So, I know that I have other fics that I need to update on but this one came to me last night when I was in my room listening to Anti Nostaligic. Heh…funny right? The song title contradicts the fic..lol. ANYway…enjoy and tell me what you think, na no da! I do not own Gravitation.
o, I'm standing outside his door again, recalling memories of days gone by. I'm smiling because I can see his face, his amethyst eyes sparkling and his smile wide. But I'm in pain. My heart longs for his and my fingers long to touch him, to hold him. It's not fair of me though. He is in love with the famous writer, hell, he's even living with him. I guess I just came late in the game. The song has played and I've missed all of my cues. But what makes it worse though is that, no matter how much I know he's taken, I still want him. I want his smile, his pain, his tears. I want to be able to be there when he comes running home from a bad day so I can hold him and tell him that's it's going to be alright. I want to be waiting backstage so he can come running to me, smiling and hyped by his screaming fans after an awesome concert.
I want it all to myself, but I can't. I see the way he stares Eiri Yuki, His eyes are always shining with love, like he would do anything for the blonde. I know this because. . .that's the same way I stare as Shuichi Shindo. The boy who resembles me so much, it scares people; that's the boy I want. The one who copied my hairstyle and uses the same shampoo; I want him.
But I can't have him. I will never have him, because his heart belongs to another. So, I stand here, outside his door, ready to turn and leave when I hear a lock being undone. My eyes go wide as I watch the door open, unable to do anything and come face to face with my desire.
"Oh, Ryuichi." He says, blinking a couple of times. "I was just about to go out for a walk. You wanna come?" He asks. I have to hold everything back to keep from smiling like I had the first time I knew my feelings for him. So instead, I clear my throat, nod, and smile at him as a friend would.
"Sure, Shuichi." I say, "As long as Mr. Bear can come along!" I exclaim, hiding my quivering voice behind an invisible wall, very much like how I hide my face and the tears that well up, behind Mr. Bear. But I smiling all the same, because I know he cares for me as a friend. And if that means that I must never tell him my feelings to keep him hanging out with me, then I will hold everything inside, because I would do anything for Shuichi Shindo; the treasure I can't obtain but long for.
Sachi