Disclaimer: I don't own Hagane no Renkinjutsushi. Period. And besides, if you sued me, you wouldn't get very much...maybe a cat...o.x;

Flames will be thrown back at you by Roy, constructive criticism appreciated! n.n

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Title: Attack Kittens (for neko90)
Rating: PG-13 (For implications of intended sexual activity)
Genre: Crack/Humor
Word Count: 332
Challenge: Seme!EdxHorny!AlPants-dwelling!Kittens

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"Nii-saaaaaan!" Alphonse wriggled uncomfortably and impatiently, reaching out to Ed only to have the elder boy back away just out of his reach. "Nii-san! You're being cruel!"

Edward watched with hungry golden eyes as his brother squirmed. "I dunno, Aru…if you had the chance to see me squirming in anticipation, wouldn't you sit and watch for a while too?"

The younger boy blushed brightly. "That's not the point, Nii-san! Please, Nii-san, I can't wait any moooorrree!" he whined.

"Well…there's still plenty of time to see you squirm…" Ed pulled his younger brother close and kissed him passionately.

Nyaaoooo!

Al jumped slightly and Ed stopped right in the middle of taking off his brother's shirt. "…Aru…did your pants just…meow?!"

"Nii-san forget about it just hurry up!" Alphonse wriggled against Ed with a whimper, and the older boy could've sworn he felt something furry against his leg.

Ed shrugged off the feeling that something was definitely not right here, and finished discarding the piece of his brother's clothing, hand reaching down to undo the button and zipper of Al's pants.

But once he undid them, it wasn't just Al that was freed, as five small kittens suddenly burst out of Al's pants like somebody had sounded the attack, and Ed found himself with a face full of hissing, spitting, bundles of fur. With CLAWS. And TEETH. "EEEIIIIYYYAAAAGGGH!!!"

"Nii-san!!" Alphonse squeaked.

"GETITOFFGETITOFF!!! AAAAHHHITBURNS!! THEPAAAAAIIIIINNN!!!!" Ed screamed.

The kittens continued their assault until Alphonse could finally coax them off of Ed's face with some milk.

Ed wasn't happy at all, and his face looked like he'd been through a…catfight…that ended badly for him. Which in a sense, he had. "Aru…do you mind explaining why you have ATTACK KITTENS in your PANTS?!"

Al scratched the back of his head nervously. "Eheheh…well…it's…kind of a long story…"

"Spit it out, Aru. I don't care how long it is."

Al jumped slightly at the tone of voice his brother was using, then fidgeted. "Well…it all started when I was five…"

--------------FURTHER TEXT PROVIDED BY ryuuseistar -----------------

It all started when Al was five...

Al happily skipped down the dusty road toward home, holding onto a basket of fruits with one hand, and swinging the other one, care-free as can be. The sunset gave a perfect atmosphere, when then, gasp! He saw a brown...

... Thing.

Now, in his life yet far, and never saw a THING like that. He only saw dogs, seeing Winry had one. But this THING was smaller, and had somewhat of smaller body, too. And then, he heard it make a strange noise.

Meow!

"What the--?" Aru muttered, before going over and absently poking at it. "What are you? An alien? Nah... I think you're to fury to be one." He started scratching its tummy with a single finger, while it purred in satisfaction and rolled over.

"I'll see if I can take you home!"

He carefully picked up the THING, and walked slowly as to not disturb it.

Once he reached the house...

"ALPHONSE! WHY DID YOU BRING A STRAY CAT INTO THE HOUSE?"

"Cat? Is that what this thing is called?"

"Hey, Al, what's that?"

"GET IT OUT!"

"Why? Are you scared of cats, mother?"

"Al, can I hold it?"

"YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE THAT THING HAS BEEN!"

"I don't?"

"I wanna hold iiiittttt...."

"EDWARD, YOU CANNOT HOLD A STRAY! IT MAY BE SICK!"

"Awwwwww...."

After way too much bickering around, Al shuffled out the door. "I'm sorry, Cat," Al let the cat leap from his hands. "Mother says I can't keep you. Go find a home, okay?" As in understanding, the cat troddled off into the big jungle called the world.

And this, is when Tarzan, Alphonse Elric, will rescue Jane, the cat, someday. And he will protect these little creatures.

-------Thank you for that, it was priceless, all credit goes to the afforementioned!----