How Does it Feel?
Epilogue
Disclaimer: Oh... didn't you hear? Last night Dick Wolf gave the show to me... um, oh wait- that was a dream. Oops, guess they still don't belong to me then. Darn.
XXXX
5 months later:
Olivia set the test down on the counter in the bathroom and then took her own seat on the edge of the bathtub. This was certainly familiar- Deja vu, all over again. Only then she hadn't thought she was ready to be a mother... did she think she was ready now? Was that the reason she wasn't flipping out like she had been six moths prior?
So... this was it- again. She had to wait. Only a few minutes, it wasn't that much time to wait. Impatience was something she was plagued with, though... waiting was agony. Her foot tapped against the floor of the bathroom nervously and her arms were crossed over her chest, as she rocked back and forth on the edge of the tub. No... she wasn't crazy- just really, really nervous.
A knock at the door nearly made her fall off the edge of the tub and onto the floor, but she managed to grab hold of the very edge she was sitting on and maintain her balance. "Olivia?" Kathleen's voice came through the door, "Dad's on the phone."
"Tell him I'll call him back," she replied with a shaky voice, hoping the seventeen year old wouldn't pick up on it.
"Oh, alright." Kathleen said. There was hushed talking and then the beeping of somebody hanging up the phone. A few seconds later there was another knock. "Olivia... can I come in?"
Olivia hesitated, there was only thirty seconds left to wait... did she want Kathleen with her for this?
Then again, why wouldn't she? Kathleen was her step-daughter, she loved her like her own. "Sure," she answered. "Come on in."
The door to the bathroom opened and the teen stepped inside, "What's wrong, Olivia? You don't sound so good."
"Sit down," she motioned towards the toilet. Kathleen did as told and as she did she noticed the EPT that was sitting on the counter.
"Is that...?"
Olivia nodded.
A large smile spread across the girls face, "Are you?"
Olivia shrugged, "I'm still waiting."
"Does dad know?" Kathleen asked, glancing at the test once more.
"No... he doesn't." Olivia informed her. "And, unless it comes back positive, he won't."
Kathleen nodded, "I understand, I won't tell him."
"No," Olivia agreed. "You won't tell him, or anybody else. Not even Maureen... alright?"
"Of course." She was silent for only a few seconds, "How much longer?"
Olivia stared at her blankly, she had completely lost track of time. Thirty seconds had to have already come and gone... the test was finished. "It should be done...."
"Well?" she asked. "Let's look at it!"
Olivia nodded, took a deep breath, and stood up. With shaky hands she picked the test up, although she kept her eyes on Kathleen. Damn it, she was afraid again. She wasn't ready to be a mother... she wasn't ready.
She might not have a choice, though.
"Well," Kathleen repeated. "Come on, Liv... what does it say?"
"I don't want to know," Olivia confessed. She shoved the test over in Kathleen's direction, "You look first."
Kathleen took the EPT and looked down at it. Without a word, or any kind of facial expression, she handed it back to her step-mother. "Here... take it- look."
Olivia sighed and took the test back, but still kept her eyes on the teenager. "I'm so nervous, Kathleen. I'm not ready to be a mother."
"You've been a mother for a long time now, Olivia...." Kathleen informed her.
"That's different... you guys are grown up. It's not the same as a baby."
"No," Kathleen agreed. "It's not. But, if that test is positive then you really don't have a choice- you're gonna be a mother. If it's negative, well- then you don't have to worry about it." She smiled, "If it's worth anything, I think you're more than ready."
"Thank you... that means a lot to me."
"Good, now look!"
Olivia gave up. She was going to have to look some time or another, why not get it over with quickly. Holding her breath she looked down at the EPT.
Two lines.
She was going to be a mother.
"Oh... my... God." she breathed. "It's... I'm...."
Kathleen nodded furiously, "You're pregnant!"
Before Olivia knew it Kathleen was out of her seat and her arms were thrown around Olivia's neck. "I'm so excited! We have to call dad... and Maureen! The twins are downstairs... come on, let's go!" She grabbed hold of Olivia's hand and dragged her out of the bathroom.
Olivia was still a bit stunned- she was pregnant. This time it was real, not a false alarm.
She was going to be a mother.
XXXX
3 months later:
"Do you want to know the sex?" The doctor, Patricia Adams, asked them.
Olivia glanced over at Elliot, did he want to know? He had told her that with Maureen, Kathleen, Liz, and Dickey it had been a surprise. Maureen because the technology wasn't there yet, and the others because it had been what Kathy wanted. "Do you?" she asked.
"It's your choice, hon." he told her with a smile.
"But he or she is just as much yours and mine." she replied, looking at the computer screen.
"What do you want?" he asked.
"I want it to be a surprise," she confessed. "But, if you want to know th–"
Elliot looked at the doctor, "We're gonna wait."
Dr. Adam's nodded, "Most do with their first.... Well, I can tell you that your baby is healthy, and you're about 14 weeks along. But, you already knew that from the last visit."
Olivia nodded and looked back at the computer screen, a small and constant 'beep' filled the air... her child's heartbeat. The ultrasound machine was probably her favorite technology at this point, she was amazed at all the things the doctors could know by simply running an instrument over her stomach.
"Well," Dr. Adams continued, "I'm going to have the picture printed out for you, then get you cleaned up so that you can leave." The nodded and the woman left the room.
Olivia looked back at the screen, since the doctor was no longer working the instrument over her slightly swelled stomach there was no actual footage on the computer, instead the picture that the doctor was undoubtably printing off. She grinned, it was so strange- that blob on the screen was actually her child, still in the womb.
"So," Elliot asked, running a hand through her hair affectionately. "How does it feel?"
She didn't need to ask him what he meant, it was understood. He wanted to know how it felt to be able to see her child, "It's amazing."
XXXX
3 months later:
3:21 AM
She woke up at a sharp stab of pain in her stomach. That was definitely different from the normal kicks and other movements that she normally felt during various parts of the day- this one truly hurt. When nothing else happened she chalked it up to a restless baby and laid her head back down on the pillow, cuddling up to her husband. But, a few minutes later, the same sharp stab demanded her attention.
Something wasn't right.
"Alright," she whispered. "I'm awake... what now?"
Nothing.
Holding her bulging stomach with both hands she scooted towards the end of the bed, careful not to wake Elliot up. Throwing her legs over the edge of the bed she was greeted by another stab of pain, this time she couldn't help herself, she whimpered.
Something definitely wasn't right.
Her feet made contact with the cold, hard floor and she padded around to the other side of the bed. Maybe it wasn't such a bad thing that Elliot wake up, after all. "Honey," she called out, shaking his shoulder gently. "Wake up...."
He mumbled something incoherent and rolled over, burrowing his face in his pillow.
"Elliot." she said, no longer whispering. Yet another stab of pain in her stomach told her that she needn't go about this the polite way. That man needed to wake up- now.
She pulled the covers off of him, "Something's wrong."
That got his attention. His eyes snapped open and he turned around in bed, "What is it?" he demanded, sitting up.
"I don't know," she informed him. "I think I'm having contractions."
"You think?"
"That, or our baby is gonna be one hell of a kick-boxer." she said with a smile, hoping to lighten the air. No such luck, she was still worried and now so was Elliot.
"Do you want me to call the doctor?" he asked, worry washing over his face.
"I think–" before she could finish her sentence the now familiar stab made it's presence known again. It was getting progressively worse, though, and she nearly doubled over in pain. A moan of pain escaped her lips and she had to hold on to his shoulders for support. "We need to go to the hospital... now."
He stood up, took her in his arms and helped her out of the bedroom and into the livingroom- whereupon he sat her firmly on the couch. "I'm going to get you some shoes and wake Kathleen up... I'll be back in a second."
She nodded and he ran off. Not even two minutes later he was back in the livingroom, now wearing a bit more than his boxer shorts, and helped her into a pair of flip-flops. A few seconds later, Kathleen came down the stairs wearing her robe.
"What's wrong?" she demanded, making her way to the couch where her step-mother was sitting.
"I don't know," Olivia informed her with a grimace. "I think I'm having contractions."
"You can't be," Kathleen said, concern passing through her eyes. "You're not even 8 months along yet."
"Tell that to your brother or sister," Olivia said with a snort. "You hear that?" she asked, looking down at her stomach, "You're early.... You're supposed to stay in there for another month."
"Come on, Olivia," Elliot said as he helped her off the couch. "Kathleen, call the hospital and tell them we're on our way- then get the twins up and bring them there."
"Alright," she agreed. "Be careful."
Elliot nodded, "Go... call them."
Kathleen scurried off towards the kitchen and Elliot and Olivia headed out the front door.
XXXX
18 hours later
It turned out Olivia had been right. The sharp pains that had woken her up were indeed contractions. Which wasn't exactly a good thing this early in the pregnancy. Of course, babies were born at much earlier dates on many occasions, but it was never a good thing- even if the end results were such.
The doctor that met them when they arrived at the hospital immediately took her to the ER and got her prepped for the delivery. For awhile it was touch-and-go. They weren't sure if she would be able to deliver the baby as per norm, a cesarean section might have to be preformed, for both the mother and the child's safety. However, in the end, they decided that aside from the fact that she was a month and a half early, a normal delivery would be best.
For the lighter part of sixteen hours she pushed and strained and yelled. Throughout the whole time Elliot was by her side, holding her hand, and whispering words of comfort in her ear. Although, the latter didn't help much.
Kathleen and the twins arrived about half an hour after Olivia was brought into the ER, and an hour after that Maureen made an appearance. It was still too early at that time to call anybody else to inform them of her early-labor, but at 9 o'clock, well into her third hour of labor, Maureen went off to call Munch, Fin, Cragen, Alex, and Huang.
Out of the five the first to make it was Alex, since she was Olivia's best friend she got up immediately after Maureen called. After her was Cragen, then Munch and Fin arrived within the same half hour, Huang, however, couldn't make it- some kind of FBI official business. Although, at the moment Olivia could care less who was there while she gave birth. She was in too much pain to even recognize anybody other than Elliot. And that was only because she was clutching onto his hand so tightly she figured they would be like that permanently.
"Alright, Mrs. Stabler," the doctor called out to her, "one last push."
Olivia nodded through the pain, lunged forward, grabbing her knees, and pushed as hard as she could. When she could push no more she fell back onto the hospital bed, exhausted. Elliot brushed the hair out of her face and for the first time she was vaguely familiar of a shrill crying in the room.
It took her a few seconds to realize that the shrill crying she heard meant that it was over, she could finally rest. Glancing over at the doctors huddled together she attempted to get a peak at the baby, but she could see nothing through the mass of white lab coats. She looked over at Elliot with a weak smile, "The baby?" she asked hopefully.
"They're just making sure that it's alright, hon." he informed her. "He or she is very premature, you know."
"Yeah," she sighed. Another wail broke the silence and her head snapped back to where the doctors were taking care of her baby. "Doctor Travis?" she inquired weakly.
The brunette woman turned around and smiled at her briefly, "Just cleaning him off."
"Him?" she questioned, glancing at Elliot. "It's a him?"
"Yes, Olivia," Dr. Travis said with another smile. "You had a boy."
"A boy," she echoed, looking at Elliot again. "A boy."
Elliot smiled and kissed her on the forehead, "Yeah, babe... a boy."
A few minutes later, after the doctors had cleaned him up and made sure that he was OK, they brought him over and placed him in her arms.
"Congratulations, Olivia," Dr. Travis told her, "at 10:27 pm, you have birth to a four pounds three and a half ounces baby boy."
She sat up in the bed and cradled him in her arms, glancing up at Elliot, "You got your wish." She said with a smile, "Another boy."
"I'm just glad he's healthy," Elliot told her. "How are you?"
"Oh, I'm fine, just a bit tired." She smiled, "This is well worth it."
Obviously, when the doctor left the room she went to inform those in the waiting room that Olivia had given birth to a small, but healthy, baby boy, because the next thing she knew she was surrounded by family and friends, each wanting a look at the baby. She herself hadn't gotten a good look at him so for the time being she ignored them and gave all attention to the tiny child in her arms.
"Hi," she whispered, gazing into his dark blue eyes. "I'm your momma."
She surveyed his appearances, his eyes were, of course, blue. As most newborns are. He didn't have much hair- due to the fact he was a month and a half early, and his skin was still bright red but that was to expected, he was only a few minutes old. She gently took a hand out from the bundle he was in, counted the fingers, then did the same with the other hand and feet. With a quick stop on the way to make sure other things were correct. In the end she was satisfied, ten fingers and ten toes. To her, he was perfect.
"So," Lizzie's voice broke her musing and forced her back into reality. "What are you going to name him?"
Olivia glanced at her husband with an unsure look, "I'm not sure... we haven't really talked about it since we we're waiting to know the sex."
"He's a boy," Kathleen informed her with a smile. "So... what are you going to name him?"
Olivia smiled despite her exhaustion, "I guess we'd better figure this out before I pass out, huh?"
Elliot smiled and ran a hand over the small amount of hair his son had grown. "What do you think?" he asked, looking up at his wife.
"He looks like a Matthew to me," she suggested. "Do you like that? Matthew?"
"Matthew is perfect," he assured her, kissing her briefly and then kissing Matthew's nearly bare head.
"What about his middle name?" Dickey asked, "He's got to have a middle name."
"How about William," Maureen suggested. "After grandpa."
Elliot smiled, looking up at his oldest daughter. "That's a wonderful idea, Maureen."
The twenty-one year old smiled, then looked over at Olivia, "I'm going to take back home... OK?"
Olivia smiled, "Drive safely."
Maureen nodded, told the girls and Dickey to say goodbye, and promised to bring them by the next day so they could see the baby. Then they left the room, making it significantly less crowded.
"Matthew William Stabler, huh?" Alex asked, "That's a mouthful."
"I think it's beautiful," Olivia informed her. Alex nodded.
"Of course it is," she kissed Matt on the forehead as well. "You take care, Olivia... you look exhausted." She patted Elliot on the shoulder, "Congrats, old man."
He grinned, "Look who's talking."
"Hey, I'm five years younger than you are."
"Right... when do you plan on having children?" he asked.
She sent him a mock-dirty look, "When I get married."
Olivia nodded, "And when does Huang plan on popping the question?"
Alex's mouth dropped for a second before she closed it again. "You'd have to ask him that," she informed her with a wink. "Take care of my god-son now, alright?"
Dr. Travis walked back into the room, "You don't have to worry about that Miss Cabot. But, Mrs. Stabler does need her sleep so I'm going to have to take the little one for a couple of hours."
"So soon?" Olivia asked.
"Yeah, I know." Doctor Travis replied, "You'll fall right asleep and before you know it he'll be back in your arms.... Did you come up with a name?"
Elliot nodded, "Matthew William."
"That's a wonderful name," Dr. Travis said with a smile. "I'll have the nurses print it out and put it on his bracelet." She took the baby from Olivia's arms, "Now you both need to get some sleep... I'll have a separate bed brought in here for you, Mr. Stabler."
"Can't he sleep with me?" Olivia asked.
"It might be uncomfortable, Olivia." Elliot told her.
"I'll be dead to the world, I don't think I'll feel comfort or discomfort."
"That's fine with me," the doctor informed them. "I'll bring him back as soon as you're awake."
Olivia nodded and then the doctor left the room, bringing Matthew with her. After Munch, Fin, and Cragen said their congratulations and goodbyes the only two left in the room were Elliot and her.
"Are you sure it's ok for me to stay with you?" Elliot asked her, "If you're going to be uncomf–"
"I'll be fine," she told him with a sigh. "I'm tired though, so you'd better get in bed before I fall asleep."
He smiled and walked around to the other side of the bed, took off his shoes and climbed in with her, allowing her to cuddle up to him as much as she could.
"So," he whispered in her ear. "How does it feel to be a mother?"
"Exhausting," she quipped sleepily. ''Goodnight, Elliot."
"Night, babe."
To say she was exhausted would have been a gross understatement because before he knew it her breaths were short and even, a sigh that she was fast asleep. After a few minutes, when he was finally satisfied that she was out and wouldn't be waking up anytime soon, he allowed himself to drift off to sleep.
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Even though she had been exhausted sleep did not come easily to Olivia. It hadn't even been half an hour since she had fallen asleep when she woke up. Elliot's arm was draped around her still bulging stomach. She was still so tired and before she knew it she was beginning to drift back to sleep. As she started to fall deeper into sleep different thoughts popped into her mind. One in particular she still couldn't fully wrap her mind around.
She was a mother... just down the hallway in the infants ward was her newborn son, probably sleeping at that very moment. With a sigh she scooted closer to her husband, smiling when his arm tightened around her on instinct. A few minutes later she was teetering on the edge of being slightly awake and dead to the world asleep. Still, one thought continued to ring in her mind.
She was a mother.
It felt wonderful.
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A/N: I realize, of course, that this ending is a bit cliche. But... oh well. Anyway, that's it... let me know what you think. (As long as it's not too mean!)