Chapter 5

Sara takes a step toward the door before she remembers Grissom's presence and turns back to him. She shakes her head and whispers "I'm sorry."

"Sara," he says, reaching out toward her.

"I have to go after him."

Sara recognizes the look of resignation Grissom wears. She also senses that he can't bring himself to give her his blessing, but as much as she'd like it, she doesn't need it. She turns away from him and hurries out the door hoping to catch Warrick.

"Damn it," she says as she reaches the bottom of the stairs, Warrick's truck leaving a cloud of dust as it pulls out of her parking lot. She would follow him if she was wearing more than her old bathrobe. Of course there's also the matter of Grissom standing in her kitchen. As she's climbing the stairs, Grissom appears at the top. It's fitting. He's the man she's always climbing towards, never reaching. Then along comes Warrick, her competitor, her peer, the man she's walked beside for four years and counting. And though it's been rocky at times, he's become someone she's learned to reach out and hold onto. Grissom has always remained just out of her reach, feeding her morsels of hope, but never letting her get close enough to actually touch him. Now that he wants her, now that he's scared of losing her to another man, it's too late. She's already gone.

When she meets him at the top of the stairs, a smile touches her lips but doesn't quite reach her eyes and she can't help thinking that it's an expression she's mastered in her dealings with him.

"For the record," he says, grasping the metal railing with both fists and looking out over the parking lot, "I still don't think this is a good idea."

"I know," Sara says.

Grissom turns to look at her, looks at her for a long time, regret nearly oozing from him. "Are you sure, Sara?" he asks.

And for a moment she isn't sure. For one last moment, she wonders if she's doing the right thing. She feels the ache of an uncertain future and wonders if she doesn't owe herself the chance to find out if it would work, this thing she's been wanting for so long. But she remembers the kiss they shared minutes earlier, the way she couldn't help but compare him to Warrick, and the moment passes.

"Yes."

Grissom looks away from her and nods. Without another word, he brushes past her and climbs down the stairs. She watches him go with a dull ache, knowing that their relationship will never be the same. In time, she hopes, it will be better. But now she has to focus on repairing another relationship, so she enters her apartment to change her clothes.

Sara tries his house first, and when he's not there, she tries the lab. Though it's probably where she would go if she was trying to take her mind off something, he's not her and he's not there. She finds it sad that she has no idea where to look for him, that she knows so little about him and she only hopes that he'll let her get the chance to learn these things. She tries his cell again, and then tries Nick's. When he doesn't answer, she throws her phone down on her passenger seat in frustration. She pulls a U and drives in the other direction.

Nick answers the door in a pair of plaid pajama bottoms, looking at her curiously.

"I don't know where to look," she says, the tension of everything that's been going on finally getting to her, tears threatening to spill over. "Damn it," she says, wiping furtively at her eyes. She hates letting people see her cry.

"Hey," Nick says, touching her arm. "What's going on?"

Sara doesn't know if she should tell him or not. It wasn't her intention in coming here, she just wanted to know if he could help her find Warrick. She obviously wasn't thinking too clearly, because of course Nick would want to know why. As she's debating whether she should tell him everything, she notices him glancing over his shoulder. He's got someone inside.

"I'm sorry to just show up, Nick," she says. "I'll let you get back to… whatever it was you were doing." She's embarrassed and she's sure it shows.

"I was just sleeping, it's not that," Nick says. "It's just… I don't… oh fuck it. Come in, Sar."

Before she can argue, Nick puts an arm around her and steers her inside. He asks if she wants coffee and heads into the kitchen to make it, pointing her in the direction of the living room. She's not sure who's shocked more when she walks in, her or Greg.

"Hi Greg," she says, confused.

"Sara," he says, drawing out her name. He's sitting on the couch, and despite the fact that his pajama bottoms are adorned with The Nightmare Before Christmas characters, he's dressed quite similarly to Nick.

"You could have warned me," Greg says when Nick walks into the room, balancing three cups of coffee, "I could have been naked."

"Oh," Sara says in understanding.

"Look Sara," Nick says, handing her a hot mug. "We'd appreciate it if you wouldn't say anything. Imagine the fuss surrounding you and Warrick and magnify it by fifty. That's the kind of thing we'd be looking at."

"I won't say anything," she says. "I wouldn't say anything. I'm just…"

"Shocked?" Greg asks.

"Surprised," she counters with a smile, though shocked is probably closer to the truth.

Greg smirks at her. "Speaking of surprise, how's your love life going?"

Sara's smile falters and she sees Nick swat Greg.

"Ow! What?"

Sara tells them what happened, leaving out only the personal details. She can't look at them when she tells them about kissing Grissom, but they don't judge her.

"I'm sure Warrick will understand once you explain everything to him," Greg says.

Sara's not so sure, and she looks at Nick who hasn't said anything. "What do you think, Nick? You know him best."

"I don't know, Sara," Nick says truthfully. "He can be pretty stubborn sometimes, almost as stubborn as you. You have to try, though. I know Warrick can seem kind of casual about things, but he wouldn't have risked tension with Grissom unless he's serious about you."

Sara nods, ignoring the stubborn comment. "I will. Thank you."

Sara leaves with a list of places Nick thinks Warrick might be, and feeling good about her relationship with Nick and Greg. They put a lot of trust in her today, and she marvels at the balance of the universe. Just as her relationship with Grissom becomes even more strained, a bond is strengthened with her two friends. Now she only hopes she can tip the scales in her favour by fixing things with Warrick.

Sara gets in her car and looks at the clock. Shift will be starting in a few hours, and she wonders if she should just wait until then to catch up with Warrick. She doesn't really want to talk to him about this at the lab, but she may not have a choice. He could be anywhere, really. For all she knows, he could be back at his place by now. Or he could have been at home the whole time and just chose not to answer the door. The thought makes her heart sink, and she shakes her head, not allowing herself to believe that Warrick would be so unreasonable.

"Well," she says out loud, starting her car. "Wherever he is, he'll have to go home to change before shift." She starts the car and heads towards Warrick's house, thinking she'll camp out on the doorstep until he gets there or it's time for shift, whichever comes first.

She turns onto Tropicana and creeps along, cursing herself for not taking a quicker route. As she approaches the intersection of Tropicana and Paradise Road, it hits her. She knows where he might be. She cuts someone off as she quickly changes lanes and turns right.

TBC