Hey! I'm back! Not much to say, so let's jump into the story!
Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha. I do own Kiseki and Sutaa, so there.
Chapter 17: The Pain of the Past
Kagome sighed. It had been a week since she and Kiseki had come to live with Kouga's wolves. Kiseki had grown at a rapid rate. The little kit was already walking and looked to be about a year old. She had also started talking, recognizing people and calling them by name. Kagome had never been happier than when she had heard Kiseki say "mama" for the first time a few days ago.
I had no idea that she would mature so quickly! Shippo changed quite a bit over three years, but nowhere near as quickly as this! Kagome sighed again, looking at the small girl sleeping soundly on a pallet. It's hard to believe that by the time we're supposed to leave here, Kiseki will look and act about three years old…
This brought another thought to her mind. I wonder how old Shippo is? He looks to be about seven… but he could be a year old for all I know! I should try and find out how quickly kitsunes age…
As she was wondering over these things, Kagome heard a commotion outside her cavern. Hmmm… I wonder what's going on… Kagome walked over to the screen over the hole that led from her cavern into the main one. Just as she was about to look out, the screen was pushed hastily aside from outside.
Kagome just stared at the wolf demon that now stood in front of her. Kouga was breathing hard, as if he had just run for miles. Kagome remembered all the times she had seen him before, never had he ever looked so terrified!
Kouga stared at Kagome for a minute, obviously trying to place her. Then his eyes lit up in recognition. "I am sorry, my guest, for coming in do rudely. I must admit that I had forgotten that you were using this cavern." Kagome tried desperately not to laugh at his speech. But he soon returned to the way she was used to him speaking. "But that baka onna is trying to kill me!" He nearly shouted, looking behind him, as if he thought that he would see Ayame behind him.
Kouga and Ayame had seemed to be getting along just fine for the first few days after the she-wolf had arrived. Kouga had even started the courting rituals among the urufu. It was about that point when Ayame mentioned taking a trip up north for Kouga to meet her grandfather. At the mention of her grandfather, Kouga seemed to remember that taking Ayame as his mate would make him the leader of all the wolf tribes, not just his own. He had balked at the thought, and the fights between the two had started. Everyone in the entire den could hear them when they had a particularly fantastic fight.
Kagome decided that she would try and help the two get back on track with their relationship. "Kouga-sama?" Kagome had had a hard time getting used to calling him that.
Kouga looked at her. "Hai?"
"If you don't mind me asking… why are you afraid to rule over all of the wolf tribes?" Kagome thought she was going to lose her head for asking that for a few moments. She kept forgetting that Kouga wasn't her friend here, he was just tolerating her as a favour to Sesshomaru.
Kouga glared at her for a moment. "It is not your place to ask such things of me, human woman, but it can't hurt to tell you. I am not afraid of becoming the leader of all the wolves. It is just that I do not wish to leave my tribe to take over the head tribe. This is required of any that would rule the urufu."
Kagome thought for a moment. "Well, that's pretty easily fixed, isn't it? Since Ayame obviously loves you so much, and her grandfather sounds like he loves her more than some stupid tradition, why don't you make one of conditions to taking over the leadership be that the leadership be transferred to your tribe?"
Kouga looked like he was going to rebuke the idea out of hand then stopped to consider it. "You know, that just might work." Then, without another word, he whirled and ran out of her cavern.
Kagome let out a breath that she hadn't realized she was holding. Just as she was about to check on Kiseki again, Kouga's head popped back around her screen. Kagome nearly screamed in surprise.
Kouga grinned at her, obviously enjoying the fear he had instilled in her. "By the way, did you mean it when you said she loved me?"
Kagome was tempted to throw something at him, but instead she just answered his question. "Yes! Ayame loves you! Even a blind person could see that!" She yelled, causing Kouga o cover his ears. Kagome smiled then went back to looking at Kiseki. Kouga left without another sound.
Amazingly, Kiseki had slept right through the whole conversation.
Inuyasha, Shippo and Kaede had been moving toward the mountain for a week now. They were almost there and Kaede was sure that within another few days they would be at Urasue's cave.
Inuyasha had been very quiet since the night of the new moon. The only time he spoke was to say that they needed to speed up, or to complain about the time taken to rest and camp.
Kaede, too, was quiet. She had been thinking about Kikyo for the last few days. She had very few memories of her sister, but every one of them was a good one. She was terrified that those memories would be tainted when she reached the mountain.
Strangest of all was the silence of Shippo. Like most young children, Shippo had caught on to the mood of his companions, and was feeling melancholy himself. He was remembering his parents. Every time he thought of them, he kept seeing them being killed by the thunder brothers. At one point he had pulled out a bit of cloth, a piece of his mother's favourite kimono, and tied his hair back with it. Silent tears would often course down his cheeks when he thought of his mother. And a fierce anger overcame him when he thought of his father's death.
After a few days of thinking only about his parents, Shippo's thoughts turned to his sister. He hadn't seen her since she was born, but he knew that Kagome was taking good care of her. Kagome had promised to care for them. At the thought of Kagome, Shippo began to cry again. In the short time that he had been with Kagome, he had felt calm and loved. He wanted to feel that way again.
The three of them advanced toward the mountain.
Sometime that afternoon, Kagome felt a familiar presence that she hadn't felt in a week. SESSHOMARU!
An annoyed voice entered her thoughts. Don't yell! Yes, I'm here to check on you and the kit. Where are you?
Kagome giggled at the tone of his mental voice. Who knew that Sesshomaru could show so much feeling? Kagome sent him a mental image that showed how to get from the main cavern to her side cavern. Within moments she felt him coming closer.
Kagome was sitting with Kiseki in her lap when Sesshomaru walked in. Kagome was so entranced with the kit in her arks that she didn't look up when he walked in. This meant that she missed his initial reaction.
Sesshomaru walked into the room to see Kagome sitting on her pallet with the kit in her arms. It reminded him of another scene, one from when Inuyasha was just a newborn. Izayoi had come back to the castle with the tiny Inuyasha and was sitting in the corner of her room with her son in her arms. Sesshomaru had gone to her and asked where his father was. Izayoi had just turned sad eyes to him. That was all Sesshomaru had to see to know that he would never see his father again.
He had helped Izayoi and Inuyasha move to one of the villages close to the Western castle. Inutaisho's human mate couldn't stand the thought of being in the castle any longer, so it was the kindest thing Sesshomaru could do for her. He had checked in on her and his half brother periodically, but he had had a hard time keeping a hold on his lands, as every demon out to make a name for him- or herself was out to try to take his inheritance from him.
But Sesshomaru had always made sure to make some time for his father's mate and his brother. He had often gone to visit them, and he had found out why his father loved Izayoi so much. In her, he had found another mother.
When Izayoi had been killed, it broke him. Sesshomaru had reverted to his disgust of humans again that day.
Humans just make you feel like they love you, then they disappear. All they are capable of is causing pain. Sesshomaru shook himself out of his thoughts and looked at Kagome and Kiseki again. I will not allow myself to be hurt again.
Kagome looked up at the demon lord. He seemed lost in thought, and his eyes were sad. She knew some things of his past from the last time, but there were so many things that she didn't know about him. As she sat there watching him, Sesshomaru's eyes hardened, and he looked at her once more.
Faintly in her mind she heard: I will not allow myself to be hurt again. Kagome's eyes softened with understanding. He had been terribly hurt so many times. Kagome wanted that pain to stop; she would give anything to stop it.
I understand. She spoke gently into his mind, hoping to soothe him a bit, but he viciously closed his mind off from her. This didn't stop her, however. She knew that if he was ever going to be open with her, she had to catch him now.
Slowly she got up from the pallet and came toward Sesshomaru. He didn't move, but watched her every move as if she were some kind of poisonous snake. She reached her hand out to him and rested it on his arm. "I'm sorry for what has happened to you." She said in a low voice. "I know you've been hurt. So have I. Maybe we can help each other to heal."
Kagome expected him to back away, but he didn't. Sesshomaru just looked down at her. Emotions swirled in his golden eyes. She remembered those eyes so well.
Behind the shields he had erected around his mind, Sesshomaru's thoughts whirled in a chaotic storm. How can she think that she can help me? She is but a human. Another part of his mind contradicted the first, however. What about Izayoi? She was able to help you with many problems, and she was just a mere mortal woman, not a powerful miko like this girl Kagome. And she has been hurt as well, perhaps as badly as you have. Sesshomaru thought about this. He was surprised to notice that he cared that this girl had been hurt. It had been so long since he had cared about anything. He gazed down at the blue eyes looking up at him. He could see the pain reflected there, a mirror for his own. He suddenly found himself wanting to take revenge on whoever had caused her such heartache.
Kagome had stopped thinking about the present. When she had mentioned her own pain, she remembered what had caused her heart to break. She remembered the first time she had seen Inuyasha kissing Kikyo. She remembered Inuyasha making his choice, and of her near loss of him. She remembered deciding to never return to the Sengoku Jidai. Then she remembered returning, and knowing that Inuyasha had chosen Kikyo, and would always choose Kikyo. She remembered a happy moment, new love. But in the end, it was all pain. She saw again her friends dead all around her in the end, and the one she loved, dying to give her a chance to destroy the evil bent on destroying the world.
Kiseki's gurgling laugh is what brought her out of her sad memories, and she noticed that Sesshomaru was looking at her, with what looked like compassion in his eyes. It was quickly replaced by the usual ice that she as used to seeing there, but it had been there long enough for her to know that she hadn't dreamed it. They both looked down at the kit in her arms.
Kiseki had some of Sesshomaru's tail in her hands and was in the process of trying to get it into her mouth. Sesshomaru gently took her fingers off of his tail, then took her from Kagome's arms. That looks right. Kagome thought, looking at Sesshomaru holding the kit. He looked a bit awkward, but a small smile crossed his face when Kiseki reached for his face. Kagome smiled at the sight.
For the next few hours, Kagome and Sesshomaru sat and played with Kiseki. When Sutaa came in to take Kiseki for a meal, she discovered Sesshomaru holding a quiet kit and Kagome sleeping on her pallet.
Sesshomaru gave Kiseki to Sutaa without a word, then closed his eyes. Sutaa waked out of the room, glancing back at the peaceful scene. Hmmm… I wonder…
Kagome woke not too much later and saw that Sesshomaru was resting in the middle of the room. He was sitting at ease, but if any kind of threat had entered the room, he would have been moving in an instant. Neither of them had spoken about the pain they had seen in each other's eyes, but both of them had gained some kind of peace while playing with Kiseki.
Kagome got up and moved toward Sesshomaru. At her first movement he opened his eyes, his ears twitching slightly with every rustle she made. "Would you like to speak of that which bothers you?" he asked.
Kagome was startled by his curiosity. "Well, I guess so…" How do I explain this? "Ummm… a few years ago, I was very much in love with someone, but he loved someone else. The girl he was in love with had been gone for a very long time, and they had parted badly, but when she came back, he still loved her, and she loved him too, even if she didn't really show it all the time. For a while, I thought this guy loved me too, and that he might choose me over this other girl, but he didn't. It devastated me. Then, I fell in love with someone else, and he loved me back. But he died." Wow, that didn't sound remotely as bad as it felt at the time…
Sesshomaru seemed to understand her inability to tell him exactly how bad these things had been. He nodded and looked sympathetic. Kagome wasn't used to seeing this side of him, it wasn't something he usually let people see.
His thoughts entered her mind, letting her see what had happened to him, rather than trusting to words. When I was much younger, I had a mate that I loved very much. We were expecting our first kit, when there was an attack on the castle. I told my servant, Jaken, to get my mate to safety. I never guessed that she had betrayed me, that she was the reason for the attack. Kagome felt what Sesshomaru felt. Then, when my mother died, my father took a human mate. I was ridiculed by my friends; no other demon child had a human for a mother. They started to call me "hanyou". I wished she would die. Before my father died, though, he asked me to take care of his mate if he was not there. I swore that I would, what else could I do? Eventually, she became a second mother to me. Kagome saw, through Sesshomaru's memories, Inuyasha and his mother with Sesshomaru. She saw the brothers playing together, and she saw Sesshomaru talking with his father's mate. When she died, it hurt me almost as much as it did my brother. Kagome saw Sesshomaru arrive too late to save Izayoi from her demon murderers. She also saw the hatred directed at him by a young Inuyasha. I lost a mother and a brother that day.
Kagome regained her own thoughts as Sesshomaru replaced his shields. She realized that there were tears flowing down her cheeks, just before she realized that a few tears shimmered from Sesshomaru's eyes as well. Neither of them said anything, they didn't need to.
They sat in companionable silence until Sutaa returned with Kiseki. Kagome took the kit without a word, and Sutaa left the three of them.
Not too much later, Sesshomaru told her that he had to leave again, but that he would be back in a week to check on them again. He didn't say anything about what they had shared, but Kagome could tell that he was thankful to have spoken to someone, finally.
Sesshomaru left, leaving Kagome to think about everything that she had learned about him.
The monk looked around the town he had just arrived in. There was a strong demonic force here. Perhaps there will be one of the Shikon no Kakera to be had here. He moved further into the village, playing with the prayer beads around hisright wrist.
The witch Urasue looked at her creation. She was perfect. She was the lady Kikyo reborn in every aspect. "Now arise my child." Kikyo rose up from the shell of dirt that she had been covered in. Urasue looked into the dead brown eyes and gave an angry yell. "Where's the soul?"
She went back over her incantation. Yes. This is all as it should be. The soul should have returned! Unless… her soul has already been reincarnated!
Urasue went over to Kikyo and snipped off a bit of hair. "This ought to do…" Then she walked over to a scrying bowl and dropped the strands into the water. "Now show me the holder of this soul."
A few images flashed through the bowl, stopping for a long moment on a grubby looking girl with matted black hair. That is lady Kikyo's reincarnate? But a second later the image changed, and this time it was a girl of about fifteen who was pictured in the bowl. This girl had more than a passing resemblance to Kikyo. "Ah! So that's the one!"
Urasue turned away from the bowl to gather some other ingredients that she needed for her next spell. She didn't see the bowl's image flip back to the little girl, then back to Kagome, as if the bowl were confused. When she turned back, the image was Kagome's again. Urasue threw her other ingredients into the bowl, demanding the bowl to show her where Kagome was.
"Oh! With the urufu, are you? I can't imagine why, but that will make things a bit difficult. How shall I retrieve you from there?" Urasue spent the rest of the evening making a plan to retrieve the last ingredient needed to make her priestess complete, her soul.
Hah! Chapter 19 is finished! Yay! Oh, and Serenity's Family Secret is complete! (for any Sailor Moon fans out there!) Okay, here's the…
Reviewer Response:
Cyberwing: Thanks! I intend to continue!
Snowecat: Kagome and Kaede would have seen to it that all of the heroes were properly buried, it just wasn't relevant to the story, so I didn't put it in. Sorry!
Sarcasm Girl8: Thank you so much! I'm glad you like it! And I'm trying very hard not to miss anything (I've always got my manga with me to make sure that I catch it all, and where Ayame's concerned, I've done a bit of research!)
Cold-night09: yeah, Kouga and Ayame… I love that pairing! Yes, Inu's cool with his black hair; sorry there's no more human Inu in this chap!
Sesshomaru4eva203: Thank you for the compliment! Good luck with the schoolwork!
That's it for the reviews! And for those of you who don't know the pairings yet….. IF YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW THIS IS YOUR FINAL WARNING TO GO BACK TO THE TOP OF THE PAGE AND GO TO THE NEXT CHAPTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pairings: Kouga/Ayame (obviously)
Inuyasha/Kikyo
Sesshomaru/Kagome
Miroku/Sango
Any other pairings will be posted, as they become relevant. Thanks so much for reading! Please review!