Intoxication

Chapter 18

Sorry it's taken so long to get this Chapter finished. Writer's block had affected all six of the projects I'm working on. My ex says I'm a workaholic. Who wouldn't want to work when it's so much fun?

P.S: Commiserations for any Americans reading this fic on the election results. I really thought Kerry would win, but what do I know?

………………………………................................................................................................................................................

The weeks passed slowly, and things seemed to be improving. Kai, however, knew they weren't. If anything, the situation was getting worse. Every night, Rei woke up screaming, but as soon as Kai would try and talk to him, the Chinese boy would act like he wasn't really that scared. He used excuses like his worry that Andolini was still out there, being unused to the sleeping arrangements, having the last traces of the belladonna leaving his system, but he would never admit that he had suffered horribly at the hands of that psychopath. It was as though it would be admitting a weakness if he did.

The sleepless nights were having an adverse effect on Rei's health. He was moody and irritable, though he made an effort to smile and be pleasant when in company, and his breathing was likened to that of a seven-pack-a-day smoker. He needed rest badly, so Kai tried to convince him to start using the tranquillisers. Finally, Rei relented and started taking them. As Rei predicted, it only made matters worse. He didn't wake up screaming in the middle of the night anymore, instead he woke up late in the morning in tears. At first he'd tried to explain that the pills were making him over-emotional. But after coaxing from Kai, he admitted he was still having nightmares and the pills were preventing him from escaping them.

They moved hotels soon after the pills were binned, and Kai ordered a room with a double bed. When Rei questioned this, Kai explained that Rei slept better when there was someone nearby. When one thought about it, he could have achieved the same thing by moving his single bed closer to Rei's. But he had selfish reasons of his own, and Rei found the decision made sense. Although he would never admit it, since his escape he'd been avoiding people touching him as much as possible. For some reason, he didn't mind Kai touching him. So he accepted the new sleeping arrangements without a word.

Slowly, surely, things began to get better. Rei's nightmares began to diminish, until they stopped altogether. His mood improved, his smiles became genuine and once, Kai even thought he heard the other boy laugh. He could just have been coughing, though. He got the all-clear at the hospital, meaning the surgery they had been planning for was unnecessary. Things really were looking up.

………………………………................................................................................................................................................

10pm.

" You've got another appointment tomorrow, early. Maybe you should have an early night."

" No way. I'm not tired. Anyway, its just a procedure. They don't get their annual funding if they don't check on their patients once in a while. Let's do something."

" Like what?" Kai blinked, confused. Rei's attitude had done a complete turnaround in less than a week. Was he just in high spirits, or was there something else going on?

" Let's go to the bar!"

" What? We're underage."

" You look older, and you're loaded. No-one will stop you. Come on! I'm sick of staying in my room!"

How could Kai argue with that? He couldn't, of course. Within minutes they were ensconced within the mock-Tudor bar with its wooden benches and round tables, cradling shots of vodka. Kai had offered to buy Rei a glass of wine, but Rei had declined abruptly. Kai was mildly impressed with how quickly Rei was able to knock back the drinks, but also rather alarmed. What kind of hazard would so much alcohol pose to Rei's damaged system?

" Hey, take it easy!" Kai said gently, as he watched his drinking partner knock back a sixth shot in only a few seconds. " It's not like they're running out of vodka up there."

Rei laughed, a little too loudly, but there were only three other people in the bar. A touristy-looking elderly couple chattered away over their pints of lager, and a middle-aged man with glasses nursed his orange juice at the bar. Rei brought his glass down with an audible clack. He was well on his way to being completely and utterly inebriated. Kai decided not to buy any more drinks.

" You're funny tonight," slurred Rei, in a way that was strangely endearing, " you're never usually funny. It suits you."

Kai smiled at his partner as he carefully removed the shot glass from Rei's hand. His fingers brushed the other's for a fleeting moment, but he pulled away quickly, aware that Rei might find such contact alarming. Rei stared hard back at him. There was a glimmer of hurt in his eyes.

" Why did you pull away? I didn't bite you or anything," he said quietly.

" Yeah, I know. It's just… I don't know how to put this…" Kai stammered.

" You think because of what happened I don't want anyone touching me, right?"

" Yes. That's it."

" That's bullshit. There's nothing wrong with me." Rei practically hissed the last statement.

" I never said there was," Kai whispered, hoping he hadn't offended the other boy, " but I know it takes time to get over this kind of thing. Some people never get over it. That's nothing to be ashamed of."

" How many times do I have to say this? Nothing happened to me! At least, not when you compared what he did to me to what he did to the others! He raped them, he beat them, he killed some of them! Compared to that what I went through was nothing. The worst thing he did to me was force me to give him a blowjob, but it's not like that's never happened to me before!"

After his tirade, Rei seemed uncomfortable with what he had said, as though he had made a faux pas. He looked away, and his cheeks burned. Kai understood everything just a little more. So Rei felt guilty for feeling traumatised when he considered what he had gone through less serious than what the others had. How would he ever come to terms with his own suffering if he couldn't even admit he'd suffered?

" You know what makes all this even worse? I should have expected this. At some point I should have expected this to happen. My face, my body, it's always brought me nothing but trouble. My entire life, there's always been someone around who wanted to do something to me. I was always on my guard before, but I got lazy. It's never going to stop. Looking like this, I'm just asking for it."

As Kai listened, horrified, to Rei's torrent of self-loathing, as the Chinese boy fingered his empty glass contemplatively.

" There were times I tried to fix it. I'd pluck up enough courage to take a knife to my face, to cut my hair, to throw myself off of some great height, be forever disfigured so I could live a normal life. But every time I tried, someone would be there to stop me, or I'd just lose my nerve. I might have been better off if Cesare had killed me."

" Don't say that," Kai whispered, " nothing like this is going to happen ever again."

" Says who? I've tried to escape it, it just seems to follow me," Rei whispered back, sounding so tired.

" Says me. I'm not going to let anything happen to you, ever again."

Rei stared, confused, at him." Why?"

Kai took a deep breath before answering.

" Because I'm in love with you."

The sudden panic that appeared clearly on Rei's face made Kai's heart lurch in his chest.

" No, that's not true! They all say that, why should I believe you?" Rei whispered harshly.

" I can accept it if you don't feel the same way, I don't expect anything from you, I just want you to know how I feel. It's because I care about you that I don't want to see you suffer. So, I swear to you right now, as long as I can prevent it I'll never allow you to suffer. As for believing me, well, you'll just have to take my word for it."

There was silence, but the frenzied look had left Rei's face. After a few moments, he got up off the bench.

" I think I'd better go to bed. I'm really drunk," he explained. Kai nodded. But before he left, Rei said one last thing to his companion.

" I think…I can trust you. Thank you, for everything."

With that, he left the bar. Kai could barely believe his ears. It was better than he'd hoped for. He couldn't keep the goofy grin off of his face. Raising his glass to the elderly couple across from him, he toasted his good fortune.

………………………………................................................................................................................................................

Rei reached his room easily, despite his swimming vision and the strange sense of elation he felt, playing havoc with his equilibrium. He giggled slightly as he tried to open the door, breaking into a short, sharp bark of laughter as he made it inside.

So intoxicated was he that he barely registered the foul smell in the room. By the time he did, it was too late.