This is placed in season 6, during the whole Buffy is sleeping with Spike to feel alive. Dawn is stealing and, woah, doing naughty things to herself. Rated PG-13 because of the language and the "graphic" image that is implied at the end of the short fliclit.
She's always one step ahead of me. Always just one fucking step.
For Christmas one year, I gotmy moma picture of me and Buffy. But she got her a handmade frame, full with popsicle sticks and alphabet letters spelling out "The Best Mom" and "I love you". Sure, my picture went into the frame, but next year Buffy gave her even a better picture. So mine was bumped to the back, never to be seen again.
She's always doing that. Making me seem inadequate. Making herself count more. But, like she says, it's only fair. Because she is the slayer and I'm just the key. And she died for me, but only to get out of this world because she hated it. I, I was going to sacrifice myself for the world. I was going to die a hero and I had it all planed. Even wrote good-bye letters back at home before Glory captured me. But no. She had to go and die a hero before me. Even though what she did was heroic, her thought process into it wasn't. And everyone paraded around the whole summer claiming how lucky I was. I was alive and Buffy wasn't because Buffy gave her life to me.
It was all shit.
So now, as I'm sitting on the bathroom floor, the knife in my right hand and my left wrist in my right, I think, "Buffy even has the whole fucking numb thing going for her, better than me."