Dib wandered far from his home, across the dusty streets. Purposeless and alone as a hunk of floating metal lost in deep space clasped to the bosom of deep space. Zim's house loomed a mint popsicle specter before him.

The iron-haired boy stood a lonely solitary sentinel before the dehydrated dun grass of Zim's lawn dotted with hulking spectral lawn gnomes. He stared a disconsolate statue of empty loneliness at the head of the walk before Zim's house. You left me for another, space boy... after telling me you loved me... and now I feel so alone without you... so empty without you... so pointless without you... so alone... my pain...

Where do I go now? And what should I do? What's to become of me, without you?

My enemy, my friend... couldn't you see, that in my eyes, it's no surprise, that you're the sunrise, and the sunset, of the world to me. I gave you my all, and you let it fall. I don't want to go to the mall, or to restaurants, without knowing I'll see your ugly face, and then we can race, winning by grace

Of God...

Where are you now?

Oh my love, where, oh my love, oh where are you now?

Dib's eyes filled with shimmering opalescent tears as pure as distilled water. Distraught, the noble guardian of terra firma fell like a rootless tree to his knees before the innocently abandoned house of his enemy and his love. "Oh Zim," he sniffed. "I love you like I could never love anyone else. Why did you leave me? WHY? WHYYYYY?!?!?!?!?!?! Why did you leave this earth? And the house? And that weird robot of yours? And... and ME? Me, most of all..."

Slowly, ponderous as Willy after eating six helpings of school cafeteria food, the noble guardian of terra firma rose to his booted feet. His eyes still shimmered with humidity but with nobility and grace he kept himself to a few childish sniffles. He picked up a foot and set it down. Then he did that again, and again, and again. Hobbling until he was in the middle of Zim's lawn. The gnomes stayed rooted, torpid ugly fungi protruding from Zim's lawn. In their master's absence the shattered machines stayed inert and dull oblivious to the defender of earth striding nobly amidst them. His trench coat dragging dully in the dust Dib plodded docile and disconsolate towards the door of the demesne of the explorer drawn from deep space. In his pocket he could hear the rattlesnake rattle of an urn filled with dry reddish pills... the pills Dib would use, to end his suffering... now that he was no longer needed...

The restroom sign emblazoned boldly on the entrance swung out of sight as the noble guardian of humanity's alma mater pranced inside Zim's house. He looked about him, eyes swollen and red, hands a-quiver. The upstairs was as empty as his tortured soul. Slowly he plodded towards the garbage can... the heart of his enemy's base would be his final resting place... the heart of Zim's base was the closest he could come to being in Zim's heart... the only place he really wanted to be...

Nestling himself in the chairs padded with pillows as soft as clouds that were like sheep going baa Dib opened the pills, spilling a handful like pieces of medicinal hail into his slender, girlishly slender yet masculine and strong hand. He lifted one to his lips and swallowed weakly. Did it again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again until the bottle was empty and he was curling up in the chair to die because his life was empty and filled with pain because he didn't have Zim there to assuage his myriad hurts inflicted upon him by this cold and unloving world that we all have to live in no matter what except if you commit suicide like Dib which is a bad thing to do because you leave behind loved ones who'll miss you except Dib didn't think he was loved at all except for Zim except Zim didn't really love him and left him for a frycook so he was going to commit suicide in his base so he could be close to his love when GIR popped his head into Dib's face. "HI THERE WELL ENDOWED BOY!!!1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" GIR screamed at a pitch to deafen small children and puppies. "WHATCHA DOIN? MASTER LEFT FER A HUNNYMOON WITH A FLOWER BRIDE AND SOME KITTIES BUT HE MYTE BE BACK SOOOOOOOOOOOON SO MAYBYA YOU SHUDDEN BE IN DIS HERE HOWS BECUZ KITTIES LIKE TO EAT BAD LITTLE BOIZ WHO GIT IN PPL'S HOWZEZ!!!!!1111!"

In the corner a noble high-stepping pink unicorn pig with a frilly saddle pranced and snorted up carrot juice.

"GIR!" Dib shrank like a kitty back into the seat. Tears wrung from his eyes like bilge water from a soaked rag. "Oh GIR! It's too late! Too late for me!1!! I can't go on!" He pulled the screaming robot closer, closer to his heart, to his slowing heart, to his deadening pulse. "Listen GIR! I'm dying... dying... all because Zim couldn't return my love... for that I will end my pitiful roachlike existence... for Zim..."

"GAWRSH U SURE R S1LLY B1G H3D B0Y!11!!!!!!" GIR caterwauled like a raging cat. "Z1M SUR DUZ LYK3 U CUZ H3 S3D S0 WH3N 1 4SK3D H1M N1C3 FER T4C0S!1!!!!! T4COOOOOOOOOOOOS!! HE SURE DID TALK TO HIMSELF A LOT! LOT ABOUT U, BIG HED BOI! HE SURE LIKED U! He said, "I sure do like me the Dib, GIR! You know it! You know it! You know I wanna show it! But I can't! I can't! Even though I want into his hu-man-ey pants! 'Cause he don't love me, you seeeeee! He sure don't!""

Dob went pale as a piece of lumpy candle wax with shock that ripped him down to his shriveling dying core. "He loved me? He said he loved me?"

The noble guardian of terra firma leaped to his small booted feet, nimble as a kitty. "Oh! He truly loved me?! He truly did?! He wasn't lying?!?!?!?!?!"

Shimmering tears of pears filled his goldenrod eyes suddenly. "How I misjudged him! And now I lie dying, here in his last fortress on earth, when Zim NEEDS me! He really NEEDS me! Zim could be in trouble! Only I can save him from this dark creature who's stolen him from me! Quickly, GIR- while my heart still pulses with the warm strength of life in my breast- quickly, we must go! –And rescue him if we can, most certainly! Come, GIR! Your master is in peril, and muchly in need of our aid! Quickly now!"

Quickly as a leaping black gazelle he hopped skipped and jumped into the elevator which whooshed him to the surface of the earth far from the womblike chamber that Zim laired in to plot his plots of evil. "Now, GIR! You must help me! The force of my LUV will guide me to Zim, but I can't do it alone! YOU need to TAKE ME THERE! Take me there so I can rescue the LUV OF MY LIFE!"

The lawn was a pulsing mat of verdancy and life as Dib leapt like a deer given a severe electric shock to the center. The diminutive verdant minion hound of Zim's he set down. "Now, GIR! This is it! Take me! Take me to the STARS!"

"O-oo-ookeedokee well-endowed boy!" GIR squealed. "Mount up, and let's GOOOOO...!

Dib lifted his gargantuan head, swollen with dreams of luv and happy homes together with his luv, to stare at the sky. "This is it... I'll ride into the stars on YOU, GIR... and together we'll find Zim..."

A spark of heavenly light caught his eye, tracing it's bright way down the bowl of the heavens. "Oh!" He cried. "What's this? What's this? Is it a beacon, called by the strength of the LUV in my heart to guide me to ZIM?! It is! Verily, and henceforth, it IS! Shall we go on, my noble hound? Come, GIR! Tallyhoe!"

With this final rallying cry the noble defender of terra firma leapt to the back of his noble canine steed. The jets affixed to GIR's back lit up like stars, like two ready-to-blow pimples hit with a shot of Acne Blast, and the two shot upwards, given strength and fortitude by the power of our heroes' LUV. (a/n: hic shakes fist at reviewers Y... Y'want GIR?! I'll... Ill give u GIR!!)

The piece of space debris smashed deep into the verdancy of Zim's green lawn, sparking and cracking, turning up towards the moon to reveal a sinister logo... the logo of the Irken Fast Food Corporation...

...Hanogobaroyome's symbol.

Far below, the ghost of Dib's mother watched her son disappear into the shifting night. She smiled palely, secretively, eldritch and fae. Her ghostly long purple locks swept the earth and got ghost dirt (a/n: yah drt dyez! Dn't rgue wit me meenieheds!!1!!) in their ends as she turned to follow the progress of the two adventurers. A gentle smile infused her features with heavenly light. "Sally forth, my bold son... sally forth with the power of LUV at your command, the power of LUV that I gave you... and go rescue your true LUV..."

GIR and Dib disappeared into the bosom of deep space.

DA ENDORZ UV CHAPTA 3 OMGWTFBBQ

Apologies for the long wait. I hope this chapter lived up to the others, in terms of humor... most especially I worry for the beginning. And now, I offer you a quick anecdote to impress upon your minds the importance of reviewing stories.

Under my computer chair, there lives a monster. A review-eating monster. It is of the most IMPERATIVE importance that I get reviews to feed him- after all, if he goes hungry for TOO long, who knows what he would turn to eating...? My limbs, probably. My hands. So I wouldn't be able to type. I'm sure you can see where this is going. So plz review! Plz save my limbs!

November 8, 2004

J. Random Lurker can't be thanked enough for her help with this.