Disclaimer: The characters used in this story are not my own, I make no claims of ownership!

Renascentia

1: Demise

It was not my choice. I never asked for it--never wanted it. And so, when it happened, I just...didn't know what to do. It was the most confusing moment of my existence. I had never before felt so completely and utterly lost.

My apologies, perhaps I should start from the beginning. Well, not the beginning, necessarily, but enough of a beginning as to explain just what happened. Let's see, as I recall, it was during one long, dark winter night that I found myself summoned, as I had been many times before, to my Mistress' lair...

"How may I be of service to you, my Lady?" I asked, bowing before the woman to whom I belonged. She was many things to me--my master, my mother, and my creator.

"Hello, Xellos." She smiled, that enigmatic smile of hers, and I knew that there was fun in store--for always there lay wicked plans behind that smile.

"My Lady." I said again, glancing up at her lovely face.

"Rise, and come to me, my darling." She commanded, and I did as such. My knees lifted from the ground and I moved to her side in the quick, graceful manner in which only our kind could. She raised her hand to my cheek, slender fingers running along the illusion of my projected form. I did not feel the warmth of her fingertips, nor the softness of them against my face, but I could certainly feel her power as it washed over me in tangible waves. It was delicious, that power, and I drank it in as does a child from his mother's breast. For she was my mother, and I her child, her favorite you might say. I was envied by all the others, certainly. I was her general and priest; her most consulted advisor; her willing slave; her lover. Not in any physical way, and Mazoku do not have the feelings of mortal love--not with all the complicated emotions, anyway. It was a thing stemmed from deep, true respect and a lust of the power that she held; knowing it was beyond any power I could ever comprehend.

"Do you have an assignment for me, Mistress?" I asked, kissing her hand.

"I do." She replied, dark eyes glittering mischievously--in that dangerous way that always made her so intimidating. She was superior, and she made sure that all those around her knew this.

"Something that will amuse me, I hope?" I mumbled, smirking as she rolled her eyes.

"You are too easily amused, Xellos." She chuckled. "But yes, perhaps. I want you to kill the last golden dragon. The maiden that traveled with Lina Inverse."

"Filia?" I raised an eyebrow curiously. "If that is your desire, my Lady."

"It is. Now go and see it done, before I grow impatient." She ordered, brushing me aside casually. I stepped out of her way, and she walked off into the darkness of nothingness, the howling of wolves swallowing up her echoing footsteps. And without a moments hesitation, I vanished from her home, set on carrying out my orders.

I had never failed my Mistress before--never. It was unthinkable. I would carry out my mission, or die trying. It was as simple of that, and the thought of failure had never even crossed my mind. But that night something happened--something that would change everything...ah, but I'm getting ahead of myself again, aren't I?

I appeared before Lina Inverse and her usual group--that being the overzealous princess Amelia, the stoic chimera Zelgadis, the not-all-there swordsman Gourry, and of course, my favorite violent dragon maiden Filia. I did feel some affection towards the priestess, and it's true that I did not really want to kill her, but my loyalty to Juuou-sama outweighed any of that.

Yes, I would certainly carry out my orders, but I knew very well that making a big scene, as was my usual style, would no doubt lead me to my own untimely end. Lina Inverse and her friends were all very protective of one another, and I was certain that my killing Filia would only spark a deep hatred between us. I did not want this, odd as it may seem. I liked Lina and her friends--well, the princess and the swordsman I cared little about, but Lina herself, Zelgadis and even Filia had managed to find favor in my blackened heart. However, orders were orders, and I was not about to let Lina destroy me.

I appeared behind Filia and grabbed her, cupping my hand over her mouth. All the others saw was her vanish abruptly. I didn't want to take her to the Astral Plane, as that would get into metaphysical issues, so I teleported the both of us into a nearby room. Probably my first mistake, but I was cocky.

"Xello--"

"Sorry, Filia dear..." I began, gathering chaotic energy, static black power crackling around me. It was a shame to kill her, I thought, but there was nothing I could really do.

"Just what do you think you're doing?!" She glared at me, her hand moving down to hover just over her skirt, twitching with anticipation in case she needed her mace.

"It's happened." I told her, keeping my voice serious. This was no time for jokes--even I knew that. "I've been given the order."

"The order...?" She began, but her eyes widened, and I knew that she had figured it out.

"To kill you." I said, moving forward. She gasped, still surprised, though I wasn't sure why. Surely she knew that it could have happened at any time--she was a Ryuzoku, after all. I gathered more power, taking it into my hands, and threw an energy ball at her. She teleported out of harms way, and reappeared behind me, mace in hand. She swung, putting all her force behind it, but I evaded the strike easily. I grabbed her by the wrist and shot a bolt of energy forth, causing her to cry out and drop the mace. I pulled her into my arms from behind, grasping at her neck. My hands wrapped around her throat, my fingers pressing down to strangle her, all the while sending shocks of negative power into her. She would have screamed, I'm sure, but I wasn't really allowing any air, or sound for that matter, in or out. I could feel her throat being crushed beneath my fingers, and I was certain that I had nearly killed her, but she suddenly teleported again. A minute later, Lina burst through the door, her ruby eyes burning with anger.

"Xellos!" She seethed, hurtling a fireball at me. I barely dodged it, and looked up just in time to see Gourry run in, an unconscious Filia in his arms. Amelia and Zelgadis soon followed, and I knew then that things were not going to go as smoothly as I had hoped.

"Now, Lina--"

"You bastard!" She hissed, lifting her hands. "Ra Tilt!"

"Wind!" Zelgadis' voice rang out against the sorceress', and her spell was detoured slightly, giving me just enough of a chance to dodge what should have been certain death. It did not miss me entirely, however, and I hit the ground in a mutilated heap, struggling to maintain my projected form.

"Zelgadis! Why the hell did you do that?!" Lina shouted, turning on the chimera.

"Zelgadis-san!" Amelia cried as well. I was just as shocked as them.

"You won't touch her, Xellos." Zelgadis told me, his voice deadly serious. I could see the anger boiling within him--but this only confused me further. Why hadn't he let Lina kill me?

"Unfortunately, orders are orders." I explained, coughing a bit as I pulled myself up. I swayed on my feet, trying to focus my thoughts. The pain was both beautiful and terrible--my masochistic nature warring with my physical fight for survival.

"Don't touch her, Xellos." He said again.

"I'll have to kill you, Zelgadis-san, if you insist on standing in my way." I replied, not at all wanting to do such a thing.

"Well, I'm going to have to stand in your way." He said after a moment, stepping up. I believe Amelia's eyes were shining, and she moved beside him.

"Me too!" She shouted passionately.

"Yeah, same here." Lina nodded, stepping up on the other side of him. They stood as a barrier in front of Gourry and Filia, quite obviously intending to fight me with everything they had for their friend's life. I couldn't go back on orders, however, and so I would have to fight back, even if I killed them, or was killed.

"I would much prefer it if you all gave up--this is really between Filia and I." I mumbled, gathering my power again.

"It's our business now, Xellos." Lina replied, her eyes narrowing as she drew on her own energy.

"If you insist on this...I'll just have to eliminate you all." I told them, lunging forward. I met Lina first, but our power clashed head on, and canceled out. Amelia was nothing, and I threw her aside easily, heading for Gourry, who was reaching for his sword even as he tried to hold onto Filia. Zelgadis reached me first, however, and he shoved me back, calling out Astral Vine even as his sword came flying towards me. I shielded the blow, and he dropped the sword, which caught me off guard. I let down my barriers, a mistake on my part, and he grabbed me by the shoulders, slamming me up against a wall. My injured state had hindered my fighting abilities greatly, and I was weak. If either he or Lina had hit me with another Ra Tilt, possibly even one that hadn't called upon outside power, I would have been finished. Zelgadis met my gaze, his slate blue eyes unreadable.

"You can kill me, or I can kill you." I said, staring right back. "Which will it be?"

"You'll die." He growled, tightening his hold on me, but he hesitated.

"Why didn't you let Lina kill me?" I asked. He glared fiercely at me, but said nothing. "Hmm? She would have, had you not interfered. Why did you?"

"Because..." He looked for a moment like he would kill me right then, but he did not. "I don't know. Just go." I could hardly believe his words--he was letting me go? Impossible.

"I have to kill her." I objected.

"Like I said, you'll have to kill me first." I looked at him, then suddenly pressed my hand over his chest, just above his heart, and let my power flow into him. He groaned, his eyes rolling up in pain, and he clutched at my hand, shouting out a white magic spell. I fought against it, but it tore at my dark soul, as if it were trying to rip me apart from the inside out. Of course, he was probably feeling the same way. We kept this up for a while, and then I realized that he could definitely not last much longer. I heard Lina cry out from somewhere nearby, but she couldn't attack, lest she end up killing us both instead of just me.

I was going to kill him. For some reason, I truly did not want to do this. I didn't think I would really care that much, if I ever needed to, but I couldn't bring myself to take the chimera's life. I pulled my hand away, and he slumped to the ground.

"I won't let you kill her..." He muttered, trying to stand again. I knew that I would have to kill him to stop him, and apparently I couldn't do that. I looked down at him, then vanished, so weak that I could barely teleport myself.