Chapter 12

The corridor was dark, with the flickering lantern light creating pools of shadow on the planking floor. Archie drew himself back into the darkness as Lorna took a step towards him. He felt his back press up against the cold wall through the jacket of his uniform. The voice that asked the question was fraught with urgency. How characteristic that it came straight to the point.

"How much did you overhear?" His sharp reply cut through his covering of darkness, the tone was accusing and she flinched to hear it.

"I heard enough to know what you are!" He was praying he was mistaken, he needed to hear the denial… But it never came.

"I'm sorry Archie, I'm so sorry." The apology in itself was condemning. He shut his eyes to hear it. He wanted to believe so much that the pain he saw in those grey irises was genuine, that the pride was humbled. He shook his head; too often had he been taken for a fool - by card-players, by women and now by friends. He had always been an eager member of the gullible audiences of Drury Lane, taken in by the actors - too dazzled by the glittering stage and worlds that were created. He was always the one ready to weep at the hero's death, even as he stood, large as life, to take their bow…

"You're lying. Just like everything else, you're lying and you're not sorry! You don't care about me or anything else - if you had you wouldn't have done this!"

"And what would you have done if I had told you? Tell me that!" The reply flashed back with speed and accuracy of a lightning bolt from the hand of Zeus himself. "Admit it Archie, you would have done the good and proper thing," She spoke in a singsong voice that made him flush scarlet. "Handing me over! And if not you, then Horatio. Do not take me for a fool. And I am sorry!" She retorted. "I don't regret what I did, but I do regret lying to you."

"You regret the lies?" Archie choked in his fury, scrambling hastily to his feet and glaring down at Lorna, who simply looked back in defiance. "Every thing you are is a goddamn lie! Don't give me this bullshit about REGRET!" He spat out the last word like a poison. Archie was furious; furious with himself and with the figure before him. Why was it always James that got him so angry! The pale face opposite him remained completely composed and the reply was calm.

"You would have done the same in my shoes." Archie scoffed.

"Oh is this how you justify yourself?" The grey eyes flashed dangerously in the half-light.

"Or would you have been too afraid to do what I have done? Just screamed in your sleep again? Don't make me laugh!" Archie's hand flew up as if he made to strike her but Lorna did not flinch and he steadied himself. Every word shook with anger and disgust.

"BUT I AM NO TRAITOR… AND NO SPY!" Every word was coated in an icy venom, but Lorna just stared at Archie's flushed face, her eyebrows knitted in confusion before lifting in comprehension as she realised his mistake.

"Archie…" She was shaking her head. "You've made a mistake. Good God Archie, no! I'm no spy! You've misunderstood. Jesus Archie, I'm not a spy I'm a…" She remembered her promise to secrecy and she stopped. She could not tell him, yet… she'd come to far already. She sighed and plunged ahead. "Archie, I'm a woman."

The silence was prolonged and Lorna bathed in the tides of relief that swallowed her as she had finally said it to him and watched the eyes that at first alight with a blue fire of anger slowly turn to one of incredulous cognisance. The stunned voice that spoke was quiet and riddled with disbelief and doubt.

"A woman?" Now he was only capable of an echo. "What do you mean a woman?" She grinned lightly at his silly rhetorical question.

"A woman, female, a daughter of Eve…" She answered him all the same. "Do you understand me Archie?" He could only manage a mute nod, and his eyes flicked down to her chest. She raised an eyebrow.

"How could you keep it hidden? The days?" His eyes widened. "The nights?" The images were flashing through his mind: The dimpled, lopsided grin and the full pouted lips when it had faded. The long, dark lashes, the Raphaelite curls around the ivory face, the small fame (in the thin cotton nightshirt). He coughed in embarrassment at his debauched thought. The Irish voice? He remembered the name he had heard through the door.

"Hammond? The Lady… Lorna Hammond? Your name is Lorna?" He liked the sound of it in his mouth. She merely nodded. "A Lady?" He turned and began to walk away - there was too much for his mind to process at once. But she chased after him, putting her hand on his arm to halt him in his progress.

"Archie…" He turned around to face her. "You can't tell anyone…" She hadn't really needed to say it, she knew he would not tell, but she waited for his nod all the same. He made to move off again but she tugged at his sleeve once more. "And… I truly am sorry I could not tell you, it's just I was afraid." He smiled at her gently, showing he accepted her answer and she released her hold on her arm. He walked away, deep in his own thoughts and Lorna just stood in the dancing light and watched his retreating back.

***

Horatio supposed they must have had another fight. He had barely heard two civil words pass between his two friends all day before an uncomfortable silence descended between them. And one or the other was forced to make hasty apologies before hurrying away to busy themselves with some menial task on deck, leaving the other to carry on a conversation as normal. He could only attribute it to another one of their hot-headed disputes, so common in their turbulent friendship. He didn't care to pursue the matter further.

To Lorna it seemed as if he was blocking her out on purpose, ashamed to know her. It was only the memory of that reassuring smile that stopped her from bursting into tears there and then. Has he really forgiven me? Does he hate me now? Can he never trust me again? The questions flew around her head like daemons. She couldn't bear it. After all the emotional bombardment she had just withstood this was the last straw. Her iron will, and stubborn resolve was nearly torn to shreds and it seemed that he did this to her on purpose. Wanting her to cry.

But Archie only needed time to clear his head. A Woman? He couldn't believe it. He understood now: the disjointed past, the way she had coloured when he had pressed her about women. He groaned at how his behaviour must have seemed to her, but then smiled as he remembered her reply; hadn't she said her own name? What a cad he had been. He couldn't speak to her, yet. He felt such an idiot; a woman treated just like everyone else. It was too embarrassing to be near her as he saw her look away from the sodomites and the drunks, and the fould language pouring from every man's lips.

She seemed so fragile all of a sudden. The smile had new meanings and the body new powers. He could not help but cast furtive glances in her direction, but then look away, ashamed, as he found her eyes looking back him. But he knew that they would have to talk sooner or later…

***

And talk they did. Lorna could no longer bear the tense silences. She followed him up onto his watch after midnight. The air was cool and the only light came from the ship's lantern as it cast eerie shadows and produced golden ripples on the black waters below. He couldn't avoid her there as she stood, arms folded, imploring him to speak.

"I'm sorry." He was first to break the abstraction. "I needed time to let it all sink in. I don't blame you for what you did." He doesn't hate me!

"But do you forgive me all the same?"

"Do you really need to ask?" She nodded and he sighed. "Of course I do!" He forgives me!

"I'll tell you everything if you want?" It was his turn to nod.

"I'd like to know… There are too many secrets between us." She did tell him everything; about her home, her love of the sea, her father, the death of her mother, the money she received and the sudden marriage proposal. She told him how she had left, the note, how she had made herself into a boy and how she had joined the Indy. Even as he told it she knew it was an incredulous tale. But it was true and Archie believed her. He trusts me.

They both went to their bunks with greatly relieved minds; she no longer in doubt of their friendship and he no longer in ignorance. He was careful to turn away as she undressed and she nearly laughed - after months of believing her to be a boy, it was hardly different. Archie and Lorna fell asleep that night with faint smiles playing on their lips.