If You Give A Dunadan An Eclair
Disclaimer - Only thing that's mine are the eclairs. Want one?
A/N - Inspired in part by GreyLadyBast, patron goddess of the PPC, who suggested that I do something different from a cookie.
If you give a Dunadan an Eclair, he'll bite into it and get cream filling all over his sword and weaponry, and will ask you for a cloth to clean them.
If you give a Dunadan a cloth to clean his sword, he'll rip the cloth and end up slicing his hand open.
If a Dunadan cuts his hand, you'll have to take him to the emergency room.
If you take a Dunadan to the emergency room, you'll have to fill out the paperwork for him.
If you have to fill out the paperwork for him, you'll have to ask how old he is.
If you ask how old he is, he'll tell you, "Eighty five", and you won't believe him, but you'll put it down anyway.
If you put eighty five down as his age, when he's called back, they'll think that he's cutting in line and they'll ask seventy year old man you sat next to in the waiting room to come back.
If they don't believe you and they ask the seventy year old many you sat next to in the waiting room to come back, the Dunadan will become impatient.
If you let a Dunadan become impatient, he will ask for the medicinal herbs with which to heal himself.
If you give a Dunadan the medicinal herbs that he asks for, his hand will be fixed in a relatively short amount of time.
If the Dunadan's hand is healed in a short amount of time, the doctors will ask what happened to him to make you bring him into the ER in the first place, and you'll have to explain about the medicinal herbs.
If you explain to the doctors what the medicinal herbs did for the Dunadan, they will ask the Dunadan to show them his natural remedies.
If the Dunadan shows the doctors his natural remedies and how quickly they work, they'll take him and you to a research laboratory to test them.
If a Dunadan is taken to a research laboratory to test his ideas, his ideas will be proven effective, and he will be interviewed by all the major news networks before signing a contract with a pharmaceutical company to market his ideas.
If a Dunadan signs a contract with a pharmaceutical company, he will become rich.
If a Dunadan becomes rich, he will attract gold-diggers looking to scheme away his new-found money.
If a Dunadan attracts gold-diggers, he will have a difficult time finding someone to share his life with.
If a Dunadan has trouble finding someone to share his life with, he will ask you for help.
If a Dunadan asks for your help finding someone to share his life with, you will end up playing matchmaker.
If you end up playing matchmaker, you will inadvertently set up him up with an Elven lady.
If you inadvertently set him up with an elven lady, you will realize your mistake too late, and they will fall in love.
If a Dunadan and an elf fall in love, you will be pursued by the elf's father.
If you are pursued by the elf's father, you will have to explain why he should be happy that his daughter is in love with a Dunadan.
If you explain why he should be happy that his daughter is in love with one of the Dunadan, then he will agree that it's probably a good idea that his daughter and the Dunadan get married.
If the elf-lord agrees that it's a good idea that his daughter and the Dunadan get married, the Dunadan will propose.
If the Dunadan proposes, his beloved will say yes.
If his beloved says yes, she will ask you to help plan the wedding.
If she asks you to help plan the wedding, you will have to agree.
If you agree to help, then she will put you in charge of the guest list.
If she puts you in charge of the guest list, you will have to track down a number of hobbits, elves, and even a few dwarves.
If you have to track down a number of hobbits, elves, and dwarves, you will find them, and invite them to the wedding.
If you find them and invite them to the wedding, you will be asked to join the wedding party as one of the people of honor.
If you join the wedding party, you will learn much about elven weddings.
If you learn much about elven weddings, you will be able to write a novel about it.
If you write a novel about it, it will be a best seller, and you will end up rich and famous, well-known for setting up the Dunadan and his lady.
To think, such a thing came from giving a Dunadan an Eclair.
Disclaimer - Only thing that's mine are the eclairs. Want one?
A/N - Inspired in part by GreyLadyBast, patron goddess of the PPC, who suggested that I do something different from a cookie.
If you give a Dunadan an Eclair, he'll bite into it and get cream filling all over his sword and weaponry, and will ask you for a cloth to clean them.
If you give a Dunadan a cloth to clean his sword, he'll rip the cloth and end up slicing his hand open.
If a Dunadan cuts his hand, you'll have to take him to the emergency room.
If you take a Dunadan to the emergency room, you'll have to fill out the paperwork for him.
If you have to fill out the paperwork for him, you'll have to ask how old he is.
If you ask how old he is, he'll tell you, "Eighty five", and you won't believe him, but you'll put it down anyway.
If you put eighty five down as his age, when he's called back, they'll think that he's cutting in line and they'll ask seventy year old man you sat next to in the waiting room to come back.
If they don't believe you and they ask the seventy year old many you sat next to in the waiting room to come back, the Dunadan will become impatient.
If you let a Dunadan become impatient, he will ask for the medicinal herbs with which to heal himself.
If you give a Dunadan the medicinal herbs that he asks for, his hand will be fixed in a relatively short amount of time.
If the Dunadan's hand is healed in a short amount of time, the doctors will ask what happened to him to make you bring him into the ER in the first place, and you'll have to explain about the medicinal herbs.
If you explain to the doctors what the medicinal herbs did for the Dunadan, they will ask the Dunadan to show them his natural remedies.
If the Dunadan shows the doctors his natural remedies and how quickly they work, they'll take him and you to a research laboratory to test them.
If a Dunadan is taken to a research laboratory to test his ideas, his ideas will be proven effective, and he will be interviewed by all the major news networks before signing a contract with a pharmaceutical company to market his ideas.
If a Dunadan signs a contract with a pharmaceutical company, he will become rich.
If a Dunadan becomes rich, he will attract gold-diggers looking to scheme away his new-found money.
If a Dunadan attracts gold-diggers, he will have a difficult time finding someone to share his life with.
If a Dunadan has trouble finding someone to share his life with, he will ask you for help.
If a Dunadan asks for your help finding someone to share his life with, you will end up playing matchmaker.
If you end up playing matchmaker, you will inadvertently set up him up with an Elven lady.
If you inadvertently set him up with an elven lady, you will realize your mistake too late, and they will fall in love.
If a Dunadan and an elf fall in love, you will be pursued by the elf's father.
If you are pursued by the elf's father, you will have to explain why he should be happy that his daughter is in love with a Dunadan.
If you explain why he should be happy that his daughter is in love with one of the Dunadan, then he will agree that it's probably a good idea that his daughter and the Dunadan get married.
If the elf-lord agrees that it's a good idea that his daughter and the Dunadan get married, the Dunadan will propose.
If the Dunadan proposes, his beloved will say yes.
If his beloved says yes, she will ask you to help plan the wedding.
If she asks you to help plan the wedding, you will have to agree.
If you agree to help, then she will put you in charge of the guest list.
If she puts you in charge of the guest list, you will have to track down a number of hobbits, elves, and even a few dwarves.
If you have to track down a number of hobbits, elves, and dwarves, you will find them, and invite them to the wedding.
If you find them and invite them to the wedding, you will be asked to join the wedding party as one of the people of honor.
If you join the wedding party, you will learn much about elven weddings.
If you learn much about elven weddings, you will be able to write a novel about it.
If you write a novel about it, it will be a best seller, and you will end up rich and famous, well-known for setting up the Dunadan and his lady.
To think, such a thing came from giving a Dunadan an Eclair.