Chapter 8

In the weeks that followed, as Captain Pellew decided to take a tour of the Channel before seeking direct action, the nightmares grew worse. Almost every night Archie would scream, gibber and shake in his sleep, falling from his hammock again and again. And almost every night Lorna would, roughly hauled from her dreams, jump to his side and calm him, putting him back to sleep, only to receive stubborn denials to every time she asked the cause of his unrest.

The other midshipmen were no better. She knew they knew what was wrong and would not tell her, no matter how she demanded to be told. 'His past plagues him' or 'he suffered more than the rest for us'. And she would have to only satisfy herself by brushing the damp hair from his troubled forehead and tell him over and over that he was 'all right now' and 'whatever had hurt him had gone'. But it could not continue and after Archie suffered a particularly afflicted night, she could stand the ignorance no longer.

"What ails you? I will not stand your prevarication much longer, so you should save yourself the time and answer me now!" She fixed him with accusing eyes. He looked away. "Every night now, you have these fits! It scares me Archie! You said that I do not fear, but I do. I fear for you! It is as though you are visited by daemons, screaming out in your sleep! I cannot stand it much longer!" She was glad to have got him alone in the messroom. Her voice demanded an answer, but Archie just defiantly glared back and his pallid blue eyes flashed with anger.

"Who do you think you are to demand my secrets! God knows, your hiding enough from me, with your Irish accent, a past that you just can't elaborate on and your mysterious noble lady!" She was shocked at the anger in his voice. He continued, his voice quiet and saturated with fury. "What goes on in my head is my affair and don't you ever presume otherwise again!" Lorna's own temper woke at this, she tried to stop herself but the violent retort shot out with the venom of a snake.

"How dare you speak to me like that!" The Irish flooded out as the dam of her self-control gave-way to her Irish temper. "I only ask why your precious secret drives you half mad, why it keeps us awake night after night, why every morning you look to have seen Death himself! What goes on your head may be your affair but I had thought myself your friend. Or is that just another of my undesired presumptions? You are nothing but a fool and a simpleton, and I despise you for your fear! For your fear of your dreams and your fear of me! You are right, you are a coward." With that she hurled back the chair and strode from the room.

*

It had taken an hour of angered pacing and undeserved berating of her division, who simply maddened her more with their sympathetic glances, before she was sufficiently calm to be ashamed of her harsh words and Archie finally gathered the nerve to approach his comrade. She saw his coming on deck and her cheeks coloured instantly in embarrassment of her temper. He was still hesitant as he made is way, seemingly casual, towards her. She moved to the bulwarks and tried to concentrate on the horizon, and not on the figure standing right by her side. He cleared his throat humbly.

"James?" Lorna turned to at look him directly in the eyes. As repentant as she was, no matter of pride-bending would allow her to show it, without him having done a suitable amount of apologising before hand.

"Yes, Mr Kennedy?" He at least had the integrity to meet her gaze.

"I'm sorry."

"I accept your apology and…" She managed a stiff smile. "And as much as it dents my pride to admit it, I'm sorry too. You have your secrets and I have mine." The smile turned to her grin as Archie smiled back.

"I'm a heartless cad and you're too good a friend for me to have said that to."

"Too right I am!" She looked a little abashed for a moment. "You didn't take what I said about being a coward seriously did you? I only said it in anger…" Archie interrupted before she could say anymore.

"Things were said that shouldn't have been and we should both just forget them, there's no point in dwelling on a regretted action…" It was exactly at this point during their sentimental reconciliation that Horatio stormed angrily up to them, red in the face, and wailed,

"Those damn rogues, contemptible wretches the lot of them! Do you know what Simpson's rebellious bastards have been up to? There time off duty and what in shit's name they do? They gamble and they riot in their sick little games. Rats! Rats I tell you! I found the undisciplined, heathen barbarians killing rats with their bare teeth for bets! It was repulsive! I have never been so horrified. I've let them off this time, but I despair! I really despair!" They stared at him in silence.

"Horatio…" Lorna finished Archie's sentence.

"Are you feeling quite all right?"

"Yes, yes, why shouldn't I be?" Horatio's response was flustered.

"It's just… that's the first time I've heard you swear…"

*

The argument forgotten almost as abruptly as it had begun, the weeks continued almost uneventfully. As Portsmouth and whatever past he had had there, drifted further to windward, Archie's fits lessened and his friendship and camaraderie with Lorna grew a pace. Horatio, too, became a great friend but he was always too reserved for her to really open up to. The number of times she had wanted to blurt out her secret to Archie, the number of times she had only been a few words away from revealing her true self, it sometimes frightened her.

Her love grew for him daily, though the thought never even crossed her mind that she would ever reveal to him her secret. He made her laugh and it often crossed her mind that should she ever be a woman again, she would love him as a woman does love a man. But in her constant role as a man the thought that she did indeed love him, never even crossed her mind. She was even beginning to think of her feminine self as an altogether different person. And as his strength returned as the fits left him Archie became her brother and her greatest friend.

Lorna was safe in her knowledge that she had two true friends in the honourable, dependable Horatio Hornblower and the witty, kind Archie Kennedy. Life out to sea was more delightful and home to her than the stately home in Ireland had ever been.