DISCLAIMER: We don't own harry potter…just all the merchandise.

A/N: A special thanks to our "fans"(I don't know if its called fans when there are only like 3) but its ok because it means EVERYTHING to us. You rock our world. For real. So um we're really sorry we didn't write like we were supposed to, but we have short attention spans and are quite easily distracted. But ANYWAY back to the point. Wait, was there a point? Hmm yeah ok, Enjoy!!! 3 Leah and Katie

Quidditch Pitch Bitch continued

The Dynamic trio, Draco, and Ginny curiously stepped onto the Quidditch Pitch….bitch. The field was swarmed with pink sparkly bubbles, and in the center a "diverse" crowd had gathered all dressed in their own unusual attire. Harry turned crimson in the face to see C-ho C-hang "dressed" in body paint representing her Ravenclaw colors. Sirius and Snape eyed each other in disgust as they both realized they were wearing the same exact pair of girly tight leather pants from the cheap and slightly trashy clothing store, "Rave". Sirius stripped his off immediately to reveal a tassled banana hammock. Before Harry could finish evaluating everyone's outfits, a piercing whistle silenced the crowd. He followed the sound only to see Dumblydoor…dressed in a completely metallic black and white striped body suit.

"I suppose you all are wondering why you are gathered here. Well, I suppose now is the time to explain. We spent months pondering over who to invite. Then came the selection of the teams. I'm going to put you into two teams, and then explain the rules. Alright Team 1 consists of Draco Hotfoy, Ronald Easy, Ginny Extra-easy, Sirius Black, C-ho C-hang, Luna Goodlover, and Fred SUPERDUPEReasy. Team two will be Hermione Granger, Harry Pothead, Remus Lupin, Severus Snape, Panty Parkinsonsdisease, George not-so-easy, and Madam Cooch…I mean Hooch. Go stand with you're team mates as I explain the rules. The game will proceed as a normal Quidditch game…except there will be a few minor changes or additions to the rules.. In the case that you are…."aroused" there will be penalties. Your broomsticks will have sensors that will go off to let us know. The 1st offense is a special reprimanding from yours truly. In the case of a 2nd offense, you will be required to remove all of your clothing. Now in the not so rare case of a 3rd offense," he threw Harry a meaningful glance," you are to be 'gang-banged' by everyone participating immediately following the Quidditch match. Also for each offense, you're team will lose 10 points. You may now proceed to gather in your teams for a quick strategic meeting. The games will begin in exactly 10 minutes."

Sirius motioned for his teammates to gather around him, "I proclaim myself captain because I'm better. Now to keep yourselves from being…aroused…imagine Argus Filch in a pink string bikini…that is see-through. Draco and Fred, you can be the beaters; Ron Ginny and Luna, chasers; C-ho, seeker; and I will be the goalie."

They all nodded in agreement, and began to mount their brooms.

Snape sneered at Sirius while discreetly checking out his enormous banana-hammock. "Everyone gather around the master of potions, " Snape called snidely to his team. All sporting similar frightened looks, they gathered round.

Panty called out to Snape, "OH MY GAWD I TOTALLY HAVE THOSE PANTS!! THEY WERE ON SALE AT RAVE!!! MY FAVORITE STORE!"

He gave her a look full of dull rusty daggers, but proceeded to assign the positions. It turned out as follows: George and Panty, the beaters; Lupin Cooch and Hermione, Chasers; the Wonder-bra who lived, seeker; and Snape as the keeper of my…I mean the keeper in the Quidditch game. AHEM. Back to the story line.

The two teams gathered in the center of the field, ready to begin the game.

"Now I know in most Quidditch games it is proper to shake hands with the opposing captain, but I think in this special game it would be more appropriate to smack each others arses…Captains if you will please," Dumbledude proclaimed.

Sirius strutted to the center of the field like he was on a catwalk and begin to sing in a really deep voice, "I'm a model you know what I mean. I do my little turn on the catwalk.. Yeah, on the catwalk. On the catwalk, yeah. I shake my little toush on the catwalk." Snape rolled his eyes and muttered under his breath in a jealous angsty rage. He attempted to mimic Sirius by attempting to strut. It looked like a sick and twisted combination of a lame duck and a midget with one leg. The athletes all snickered under their breath. As they met halfway in the center of the field, Sirius reached a hand out and gave Snape's plump ass a firm grasp. Snape squealed in delight, but then quickly scowled to hide his true feelings. He gave Sirius a quick pat in return and marched off defiantly. Dumbledousche blew his rod-shaped whistle and shouted, "LET THE GAMES BEGIN!!"

The game started out normal with no sexual occurances. This lasted a total of about ten minutes and thirty-seven seconds. That was when the "incident" happened. The score was still tied 0-0. Cooch was soaring towards Sirius with the waffle in her hands. Draco came soaring in from above, attempting to steal the waffle, (he had a bottle of syrup in his arms). She hid the waffle inside her flower, but it was too late. Draco knocked her knockers out of her seashell bra by accident. His broom began to vibrate violently. Then it shouted, "FIRST OFFENSE FIRST OFFENSE! REPORT TO DUMBLEDUNG IMMEDIATELY!!!" Big D sat coyly on the sidelines waiting to reprimand the offender. Draco gulped nervously, and then began to hack up the hairball he accidentally swallowed. It landed on Big D's lap.

"I believe you dropped something young Master Malfoy, but that is irrelevant. For your punishment you will receive 50 spankings from my newest invention, the spanking machine. I call him Mr. Spanky for short. Now be a good boy and do it bare-bottom."

Draco shyly revealed his arse by shimmying out of his…coverings. All of the sudden brooms began vibrating wildly from all over. Dumbledick chuckled to himself, "Alright, alright everyone line up for your reprimandings. Snape I believe you were first."

After the "incident" the game of Quidditch was soon forgotten. Although screams of, "SCOOOOOOOORE!" did echo throughout the night. The "game" lasted until the early sun began to break the horizon. They all stared in awe as the streaks of macaroni and cheese colored the sky. It glistened like a freshly popped zit, and they all let out contented sighs.

As they all ambled back to their dormitories, Snape threw Sirius a sly grin and raised an eyebrow. Sirius returned the look and they ran off together while giggling like school-girls. They headed for Snape's private deluxe bedroom. They had a lot of make up sex to do. All those years of fighting led to a lot of passion. Lupin cast a sad look at his former sexpot(Sirius) and looked down at the ground. He felt a hand on his arse, and turned around in shock.

"I was hoping for a bit more animal passion," Cooch said seductively. Lupin grinned and began to wag his tail rapidly. They frolicked back to the school. The rest of the students just shook their heads in disappointment. They had not yet learned Stamina Charms. Immediately upon return to their beds, they all collapsed in exhaustment.

-End OF quidditch pitch….BITCHES.