This Celluloid Dream

By Emerald Riddle 1/05

Calling tears from deep inside,
Oh, you're so exquisite.
And in the mirror,
All midnight eyes.
Oh, if I could remain,
But it's just a visit.

I never knew such feelings for a student before. She was something eminently special, I suppose. From the first day I set my eyes on her, I knew she was different than the others. I knew she would affect me and my classroom environment in some peculiar new way.

And I did not like that feeling.

I did not like or appreciate that feeling at all.

Feelings other than the habitual were not at all welcomed by me. They usually meant I would face difficulties unnecessary in my daily routine. A nasty student, ignorant gossips, and Harry Potter all get the same foreboding feelings.

The feeling that I will have to take care of them specially or my reputation as a disciplinarian will shatter.

But everytime I thought I put an end to these feelings with her, they reared their heads again unexpectedly. This happened consistently over the years before it happened.

I fell in love with Hermione Granger.

All midnight eyes read "vacancy"
Twisted, twisting.
To the lovely dancing lights,
I begged, "May I cut in"
But they never stopped playing "their song."

I don't know how long I loved her before I realized it. It could have been years. It might have been the first time I've seen her in the Great Hall, where she caught my attention so abruptly with her talk of Hogwarts: A History. I immediately knew she was special. It was essential that she'd be in my house. I get more and more selfish idiots every year.

None were really intelligent. None of them were like Hermione Granger.

I hoped and prayed that she would be in Slytherin. If not then she would surely be a Ravenclaw, which was not so bad. I didn't even consider her a Hufflepuff; she seemed too impatient and strict. Gryffindor wasn't even an option. I did not want to think about life if she was a Gryffindor.

But she was.

I hated her. I hated that hat. I hated Dumbledore. I hated everyone at that moment. But I mostly hated Harry James Potter. He befriended her, no doubt tricking her into becoming a Gryffindor. I had the chance of redeeming my house, my reputation, and he took it from me. Just like James tricked Lily into changing, Potter was doing the same to Granger. And Granger fell for it.

From then on we were enemies.

Of a joyous song they sing,
I've heard whispers.
On a freezing note,
I resonate.

My hate was so passionate. It was just like old times with James and Lily. Fury made me blind to the truth. The truth that Harry was nothing like James and that Hermione wasn't being tricked into doing anything. But as Potter and Weasley fawned over her I felt a terrible jealousy rise over me.

It was then that I realized something was amiss.

Why was I jealous of a couple of teenage Gryffindors? The only thing I could find was Granger. I could not pretend anymore. I let myself go.

My eyes wandered over her body. Her frizzy hair hung in golden ringlets around her face. Her very pretty face. Her eyes were a chocolate brown, warm and dark. When they landed on me I felt so insecure. I fidgeted with a quill and stared hurriedly down, masking my face with my hair.

When I looked up again she was immersed in her potion making, in her own little world where nothing else mattered.

This was wrong. I needed to stop. She was a student! It was unethical! But my eyes were torn fiercely from my quill and back to her face. I knew that face so well. I watched it grow up. I helped teach it. Why couldn't I stop?

I looked down at her neck. It was a long, slender fawn's neck. Lovely and elegant. It dipped into her uniform where I caught a glimpse of her breasts. The smallest cleavage was visible but it still made my heart race with an unwanted intensity.

Just like romantic verses,
Just like a joyous end,
Just like a memory,
It twists me.

I felt like vomiting. This was so wrong. My heart twisted in my ribcage, telling me that I could not choose my feelings no matter how hard I tried. It was funny. I could always control them somewhat before. Why did I suddenly seem so reckless?

Granger flipped her hair over her shoulder, then time seemed to slow down. Her head slowly lifted from her cauldron. Her brown eyes met my black. I felt stunned. None of my muscles would move. I could only gape at her in fear and wonder.

Those eyes. They knew. Everyone knew. I wanted to run from her eyes, so accusatory. I felt guilt flood me. But I couldn't move. So I waited.

She cocked her head to one side and gave me a concerned look.

My heart flipped over. Could she love me back? Was it possible?

Granger then turned to Harry and began whispering instructions into his ear. He gave her a warm smile and squeezed her hand and whispered something back. Something that made her giggle. Something that caused her to blush. I felt so enraged. Weasley glared at me when he saw where my glance was directed and whispered something to Granger and Potter.

Potter gave me a nasty look and Granger ignored me.

Then it happened again. My eyes traveled from her small cleavage to her flat stomach. She was way too thin, if she was with me I would make her eat more. Potter probably pressured her to keep her weight down. I know, however, that she was beautiful underweight or over.

Stupid teenagers.

It was then I knew I needed to stop staring at her. I was getting too close to doing something immoral. Again my eyes betrayed me, too consumed in the wealth they were receiving. I peered under the cloth of her skirt, but to my relief and dismay, shadows hid everything beneath.

I still had her legs to look at and class was nearly over.

You land as lightly as the new snow,
Cinematic, Onto the melting boy and melt away.

I was hoping they were covered with tights or that someone would distract me before I had a chance to examine them. My hopes were dashed. I didn't have to do anything but sit at my desk. Staring at Hermione Granger.

And her beautiful long legs.

They were smooth. Flawless. They were nicely shaped; not too thin, which surprised me with her current form. They weren't weak looking either, all those years of running around the castle with piles of books really strengthened them.

I felt the intense urge to run my fingers over them to see how they felt. Probably like silk, I imagined.

I wanted her so badly. If I didn't restrain myself I was sure I would jump on the poor girl and kiss her senseless in passion. Oh, how I wanted to.

Potter would try to kill me, but I would die so happy if I just got one kiss from that tender mouth.

I spent the remainder of class yearning and wanting as my eyes ate the feast of the young girl before me.

How could I have ever hated such a specimen?

She was magnificent.

You light as gently,
You're so cinematic.
Bathed in your radiance,
I melt.

The shrill bell rang, closing all chances of another secret glance. As everyone left I knew I had to do something.

"Ms. Granger, please stay behind for a moment. I would like to have a word with you."

Granger seemed surprised, but nodded her two friends to go on. I noticed how wary she looked, like she was in trouble, and my heart sank. I felt such sorrow for causing this fear, however masked it was.

She walked up to my desk in a very professional manner. "Yes, sir?"

"Well, Ms. Granger throughout the years I've been rather hard on you, and for that I apologize."

She looked shocked and it was difficult for me to continue saying such things. But I needed to.

"You have always been an excellent student and I felt I needed to tell you so. I didn't want you graduating with the thought that your potions work was not up to standards, when it was over them."

"Oh, okay. Thank you, sir. It means a lot to me." She was obviously confused at this point, but she also appeared grateful.

I could not think of nothing else to say, so she began to leave. I did not want her to leave yet. She still didn't fully understand my respect for her as a student. And I just did not want her to go. When Granger was in the dungeons, she somehow lit them up for me and made me feel almost... happy. How childish, I know. But it was how I felt.

As she neared the door the color began to leave with her. Everything was a wearying gray. I couldn't let her go. I couldn't let her take all the color out of my life when I just found it.

In the glitter,
In the dark,
Sunk into velvet praying this will never end.
In the shadow of a star,
In static pallor,
I realized I never began.

I called her by her first name. Hermione. It sounded so sweet on my lips and I felt like I could say it all day and never tire of it. I could say it for all eternity and never tire of it. Such a ravishing name for such a ravishing girl in every aspect of the word.

She turned and my heart inflated.

All the color returned to the dusty dungeons when I looked into that innocent face.

"I... I was wondering if you would like to earn some extra credit?"

Hermione nodded tentatively, looking suddenly cautious at what I wanted her to do.

"It would assist me greatly in my work as Potions Master in this school if you aid me in various activities. They wouldn't be too difficult, just doing research in the library for potions I need information on. Sometimes helping me create potions for the hospital wing or Remus Lupin. It's your choice, of course. But if you decide to do it I could prep you on your N.E.W.T.s if you wanted me to." My voice sounded so unsure and I hated myself for that.

But Hermione looked excited, as I thought she would. "Oh, really? That would be marvelous, Professor!" She was practically jumping with glee. "I could learn so much on the uses of potion making!"

Then, to my surprise, she ran up to me and gave me a suffocating hug. Her body pressed against mine was too much.

"Ahem," I coughed, trying not to ravage the girl.

"Sorry. I am so sorry. I don't know what came over me. I was just so happy that I was right. I knew you weren't utterly horrible," she babbled. Then she blushed and scurried off.

"Bye, Professor!"

As she left the classroom, all the color went with her and I was left with a mass of gray.

But I was so gleeful, I didn't care.

Hermione Granger didn't hate me.

She might even learn to love me.

All the colors upon leaving will turn to grey.

The End.