1/12/05

NOTE: I hate myself

Diary let me tell you about the last few days... I'll start from getting home from the movies:

"Raven do you need help? Your walking kinda everywhere," Robin said blandly.

"Oh yes, dear Raven, do you need assistance?" Starfire chirped in.

"Just-" I signed, "Don't" I told them.

Cyborg gave me a strange look but said nothing. Beast Boy didn't look at me at all. (So what now? Now that I'm a supposed vampire, I am all of a sudden not sought after?) Slowly I made it up to my room. Never had I felt so along. And believe me, diary, I have been very, very alone. I looked in the mirror on my dresser, maybe I needed more makeup.

"AHHHHHHHHHH!!!" I screamed. Beast Boy, Starfire, Robin, and Cyborg bust into my room. (All in that order).

"Raven…" they said in unison.

"I – I" I couldn't breathe. Ohm I forgot, I don't DO that now either, "My reflection is almost gone!"

They all turned to the mirror and looked hesitantly. You couldn't see the details of my face, or the fingers on my hands, or the skin of my legs. All you could see in their place was a blur of skin tones and hues. They all stared at me dumbfounded like I would have an explanation. (WELL I DON'T!)

"Go!" I screamed. They didn't move. "Go!" I called again.

Beast Boy ran over and hugged me, 'Remember this, Raven? Remember? You have to! You're not gone yet and I won't let you go!"

"Beast Boy, look at me!" I said, "Look!" I motioned over my whole body, "Look what I've become. Beast Boy, I'm not breathing."

He stared.

"I want blood."

Still he said nothing.

"Beast Boy!" (Was he even listening?) "Look at my teeth, I have fangs. I have fangs! I'm not like you – I'm not like anyone."

"No, Rae, it's not true!"

"Yes it is! I'm sorry but I have to go! …before I hurt any of you, I have to say good-bye."

"No!" he screamed and held me tighter than ever, "I love you, Raven, and I won't let you leave like this!"

(He loves me? Someone loves me? Is that possible?)

Beast Boy let loose one hand and grabbed my face and pulled it towards his. (Was he going to kiss me? Yes, I think he was!) His eyes were watering, either that or he was crying. Just then the windows broke in and we all were knocked to the ground. Beast Boy acted as a human shield over me. (Great wonders that would do with on coming glass)

"Time's up, sweet one," a voice said from outside one of the windows, "Come with me,"

I was floating towards the window, but it wasn't me doing the floating. It was HIM somehow pulling me I guess. Everyone in the room was frozen, as if in a stand still.

"What did you do to them?" I cried.

"Just kept them calm that's all, its easier this way, don't you think?"

"Fix it now before I kill you!"

"Love, don't be angry. Here," he snapped his fingers and the team began to blink again, "Now were gone," and with that he pulled me into a shadow and we were gone. I never knew vampires can travel THROUGH darkness but they can. WE can. I swear I can still hear Beast Boy in my head. He loves me, he said so himself. Can I love? I mean NOW that I'm… this… (Grrr – I can't think!) I managed to slip you, diary, into the inner side of my cape in a zipper pocket. Really, diary, you are not so big. Oh, back to what happened…

I was in a dark place, (obviously I could see), HE was standing next to me.

"Who am I? You ask," he said softly. He was reading me thoughts because I didn't not say anything. And I had not planned to either, "My name is Jagger. I am a vampire and my turn on's include bloodsucking and sleeping in the daytime." (Ha ha- no. Wow he made a joke, woo hoo).

"You may be wondering a few things, I know. But I need not tell you anything. Just know that you belong to me. Now go and rest," he motioned to a room behind me and with a twist of his wrist I was cast into it. I heard his voice through the door that rapidly shut. "This is my lair, love. You are in your new room, and I shall be in mine. Dare you ever need me just scream. I will answer. Oh and some advice, stay out of the light… forever." Then everything was silent. I was sitting on the floor where I was thrown and began to weep. Why? Why? So here I am now. I won't have a problem hiding you, diary, seeing how there are many places where you would easily fit. I hate my life. My life like this. I have a plan, diary, but you need to wait because I don't trust this place. I will tell you soon though. But I do wish to see Beast Boy again.

(Note to self: oh, and guess again. I can love, and I do.)