Email 31
Everyone is on scene at the park. And I mean everyone: Ellen, Brandon, Boban, Rachel, Annica, Sydney, Vaughn, all of the people that Sydney had sex with and killed during the odd episode where she killed them all, Sloane, Dixon, the ever elusive "Boss man" At the CIA (who, may I remind the audience, is quite stupid, and keeps running into things), EVERYONE!
"Boban!" Sydney screams as she runs over to Boban. "I LOVED getting it on with you. Can we do it just one more time for posterity's sake?" Boban agrees, and then they get it on. Vaughn walks over, and immediately begins to undress and get it on with the two hot girls/guy on the grassy green everglade.
Sloane and Emily (recently raised from the dead--Vaughn is going to want to get some action off of that dead body) are also getting it on, but unfortunately for Sloane, Emily keeps falling apart, so he has to keep his superglue out, and he accidentally super glued himself to her--in that place--and so they're constantly getting it on. Without fuss, mind.
"The new Boss" Approaches Dixon. "Do you remember that time you were in my office, and we were talking. And I was taking off all of my clothes?" She asks him.
"Yes." HE says. "I do, in fact, remember that. I thought it was quite odd...after all, this is not a show with the initials of SICO, it is, in fact an agency of the United States Government."
"You are right." She said. "We do not have deranged writers named Joe and Tom, nor are their names Erin and Laura Westover, this is actually a real life situation. Of course." She says, looking meaningfully in the direction of Dixon's wife. "I see that your wife is not having any problems getting it on with the tech dude."
Dixon spins around, and then (in a wonderful feat of mind breaking speed and skill and precision, mind you) "The new boss" rips off all of his clothes, then all of her clothes, and commences to get it on with him.
The park quickly turns into an orgy of getting it on. NO one is left out, not even the animals, or the trees, or the fences inclosing the park.
And, in fact, it seems that there are some people who are looking in from the outside of a chain link fence, and there are several other exhibits...it seems that SICO has become a zoo attraction.
Now they are calling it Sex in the Zoo Park under false pretenses of the CIA office. Or SIZPUFPOTCO, which is too long, but no one minds. Because now, everyone wants to go to the zoo.
Email 31
"Syd, how was your mission in France." Vaughn asks Syd?
"It went well. I managed to get this thingy that SD-6 wanted and all this other complicated garbage that no one really cares about because the only reason people watch this show is to see you and me get together."
"Huh?"
"Oh, nothing. Well, as it turns out I managed enough time to do some site- 'seeing'. My favorite part of France is the natural beaches. You will never guess who I saw there?"
"Who," Vaughn sounds impatient.
"Um, Will."
"You saw Will" Vaughn doesn't sound impressed. He messes with some papers.
"Yeah, and...uh" Syd, realizing that Vaughn is paining much attention to her says-"And uh, that other CIA dude you work with."
"Wow, Syd I have a lot of work to do. It sounds like your mission went well. SD-6 is that much closer to being destroyed. You are a national hero. Uh, blah blah blah."
"Wait, I also saw...Dixon."
"Dixon, Syd of course you saw Dixon...he is your partner."
"Yes, right of course! Um...I also saw Francie."
"Really, you saw Francie. That is great Syd." Vaughn is still going through files seemingly ignoring Syd."
"Gosh, for crying out loud. I saw Boban. You remember Boban?"
"Syd, I am sorry to upset you but I do have a lot of work to do."
"What work, you are MY handler."
"I know that Syd, but I might not be for too much longer. Syd, don't you get it-I am going to get fired unless I stop being so personal with you."
"But how can you be my handler without making it personal? You know, real personal. Like get it on with me now personal? That is what a handler is supposed to do?"
"Syd, it isn't what a handler is supposed to do, and I really don't care who you saw at some beach in France. For god sake Syd, I have ruined my profession because of you."
"Oh," ..."I see how it is. You don't even care that I saw Brandon, and Sloane. And Felicity, and Noel, and the Man, and my dad, and Ellen, and Rachel and and and-the dead body of of Noah. Come on, THE DEAD BODY OF NOAH? None of this means anything to you? Don't I matter to you?"
"Sorry Syd," he grabs his bag," I really don't care who you saw anymore or what you do in your spare time. All that matters to me is the fact that you are safe and the mission went well. I have to go. Besides, Syd. This was just a tiny mission. It doesn't even mean that much. No need to go on about it so much."
"But wait...don't you care that I saw. Get this. I saw Annica! I saw Annica on a natural beach with all those other people. Come on that has to do it-"
"WHAT YOU SAW ANNICA. THE ONE THE ONLY ANNICA ! OH MY GOSH SYD!"
He screams like a bunch of girls that have just seen the Backstreet Boys. "I LOVE THAT GIRL! Oh my god! What was she doing there?"
"What everyone else was doing there. It was a natural beach. Everyone was walking around naked. You know and having drop dead dirty fun on the sand. That is what natural beaches are. I thought you knew that, aren't you supposed to be part French? But none of that matters. IT was just a simple mission. It doesn't matter. It was successful.
I am a national hero all that blah blah blah. You know we are going to get bad ratings if you talk like that?"
"Well, I couldn't do that," he smiles, "maybe this was a mission I should have went on with you." They drop down on the floor and pretend to be on a natural beach...because the truth is...Vaughn simply can't be a good handler without being personal with Syd.
After a night of passion Vaughn asks Syd "Syd, tell me more about Annica on these Natural Beaches in France?"