Title: Inner Demons, Outer Evils
Summary: A tragic event sets Rogue Squadron on the path to the truth...and sends one of the Rogues on a collision course with himself.
Disclaimer: Star Wars is, quite clearly, not mine, and no copyright infringement is intended. This story is not written for profit.
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Chapter 24: Holding on for Dear Life
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"Hey." Iella's voice was soft and laced with concern, her Corellian accent thicker than normal.
"Hey," he replied.
She hesitated, not sure how to broach the subject. "Why didn't you tell me?"
He knew she was talking about Hobbie. "I didn't know how. It was easier to say it once and be done with it."
She came around the desk and perched on the edge, taking his hands. "I'm so sorry."
"Thanks." He patted her hand. "Me too." He glanced at one of the holos on his desk. There were two that he took everywhere he went. Both had been taken in the same place – on Adumar, after the civil war had ended and they were in the midst of mopping up. One was of him with Iella. The other, the one that had his attention now, was of him with Tycho, Wes and Hobbie.
"I don't know what to say to anyone. Gavin and Wes have been taking turns comforting Inyri, and Wes is still worried about Jesina. I want to be the one to tell Tycho, but I don't have a clue when I'll be able to." He shook his head. "Then there's this whole situation." He waved his hand around the room, frustrated. "I'd give anything to be able to tell Elscol she's on her own and just go home."
As he said the word 'home' his voice broke. "Fifteen years, Iella. I've known him for fifteen years. Fifteen years of fighting and killing and coming closer and closer to not going home." A few tears slipped from his eyes. "I don't think I can do this anymore."
"You have to, Wedge." She knew her words must have sounded harsh to his ears, but there wasn't much she could say. She knew his conscience wouldn't let him walk away from Elscol now, and would never let him turn his back on the New Republic. He cared too much, and believed in it too much. There was a reason he'd been flying for them for fifteen years, and there was a reason Tycho, Wes, and Hobbie had followed him through all those years. Their sense of duty was unmatched by anyone. She put her arms around him, letting him rest his head on her shoulder. It killed her to see someone as strong as him brought to tears. "It'll be all right." Somehow, she added silently.
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Wes was, again, sitting by Jesina's bedside after seeing off Elscol and her contingent of Wraiths. The doctor had only just given her the second dose, but her vital signs were already stronger. He felt a hand on his shoulder, and looked up to see Doctor Shula. "She'll be all right. I'm guessing that she'll come around within the hour. She's recovering much faster than I'd expected."
"Thank you." He looked back to Jesina as the doctor turned away. "Come on, Jes. Wedge needs you. Without Hobbie, and Tycho, you and me are it." He shook himself. What was wrong with him? He was acting as if all he cared about was that they needed her to be able to do her job. He felt like he was channeling one of Han and Leia's arguments on Hoth. "Sorry about that. You're not even conscious and I'm being an ass. Come on, Jes. We need you." He took her hand, squeezing it lightly.
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Jesina thought she heard words through the haze around her brain. Needs you...without Hobbie...you and me...not even...being an ass. She felt a hand on hers and squeezed gently. She didn't mean for it to be as feeble as it was – she just wasn't able to muster much strength. She struggled to open her eyes. She thought it was Wes beside her, but could see much more than blurs of color. "Wes?" she tried to ask, but it came out, "es?"
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Wes heard what sounded like his name and his eyes went to her face. "Jes? Jesina, can you hear me?" He turned, still holding her hand, and called for the doctor. "I think she's waking up."
She came over and glanced at one of the monitors, smiling slightly to herself. She placed a hand on Jesina's forehead, using her fingertips to open the woman's eyes. Her pupils looked normal again. She slid her fingers down to Jesina's throat, checking her pulse. "Yes, I think she is." She glanced at Wes. "Did she say anything? Or move?"
"She said my name. At least, I think she tried to. And she squeezed my hand."
"That's a good sign, Major. See, I told you she'd be all right." The doctor rested her hand on the edge of the bed. "Jesina," she said softly. "Jesina, can you hear me?"
Jesina's head moved slowly and she moaned softly. "Oh, my head," she mumbled as her eyes fluttered again.
Doctor Shula smiled at Wes. "Talk to her. She's coming around." She patted him on the shoulder and turned to leave.
"Wait, where are you going?" Shouldn't she stay around if Jesina was going to wake up?
She turned back. "I'm just getting her a glass of water. Her throat's going to be dry."
"Oh." He hadn't thought of that. "Okay." He turned back to Jesina, squeezing her hand. "Come on, Jes. Wake up. Look at me."
She blinked again, eyes traveling around the room. Finally Wes' face came into focus. "Janson?" she murmured.
"Yeah, it's me." She tried to lift her head, but he gently pushed her down. He couldn't express how glad he was to hear her voice and see her awake and moving. "Don't sit up. You're pretty weak. You've been out for almost four days."
She let him push her down. "What happened?"
"How much do you remember?" he asked.
"I...um...Vayl. And Loran, I think. And Sarkin." She paused, frowning in confusion. "I don't really remember anything specific. What happened?" she asked again.
"Lonciez stunned Face and kidnapped you. Ooryl and I found you, but he'd given you some kind of drug or something. You've been unconscious for a few days." He paused when he heard the doctor return. "This is Doctor Shula. She's been taking care of you."
She handed Jesina a cup of water. "Glad to see you back with us, Colonel."
"Glad to be back," she said softly, "not that I knew I was gone."
"How are you feeling?"
"Tired. Achy. Kind of out of it."
The doctor nodded. "That's a result of being unconscious. You've been essentially comatose for the last few days. You'll feel better after a few hours, and some actual sleep." She paused and gestured toward a button by the bed. "If you need me, just press this. And your comlink is here," she pointed to the table near Jesina's right hand. She then turned to Wes. "You can stay a little longer, but she does need to rest." With that, she left.
"She seems nice," Jesina commented.
"She'd have to be, to have put up with Wedge and me." Wes offered her a grin.
Jesina nodded, managing a smile in return. "What did I miss?"
Wes sighed. Typical Jesina. Right to business. She'd been like that as a smuggler, and she'd been like that when she was in NRI. Of course she'd be that was as a squadron XO. Part of him wanted to tell her to get some rest, and then leave and send Wedge back to talk to her. He couldn't really justify doing that, though. "A lot." His grin disappeared and he started to count off on his fingers. "Lonciez did get off the ship, but we shot him down. Hekrig launched an attack on Elscol's command center. Piggy was killed, and Duryll."
He hesitated and, even in her less than clear mental state, Jesina knew something was wrong. "Who?"
Wes felt the tears spring back to his eyes. He'd managed to keep his emotions more or less in check when Wedge had told him about Hobbie, and he'd been pretty well controlled when he was talking to Inyri. But now, talking to Jesina, he didn't think he could do it anymore. "Hobbie."
She looked away as he said the name. She'd known, somehow. She'd seen the look on his face when she asked who it was. When the first tear slipped down his cheek, she'd known. But she hadn't been prepared to hear the name. She felt her own tears run down her face, but didn't bother wiping them away.
He moved from the chair to sit on the bed next to her as she turned back to face him. He slipped an arm around her and they sat there, a long time, just holding on to each other – almost literally for dear life.
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Wedge looked up at the knock on the door. He'd had Iella close it when she left, wanting to be alone with his thoughts. He knew things were going to come to a head soon, and he was in no way mentally prepared for it. Duty called, though. "Come in," he called.
It was Wes. His face was pale and his eyes were red. He'd definitely been crying, and Wedge couldn't remember the last time he'd seen Wes cry. Thinking about it, he couldn't remember if he'd ever seen Wes cry. Before he could ask what was wrong – Jesina or Hobbie – Wes spoke, answering his question. "Jesina's awake."
So it was Hobbie. "How's she doing?"
"Tired, achy, her brain's a little foggy." Wes shrugged. "Shula said she'd expected that, though. She's sleeping now, and she should be better when she wakes up again. I guess being in a coma isn't as, I don't know, healing or something as really sleeping."
"That's good." He hesitated. Wes was clearly emotionally drained, and he wasn't sure if he should try to talk to him or just send him to bed.
Again, Wes took the choice out of his hands. "I told her about the command center raid, and about Hobbie."
"How'd she take it?" Wedge was glad Wes seemed to feel like talking. Maybe talking to Jesina had loosened him up a little.
"She cried. I cried."
Wow. Janson, openly admitting to a display of emotion other than giddy childish laughter? That was new. Not that Wedge was complaining. It seemed that Janson had begun to grow up – somewhat, at least. "You all right?"
Wes nodded. "I feel better than I did, at least." He paused, and studied Wedge. "Was Iella here?"
Wedge nodded. Where had that come from? "How did you know?"
"You looked like you're feeling a little better. I figured that she had something to do with it."
His CO nodded again. "We talked for a little while, and I did my own share of crying." He smiled. "Women are good for that."