Let's get to it then...
If I owned Harry Potter or the characters in it, then I wouldn't be writing fanfiction about them. Obviously.
Chapter 6, What Not to Do:
It was early the next morning, Sunday, September 2nd, and Lily Marie Evans was fast asleep, dreaming about James. Not in a good way, but more in an oops-I-tripped-him-and-he-fell-off-a-cliff kind of way. It actually wasn't a bad dream. Then, just as James was about to hit rock bottom, Lily was woken by a yell. At first she thought it was James, still in her dream, coming to his end. Then she realized that while it was perfectly possible that James's scream was high-pitched and girly, well, it was highly unlikely that it was him.
Lily's left eye cracked itself open, and she saw that all the girls in the dormitory were awake. Reluctantly, she sat up to see what the fuss was.
Kelsey Peters, a petite red-haired year-mate of Lily's was jumping up and down squealing.
I don't believe it, Lily thought unhappily, Kelsey just had to pick today to be a perky morning person.
"Jemma," Kelsey shrieked at her best friend. "Jemma, ohmygod, HE ASKED ME OUT! I was downstairs really early this morning sending an owl, and when I got back, you'll never guess who I saw, it was JAMES POTTER and the rest of them, of course, and when he saw me, he was like, 'hi' and I didn't know what to do, so, you know, I just said 'hi' back and then I thought, 'whoa, I must sound so stupid' but then he was like, 'Kelsey, you wanna come out with me sometime?' and I was like 'ohmygod, yes, of course' but I was thinking 'OHMYGOD YES OF COURSE' and now I'M GOING OUT WITH JAMES POTTER!"
Kelsey took a deep breath, which was something she'd neglected to do during her rant.
Jemma, fortunately, had more sense than her friend. "I'm sorry, guys," she apologized to Lily, Sara, and Alanna.
"It's all right," they mumbled, and watched as Jemma hustled Kelsey into the bathroom to 'prep' for breakfast.
"Damn," Sara cursed softly, "Now I'll never get back to sleep again."
"Why did James and his cronies have to pick today, of all days, to get up early?" Alanna moaned.
Suddenly, the girls were completely still, staring at eachother in horror.
Sara said what they were all thinking. "There's only reason the marauders would get up this early on a Sunday morning, and we all know what that is...they're pulling a prank.
Lily frowned. Really, it was a Sunday the day after they'd arrived at school. It was (Lily checked her watch) six o'clock in the morning. And already, James had ruined her day. First, he'd deprived her of watching his demise by way of falling off a cliff. He'd been the reason Kelsey had woken the girls up so early. And now, now he was going to pull a prank?
"No," Lily stated, unaware that she'd even made a decision. "No, those filthy marauders are NOT going to pull a prank on anyone. Not today."
Alanna and Sara looked shocked. Up until now, Lily had been fairly passive regarding the pranks (except for that lone incident in third year, but still). Suddenly, Lily's eyes were flashing dangerously, and her tone of voice did not bode well for the first person to cross her today. Meaning James. Sara and Alanna wisely, got out of Lily's path as she hastily pulled on a bath robe and strode downstairs.
"Ouch," Sara said. "What a day this is gonna be."
Lily was downstairs in a flash, wand out, ready to squish one Mr. James Potter into a smooth cream sauce. He'd picked the wrong day to bother her.
She looked around, and spotted the four marauders, huddled in the corner of the common room by the fire. James was handing them each bulging bags.
"I don't believe it," Lily whispered in a deadly dangerous voice, even though she was having no trouble at all believing what she was seeing.
Lily stepped forward threateningly, and the part of her mind not broiling over with anger rejoiced at the fact that the boys were intimidated enough to step back out of her way. She caught Remus Lupin's eyes, and tried to tell him silently to scram because really, he was so much better than his stupid friends.
He got the message apparently, and while he didn't leave the room, he did move to sit in an armchair out of Lily's direct line of fire.
Lily refocused on the three remaining marauders. "Not even in school for 24 hours, and already, you're making everyone's lives a misery? What is your problem?"
James opened his mouth to speak, but Lily cut him off. "Oh, I know, you think you're SO BLOODY GREAT," Lily barely noticed that her voice was crescendo-ing into a mighty roar. "You prance around all day, on your RED CARPET telling people how much BETTER THAN THEM YOU THINK YOU ARE. You pull STUPID PRANKS for NO REASON AT ALL, just to make BLOODY PAINS of yourselves!"
Lily took a breath, but she refused to let James get in a word until she was finished. "Well GUESS WHAT? You're no better than anyone else, not ONE LITTLE BIT. You've no more maturity than a HAMSTER, and all your brains put together WOULDN'T FILL AN EGGCUP! If you pull one more bloody prank, JUST ONE MORE, I will go to Dumbledore, and GET YOU EXPELLED. YOU DESERVE IT!"
Lily stood there, breathing rapidly and still menacing her wand at the boys in front of her. No one said anything.
Finally, James raised his right eyebrow. "Finished, Evans?" he asked coolly.
Lily glared at him, and if looks could kill, he'd be hurtling off that cliff again.
"You set off those dung bombs and you'll find out just how finished I am."
James yawned and shrugged his shoulders. "Come on guys, I think I fancy a little toast. It's just a bit too...scary for me in here right now."
"LEAVE THE BAGS!"
"Jeez, Evans, calm down," Sirius muttered under his breath, "Wouldn't want to get your panties in a bunch."
Peter was the only one still looking uneasy. "Maybe we shouldn't do this today."
He cringed as James and Sirius turned their own stony glares onto him. "I mean, maybe we should do it some day when we have classes, to—to cause more damage."
James paused, then shrugged again. "Fine, prank postponed." He glanced nonchalantly at Lily, "Now, if we may be excused?" But he didn't wait for an answer, just brushed right by her on his way down to breakfast.
Sirius smirked as he followed, and Peter scampered behind them. Lupin was the only one to spare Lily a sympathetic glance before he, too, disappeared out of the portrait hole, heading down to breakfast.
Twenty minutes later, Lily was on her way down to breakfast. Sara and Alanna weren't with her; despite Sara's claims, they'd been perfectly able to fall back asleep. Lily, however, had the same chances of falling asleep again as she did of....marrying James. Basically, you'd have to drug her up to the roots of her hair before either could possibly occur. (And even if that happened and she someday married James, well, they'd be divorced by morning anyhow.)
So clearly, Lily had the choice of either getting dressed and going down to breakfast, or going back up into the dormitory and listening to Sara snore. Not a great choice, so Lily compromised by getting dressed and heading to breakfast as slowly as she could.
Even so, it only took her twenty minutes. Sometimes Lily really wished she wore makeup. (She would have worn makeup but for the simple fact that she'd had a bad experience in art class when she was younger...the paint hadn't washed off her face for weeks.)
Unfortunately, the marauders were still at the house table when Lily arrived. She surveyed the table, and decided to sit down next to them, even though it was early enough that there were still plenty of empty spaces.
"Hello Remus," Lily said conversationally, pointedly ignoring the other boys.
She noticed that Kelsey and Jemma were also at the table. "Morning Jemma."
Kelsey didn't deserve a hello after this morning's scene.
Remus and Jemma both answered Lily's greeting. Sirius and Peter were absorbed in conversation, and Kelsey didn't even seem to notice the snub.
But James did. Damn him for being a jerk who was not only arrogant and annoying, but also observant. "Good morning, Ms. Evans," he said, at his snottiest.
Kelsey and Jemma started their own conversation, but Remus was still watching the exchange between Lily and James.
Lily raised her left eyebrow, "Well, look at this, King Potter seems to have come down off his throne to notice little old me. Shall I curtsy?"
James could recognize a challenge when he heard one. He raised his right eyebrow. "Well, it would be nice, but it's all right, I don't expect good manners from the likes of you."
Lily controlled her temper, wondering why it was suddenly causing her so much trouble. Up until this morning, she'd never had any trouble brushing off James's pranks and moving on. Well, except for that incident in third year. But anyway, what had changed?
Lily decided to hit James where it would hurt. Metaphorically, of course. "Oh, it's all right, Potter, I know you're just jealous that I beat you in the finals last year."
James's right eyebrow was in imminent danger of disappearing into his wildly tangled hairline, and even his left eyebrow was beginning to rise. "Please, Evans," he drawled, "we both know I could have bested you easily if I'd bothered studying. And it's all right; I know you're just jealous that I chose Kelsey over you." He placed a possessive arm over his girlfriend's shoulders.
Lily almost retched, and her mind was crying out in distress. Eeew, she thought, terrified, NO WAY.
Remus, too, looked surprised. He looked questioningly at James, who didn't notice, then turned his piercing grey eyes onto Lily, looking thoughtful.
Lily's voice was ice as she replied. "James, there is one thing that you will not do, one thing that you will never even consider. I hate you, more than I hate anything or anyone else in the world. The very idea of that hate abating in the slightest puts me in danger of losing my breakfast." Lily was speaking slowly, none of her earlier anger in her voice. She wanted James to catch every word. "You will never, never, speak of me and you in any context other than that of enemies, of competitors. Never."
Lily got up from the table, leaving behind the boys, not to mention her half-eaten toast.
The author is forced to metaphorically slam her bedroom door against one Mr. James Potter, who is just dying to tell all of you what he thinks of that. Muahahahaha.
Next chapter, you get exactly that. In fact, I think it may start up exactly where this one left off...
Everybody READ and REVIEW! Don't forget also, that I've got another story, "Oddments and Essays," so read that one, too. And coming soon, a nutty collaboration between PinkyTheSnowman and me.
Reviewers, I love you!!!
PinkyTheSnowman: You're just plain wonderyful. Siriusly. And I've completely lost the concept of "bed time" since I've started talking to you. Heehee, well, that's okay because I'm having FUN.
A Cute But Psycho Bunny: Wow, I'm glad I'm surprising you, and making you laugh. Yeah, well, "player" or not, we are so going to teach Mr. Potter a lesson, hmmm?
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Most sincerely,
Le manchot du destin.