You said I could tell you everything, right? No matter what hellish words come from my lips, you still sit beside me and stroke my hand like I was an orphaned child. As you let yourself drown further into the shards of insanity that litter my consciousness, I can't help but feel satisfied, somehow. I am the selfish bastard others play me for, perhaps a foolhardy one...but all the same, I am not alone.
Maybe that is what I fear the most. Not even knowing who my mother was, and watching my father sacrifice himself for what he thought was a righteous cause...is that what you call love? Is that what a family is for?
"You're a walking contradiction..."
you whisper, and laugh.
I want to dispute your words, but your gentle countenance calms me momentarily. The silence leads me to thoughts of the past, a sort of cavern to those who would walk unknowingly there. But I know where the truth lies. I am alone. The echoes of my hallow voice fade down the cavern walls and out of existence.
The walls themselves are unassailable – harsh and porous to the touch, but they arc high above me and dispel any hope to escape. I crane my head higher still and focus on the thin white streak of light that is trying to push itself through. A few small pebbles fall around me, their sharp voices following my own down the halls. There is a strong resonance above me, and suddenly what seemed futilely impenetrable has been broken through, allowing a faint luminous cloud to settle upon me.
You gently lace your fingers between mine. My own are cold and calloused, and I hesitate. "I do not understand," I say, perhaps a reply to what you have said earlier, or perhaps a separate thought...you do not know. It is my way of testing you, trying to see what manner of thoughts drift through the mind of a girl I fail to comprehend. You fascinate me, and yet you frustrate me.
"Life is not measured by logic and reasoning."
I nod, trying to believe you. And like that orphaned child, I rest my aching head in your lap and let all worry drift away...if just for the night.