Disclaimer: I own nothing but what you don't recognize.
A/N: Yes, I am evil for killing off Laurel, but, it had to be done for a VERY important reason. (Actually mostly everything is done for a reason.) I wouldn't kill off such a cool person just to kill you know, lol. But, I bet you all saw that one coming, right?
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Dream if you can a courtyard
An ocean of violets in bloom
Animals strike curious poses
They feel the heat
The heat between me and you
How can u just leave me standing?
Alone in a world that's so cold?
Maybe I'm just to demanding
Maybe I'm just like my father to bold
Maybe you're just like my mother
She's never satisfied
Why do we scream at each other
This is what it sounds like
When doves cry
Touch if you will my stomach
Feel how it trembles inside
You've got the butterflies all tied up
Don't make me chase you
Even doves have pride
Prince- "When Doves Cry"
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Chapter: When Doves Cry
Peter Pettregriew sat in the Astronomy tower on Christmas Eve, tears obscuring his water colored blue eyes. His shaggy dirty blonde hair was tousled even more then it normally was. He sniffled once and tried wiping away his tears. It was no use. He'd have to let them come. Looking, down at the white letter in his clenched hand, he opened it for the thousandth time.
Peter,
It is with a heavy heart that I write this letter. I wish I could tell you in person, but I have had to go into hiding.
As you might have known Leslie and her sister Jessica, left Hogwarts for there annual Christmas Feast a week ago. An attack was made on there home two days ago. I am sorry Peter, no one survived.
You never realize how much you love someone until they're gone. You never realize that, yes, once their love surrounded you but now, what do you have? Memories.
Why does love hurt so much, when it's supposed to be a good thing? Why do we dwell on the past, when the future is what matters?
It's something that, yeah, I guess can't be helped but, maybe it's harder for you then it is for someone else. Faint smells of cologne, a song on the radio, a movie, or a single word, these are things that bring back those memories.
But you can't hide from these things, because, they're there and no matter how hard you try to, they'll always be there. Even when you have moved on to the future and things don't trigger the memories as much as before, they still do. You can't forget someone you've loved, you may want to, but you can't.
Love cannot be forgotten, no matter how hard we try, and how much we think it will ease the pain, it will always be there, forever.
She loved you, Peter.
Love,
MaryAnn McKinnion
Peter held his head in his hands. "Leslie," He said softly, tears spilling onto the floor. "Tears flow from my eyes in little misguided river paths. Maybe if I had only been able to hug you once more, or hold your hand as you left, maybe then this wouldn't hurt so much. Maybe then I would be able to understand why I am left here alone. It was once said, 'Who do you turn to when the only one who can stop your tears is the one who is making you cry?' I wish they had found an answer, maybe then losing you would be easier for me to deal with. But the thought of life without you is too painful to bear; it actually hurts; like a cut on my skin, only the cut is much deeper...It's on my heart..." He looked out into the cloudy sky, "I love you."
--
James walked into the Heads Room and kicked the nearest thing available, which unfortunately for Lily, was the desk she was working at.
"James!" She yelled, "What was that for?" James looked up, just realizing she was there. Lily's face immediately turned to worry as she looked at his dead hazel eyes. "James," She whispered getting up, "James, what happened?"
James finally let his bottled up emotions lose. "She was killed, Lily!" He yelled, not even trying to hide his tears, "Voldemort KILLED her!"
"Killed who?" She asked leading him to the couch. He didn't move, instead walking to the window.
"Laurel," He said softly. He turned towards her. "Do you remember when I was gone for periods of time? When I couldn't help with the Head duties?" Lily nodded "Well I am apart of a secret organization called 'The Order of the Phoenix'. Dumbledore founded it a year ago. All those times I was gone, I was out fighting Death Eaters and being trained for the battle field." He was breathing heavily; glad to get that all of his chest.
Lily walked over and hugged him. "I'm sorry James," She said, "I'm sorry for everything Voldemort has done for you, I'm sorry for acting like a bitch and I am sorry for Laurel."
James wrapped his arms around her. "I don't know what I am going to do. She was my mentor, my trainer, my friend."
Lily looked up and wiped away his tears, "You're going to do the very best you can, James." She said softly, "You're going to march out onto the field with the love of me, and the protection of Laurel. You're going to fight for what you believe in, and you're not going to let her death go to waste."
"I can't believe she's gone," He said angrily. "She shouldn't have died! You don't understand. It's not logical! Something's wrong here!" Lily tried to sooth him, but he shook his head. "You don't know Laurel, she wasn't just cautious! She was paranoid!"
"Sometimes these things happen," She said "People make mistakes."
"Not Laurel," He said shaking his head, "She never makes a mistake when it comes to safety. Why do you think she was entrusted with my care!?" He closed his eyes, tightly and yawned. "I forgot how much being angry and sad, can make you tired." He trudged over to the couch and sat staring into the slowly burning fire. Lily walked upstairs, giving him some room to think. Laurel's voice echoed in his head.
Sending a boy, into battle.' He was only a boy. 'Pride is not important to us here' He learned a lot from that statement. 'He is a target. Let that be known to our enemy and he will be killed.' Is that why she was killed? Was he a target for Voldemort? How many more lives will be spent because of him? 'And that is where your weakness is Potter,' He had a weakness. But, that weakness was something he could never change. 'As for courage and will. We cannot measure how much of each lies within us; we can only trust it will be sufficient enough to carry through trials which may lie ahead.' Something he would always remember her saying. 'Never underestimate the enemy.' She once said 'They'll surprise you, which leaves room for a mistake. There can be no mistakes.' But, there was a mistake, and she was killed because of it.
James shook his head. There was a mistake, but Laurel didn't make it. Laurel was not one to make a mistake. Something was wrong, and he intended to find out what it was.
--
Arya glanced around there newly acquired café shop. She had decided to come to Hogsmeade with Remus; who showed her the Marauders secret way out.
"What do you want to clean first?" She asked wrinkling her nose, "Maybe we can open a few windows, to clean out the dust."
Remus laughed and opened the four large windows on the side. They were lucky enough to acquire a corner shop. He rolled up his sleeves and looked around in concentration. The floors needed to be done and the walls painted. "We should do the floors last," He decided, "The ceiling first, perhaps?"
Arya nodded and raised her wand towards the plain white ceiling. "sidfjosfjweo," A silver shimmer hit the ceiling and turned it black. Seconds later little white stars started appearing. Arya looked down satisfied. "It's not as lovely as Hogwarts' ceiling, but it'll do for now."
Remus nodded and brushed a strand of light brown hair out of his blue-gray eyes. "How are things with Sirius?"
She smiled "There good, how's Priscilla?" Remus shrugged, and Arya raised an eyebrow, "Something wrong?"
"I don't think it's going to work out." He replied
"But, you two are so adorable together!" She said trying to persuade him otherwise.
He shook his head, "We may look good together, but we're two different people. She wants to be in the star," He looked at her, "I just want to be behind the scenes."
"Why Remus?" She asked. Remus shrugged and a piece of hair fell into his eyes. Arya reached up and brushed it away. "You deserve much better then that, you know."
"I may," He said, "But, I'd rather just own a piece of this place and have my book store." He looked at her, "I love reading."
Her eyes brightened, "So do I!"
He smiled and grabbed her hand. "Come I want to show you something." He pulled her, lightly, into the room that was going to be his store. Books lay everywhere. "Mrs. Potter and my mum donated them all." He handed her a red bound book, "Open it."
She opened the book and gasped. "There and back again," She said softly, "How did you know?"
He smiled charmingly, "I have my ways."
"You're very secretive, you know that?"
"If I wasn't, would I be half as fun as I normally am?"
Arya laughed "I doubt you would." Remus feigned looking hurt. "Oh come of it Lupin, I know how your little mind works." She walked closer to him, staring him down. "Letting everyone think you're innocent, when you're not. I bet you're the brains behind most of your pranks." Remus gave her a shy smile. "That smile doesn't work on me mister." She said laughing, "You're a little evil one aren't you?"
Remus bowed his head. "You have figured it out. I surrender."
She laughed again and handed him back his book, "Come on then my little hellion. We've got to get back to the school."
He shook his head and gave her back the book. "It's yours"
"Mine? I couldn't keep it Remus." She felt the aging leather of the old book, "It must be very old."
"I can't think of a better person to give it to." He smiled "Consider it an early Christmas present."
She nodded and hugged him, "Thank you"
--
James walked into the Gryffindor Common Room and spotted his friend Peter, lounging on the sofa, looking inventively at the burning fire. He walked over slowly and sat next to his friend. "I'm real sorry Pete." He said "I know you cared for her a lot." James looked at Peter, "He got Laurel too." Peter nodded, not able to fine words to speak for him. Instead he handed James a piece of parchment. James silently read it and looked up. "Did you write this?"
Peter nodded, "I'm going to read it at her Funeral."
James clasped Peter on the shoulder. "Listen, if you ever need someone to talk to. I don't mind. Sometimes not even Remus and Sirius can understand what has happened."
"I had often imagined this day." He said "Imagined what I would do when they told me, told me that she was gone. But nothing in my wildest dreams could ever come close to this. It feels as if I am being held under water fighting to come to the surface and not winning. It feels as if my entire world has fallen apart and I don't have the strength to pick up the pieces and go on." His blue eyes watered "It feels as if they don't know what is going on in my mind and in my heart, and that is because they don't. They could never imagine her life meant this much to me. They say remember the good times, but I can't. The good times are what I miss the most. They say enough crying; life goes on. But it doesn't. Just let me be alone, with my tears, with my heart ache -- with myself."
He got up and began to walk away when James stood. "You're not alone in this Peter. Your friends are here for you."
"I wasn't there for her!" He said "And now she's gone. I should have gone home with her, maybe I could have done something..."
"What would you do Peter?" James asked, "You would have been going up against the greatest Dark Lord of all time. What would that have accomplished?"
"It would have been a distraction!" He said, "The she would still be living-"
"And you would be dead!"
"At least I wouldn't have to feel the pain I do now," He said trembling, "Imagine losing Lily, James. Tell me you wouldn't do anything to protect her! Tell me you wouldn't die for her!"
James looked at Peter and finally answered. "I'd die for her."
"You would serve as a distraction," Peter said "If it meant her living, would you not?!"
"I would."
"Then I have as much a right to also." James looked away from him and Peter walked out of the Common Room. He stopped at the nearest window and sighed, looking out into the snow covered lands. 'When you died...I died too.'
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A/N: We'll how was it? Poor Peter. Everything will come together in the end though. :)
Black Emerald Dawn: Wow! You really think this story is well-written? It first started out as something to write just to have something to do when I wasn't working on 'Wrinkle' but turned out bigger then I expected. lol. A best stories list? Awesome. I was actually thinking about doing a C2 thingy for J/L stories....maybe lol.