like that but wha-" Her eyes got round as saucers, her open mouth tilting upward at the edges. "No! When? Who?"
Serla's cocky grin answered the pirate's question without her uttering a single word. Ryoko remembered the first time she had met Mayuri. They had passed the Emperor's palace in Kyoto, Mayuri mentioning something about Serla being a permanent fixture when he had been in the city.
"You'll bargain with them then?"
"Why so surprised?" Serla asked. "The Empress won't call my bluff. She can't afford to."
Ryoko agreed with her, but deep in her mind she couldn't dismiss her doubts. "What if she doesn't?"
"If she doesn't… he will make her."
"The Emperor?"
Serla nodded.
"How can you be so certain?"
"You can never truly break the bond to someone you once loved."
Ryoko's jaw dropped.
"That is, the bond can't break if they loved you back."
"I thought…"
"Finish your sentence child."
"Basho?"
Serla shook her head. "Why do you insist of mixing one thing with another?" Ryoko didn't answer her with words but the confused expression disappointed her. "My love for Basho has nothing to do with what I had with the emperor." Serla paused. "Why are you so confused? Have I spoken in Chinese?"
Ryoko didn't smile at her joke. "How can you tell me you love Basho when you just admitted to loving the emperor?"
"I loved him-"
"But that bond can't be broken. You just said so."
"Catara, if you are lucky, which you are, even if you don't realize it, you will be able to love more than one person in your life. And when you do, you will understand." Serla sighed at the expression on the pirate's face. "Do you remember where you room is?"
Ryoko nodded.
"Good. Go back and rest. I will speak to the empress."
Ryoko nodded again, getting up with relief. Now that Serla had mentioned she rest, Ryoko's body finally admitted how tired it felt. She had so many questions forming in her mind that they exhausted her.
"You'll be okay with that monster?"
"Yes, yes. Now go before someone stops you."
Ryoko smiled and walked to the door, opening it she felt Serla's stare and looked over her shoulder.
"Remember Cat, loving someone and being in love with them is two different things."
It's so… so… Wow.
How could I have forgotten? All these memories… How could I have let myself forget?
I've never felt this way before. And the laughter, it sounds like an echo. I had missed it without knowing. Without remembering.
My chest hurts. It hurts so much.
I miss this. God I miss this! It isn't fair. Why me? It was so long ago. I'm an old woman with the soul of a child.
I've learned nothing.
There was no way of me learning when everything worthwhile was erased from mind. I've had to make my heart harder… colder… safe. It was the only way to prevent myself from forgetting. And all I've wanted for the past year was to forget without realizing that all you are is memories.
All you are is memories.
All you were is in the memories of others.
Her body was drenched in sweat. The covers clung to her skin and her hair was plastered on her face in clumps like moist rice balls.
She breathed in deeply through her nose, blinking the sweat away from her eyes as her pupils focused on the dark room.
Her mouth was dry as she swallowed and her head hurt.
The moonlight filtered into the room through the thin silky drapes hanging over the window.
She scratched her cheek and sighed, hunching over and laying her head on her legs.
All we are after we are gone is other's memories… the only memories that count are his.
Next Time: Serla bluffs, Ryoko schemes, and Tenchi makes a risky proposition.