Shrek, Inuyasha Style
By: Fuji the Hobbit
Summary: The Shrek story starring the Inuyasha cast. Kagome plays Fiona, Inuyasha Shrek,and read the story to find out the rest
Characters and themes from both Shrek and Inuyasha do not belong to Fuji the Hobbit
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Inuyasha was setting the table for himself for dinner. His leftover stew was simmering over the fire and he was about to sit down, satisfied at how his meal looked, when Shippo crossed his thoughts. He looked to the door as if contemplating letting the kit in, but shook his head and sat down. Inuyashaflexed his handsand dug into his food.
Shippo was looking through the window, sadly watching Inuyasha dine. He looked away at how happy Inuyasha was in his solitary life and jumped off the window to go lie back down at the front of the door.
A handful of stew was almost in Inuyasha's mouth but was put down when he heard a door creak open.
Inuyasha sighed. "I thought I told you to stay outside." He stood up to go check the door.
"I am outside," came Shippo's response as he jumped up to look in the window. Inuyasha turned around in time to catch a shadow dance across the wall. He walked back over to the table, looked under.
"Well, gents, it's a far cry from the farm, but what choice do we have?" There were three blind mice demons walking around on his table.
"It's not home, but it'll do just fine," said another as he knocked a jar of pickles over.
"What a lovely bed," the third one exclaimed from on Inuyasha's animal pelt. Inuyasha swiped at the mouse and yelled, "Got ya." When he opened his hand there was nothing there, the mouse demon had gotten on his shoulder.
"I found some cheese," it called, biting into Inuyasha's cute puppy ear.
"Ow!" he cried, swiping over his head.
"Blah! Awful stuff." The mouse demon jumped off Inuyasha's head and onto a loaded bone of stew that shot some at the half demon.
"Is that you, Gorder?"
"How did you know?"
"Enough!" Inuyasha swiped and caught all the tails of the mice, holding them up to his face. "What are you doing in my house?" Before they could answer he was shoved forward. "Hey!"
Seven mole demons had pushed a human princess in a glass casket under an enchanted sleep onto the table. They looked at him and one of them waved sheepishly.
"Oh, no. No, no, no, no. Dead broad off the table."
"Where are we supposed to put her? The bed's taken."
"Huh?"
Inuyasha pulled back the curtain to his room to find a weak looking wolf demon in female clothing in his bed. "What?" The wolf asked. Inuyasha pulled the wolf from his bed.
"I live in a swamp. I put up signs. I'm a terrifying half-breed!" He pushed the front door open. "What do I have to do to get a little privacy?" He threw the cross dressing wolf out and found that his land was filled with hundreds of minor demons.
"Oh, no. Oh, no. No! No!" Three large human looking demons with wings flew past him so closely that he had to jump out of the way. He watched them land.
There was a man playing a flute that was summoning more and more rat demons.
A few bear demons had gathered around a blazing fire.
"What are you doing in my swamp?" he cried out so loud every demon became silent. "All right, get out of here. All of you, move it!" He shooed them away. "Come on! Let's go!" He growled loudly and in a threatening tone.
"Quickly. Come on!" A dozen of the demons ran towards his house.
"No, no. No, no. Not there. Not there." He ran over to the door but they'd locked it. Inuyasha sighed.
Shippo had emerged from the front of the crowd and Inuyasha glared at him. Shippo looked as confused as Inuyasha felt. "Hey, don't look at me. I didn't invite them."
"Oh, gosh, no one invited us." The moth demon spoke up in a high squeaky voice.
"What?" Inuyasha cried.
"We were forced to come here."
"By who?"
"Lord Kouga," a pig demon spoke up. "He huffed und he puffed und he... signed an eviction notice." Inuyasha sighed.
"All right. Who knows where this Kouga guy is?" He asked to all of the demons.
"Oh, I do," Shippo spoke up, "I know where he is." Unfortunately for Inuyasha none of the other demons looked like they wanted to voice.
"Does anyone else know where to find him?" One of the young bear demons raised his hand but his father lowered it quickly. An odd pair of demons pointed at each other.
"Anyone at all?" Inuyasha asked again.
"Me! Me!" Shippo cried.
"Anyone?"
"Oh! Oh, pick me! Oh, I know! I know! Me, me!" Inuyasha sighed again.
"Okay, fine," he said exasperatedly. "Attention, all demons. Do not get comfortable. You welcome is officially worn out. In fact, I'm gonna see this guy Kouga right now and get you all off my land and back to where you came from."
There was a moment of stunned silence before the crowd broke out in cheers and applause. A few small bird demons put a flower cape on Inuyasha's shoulders.
"Oh!" he cried as they draped him with the cape. "You!" he pointed to Shippo, "You're comin' with me." He threw the cape off him and walked through the crown which happily parted for him.
"All right, that's what I like to hear, dog. Inuyasha and Shippo, two stalwart demons, off on a whirlwind big-city adventure." The bird demons placed a wreath on Shippo's head.
"I love it!" He exclaimed catching up to Inuyasha. The crowd was still cheering.
On the road again,
"Sing it with me Inuyasha!"
I can't wait to get on the road again--
"What did I say about singing?" Inuyasha demanded after yanking a torch from a nearby demon and throwing him on the ground.
"Can I whistle?"
"No."
"Can I hum it?"
"All right, hum it," Inuyasha said regretfully. Shippo started humming gleefully.
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Prince Kouga marched down a corridor leading to the dungeons. There he had a prisoner who would tell him the whereabouts of Lady Ayame. Upon reaching the prison the guards snapped to attention and opened the doors for him.
Inside, his faithful follower Ginta was dunking his prisoner's head underwater.
"That's enough. He's ready to talk." Ginta lifted the prisoner out of the water and tied him down to a small table. It was Myouga the flea. Kouga laughed like a madman as he approached the table.
"Ah, my dear friend Myouga. How you're hiding skills have become legendary. Though, you still cannot elude the great Kouga, for I am the best!"
"You're a monster."
"I'm not the monster here. You are. You and all you other lesser demons who shouldn't even be called demons, poisoning my perfect world. Now, tell me! Where is the Lady Ayame?"
"Bite me!" Myouga spat in Kouga's face.
"I've tried to be fair to you, you worthless demons. Now my patience has reached its end! Tell me or I'll--" he threatened, making to swat the flea.
"No, no, not my face. Not my beautiful face."
"All right then. Who's hiding her?"
"Okay, I'll tell you. Do you know Hakkaku?"
"Hakkaku?"
"Well, she's married to Hakkaku."
"Hakkaku?"
"Hakkaku!" The flea cried in desperation.
Kouga looked up in dismay and said in disbelief, "She's married to Hakkaku?" They were interrupted by a wolf soldier coming in.
"My lord! We found it."
"Then what are you waiting for? Bring it in." Several wolves stumbled in,awkwardly carrying a large oval package. They set it on a hook and pulled the protective cloth off it. It was a mirror and in the glass a face came into view. It was the face of a man with handsome purple eyes and short black hair pulled back into a tiny ponytail.
"Oh!" Myouga said in awe as he spotted the mirror.
"Magic mirror--" Kouga began but was interrupted by Myoga.
"Don't tell him anything, Miroku!" Kouga, fed up with the flea,pinched him between two fingers and he floated into acrack in the floor between the flagstonesso that he wouldn't disturb them further. When he approached the mirror he poured on the charm.
"Evening. Mirror, mirror, on the wall. Is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all?"
"Well, technically you're not a king."
"Uh, Ginta," the wolf prince called. Ginta held up a small mirror and smashed it.
"You were saying?" Miroku was panicking. He didn't want to get broken.
"What I mean is, you're not a king yet. But you can become one. All you have to do is marry a princess."
"Go on." Kouga said interestedly.
Miroku chuckled nervously. "So... just sit back and relax, my lord, because it's time for you to meet today's eligible bachelorettes. And here they are!" Miroku said, imitating a game show host. He pulled his face out of the glass and let three darkened pictures take the screen.
"Bachelorette number one is a fiery woman, last of her kin from a village far, far away. She likes sake and dipping in the hot-springs anytime. Her hobbies include saving her possessed brother and practicing with her giant boomerang. Please welcome Sango." Miroku showed a picture of Sango in a battle pose with her boomerang.
"Bachelorette number two is a lady in white from a woeful family. Although she lives with her abusive father and over protective sister, she's not easy. Just kiss her dull, emotionless lips to wake her from her dazed abused state and find out what a live wire she is. Come on. Give it up for Kanna!" Kouga seemed to be considering this one.
"And last, but certainly not least, bachelorette number three is a fiery and powerful Priestess from a dragon-guarded castle surrounded by hot boiling lava! But don't let that cool you off. She's a loaded arrow who likes piña coladas and getting caught in the rain. Yours for the rescuing, Princess Kagome!" Prince Kouga looked please with his choices and the men behind him were applauding.
"So will it be bachelorette number one, bachelorette number two or bachelorette number three?" Miroku asked.
"Two! Two!" Someone called.
"Three! Three!" Yelled another.
"Two! Two!"
"Three!" They continued to yell.
"Three? One?" Kouga asked himself and shuddered. "Three?"
"Three! Pick number three, my lord!" Ginta said, holding up only two fingers.
"Okay, okay, uh, number three!" Kouga decided.
"Lord Kouga, you've chosen Princess Kagome." Miroku pulled his head out of the view of the glass again and showed a picture ofPrincess Kagome looking wistfully out of a tower window while playing music.
If you like piña coladas and getting caught in the rain--
The men were clapping wildly and Kouga was staring at Kagome's picture in the mirror. "Princess Kagome," he muttered.
--If you're not into yoga--
The song kept playing.
"She's perfect. All I have to do is just find someone who can go--"
"But I probably should mention," Miroku tried to say, "that little thing that happens at night."
"I'll do it," Kouga announced, not listening to Miroku.
"Yes, but after sunset--"
"Silence!" Kouga ordered Miroku. "I will make this Princess Kagome my queen, and my kingdom will finally have the perfect king. Captain, assemble your finest men. We're going to have a tournament!"
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A/N: I'd like to thank all reviewers for their wonderful input and want to credit Kushielle for patiently betaing my story.
Also I shall try to update every week on monday as this is handy for me.
Review Responses:
abnormally cool: Thanks for your wonderful review, and I'll try
Bomhammer: Your ideas were wonderful unfortunately I have most of the story already written out but perhaps another story like this would be a future project. Thanks for the review.
dbzgtfan2004: Yeah, I love that pairing too. I was thinking of doing Shrek 2, but the characters might be a bit funky, though it would work. Thanks for the review.
JustAnotherAnimeFan: Yeah, my beta said the same things. We're working on correcting that in future chapters >. Tis just a bit hecktic with Christmas and the anniversary of my brother's death coming up but I hope to impress you with future chapters. Thanks for the review.