Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognize.
Why Not?
Dalamar the Dark was sitting in front of his newly acquired computer, bored out of his wits. He'd taken the computer from Earth several weeks ago, and had already learned how to beat it at Solitaire ninety-nine times out of one hundred. He'd learned their 'English' in less than a week. He'd 'surfed the net' ad-nausea, and beaten both of the computer games he'd gotten. Twelve times each. He did not have much to do.
It was the beginning of the War of the Souls, and Dalamar had long ago established that there was nothing to do but wait for the magic to come back. So, he used one of his precious artifacts to open a temporary portal to Earth, from which he took a computer and several supplies. He hoped that it would ease the monotonous boredom of his days.
It did, for exactly one month. Now, he was bored again. Suddenly, Dalamar thought of something. He'd seen somewhere that they had books about his world on Earth. He pulled Google up, and typed in his name. His deft fingers flew over the keyboard as though they'd been typing for all of his long life. And, enter! He quickly skimmed the list, noting all of the unrelated crap that came up.
Finally, his sharp eyes hit one, very intriguing link. He clicked on it, and was immediately brought to the Dragonlance section of the fanfiction site. Skimming the page, he quickly deduced that 'fanfiction' was what perverted humans wrote in their free time. By the end of the day, his head was practically spinning from the number of times he'd seen himself paired with his Shalafi. Just the thought made him cringe.
Dalamar was also rather scarred from all of the 'Mary-Janes'? 'Marty-Lees'? Mary-Sues! That was it. Mary-Sues he'd seen paired with himself, his Shalafi, and numerous other characters. Some of the things on the section called 'R' had made him blush! And his mind was clean by no means to start with. And the characterization! Authors and authoresses seemed to think that just because they owned a keyboard and a monitor, they had the right to slander all characters' good (or not so good) names!
Dalamar shook his head, still trying to cope with all of the profanity, bad spelling, bad grammar, and general badness he'd seen. Sure, there were a couple of good authors, but they seemed to be few and far between. He wondered why no one wrote fiction about the authors. Suddenly, an evil idea took him. He was not the head of the Black Robes for nothing! Why not?
A/N: Okay, I know, this is very far removed from what I normally write, but a plot bunny managed to slip past Fie, and it bit me. I do not mean to offend anyone in particular by this story – I'm going to be bashing myself as well! If anyone wouldn't mind being a character in Dalamar's story, please either say so in your review, or write to me. Hope you enjoy, and remember, constructive criticism is appreciated, but I fight fire with fire.