Next Chappie!!

Chapter 8: Bad to the…--Tomoyo

I acted like a fool, a great, bloody, stupid fool with no sense whatsoever. But what was I a fool for? Coming on to him like that? Kissing him, touching him? All the secrets I told him? No. My foolish act came from something I neither wanted nor could control. Why did I desire his touch, yearn for his kiss, delight in his presence? Why could I be satisfied with my love for Sakura?

She, Sakura, once described those exact feelings to me but she spoke of Syaoran, not a man pinning for another woman. For I was no fool; she loved Syaoran and I had all the symptoms. But how could I love such and egotistical bastard as Eriol? How does disgust change so easily to desire?

"Earth to Tomoyo!"

"Whaa!" I jumped almost straight out of the desk.

"I must have missed the complicated part of class today, since it had you so deep in thought." Eriol remarked, chuckling.

"Oh, I had my mind on something else. I doubt I heard a single word she said." I sighed.

He smiled in a way that made my breath short and my knees shake. "You look stressed today. I know something that will help that."

My stomach decided to play jump rope, up and down, up and down, at his offer. "Umm," and then the resistance inside me evaporated. "Sure!" After all, I really did what to spend time with him.

"Okay, let's go!" Eriol grabbed my hand, yanking me from the desk and out of the room.

Somehow, (just don't ask me how) we made it through the crowds of high school students, out of the building, and around the corner. His hand on mine caused a hot flush to cover my face and my breath came in short inaudible gasps. It felt good just to stand near him.

At least until I realized what his stress reliever was. "Eriol, I can't ride a motorcycle!"

"Why not?" He strapped his helmet on and looked dangerously at me. "Come on Tomoyo, what can one ride hurt?"

And I stood still, once again caught in a world of indecision. Nothing was physically stopping me from getting on that bike. No one could actually prevent me from ridding off with him. Well, no one but me, and nothing but my own morals and ethics could stop me. Bikes were dangerous! People got hurt on them, even died everyday! Did I really want to put myself in such danger?

Eriol held out the other helmet as if he already knew which choice I would make. But then again, what could one ride hurt?

"Alright." I snatched it from his hand and grinned.

He pulled me on the bike behind him and revved the engine. "You ready?"

I nodded, my hands instinctively tightening around his waist, digging into his shirt.

And we were off, speeding down the street. The wind tugged at my hair, pulling strands out of my carefully kept braid. It whipped at the edges of my skirt, my legs, my blouse.

What had I gotten myself into?

The bike sped up and the thought was ripped away. Everything fell behind in the face of the wind, school, home, friends, loneliness, pain, Sakura; none of it existed in this time and space, all of left behind in the dust. Only the bike, Eriol, and the exhilaration of the two remained.

Blood raced through my veins, rushing just as we rushed through the streets. The excitement, the speed, the feel of Eriol, all of it hastened through my body in a battle predetermined ages ago. Together we could bring back the stars in record time. A whoop of exhilaration flew from me as Eriol preformed a screeching turn.

At least until I saw the child dash across the street after a rogue ball. We were going to fast to stop before hitting and she stared at us with wide, fearful eyes and dropped the ball. At the last minute Eriol swerved, almost losing control of the bike as my knee scraped against the gritty asphalt. The look of horror on the girl's face remained imprinted on my mind.

People could get hurt from the things I do. People could suffer because of my own stupid mistakes.

In order to hide the tears that wanted to fall, I buried my face in Eriol's shirt for the duration of the ride. It no longer thrilled me. Even at this reduced speed, the ride left a feeling of regret and remorse.

"Tomoyo?" Eriol asked as we reached the park. "Are you alright?"

He looked so concerned, trying to sooth my fears and I nodded. But it was a lie that he could see. I wasn't alright; in fact alight was the farthest thing from my mind. "We-we could have killed her!"

Eriol didn't say anything and I hid my face in my hands, too embarrassed to look any longer. How could we have done something so horrible?

After the tears and sobs stopped rattling my body, I raised my head. "Don't you have anything to say?" but he still didn't speak and so I ran. I ran as fast and as far as I could until I collapsed and cried again.

Hours later I returned home, wet and sad, but home. A hot shower, flannel pajamas, and a long uninterrupted sleep sounded really good. Yes, disappearing from the world, no one to bother me, no one to ask something, I could just sit in my room utterly alone.

As I stepped into the foyer and all my senses went off. Servants ran around dusting, sweeping, and carrying all sorts of trays as if mother had returned early.

"Oh! Miss Tomoyo, your mother arrived home earlier today with a group of executives."

"But she's not due for another two weeks!"

The maid shrugged. "She said she wanted you to join her for a formal dinner tonight with all the big shots.

I nodded, thinking fast and mentally degrading my mother and her untimely return. Mother didn't really want me to attend dinner; she wanted her beautiful, polite, charming daughter. She wanted someone who would convince all those executives they wanted my mother. But tonight, I just couldn't deliver that.

Sakura and Syaoran had a date tonight, so I couldn't bother either of them. And if I told my mother that I needed to go there she might call and find out I lied. But, where else could I go? There was no one else I trusted enough to pass the time with. Certainly not Eriol's! But that didn't mean I couldn't tell mother that without risk. She didn't have his number. That plan could work!

"Mother?" I knocked hesitantly on her door. Would she get mad I couldn't go? "I can't attend dinner tonight. I have an English project to do and my partner and I can only meet tonight. He's involved in a lot of other academic activities." Did I sound convincing enough?

She popped her head out the door. "Well, we'll miss you, but your studies are important." And she disappeared without another word.

And that was that.

Several hours later, I sat on the swings in the park, completely unaware that any time had passed at all. The cool air flushed my cheeks and a small blade of grass attempting to grow among the bits of rock became the center of my focus.

"Tomoyo! Tomoyo!" A voice carried across the park and made me look up. "What are you doing here Tomoyo?" Eriol asked.

"Hun? Oh, I'm sitting."

"Well I can see that, Tomoyo." He sat on the swing next to me. "Why did you run away?"

"I didn't run away! I have every intention of returning tonight." I fell silent for a moment not really thinking about anything. And then everything fell like an anvil in a cartoon. "It's-it's just—Have you ever loved someone so much you hated them?

Eriol pushed back on the swing and looked up at the clear sky. "Who do you love that much?"

"My mother. She was supposed to be gone for a month and yesterday I hated her for being gone so much. I wanted her here so I could tell her everything, hug her, anything. But then she returned and I hated her. She didn't say two words to me! Just told a servant to tell me to dress for dinner." At some point during this speech I started crying. "I want her to come home and give me a smile and to ask me how my day was. I want her to give me a hug when I do something great not just say 'Nice' or 'Good Job'. I want Sakura to look at me and see all my love for her and understand!"

He stared at me with that dumb-I-can't-help-you look and I stopped crying. "She does, Sakura I mean. She does see all of your love and she loves you back, just not the same way."

I shook my head at him. "That's not even the worst part. What I really want, deep down, is to just go crazy, go to school with a short leather skirt and hooker boots. I'd sit on the desk and glare at the teacher for the whole period. And then, at lunch, I'd find some poor unsuspecting sap and kiss him full, right in front of everybody. Once I got home, I'd let my mother have it, tell her everything, curse, scream! I'm so tired of being perfect all the time!"

"So don't be. Nobody can be perfect, so why are you trying?" Eriol asked.

"If I'm not perfect, they won't love me anymore. It's that simple; I can't lose their love."

"That's ridiculous Tomoyo. People don't love you because of what you DO. They love you for who you ARE. No matter what, someone will love you. But I think your afraid of getting more love."

"What?"

"If you're so scared of not getting love, Tomoyo, then kiss me." Eriol said in the calm, sure voice of his.

"What?"

"I challenge you to kiss me." He stood and pulled me from the swing. "Show me just how much you want love." He held me close, his breath tingling against my lips. "Kiss me, Tomoyo."

And honestly I tried. I wanted to! Standing in front of me, challenging, looking devilish, I really wanted to. But I just couldn't." I can't!" I jerked out of his embrace. "I can't, I just can't!"

He pulled me close like a brother. "Forget today, Tomoyo, forget the motorcycle, the little girl, forget all the emotions, forget this conversation, forget my challenge. It's just a dream." And he laid his lips across mine as a promise.

"Just a dream."

Let's see...I think they're a long way from tormenting each other now...but the question remains, what kind of relationship have they gotten themselves into?