Title: Inner Demons, Outer Evils

Summary: A tragic event sets Rogue Squadron on the path to the truth...and sends one of the Rogues on a collision course with himself.

Disclaimer: Star Wars is, quite clearly, not mine, and no copyright infringement is intended. This story is not written for profit.

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Chapter 20: News of the Outside World

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Ishana Lur watched Tycho for a moment. He was looking better than he had in his first few weeks in the hospital. He wasn't as thin and his color had improved significantly. But he was still having trouble with his emotions – he'd actually had to be sedated last night. "I have news for you, Tycho."

"Oh?"

She hid a smile. He was trying his damnedest not to show interest, but she he was dying for news of, as he called it, the "outside world." His wife and Leia Organa Solo visited him as often as possible, but both were busy women and the visiting hours were restricted here. "They managed to secure the prisoner they were going after."

"Casualties?" he asked, leaning forward intently.

She was pleased to note that he was slipping into his role of the squadron's XO. He hadn't done that lately – not since the state dinner – and she thought it was a good sign. "Elassar Targon was killed, Wes Janson was injured, as was Inyri Forge and a few others. They're all okay, though – as is the prisoner."

"I take it it's someone I know?" Tycho asked.

She nodded. "A man named Corran Horn."

Tycho froze, staring at her. Finally, after opening and closing his mouth several times, he said softly, "I don't understand."

"The man you shot down wasn't Corran. No one knows who he was, but Corran Horn is alive, though much the worse for wear."

He sat quietly for a moment before asking her, "Why doesn't that make me feel better?"

She wanted to hug him. That was the reaction she'd been hoping for, but she hadn't really expected it, and she was glad to have him prove her wrong. "Because Corran wasn't your problem, and you're realizing it now."

He frowned, but didn't respond. "Your reaction to Corran's death was just what made you and everyone else realize that you had problems." She paused, and he shook his head.

"It's not only that, I don't think. It's...it's that I could have shot him down. I thought it was him, and I was willing to kill him. I didn't want to, and it nearly killed me to do it, but I did."

"How do you feel about that?"

He glowered. He hated when she used what he thought of as placating phrases.

"I'm sorry, but I really do want to know what that makes you feel. I think it's important for you to understand – and for me to understand."

"I hate it. It's like...that's the way we always saw Imperials, as not caring about life, as willing to turn on their own at the littlest thing. It's as if I feel like I became that."

She shook her head. "How did you feel after it happened?"

"Immediately after? Or a day or two later?"

"Both."

"Right after, I was kind of stunned, but I didn't really feel guilty. I wanted to know what happened, why Corran had tried to kill Wedge. But I didn't blame myself. I'd defended Wedge. It was my job."

He paused and asked for a glass of water. The medication he was on – mood stabilizers, Ishana called them - combined with talking, made his mouth and throat dry. She gave him a plastic cup and he drank half of it before continuing.

"After that, though, I started thinking about Mirax and their kids, and the fact that I HADN'T felt guilty right away, and it made me feel even more guilty." He paused. "It's like I feel like the war, all the fighting, has finally gotten the best of me. Wedge and I always said that when we stopped feeling for the people we lost, it was time to retire."

"Maybe it is."

"Seems to me I'm pretty much retired."

"Perhaps." She folded her hands in front of her. "Tycho, if you recover to my satisfaction, you could conceivably return to active duty. If you wanted to."

That was key. If he wanted to. But thinking about it like this, he wasn't sure he wanted to. He had a wife who he never saw. He really did want the chance to have children, and he wasn't sure he wanted to allow his work to take away any more of his humanity than it already had. But just the same, he felt like, if he could return and didn't, he was turning his back on his friends, and all the people he'd dedicated his life to protecting. He told her that. "I'd feel like I was abandoning them."

"Most of them would disagree."

"You don't know that."

"No, I don't. But I can guess."

"Even if I did go back, though, do you think anyone would trust me?"

"Yes. I know they would."

"How?"

She paused. "Do you remember Iline Jesmin?"

He nodded. "She's a good pilot, and a strong leader. The Rogues served with her at Hoth, and a few other times over the years."

"I know. Iline's my sister, and after I learned I was treating you, I called her. I wanted to get an independent opinion of you. She was very frank with me. Like many people, she wasn't surprised to have learned what happened to you, and she felt badly. But she also said she respected you, and would follow you in a fight, even now."

"Iline's biased. She knows me."

"Exactly. That's why I talked to her about you. She knows what kind of person you are. I think her assessment of you was fairly accurate. And it's because of the type of person you are that I think you could return to service. You'd have to be a lot more careful about how you deal with things, but I think you could do it – again, if you wanted to. And quite frankly, I can't see you sitting out what remains of this fight."