How Does it Feel

Chapter Twenty-two

Disclaimer: As I have mentioned twenty one times previously, the show doesn't belong to me, the characters don't belong to me, and I do not make a profit off of this work of fiction.

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One month later:

Kathleen sighed as she sat down in front of the kitchen table, it was already 6:23 a.m. in the morning and after looking out the front window she had noticed that both Olivia and Elliot's cars were missing from the driveway. Since she had been at the basketball game until ten thirty and gone to sleep as soon as she came home at a few minutes before eleven she didn't know if they had either come home and been called out early or just not come home at all. The blinking light on the answering machine would probably have the answer for her and she grudgingly got up from the table to press the message button.

"Hey guys," her father's sleepy voice filled the air. "You're all sleeping right now ... Olivia and I were called into work early. I'm not sure when we're going to be home, but I'll make sure to call. Kathleen," he addressed her, although she already knew what was coming next, "I need you to take the twins to school and pick them up. They're going to complain about having to go early, I left some money on the counter. Get something to eat at a fast-food restaurant; it might make them less fussy. Be safe, I love you."

Groaning she turned on her heel and headed for the stares, the twins would have approximately half an hour to get ready before she had to leave for school. Dickey took showers at night and Liz took them in the morning, so it wouldn't be that hectic. She woke up Liz first, since it took her longer to get ready.

"Lizzie ... come on, it's time to wake up," she called out gently as she shook her shoulder. "I'm going to have to take you early again."

Lizzie grumbled something incoherently and rolled over, away from her big sister.

"Not so fast," Kathleen scolded. "You've gotta get up. You've only got half an hour to shower, dress, dry you hair, and get out the door."

Liz's eyes blinked open sleepily, "Where's dad?"

"At work," Kathleen explained. "Now come on and get out of bed so that I can go wake up Dickey without wondering if you've fallen back asleep or not."

She groaned and flung the covers off of herself, "I'm up..." she assured her, "I'm up."

"Good," Kathleen said. "Go get in the shower while I wake up Dickey." She walked out of the room; Liz on her heals, and crossed the hallway into Dickey's. He was sprawled out on the bed, the covers lying in a crumpled heap on the floor. Sighing to herself as she looked around the disastrous room she made her way to his bed, climbing over piles of dirty ... or maybe clean ... clothes and skateboards and various other things.

"Dickey," she said, nudging him in the shoulder. "Get up, you've got to start getting ready for school."

Snorting he turned and laid on his stomach, hiding his face in his pillow.

"Come on, Dickey. Liz already pulled this with me, get up." She nudged him again; he groaned and hid his head underneath a pillow in retaliation. "I'm not playing with you, Dickey." she warned, crossing her arms over her chest in frustration.

"Go away!" he called out sleepily.

Sighing to herself she contemplated on how to get him out of bed, since his head was covered turning on the light would be useless, he was oddly able to sleep through a blasting alarm, and asking politely was out of the picture. Grasping onto the elastic of his sleep-pants she pulled back a little and then let go. The elastic snapped back into place and against his skin, causing him to jump.

"Ouch," he moaned, rubbing the sore spot on his side.

"Oh, you're just a big baby." Kathleen chided, "I gave you plenty time to get up, now come on. I don't want to get in trouble for you being late."

Sitting up on the bed he ran a hand through his unruly hair, "Why isn't dad taking us?"

"He's working, now let's go."

He rolled his eyes at her bossiness; "I can't get dressed with you in here, Kath."

Kathleen groaned, turned, and walked out of the room. It was still just after 6:30 and as she passed the bathroom she heard the shower going, what could she do for half an hour?

Deciding that since she had a major AP History test during second period some studying wouldn't hurt she searched through her book bag for the nearly five-pound book. After flipping through chapter 21 for ten minutes she was confident that she would ace the test and pulled out her psychology notebook. For some odd reason her teacher thought that keeping a dream-log would benefit her students, Kathleen thought she just wanted to see what kind of dreams they were having.

Since she had told herself to remember her dream when she woke up it only took about five minutes to write the whole thing down. It was more of a distorted memory than it was a dream, though. In her dream she was a good three years younger, it was Maureen's last year in high school and her first, and they were arguing over how she would be getting home. Maureen detested the idea of taking her freshman sister home from school, even though their mother had threatened to take the car back if she didn't. In the end, Maureen couldn't face loosing her Grand AM, and gave in.

That's not what the dream was about though, there was a certain incident that still stuck out in her mind from time to time. As a devoted soccer player Kathleen vowed never to miss a practice, much to Maureen's unrest. Halfway through Kathleen's practice Maureen was called into work, there was no way she could get out of it. So, Kathleen was left at the school with no ride. She asked the upperclassmen on the team, but none of them lived close enough to where it wouldn't be out of their way. One of the sophomore girls let her borrow her cell phone though.

"Just don't stay on too long," Nikki had told her. "My mom will have a cow if I go over my minutes again."

Kathleen had nodded, dialed her father's cell phone, and waited for an answer. During the third ring he picked up, "Stabler."

"Daddy," she said nervously. "I ... uh, need a ride."

"Where's your sister?"

"Work, she got called in early."

He sighed, "I can't get you right now, but I'll call your mother or have somebody at the station pick you up."

"Thank you, daddy." She hung up the phone and handed it back to Nikki. "Thanks a lot."

"No problem. You know, you're a good player for a freshman. Lot better than I was last year," she smiled. "I'd give you a ride today, but I've got a dentist appointment in about twenty minutes." She climbed into her mother's blue Suburban. "See you tomorrow, Kay."

That was their nickname for her, Kay. Most of the girls on the team had names that could either be male or female, like Shannon and Taylor, so by the third practice they tried out everyone's name. Kathleen couldn't really be a male's name so the next best thing was Kay. Nikki was known as Nick on the field, Samantha was Sam, Amelia went by her middle name, Jo, Alicia was Al, and so on and so forth. It was stupid, but they were young and for some reason found it hilarious. Virtually everybody on the team had a bit of a dirty mind, so it was never a dull day.

Everything up until that point was the same, Maureen's call into work, her phone call to her father, Nick's dentist appointment. What happened after that was different. Fifteen minutes after hanging up with her father a car rolled up to the soccer field and the passengers' side window rolled down. In reality, her mother had been the one who picked her up, albeit grudgingly. Her dream, however, was a different story. Olivia was in the passengers' seat. Her hair just as short as it had been there, bangs off to one side.

"Get in," she said. "I'll drop you off at your house."

Kathleen climbed into the car and threw her book bag in the back seat haphazardly, "Mom couldn't come?"

"They're having a busy day down at the hospital," Olivia explained. "There was a bad pile up on the FDR."

She nodded, "Oh."

Olivia looked over at her; "You guys any good?"

"I guess so," Kathleen said with a shrug. "We haven't had a game yet, the season just started."

"Hmm," she said. "When is your first game at?"

"Next Thursday at 6:30." She fiddled with her ponytail, "Mom's coming ... dad said he would be there, but- well, I'm not expecting anything."

"I'll make sure he comes," Olivia assured her. "Even if I have to drag him out here myself."

Kathleen smiled, "You'd do that?"

"Of course," she said like it was ludicrous that Kathleen had to even ask. "I used to play soccer, it's been awhile since I've been to a game. I'd like to see one."

"Well, the player's family gets in half-price, so it'll only cost you 2 dollars." Kathleen explained, "All you've got to do is say you're like an aunt or something. If you're with dad they'll believe you."

Olivia nodded and went back to driving. Somewhere along the ride Kathleen looked back over at her to see her grinning at some obscure thought. Wondering what it is she was smiling about Kathleen sat back in the seat and watched out of the corner of her eye. Through the whole ride the smile stayed where it was. As soon as Olivia dropped her off and she slammed the car door shut she woke up. That was it, a simple, distorted memory from her freshman year. There was really no significance about it, and Kathleen wondered how it would help Mrs. Huntington understand her psyche, but she had the free time so what the hey.

A few minutes after she finished writing Dickey came bounding down the stairs, his eyes still heavy with sleepiness, and plopped his self down on the couch. Not long after that Liz followed, her eyes bright and ready for the day. Which, Kathleen had always thought was the best thing about showering in the morning, it had a way of waking you up. "You ready guys?" she asked, pickIing her keys up from the coffee table. "Dad left me some money to get you rug-rats some breakfast, so where do you wanna go?"

"Burger King," they said simultaneously.

"Ok," she said with a sigh. "Burger King it is."

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Across town Elliot waited for a phone call that both he and Olivia knew was coming. She would have to be at school in at least fifteen minutes, if she didn't want to be late. Sure enough, at 7:13, his cell-phone rang. After sharing a looking with Olivia he picked it up, "Stabler."

"Daddy," Kathleen greeted with a sigh. "That's the fourth time this month.... Next time do you think that you can give me a little more warning? What If I hadn't checked the machine?"

"I called the house, Dickey picked up." he explained, unfastening his seat belt as Olivia pulled into the parking lot of the hospital that their victim was in. "Listen, Kathleen, I'm in the middle of something bit. I'll talk to you when you get out of school. I promise you can fuss all you want to then, OK?"

"OK," she replied. "But that's only because you're busy and I need to get to class."

"Uh-huh," he agreed. "Bye, sweetheart."

"Bye daddy," she sighed before hanging up. Elliot turned his phone on silent and Olivia did the same, then they climbed out of the car and made their way into the hospital. It was going to be a long, hard day.

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His car pulled into the driveway around 1 o'clock in the morning, her car trailing close behind. They weren't finished with their case yet, but not much else could be done so early in the morning. It would have been easier to just stay at the house, but Elliot had to bring the kids to school in the morning. Even so, Olivia could have stayed in the crib, but she chose to go home with Elliot instead. Not surprisingly she found that it was hard to sleep alone now.

After he checked on the kids they climbed into their large King sized bed not even bothering to change out of their work clothes. Within minutes after Olivia set the alarm she was drifting off to sleep, the sound of Elliot's snoring barely registering in her mind.

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On their way back to work, after dropping the twins off at school, Elliot was strangely quiet. Olivia just figured that he was just busy stressing over their new case, but something about the expression on his face told her otherwise. It bothered her. After a few minutes of trying to ignore the frustrated look she spoke out about it.

"Elliot," she asked, turning in her seat to see him better. "What's wrong?"

He shook his head and stared ahead at the road, "Nothing."

"Bull, something's bothering you. What is it?"

"It's nothing, Olivia." he said with a sigh. "I was just ... thinking."

"About what?" she asked, not buying his attempt of an excuse.

Silence greeted her for a few minutes. Keeping his eyes staring straight ahead and his hands gripped firmly on the wheel Elliot did his best to ignore her all together.

"Elliot ... what were you thinking about?" She asked again, thinking that maybe if she cornered him he would finally tell her.

A sigh of frustration left his lips as he pulled into his usual parking space. As he turned to look at her she was surprised at the look of hurt in his eyes. "When I called Kathleen back yesterday, Elizabeth answered the phone."

"Ok ... what's so horrible about that?"

"Nothing," he told her, "that's not what got to me. What was, however, was the fact that she wanted to know if Kathy was going to come see her for Christmas and why she hadn't been with us for Thanksgiving."

"She knows that Kathy moved, right?" Olivia asked, "She's 12 years old, she should understand."

"She understands, but that doesn't make it any easier on her." He sighed, "I hope Kathy knows how much she screwed things up for them."

"I'm sure she wasn't thinking about that when she left. When was the last time that you heard from her?"

"I haven't," Elliot said, sighing again. "That note was the last contact that she made with us. I don't even want to try to understand how she could be so cold; they're her children for Christ's sake. They still love and need her." Looking over at her his expression softened, "You've been a good help, though. I'm not sure if it would have been possible if you hadn't let them move in with you, they really like you."

She smiled, "I'm glad."

He pulled in front of the station house and they climbed out of the car, shielding themselves against the wind, and walked as quickly as they could inside. They had another long day ahead of them.

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A/N: Alright, sorry about that stupid mistake again! I've been really distracted lately with exams and such, but that's all over now (thank God above) and Christmas break is finally here! Anyway, let me know what'cha think.