A/N: Hey y'all, it's been a while, I know, but here's hoping you'll enjoy this little humorous interlude in the annals of Alias history...most of these were written during season one and two, so think of them in that context. Also, who's excited for January 5th?

Email 18

A little excerpt from Noah's mind:

Ah, Sydney, so wonderful. She has, of course, no idea what my real motive is to be with her. I want to convince her to tell me if she is a double agent, or has any idea what SD6 is doing. This is because I actually have no life beyond SD6.

They made me, the ugly face, the nasty and annoyingly nasal voice. They created me. The reason being that I am a robot. Now, I have to tell you the real real real reason that I went away for five years was to be reprogrammed, and to be refitted for some parts that SD6 decided that I needed to get Sydney in bed, and...well, get her to tell me the stuff about her.

Sydney and I had never actually been together together, in fact, we had never even been together apart...but that's beside the point. Sydney and I were really not too happy together. And Sloane, and the people at SD6 had thought that if I was gone for a while, she might warm up to me some more.

So, what happened was that I became a happy person, and came back. I have to tell you, when she came at me like that, well I was ready. We had our freaky, freaky fun, and then She pulled out a gun from no where and shot me.

"Why did you do that?" I asked her

"Because, I know that you know that SD6 is evil, and me and my boyfriend want you dead."

"Well, what you didn't know is that I am a robot."

(in the little voice)"Bad Robot!" she exclaimed. "I am a robot too."

"How did you discover this?" I asked her.

"Well, my other Boyfriend, Brad, from Arapahoe, told me."

"Who is this brad?" I asked her, suddenly confused.

"He is my teacher/lover." She said. "Obviously I've broken my born-again virgin vow."

"Well, all right." I said. "So, was I the first person who you broke this vow with?"

"No, I broke it first with Brad, and then with Vaughn, and then with my doctor, and then with my boss...then you."

"Sloane???" I asked, genuinely astonished at her...sexual prowess.

"No, the new boss, Caroline LaSloane." I had almost blown Sloane's cover, I realized. Everyone else thought that he was dead, but I actually knew that he had had an operation to change his sex, and then come back as Caroline LaSloane.

"Of course, I had forgotten that Sloane was dead."

"Well he is, so remember that from now on." She said.

I was bleeding out of my shot wound about six gallons so far, and she was soaked in blood. "Do you want to end my misery?" I asked her, but it actually didn't hurt at all.

"Sure." She said, pulling out the gun and shooting me in my head.

I felt my vision go muddy, then red, and then I was dead.

AND THAT WAS THE END OF NOAH!

Email 19

On with the show...and a new plotline

From the first time she saw him, that's when Sydney knew that Sarc would be her lover forever. She was hanging out around his place, reading a trashy romance novel and watching him for SD6 duties.

The first time, you see, wasn't that time when he shot at her, no, it wasn't...it was years before, years before even Noah, years before she had come up with the idea that SD6 was evil. Sarc didn't know either, in fact, he thought that he was working for a good guy as well...Casanov, a good guy...makes you laugh.

Anyway, they had met up for a little exchange info thing, but instead of exchanging info, they exchanged looks, and fell instantly in love.

Sydney knew that nothing could work out with him, as he lived far far away in Ireland, but knew as well that it was worth a try, because he was cut, nice and had a wonderful accent. So they got together one night in Iran:

"Sarc." She said lovingly.

"Call me Shawn." He said. "That's my real name."

"Good then, Shawn." She rolled the name off of her tongue.

"So, Sydney, I know that we're in love an all, but what I really want to do is go at it."

"Yes, me too." She said. "You're sure a cutie."

"I know." He said. "All the girls say that. But really, why are you attracted to me?"

"It could be your masculine chin, or your eyes, or your hair, or your nose, or your accent, or your beautiful body...but I don't really know"

"Ah well" He said, and then they got it on.