Okay, I love non-dialogue fics. This song made me think of a story, I thought I'd be a nice dramatic angsty piece. So, I wrote it. Imagine that, a writer writing down a story… what a world. Anyway, this was supposed to be something else in the start, but as I went on, a new idea popped into my head, so I went with it. I'll let you know what the original idea was at the end.
Disclaimer: Nope, Gravi ain't mine. Oh how I wish though!
Also, Easier to Run is by Linkin Park, not me.
Yeah, so a one sided song fic, please enjoy:
It's Easier to Run
I had to get away.
There was no way I could stay any longer, not after what I did.
But I did it, knowing it was for his own good somehow.
The rain pelted down around me as I bolted down a packed sidewalk. Dusk was falling and the light drizzle from earlier how now gained weight with the wind. I threw myself ever harder into the stinging smack of the small drops.
It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone
My sneakers squished and skidded on the slick concrete. Puddles I ran through splashed up under the cuff of my pants. I felt my socks, wet and cold, my toes frozen like ice cubes. Everything was so cold that I felt like I was on fire.
Freezer burn, my mind smirked, being the random thing that it was.
I ran into the park, chest heaving, sweating and crying, drenched through and headed on. I blew past everyone, knocking down people I couldn't avoid, never slowing. I brushed past a cop, bumping the surly guy on accident. I heard a threat, but didn't even look back.
I tripped soon after, landing on my front, my palms hitting the rough ground hard. My knees and palms were stinging, the wind knocked out of me. I try to get up, pushing myself with shaky limbs, but I collapse flat on the ground.
What was the point?
I curl my arms under me, dragging them along the grating concrete, nestling my face into them. The rain is pounding into my back, hard. The smack of the solid feeling drops, like that of glass pellets, was making my back numb. My legs could only feel a shadow of the chilling barrage, they'd already lost feeling. Nightfall closing in, lights beginning to dimly glow, I cried. People went past me, either parting to a side, or casually stepping over a limb. No one noticed my pain as I bordered on wailing.
Calming slightly, I lifted my head up, my sobs now silent tears. I push my sopping hair out of my eyes with a sharp hiccup. I rest my head in one cupped hand, still shaking from silent crying, grinding my elbow into the ground.
I had to do it.
Something has been taken
From deep inside of me
A secret I've kept locked away
No one can ever see
I looked up through rain soaked and tear drenched eyes and realized where I had ended up. The park. Specifically, in that stupid area with all the benches.
Damnit! Why do I always wind up here?
Still on the ground, I lift myself into a sitting position. I was cold now, a deep reaching cold that was past pain. Past everything.
Void.
If that could be an emotion, it would perfectly describe what I feel now. Just the cold, hollow… me. No real way to explain it.
I was wet. Really wet. I felt wet inside and out, like I'd never be dry again. It made me want to go back home and curl up in bed, wet clothes and all. I lean back, me neck curving to fit the seat of a bench.
I felt like I should slink off and go lick my wounds.
Cowardly.
But… some injuries can't be healed… they never close up. Simple as that. There are just things that you need people to know, even though you don't want anyone to know. Especially those you love.
Wounds so deep they never show
They never go away
Like moving pictures in my head
For years and years they've played
He needed to know. I couldn't hide it from him or myself any longer. I remember the look on his face… it makes me hurt. Remembering it makes my chest clinch with longing. I tilt my head forward, simultaneously lifting my legs, wrapping my battered arms around them. My knees protested, and yelped when my eyes rested on them. The once slick material of my black pants now felt course, as if they were made of burlap. It ground into the abrasions of my knees and I inhaled sharply. The sting subsided after a second though.
I knew I had to have him. I knew I loved him. Sure he was older than me, but doesn't love surpass age? Love can transcend all.
Except for us.
God… I remember exactly everything about him that was just so appealing.
He didn't look Japanese. He stood out like a sore thumb at school with his natural blonde hair and strange glowing amber eyes. He had a bit of an odd manner too. One would almost immediately think that he was foreign. But he wasn't.
I wish he would've been.
It's strange… I was the opposite of him, and yet… I was almost exactly like him.
If I could change, I would
Take back the pain, I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made, I would
If I could, stand up and take the blame, I would
If I could take all the shame to the grave, I would
I knew it was wrong.
They way I saw him, it was wrong and I knew it. They way I lusted after him was wrong. I was sickened with myself… but I couldn't help it. The worst was…
It makes me nauseous to think about it even now…
The worst was how… was how I would think of him… and… and I would find myself, if I was alone of course… that I'd be… touching myself…
It was all so wrong, I know! But I was in love… still am.
If I would change, I would
Take back the pain, I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made, I would
If I could, stand up and take the blame, I would
I would take all my shame to the grave
So, I ran. I ran away from it all. No one followed, no one called after me. I guess he wanted to leave it in the past. But that look on his face… when I told him. It was odd.
But I'm putting too much thought into it. He would never love the likes of me. It crosses all human boundaries. And, why would he want me? He's got tons of gorgeous women throwing themselves at him everyday. Millions more drooling over everything he does.
So, I got up the courage, told him, and left.
It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone
His image has taunted me for years. Since I was younger. He was always destined to be something great, even if his father hated that about him. I always thought he was amazing. Like some unreachable prize. I always thought I could be just like him, so I tried real hard. I worked for years to hone my image to replicate his. But even then, I knew that my adoration for him was just me trying to cope with my yearning for him.
Sometimes I remember, the darkness of my past
Bringing back these memories, I wish I didn't have
Sometimes I think of letting go, and never looking back
And never moving forward so, there'd never be a past
But those sleepless nights told me the truth. The smell that lingered in the locked privacy of my bedroom, or bathroom, that faint musk of sweat and fluids, it told me the truth. It was shameful… even beyond that…
Sinful.
I tried to change how I felt. I threw my attentions and energies towards a different unreachable idol. I tried to use his face at night, sometimes failing, sometimes, actually working. But it never took away my true desires.
If I could change, I would
Take back the pain, I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made, I would
If I could, stand up and take the blame, I would
If I could take all the shame to the grave, I would
You became something new though. After you came back from New York, you were someone new. Someone who hated everything, everyone. I wanted to believe that you didn't hate me, or blame me somehow. I wanted to believe that it was just disdain. Somewhere I hoped you recognized me. Maybe even hoped that I could help you through it and we'd grow closer through that.
It never happened. All you saw was just a kid with a crazy obsession. I couldn't blame you. In a way it was true, and to this day you find me a nuisance. A pest. I know why, too. I know that somewhere deep down, you sense something in how I act. I think you may have known it was coming, but I couldn't change it.
If I could change, I would
Take back the pain, I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made, I would
If I could, stand up and take the blame, I would
I would take all my shame to the grave
The rain.
I'd forgotten about it until now. It had stopped, leaving me in the dark, dank, cold and alone. Almost as if the rain was a friend. Yet, I still feel disgusting, as if I was expecting a cleansing of some sort from it. But still I sit here in my cold, sinful, lusting state. I came back to this area, I know why.
It was here that I kissed him.
I smirk. Well, I feel my frozen lips jerk, spaz, as they try to do so. They do that out of the humor of the situation in which the kiss was had. I lift my head and take on a more comfortable pose as I think back. I can almost hear my frozen body creak as it takes on it's new shape. One knee up, leg down, arm draped over knee. I lean back into the bench, chin resting on my chest.
Groaning, I throw my head back, water droplets making chilling tendrils down my neck. There's a small 'smat' as wet clumps of hair land on my skin. Further annoyed, I run a hand through my hair, pulling back the offending follicles that tickled at my brow, cheek and neck. Every little thing was extremely on my nerves all of a sudden.
I just wanted all these memories to go away.
Just washing it aside
All of the helplessness inside
Pretending I don't feel this place
Is so much simpler than change
Well, it was a few years ago. Not that many, probably two or three. He took me out around the park. I forget why he had to take me, I didn't care then, I was too busy being love-struck. We walked to the park in silence. It was night, so there was a certain hush to begin with. And he slept in the morning, all the way until dinner time if you let him. We walked around the park quietly, the warm weather had every lover and couple and romantic you could find out in the park. All in all, it was nice. The quietly bustling crowds, the handful of stars that were almost invisible due to light pollution, and the whole… atmosphere of it.
Together, as far apart as we could get, we sat on a bench in silence. He was quietly smoking, a habit he'd picked up from God knows where. Something I knew his father hated. We sat until the park was almost cleared out, a noticeable scattering of cigarette butts about his feet. He stood and looked down at me, he was so close, as I stood, I was so entranced by those glowing eyes, (And with the moon shining behind him, they did glow.) I tripped over my own two feet getting up. Natural human reaction made his are shoot out to catch me.
See, we're the same height now, even though he's older. And we were the same height back then, too. Needless to say, it quickly turned into my good fortune. My hands gripped his wide shoulders as he dipped to get under my arms. I looked up at him, trying for an 'embarrassedly shocked yet grateful' look, and pushed up.
Our lips met.
We stood like that for the longest time, but suddenly I realized the repercussions would be, could be. I tore myself away from what I wanted most, what I'd finally gotten close to having, and ran.
I bolted all the way back home and locked myself in my room.
It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone
I can't do it. I can't stop loving you. And I couldn't keep lying anymore. That's why I stopped by your apartment today. I can't even believe I did it.
I walked in, like I always do. I picked the lock. You were sitting on the couch, drinking, smoking, watching TV. Looking disheveled, but still like that unobtainable thing I could never have. My unrequited love.
I sat next to you. Right beside you.
I think that was the closest we've ever been near each other.
You turned to look at me, and I was only going to say something, but my body got the better of me.
I pounced.
I latched onto you, pressing my lips to yours. I remember that your beer slipped out of your hand, clattering and spilling on the floor. Your cigarette fell and rolled down my back, nestling in between two cushions somewhere. I pulled away and looked you in the eyes.
I told you I loved you.
I told you everything. I poured it all out. That I'd loved you since I could love, that I knew it was wrong. I don't know what I was expecting, but they way you looked…
Disgusted?
I wasn't sure, but suddenly, I felt ill. I had to leave. So I got up and ran. I ran and wound up here. Where we first kissed. Where I saw you that night, the night you met him. I knew I couldn't have you. It's wrong how I feel about you. But I can never stop loving you…
It I could change, I would
Take back the pain, I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made, I would
But… I'll keep hiding from it, if that's what you decide you want.
It's easier to go
Just know, that no matter how far either of us run, this love for you will never die…
If I could change, I would
Take back the pain, I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made, I would
If I could, stand up and take the blame, I would
I would take all my shame…
Brother.
To the grave
SURPRISE! Did you like it? It started out as a Shuichi/Yuki pairing, but as I went on, I realized how many possibilities it truly had. So I went with what I wanted most. I love Yuki/Tatsuha pairings! I tried to hide who it was until the end, did it work? Or was it obvious? Was it slowly revealed? Please tell me! I know there wasn't much, but I tried. This one was a bit forced, I'll admit. I've got a few more on the way. I love one sided no dialogue fics, so I've got some of those. Just one chapter ones mostly. I'd really like to try my hand at a full story without dialogue. I dunno why. I like challenging myself.
Ones to look out for: I Remember Everything
Love in an Elevator
And Then You Came Along
I think I could add another chapter to this if I want… I do have an interesting plot twist in mind… I'll leave it up to you guys! The third new fic probably won't be a one shot.
Updates: The Heaven and Hell That is My Disease
The Other Side
I fried my new pc. I dunno what I did, but I fried it. All my word docs were lost, and now I gotta start from scratch, or transfer over all the new stories from my old laptop that I was using while my new one was out of commission. I couldn't stop writing.
Eh-heh… I'm poison to things that aren't even alive! Eh…
Welp… I guess that's all! Read, review, tell me what I should do. Leave it as a one shot, or continue. I warn you though, if I do continue, all chapters will be non-dialogue song fics from here on out. I like the challenge. Thanks for reading, and huggles if you reviewed!
Hi-chan
PS: Love in an Elevator is going to be another song-fic. Honestly, not that I hate the band, but the lyrics are awful! Still, they work. Can anyone name the band?! I know it, but I like sparking your attention once in a while. As you can tell, I post in my own reviews, it's just so I can talk and relate a bit to my readers. I like knowing about my readers, as I will post random nonsense that happened in my life. Lol. It just makes it seem less… I dunno… stiff, I guess the word would be.
Hi-chan