Disclaimer: Me no own. You no sue.
A/N--This was written while at work/at school. As a result, I don't find it as funny as the other three. Consider yourself warned.
If you give a hobbit a muffin, it will eat it and thank you politely before asking if you have any ale to wash it down with.
If he asks you if you have any ale to wash it down with, you will be forced to admit that here on earth, there is no way that any store manager in their right mind would sell ale to you, since you are a minor.
If you are forced to admit that there is no way that any store manager in their right mind would sell ale to you, he will ask you for a ride to the store that he might buy his own ale.
If he asks for a ride to the store to buy his own ale, you will gladly give him one, because driving is the one thing you're old enough to do.
If you give him a lift to the store, he will ask you to accompany him inside, because he is not familiar with the way things work in your community.
If you accompany him inside, you will be asked if you are his babysitter.
If you are asked if you are his babysitter, he will be offended, but unable to provide any proof that you are not.
If he is offended but unable to provide proof, upon walking to the cash register, to pay for the ale, the clerk will ask you instead of he for I.D.
If the clerk asks you for ID, you will have to explain that you were merely the ride, not the one interested in purchasing the ale.
If you explain that you were the ride, they will ask the hobbit for ID.
If they ask the hobbit for ID, to prove that he is of drinking age, he will be unable to provide them with photo ID, because being a hobbit he has none.
If he is unable to provide them with photo ID, they will inform him that he is not allowed to purchase his ale.
If they inform him that he is not allowed to purchase his ale, he will be considerably upset, and will ask to speak to their supervisor.
If he asks to speak to their supervisor, he will be laughed at and tossed out of the store minus the ale.
If he is laughed at and tossed out of the store, he will ask you to drive him home, where he will immediately compose a letter to the president of the company that runs the store.
If he immediately composes a letter to the company that runs the store, he will ask you to post it.
If he asks you to post it, you will comply, and send it off for him.
If you send it off for him, the reply will come back in your name.
If the reply comes back in your name, it will ask you, not the hobbit, to talk to the president of the company that runs the store.
If it asks you to talk to the president of the company that runs the store, you and the hobbit will end up taking a road trip to speak to the president.
If you end up taking a road trip, you will (eventually) arrive at the company headquarters, no matter how disheleved, and be shown inside, to the president's office.
If you are shown inside, to the president's office, the mess concerning your identity versus that of the hobbit will be cleared up.
If the mess concerning your identity versus that of the hobbit is cleared up, the president will realise that he has a living, breathing hobbit in his office, very upset with him.
If the president realises that he has a living, breathing hobbit in his office, very upset with him, he will do all that he can to appease the hobbit.
If he does all that he can to appease the hobbit, he will end up telling the hobbit that he would like to use him in advertisements to support the store.
If the hobbit is asked to be used in advertisements to support the store, he will bargain with the president of the company until an agreement is reached--namely, that he gets a ten percent discount in addition to pay earned on the commercials.
If an agreement is reached, the president of the company will want to begin filming right away.
If the president of the company wants to start filming right away, the commercials will air soon, and the hobbit will be discovered.
If the hobbit is discovered, he will be asked to star in an up-coming film.
If he is asked to star in an upcoming film, he will readily agree.
If he readily agrees, he will be relocated to the area where the filming is being done--namely, LA.
If the hobbit is relocated to where the filming is being done--namely, LA, he will ask you to come with him, to manage his affairs.
If he asks you to come with him, to manage his affairs, you will agree and end up in charge of just about everything that he does.
If you agree and end up in charge of just about everything that he does, you will become responsible for personal relations, too.
If you become responsible for PR, when the hobbit becomes famous, so will you.
If you become famous, you will end up being hired by numerous stars, not just the hobbit, finally making it big, able to retire at age twenty five.
If you are able to retire at age twenty five, you will have a lot more free time to dedicate to, say--perfecting your muffin recipes.
If you have a lot more free time to dedicate to perfecting your muffin recipes, they will eventually end up published, bringing you even more wealth and fame.
To think, all of this stemmed from giving a hobbit a muffin.
Any suggestions for the next one would be greatly appreciated. ;