Forgive Me

Song Fic

Doc Walker: Forgive Me (For Giving A Damn)

I was the one who was undone Till you picked me up

So how do you fall so far from it all

Thought you were my rock

"I'm here for you," he said softly, stroking her red curls that lay on his lap. Tears swarmed in her chocolate brown eyes, flowing silently down her face. She didn't speak, yet her actions spoke louder then words themselves. Everyone was oblivious to the glazed over eyes she wore, or the bags under them she had accumulated over the years. He however had noticed, just as she had noticed a few months back.

Then she stood with confidence, she stood with grace and pride. Her red curls glowed in the darkest of times, as her pale skin glowed to light up his world. Her eyes were filled with stars and hopes, something he had always admired her for. Staring down at the girl that lay by his side now, one would guess them to be different human beings. He remembered the first day he actually saw her, the first day he really saw her.

Until that day that changed his future, he saw her around on rare occasions. People he loathed surrounded her, and he hated her even more for it. It didn't help that she was a Weasley, something he had forever been taught to hate and thought he would have forever. Her smile on her face made his insides turn at the time, yet he would not tell her that. That day he made a cruel remark to her, yet it didn't seem to faze her in the least. She didn't frown; she didn't even go and run crying to the bathrooms.

She simply gave him a little shake of her head, and a soft giggle escaped from her mouth. That giggle was something he wouldn't forget, although at the time he wouldn't have liked to think something such as that. She merely when on with her day, not even taking into account his comment. He too went on with his day, yet only to find himself out in the dark of night once more.

Since he was young he wondered the darkness at night, to think and comprehend his future. He sat by the lake, pulling his sleeve up to see a bare arm exposed. He knew that it might no longer be bare, that he would need to follow the path of which his father had demanded of him since he was young. He knew the rumours, that of which most thought he already had the mark. No one knew what he really felt; how he would rather die then go throw with such a horrible path.

He hardly noticed the dark figure that found its way beside him, and only to gasp in amazement that his arm was bare. Coming out of the shadows, it was indeed his turn to gasp. Her vivid red curls flowed gently in the wind, as she looked at him with a smile. He didn't ask as to why she wasn't out there, and he hoped she wouldn't ask why he was out there either. They sat in silence for some time, just sat as he took in her scent of sweet cinnamon.

"I knew it," she said gently. He was startled with her words, having almost forgotten she was there. He felt so comfortable with her; too comfortable that it scared him some. Never did he know what it truly was to have a friend, and he didn't even think how it would feel to be even more then that with anyone.

"Knew what?" He said gently, startling even himself with how he sounded. He lost his mask; he didn't even do that with his own fellow housemates. He was no longer ignorant and bigheaded, yet a scared little boy that wished to be someone entirely different. He didn't want to be what others thought of him, yet he didn't have much of a choice either.

"I knew you weren't like what people thought," she said softly, and that was all they said for the entire night. Everything felt too good to ruin the faith she had just said she had in him. It wasn't the end of the help she gave him, it was simply the beginning. She was there for him when no one else could see him falling, no one could see him screaming for help.

They began a friendship that would have lasted forever, one that couldn't have been broken even if people and space separated them. It soon turned into something more, something that he had never experienced. It was noticeable when she began to slip into the tunnel he had only been pulled from. No one saw, no one except him. He knew that she felt lost and as though she was dying, he had only just been there.

"I will always be here," he said softly, kissing her gently on her forehead. Tears began to pour even more, as she still lay wordlessly on his lap. He was better, he was happier, and it was all her doing. He had thought she was the strong one, he had thought she was the one that had enough strength for the both of them. Yet, now he knew he should have asked why she was out there on that first night…

So why do you push me away

"I… I don't want to drag you in… I can't…" she whispered between fallen tears, rushed breathing clearly heard in the darkness. He hated how she pushed him away; how she tried to close herself off to her own problems. She wasn't alone, yet he knew it might take a while for her to learn that. He had been the same, thinking that he would never be helped. She had been his angel, and he would try his best to be hers.

"I dragged you into my own, it is only fair for you to do the same," he said gently, leaning down to kiss her once more. However, this time she jumped out of his embrace, tears still flowing down like a waterfall. Her red curls were plastered to her wet face, as she angrily pushed them away. Chocolate brown eyes glanced to him with worry, glossed over with tears as well as darkened with pain.

"Stay away, I'm only doing what's best for you," she said as she backed away from him, as though he would try to reach out and stop her. Since she was younger she didn't let anyone in, she held her feelings boiled up inside her. She was the one people came to for advice, yet they never gave anything back to her. However, it was different for him, he wanted to give back to her. It was so foreign to her it scared her, it scared her so much that she tried to fool herself that he didn't care for her.

She had been invisible for most of her short life, only seen when one was in need. She was left out in her childhood, not allowed to join in on the fun that went on around her house. She was left out in school, shadowing around a small group of people, hoping to one day be included. Since then she had gotten her own group of friends, but none she could truly trust. Not until he came along. She didn't want to hurt him with her past, and she didn't want to hurt him with her future.

"I'm fine… just please, I should go," she said in a whisper over her tears, as she made for the door. She needed air, she needed out of this life she was living. She didn't want to be in it any longer, she simply couldn't handle it. She felt so strong with him, she felt like she was finally complete. But what happened when they were done? What will happen when he leaves the school next year? What will happen when she will be once again left alone and invisible?

I'm not gonna stand here and watch you go down

I love you too much, no I won't let you drown

And it just comes with being

The man that I am

So forgive me, forgive me

For giving a damn

"Wait…" he shouted after her, as she ran out into the corridor. Her steps quickened, trying to lose him, yet she could hear his own getting louder and louder. She didn't want him to get hurt, and she didn't want to get hurt either. She had been let down and hurt so many times, she didn't know how much more she could take.

He wouldn't let her fall, he wouldn't let her fall down the same hole that she had pulled him out from. Soon they were outside in the dark, the rain pouring down on top of them. He caught her wrist, yet gently and with love did he do so. He slowly turned her around, yet she avoided his eyes.

"I care about you, I won't let you fall," he said sincerely, yet she wouldn't let herself think that. She wasn't going to be hurt, and she wasn't going to let him be hurt either. How could he possibly care about her? Her own parents and siblings didn't see her dying inside, and they were her own family. She had forever told herself that they loved her, but in reality, did they even care about her?

"Don't lie," she hissed at him, anger showing in her face. He looked at her in disbelief, not understanding why she couldn't just accept that fact. He knew of many girls that would be grateful to hear him say those simple words, those words that he had only shared with her of all people. He opened his mouth to reply; yet she snapped another comment at him. "I bet you say that to all your little girlfriends."

"Is that how low you think of me?" He said, sounding truly baffled by how low she thought of him. Never had he thought anything for anyone like he did for her, and he doubted he ever would. "Sorry for caring about you, for noticing that you need someone at the moment!"

Listen to me, I can't compete

With this trip you're on

And if you decide to take that ride

I won't come along

"Caring for me? Noticing what I'm going throw?" She shouted back at him, her temper rising ever so little. They both knew what happened when her temper came, she did things that she would never consider if she were calm. It took a lot to make her that angry, yet when she did happen to get angry, she got extremely so. "Do you know what I've gone through? I doubt you care, you're just like everyone else…"

He stood there, lost of words. He didn't know what she had gone through; he didn't know her life story. She hardly opened up to anyone, and he was the one that actually knew the most about her. Still, he hardly knew much about her, yet enough to know he loved her. He wished he could simply hold her in his arms; tell her everything will be all right.

"That's what I thought," she shot at him, before taking a soft sigh, "I lay awake at night wishing I was someone else, I hardly sleep if I don't have dreamless potions. If I do, I'm terrified what will come back to me. My past is eating away at my future. No one notices, and those that do don't even know what they are seeing…"

"I didn't…know…" he whispered, but knew she wouldn't be able to hear over the falling rain. He should have asked her why she was up so many nights, even the night that they had first begun their relationship. He never knew it was to that extent, yet he felt stupid not to have known at this moment.

"No one knew, don't feel so bad," she snapped, as though she had actually heard his faint whisper. Tears mixed with rain fell on her face, mixing up her emotion with that of nature. "I want to fall so bad, I want to just end the pain, I want to end this feeling I have always had."

He looked at her with sorrow, wishing she would take back those horrid words. He knew that if she decided to go down that path, to end the pain, he couldn't come along. He was there to hold on so she wouldn't, but he couldn't go down that path with her. He loved her; perhaps he needed to let her go, to see if she came back.

Cos I know just were it leads

"You don't want that…" he said in somewhat of a pled. He wasn't going to give up, for she hadn't given up on him. He knew what she meant, and he knew what it would lead to. Her words still rang in his ears, as he finally once again clutched onto her hand. She tried to pull away, yet he wouldn't let her.

"Want what?" She spat as though she didn't know what she fully meant. He ran a hand through his wet hair, something she knew he did when he was nervous. She knew he didn't want to say what he thought, in case it came true. She had tried to push him away, not to hurt him, yet he wouldn't take a signal.

"I know what those thoughts lead to, but just know that I am here to help you through them," he said, a small smile of hope sliding onto his face. Only at the start of the year he would never have thought of smiling, but he couldn't stop when he was around her. He wasn't going to let her slip from his grasp, even if she wanted to so badly.

"How do you know you will be here, what about next year? What about when our families hate the fact that we are together!" She yelled, sinking to her knees. He fell in unison with her, holding up her head with his hands. He gently gazed into her eyes, noticing the weak fragile girl she looked to be. He hated to think of what would happen in the future, but he really couldn't think of being with any other.

I'm not gonna stand here and watch you go down

I love you too much, no I won't let you drown

And it just comes with being

The man that I am

So forgive me, forgive me

For giving a damn

"None of that matters. If my family wants to try and keep us apart, then let them try. I'm not going to let you fall," he whispered into her pale face, dimly glowing in the darkness. He glanced to their surroundings, and saw that they knelt in the exact place she had saved him so long ago. He wanted to do what she had done for him, and he wouldn't let her think anything else.

"Why not! Why can't you just be like everyone else?" She screamed, trying to get out of his hold. Hermione, Ron and Harry didn't care that she was looking paler by the day, and thinner at that. Ron used to notice everything about her, and knew that something was going on when she didn't eat. Yet, this time it was different. They were oblivious to all that information, everyone was. Still, he couldn't be, even if she wished he could.

"Because I'm not like everyone else, damnit! Can't you see that?" He said softly, searching for answers that didn't come. He knew how people saw past her scars; how they saw the bright cheerful girl she wanted them to. However, with him he didn't see anything of that sort. He saw her for who she was, and at the moment he saw her as a fragile girl that needed someone. "You can hate me all you want, you can hurt me… but no, I won't just let you drop."

I know you're scared and you just want to run

I've been there, I know where you're coming from

"I'm scared… I just want to hide… to run," she said softly, after what felt like minutes of silence. He knew how it felt; he had been down the same road as her. He didn't want to go down the path his father had forever pressured him to go down, and she had seen that. She had been the only one that hadn't judged him, and the only one that saw him for who he truly was.

"I know," he said softly. He had been the only one that had seen her cry for help, the help that so many people overlooked. No one saw it masked behind her fake smiles, yet luckily he had caught sight of it before she had gotten lost in the hole that was swallowing her up. "I know where you're coming from…"

I'm not gonna stand here and watch you go down

I love you too much, no I won't let you drown

And it just comes with being

The man that I am

So forgive me, forgive me

For giving a damn

"I don't want to hurt you."

"Don't you think I didn't want to hurt you either. I needed someone, and I was scared… but you helped me."

"I just… I don't want you to get hurt! Please just… leave me!"

"No, I'm sorry for caring about you… but I won't."

Forgive me for giving a damn

"Forgive me for giving a damn," he said finally, as he wrapped his arms around her. He felt her struggle, yet he wouldn't let her go. He knew she just wanted to kick and scream and run away. Yet, he wouldn't let her do that to herself. She had so much potential, and anyone could overcome the hardships in life if they stuck with it. "I know you don't understand why I don't let you run away, and I know that maybe that will be what you will decided to do later. When you do, I won't be able to come along, but right now I am here for you."

"Why… why…" she managed to say. She tried to push out of his embrace, not wanting to hurt him or hurt herself anymore. She wouldn't let herself think that he actually cared for her, because how could he be the first to do so. Not even her family did. Yet, even when she pushed and fussed, he didn't give in and let go of her.

"Because I love you."