DISCLAIMER: All characters, settings, and magical occurrences were all conceived and created in the brilliant mind of J.K. Rowling. Nothing except the glorious plot is property of mine. No profits are being made from my writing.
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Chapter 10
Time passed dreadfully slow in the Hospital Wing. There were a few regular visitors. Dumbledore. Snape. Pansy. Even Blaise had come by once or twice to check up on him, but there wasn't another visit from Remus. Draco was more than furious with himself for the things he'd said but it was too late now, right?
Madam Pomfrey fussed over him more than he'd ever expected. He wasn't sure if it was from sympathy or fear at this point. They'd checked his wand after he'd returned and all the terrible things he'd done had been revealed for all and since then, he had a harder time reading people's reactions to him. That more than anything was the key factor in his wanting to leave so bad. To escape from the constant eye he was under.
Much to her word, it was only a few days before he was allowed to leave. The pain that had once held his body captive had vanished and his magic had been restored with the help of Snape of course. It seemed the man could make a potion for just about any purpose. Not that Draco had ever doubted him. With the help of Pansy, he moved back into his own dorm.
She was painfully quiet but Draco suspected he knew why. In fact, compared to the alternative, he was happy with her silence. Less questions to answer and more time to think of what he would answer if she should happen to ask. As he fluffed the final pillow back on his bed, she couldn't take it anymore.
"What did you say to Lupin?" It burst out so quickly she was still in awe of what she had said. She knew that she shouldn't, but watching him mope around so miserably for so long was doing nothing to help anyone. She figured she'd just take matters into her own hands.
"Pansy, that isn't any of your business."
"Well obviously you need to talk about this to someone. You've been utterly miserable since your first day in the clinic. And things aren't getting any better now that you're out. And that's just you. I have been attending classes lately, Draco. I know you aren't the only one effected by all of this." Draco sat down on the end of his bed. Despite the conversation that now held them captive, it felt good to be back in his own room.
"I have been miserable. I've been stuck in bed for three days after almost dying, Pansy! How do you expect me to act?" He didn't touch on the comments she made about Remus. He couldn't. Last time he held his hopes up for anything, things crashed down violently upon him.
"That's not it and you know it. You've never been a good liar."
"I lashed out. I was my normal self. Ok? I'm not setting myself up to get hurt again. That's the bottom line. And I for one believe, things are better this way." Draco stood up from the bed, not letting his eyes meet Pansy's. She'd know. She always knew.
"Lying to yourself, Draco, isn't going to help at all." She made her exit, pulling the door closed behind her. In typical fashion, she was giving him time to think. She'd been around him for as long as she could remember and probably knew more about him than he even realized. Draco wasn't as much of a closed book as he liked to believe he was. He was a very easy read if you knew how. And she knew that he was still miserable. But this time, it wasn't because of physical pain, it was more rooted than he would even admit to himself.
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His first day back in class, left Draco feelings even more dreadful than before. He was amazed at how much he'd missed in just his short absence. Or maybe it was more that his focus was so out of it, he couldn't have concentrated if someone paid him. Pansy had been right. He was lying. Or maybe it wasn't exactly lying as much as it protecting himself.
Potion's went off without a hitch. Snape knew that he was still a little off and partnered him with Blaise. Which in turn, gave him a break from actually doing much work. Blaise seemed to know as well as Pansy did that it wouldn't be a good idea. Draco was having a hard enough time answer to his name let alone reading Potion ingredients.
"Pansy's worried about you, you know?" Blaise added to the silence after he left the potion to simmer.
"When isn't she?" Draco countered lazily, trying to look disinterested.
"Draco."
"What, Blaise? What? I know she's worried, ok. I'm sure you're worried as well but neither of you needn't get involved. I'm fine. Utterly fine and your worry is doing nothing to help that." He snapped grabbing his books up and storming out of the classroom in a huff.
"Mr. Malfoy!" Snape called after him. He didn't stop. He wouldn't stop. He was so tired of everyone. Thinking they understood what was going on. Trying to help. But they couldn't. No one understood what it was like. No one could even come close to helping either. It was his own battle he was fighting. A battle he chose to fight. Did he regret his decision?
He found himself in a dark corridor, tossing his books off, he sunk down against the wall. Exhaling deeply, his head leaned back to rest against the solid stone wall behind him. When did things become so screwed up? Not even a year before he was blissfully ignorant to the inner-workings around the school and that surrounded Voldemort. But even more than that, he never felt his emotions so on edge before. It scared him for he was seriously worried of what he might do.
He couldn't remember how long he sat in that hallway. It seemed like hours. Then suddenly, he heard the muffled noise of the students changing classes and he knew he couldn't sit there any longer. Though if he couldn't make it through his entire Potion's class, how was he ever going to survive a DADA class. It would take a lot of strength on his part.
Entering the class, the Slytherins took notice, all shooting nervous glances in the direction of their 'leader.' No one had missed the sudden outburst in the dungeons and it seemed it was still on their minds and tongues now. He silently cursed as he slipped into a seat in the back of the room.
That could've been the most important DADA class he'd had all year but Draco heard not a single word of what was being said. He had so much contemplation to do and being in the presence of his one time savior, seemed to make focusing nearly impossible. When had things gotten this bad? Had they only shared one kiss? But it was more than that, at least to Draco.
He trusted the other man. His trust was divided very thinly amongst his few close friends. But even then he still kept his guard up. To let it down was to leave oneself open and he'd don't just then. He'd felt like a fool, a moron, and utterly awful. What if there was something wrong with him? Of course, he was a very self assured person and outwardly, he couldn't see anything wrong with him but what if there was. Sure, he was a student, but he was of age. It wasn't as though that couldn't be worked around. What was the problem?
The thoughts kept replaying over and over in his mind and it wasn't until someone spoke to him that he snapped back to reality.
"Draco, the bell rang a few minutes ago." Remus spoke softly to him but it was enough. He was still standing at his desk nervously. Draco was a little satisfied to note that Pansy had been right. He hadn't looked that well either at the moment. He wasn't that sure of the exact time of the month so he couldn't be sure if that was attributed to him or the moon cycle.
Draco couldn't keep this up. It was now or never. If he couldn't have the other man, he'd have to settle for what they'd had before. It would at least give him a chance to earn what he so wanted. It would be a start and he'd wear his guard down again. He had to. It seemed like the only option he had left. Giving up wasn't even to be considered.
He got up from his seat and started the walk to the front of the classroom. "Do you mind if we talk for a moment?" He questioned stopping on the opposite side of his desk. Remus nodded lightly, unsure of what to expect. "I wanted to well apologize for what I said in the hospital. You saved my life and all I could respond with was hostility."
"No, it's ok. I understand why you did. It's partly my fault. I think I might have given you the wrong idea." That remark hurt more than Draco would care to admit.
"So what happened between us that night had all just been a mistake? I know we've gone over this before but I just didn't see it like that and this is hard for me."
"Draco, nothing between us with ever work. You have to realize that. I can be your friend if you'll let me, but with both of our given situations, friendship is the only thing we can offer one another." Remus spoke softly looking up from the jumbled mess upon his desk. Their eyes locked for a moment and Draco nodded.
"I like to have that back again." Was all the blonde said and it caused Remus to smile and he moved around the desk, the pair of them moving into a warm embrace that left Draco's skin burning for more than was given. "But what do you mean about our given…" Draco started as they still held one another tight but there was a cough from behind them.
"Professor, I needed to speak with you about our assignment." It was Potter. Merlin, he was turning into The Boy Who Lived To Ruin Draco's Every Chance To Get Remus In Bed. Remus quickly pulled back distancing himself abruptly. Draco instantly could feel the distance between them. It wasn't very appreciated.
"Of course Harry. Draco and I were just finishing up a conversation. What was it you needed to ask?" He switched right back into the person Harry needed him to be at that moment and Draco grabbed his things in a frustrated manner, exiting in a huff.
Harry came over to the desk, shooting an angry look at the blonde as he left, and met his professor. He hadn't really had a question and was fishing around for one. Ok, he'd noticed that Draco hadn't left and he didn't want anything to happen again. He'd seen how horrible he'd been after his conversation in the clinic with the hateful blonde. It hadn't been very good.
Remus didn't even notice as Harry stumbled for something to ask. Instead his mind was still focused on the fact that moments before he'd held the object of his affection so intimately, if only for a moment, which it was. What was he getting into? He knew it would be best to distance himself completely from Draco before anything else were to happen but he couldn't. If the days before were enough proof for him, he knew he couldn't do it alone. He needed to have someone to look after him. And call him selfish but he wanted to be the person to do it. It was the wolf instinct in him to grow protective. He felt that way for Harry, Ron, and Hermione but never the way he did for Draco. It was almost the same as the way he felt for… Remus knew his look faltered with that revelation to himself.
"I'll just come back then…" Harry slipped out but it seemingly went unheard. Remus nodded silently and sat down in his chair at his desk. He wasn't doing this. He couldn't be. It wasn't right. There were so many things wrong about it but when feelings that strong surfaced, there was little he'd ever been able to do to contradict them. Damn.
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Dumbledore sat quietly in his office, reading. Quiet time had come at times few and far between for him and even more so as of late. He was worried. Worried for his students and his friends alike. There were a few individuals in particular whom held more care in his mind than others.
Harry always seemed to be near the top of his list but that was expected. The boy was dealing with so much and after finding out that Remus was housing Draco at times, well it hadn't gone well for him. He'd been a little livid. He seemed to believe the kindness the man possessed wasn't to be extended to such company.
That in itself worried Dumbledore. He wasn't certain how the kindness that Remus felt for Draco was expressed. He could tell just by listening to the older man talk that it wasn't the same as with Harry. Remus loved Harry but it was more because he was James' son and they had been so close. He felt he had to protect him for the sake of his best friend. But with Draco, that was a different story and anyone could see that. He'd been a mess and Dumbledore had considered giving him some time off.
He knew he needed to put a stop to it. If word got out to Lucius or worse, well things wouldn't be in their favor. It had seemed like a good idea at first with the pair of them and he couldn't remember how things had morphed into so much more. He just knew that both of them hadn't seem so happy in a long while and it seemed cruel to take that a way. Deep down, he knew he couldn't let it go on. It wouldn't be good for them. He was stuck, as the muggles say between a rock and a hard place. There was no easy option but for the time being, he couldn't do anything but let it go. He could've been wrong about the whole place. But he felt certain that Draco at least never looked at Remus as a father figure in his life.
At the same time, he worried desperately about Draco and the things he was beginning to face. Dumbledore could never be certain what might be happening and after the spell revealing Draco's magic, he was almost certain he didn't want to know. The life he was leading certainly would be enough to drive anyone crazy. It explained why Severus clung so tightly to sarcasm. You needed something to forget all of that. Even if it meant scaring every first year that stepped foot in your class. Actually he was getting better at getting the upper grades as well. Especially poor Mr. Longbottom. That was part of the reason Dumbledore never confronted him about it. He knew he was having a hard time and he needed an outlet. Besides, he'd never been too terribly awful to anyone.
It all seemed almost as though it was a lost cause. Voldemort was getting stronger. That was much certain and he was getting suspicious of Severus. If he were to be found out, it would leave only Draco on their side and he wasn't even sure how much he could take. Remus was already ready to pull him back from doing anything of the sort as it were. There were no easy answers to be found. They were back to waiting. Waiting for something. Anything to come along. And until then, he felt helpless with so many children under his watch and an entire world at stake.
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A/N: Please forgive me! It took me forever again, I know. I'm terrible awful. But I got hung up on finishing this chapter and here is finally the end result. I'm already hard at work on 11 so please be patient with me. This chapter was a little happier and the next might be as well. Though there will be plenty of complication, trust me. Oh the drama. But anywho, I'd love you forever if you leave me a review. And to those I already love forever, you get a cookie as well as a special little message…
GaBoO: Thanks bunches and bunches for the review. As I've said, sorry it took so long. And Draco is indeed proud and I'm hoping that this chapter shows he's a tad screwed up. And poor Remus. He's just…oh ever the Gryffindor when it comes to his feelings. Thanks again!
Silver-sunn101: Thank you, thank you! I spent forever writing this chapter, probably the longest I have on any of them, and I'm still unsure. That means it's up to you to provide wonderful criticism! :-D I just couldn't sit on this chapter anymore and tweek it. Thank you as always for the beautiful review for the last chapter. All of the encouraging words it what got me to finish this darn thing after all. Thanks!
Betsytheripper: You know, I finally get all of my classes under control and tennis ended and then I decide I need a job! GRR!! I just thrive on lack of free time I think. But here it finally is. Sorry it took so long. Life has been well life. Happy Belated Birthday! I'd have wished it for you earlier but well, I barely had much time for my own. It's only about oh…a month late anywho :-D Thank you as always for the reviews!
Empath89: Thanks a whole bunch! I've been looking a lot lately for some good stories and I updated my own list but most of it is just Harry/Draco. It's tough finding any good Draco/Remus stuff. I appreciate though about letting me know. Can't ever find enough good fiction. So as always, THANKS!