13 October
Dear Dairy,
During lunch Kim told me everything the doctor said yesterday, most of it was just bullshit or things I already knew, but there was some useful stuff in there. The training session was mostly the normal routine, so I didn't really need my attention with it. That was good, because I couldn't keep my attention with it anyway. My attention was drawn to the babies in my abdomen. How am I supposed to bring up two children at once? I know Zhane and Karone will help me with that, but it still scares me. During dinner in the apartment Zhane asked what was wrong, because I was quiet. I've become more quiet and withdrawn since that one day and they know that, but Zhane found me even quieter than I was before, so I had to tell them. Boy were they shocked, but what really bothered me was that I couldn't keep tears from falling. I don't know why it hurt so much to tell them or maybe it was just all the emotions catching up with me. Karone pulled me in a hug and told me it would be okay, but we both know it will never be okay, not without Andros. I wish he was here. That's something I'm catching myself wishing lately. Why can't he be here? Why does my life have to be so screwed up?
Love,
Ashley