If You Give A Dwarf A Madeleine
A/N--Dedicated in part to Canon Killer Ellie and Fireblade K'Chona, who suggested that I write what happens when you give a dwarf a madeleine. =)
If you give a dwarf a madeleine, he will remark upon how the texture reminds him of cram, or perhaps even of lembas.
If he remarks on how it reminds him of cram, or perhaps even lembas, you will ask him what the two taste like.
If you ask him what the two items taste like, he will be deeply horrified at your lack of knowledge.
If he is deeply horrified at your lack of knowledge, he will ask your permission to bake both goods.
If you give your permission to let him bake both goods, he will ask to use your computer to find recipes.
If you let him use your computer to find recipes, he will run across sites dedicated to the elves.
If he runs across sites dedicated to the elves, he will ask why there are no sites for dwarves.
If you tell him that there are no sites for dwarves because not many like dwarves, he will insist on building a web page for the dwarves.
If he insists on building a web page for the dwarves, he will ask you to find him a free server.
If you find him a free server, he will ask you to help him think of a domain name.
If you help him think of a domain name, he will ask you to help him with the graphics and content for his site.
If you agree to help him with the graphics and content for his site, you will have to teach him HTML.
If you teach him HTML, he will thank you and remark that he will have to teach you the secret language of the dwarves.
If he says that he will teach you the secret language of the dwarves, you will suggest that he make a tutorial for learning it and post it on his web page.
If you suggest that he make a tutorial for the secret language of the dwarves, he will first be offended, then suggest that perhaps ordinary dwarvish would make a better language to teach.
If he suggests that ordinary dwarvish would be a better language to teach, you will agree with him.
If you agree with him, he will ask for your help locating the characters to use in ordinary dwarvish.
If you agree to help him find the characters for ordinary dwarvish, you will find them.
If you find them, he will use them to create a downloadable tutorial for learning dwarvish.
If he creates a downloadable tutorial for learning dwarvish, he will receive many nice comments about his site.
If he receives many nice comments about his site, he will suggest that perhaps you help him locate a Tolkien gathering for him to attend.
If you help him locate a Tolkien gathering for him to attend, he will ask you to come along with him, to show how the language can be learned by anyone with 'net access.
If you go along to show that the language can be learned by anyone with 'net access, he will be able to show his dwarvish tutorial without your help.
If he is able to show his dwarvish tutorial without your help, he will be approached by various linguists interested in his technique.
If he is approached by various linguists interesting in his technique, they will suggest that he write a book on dwarvish.
If they suggest that he write a book on dwarvish, he will think it's a good idea.
If he thinks it's a good idea, he will ask once again for your help.
If he asks once again for your help, you will agree to give it.
If you agree to help him, the two of you will write a witty, thoughtful book that does not so much teach dwarvish as immerse the reader in the language and culture of the dwarves.
If the two of you write a witty, thoughtful book that does not so much teach dwarvish as immerse the reader in the language and culture of the dwarves, it will become a best seller.
If it becomes a best seller, both of you will become very much sought after for your writing.
If both of you become very much sought after for your writing, the two of you will write a memoir of the dwarf's time among the elves.
If the two of you write a memoir of the dwarf's time among the elves, it will become a best seller as well.
If it becomes a best seller as well, you will begin to wonder if perhaps you should not branch out and try your hand at writing your own novel.
If you branch out and try your hand at writing your own novel, it will be hailed by the writing community as an instant success, and you will suddenly find yourself very rich.
If you suddenly find yourself very rich, you will finally have the time to get together with your friend the dwarf to try your hand at making cram and lembas.
If you try your hand at making cram, it will be a disaster, but the lembas will turn out very nicely indeed.
If the lembas turns out very nicely indeed, the dwarf will remark upon how it's nice, but it needs a dash of miruvor to make it perfect.
If the dwarf remarks upon how it needs a dash of miruvor to make it perfect, you will make a face and tell him that he is a perfectionist.
If you make a face and tell him that he is a perfectionist, he will laugh and a cram fight will ensue.
If a cram fight ensues, you will win.
To think, such a thing came from giving a dwarf a madeleine.
A/N--Dedicated in part to Canon Killer Ellie and Fireblade K'Chona, who suggested that I write what happens when you give a dwarf a madeleine. =)
If you give a dwarf a madeleine, he will remark upon how the texture reminds him of cram, or perhaps even of lembas.
If he remarks on how it reminds him of cram, or perhaps even lembas, you will ask him what the two taste like.
If you ask him what the two items taste like, he will be deeply horrified at your lack of knowledge.
If he is deeply horrified at your lack of knowledge, he will ask your permission to bake both goods.
If you give your permission to let him bake both goods, he will ask to use your computer to find recipes.
If you let him use your computer to find recipes, he will run across sites dedicated to the elves.
If he runs across sites dedicated to the elves, he will ask why there are no sites for dwarves.
If you tell him that there are no sites for dwarves because not many like dwarves, he will insist on building a web page for the dwarves.
If he insists on building a web page for the dwarves, he will ask you to find him a free server.
If you find him a free server, he will ask you to help him think of a domain name.
If you help him think of a domain name, he will ask you to help him with the graphics and content for his site.
If you agree to help him with the graphics and content for his site, you will have to teach him HTML.
If you teach him HTML, he will thank you and remark that he will have to teach you the secret language of the dwarves.
If he says that he will teach you the secret language of the dwarves, you will suggest that he make a tutorial for learning it and post it on his web page.
If you suggest that he make a tutorial for the secret language of the dwarves, he will first be offended, then suggest that perhaps ordinary dwarvish would make a better language to teach.
If he suggests that ordinary dwarvish would be a better language to teach, you will agree with him.
If you agree with him, he will ask for your help locating the characters to use in ordinary dwarvish.
If you agree to help him find the characters for ordinary dwarvish, you will find them.
If you find them, he will use them to create a downloadable tutorial for learning dwarvish.
If he creates a downloadable tutorial for learning dwarvish, he will receive many nice comments about his site.
If he receives many nice comments about his site, he will suggest that perhaps you help him locate a Tolkien gathering for him to attend.
If you help him locate a Tolkien gathering for him to attend, he will ask you to come along with him, to show how the language can be learned by anyone with 'net access.
If you go along to show that the language can be learned by anyone with 'net access, he will be able to show his dwarvish tutorial without your help.
If he is able to show his dwarvish tutorial without your help, he will be approached by various linguists interested in his technique.
If he is approached by various linguists interesting in his technique, they will suggest that he write a book on dwarvish.
If they suggest that he write a book on dwarvish, he will think it's a good idea.
If he thinks it's a good idea, he will ask once again for your help.
If he asks once again for your help, you will agree to give it.
If you agree to help him, the two of you will write a witty, thoughtful book that does not so much teach dwarvish as immerse the reader in the language and culture of the dwarves.
If the two of you write a witty, thoughtful book that does not so much teach dwarvish as immerse the reader in the language and culture of the dwarves, it will become a best seller.
If it becomes a best seller, both of you will become very much sought after for your writing.
If both of you become very much sought after for your writing, the two of you will write a memoir of the dwarf's time among the elves.
If the two of you write a memoir of the dwarf's time among the elves, it will become a best seller as well.
If it becomes a best seller as well, you will begin to wonder if perhaps you should not branch out and try your hand at writing your own novel.
If you branch out and try your hand at writing your own novel, it will be hailed by the writing community as an instant success, and you will suddenly find yourself very rich.
If you suddenly find yourself very rich, you will finally have the time to get together with your friend the dwarf to try your hand at making cram and lembas.
If you try your hand at making cram, it will be a disaster, but the lembas will turn out very nicely indeed.
If the lembas turns out very nicely indeed, the dwarf will remark upon how it's nice, but it needs a dash of miruvor to make it perfect.
If the dwarf remarks upon how it needs a dash of miruvor to make it perfect, you will make a face and tell him that he is a perfectionist.
If you make a face and tell him that he is a perfectionist, he will laugh and a cram fight will ensue.
If a cram fight ensues, you will win.
To think, such a thing came from giving a dwarf a madeleine.