Shrek, Inuyasha Style
By: Fuji the Hobbit
Summary: The Shrek story starring the Inuyasha cast. Kagome plays Fiona, Inuyasha Shrek,and read the story to find out the rest
Characters and themes from both Shrek and Inuyasha do not belong to Fuji the Hobbit
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Inuyasha and Shippo walked out of a tall wheat field into an open stable ground.
"That's it. That's it right there. That's Takeda. I told you I'd find it," Shippo spoke up proudly.
"So, that must be Lord Kouga's castle." Inuyasha and Shippo look up to see a huge castle rising hundreds of stories into the air.
"Uh-huh. That's the place."
"Do you think maybe he's trying to compensate for something?" Inuyasha asked, laughing. Shippo apparently didn't get it and Inuyasha groaned with annoyance before walking to the entrance of the castle.
"Hey! Wait up, Inuyasha!" Shippo called as he ran to catch up with the half demon.
There was a large, but stupid looking, human guard at the entrance waving to couple running into the castle. You could hear the man call, "Hurry, darling. We're late. Hurry." Inuyasha and Shippo looked to each other as if to say, "Huh?"
"Hey, you!" Inuyasha called out. The human noticed him and screamed, running neatly through the waiting lines.
"Wait a second. Look, I'm not going to eat you." Inuyasha paused at the turnstile. "I just--I just--" The guard was still running through the lines when Inyasha growled in annoyance and jumped over all the ropes.
The human was whimpering and running with arms extended. As he turned back to check the distance between himself and Inuyasha he ran into said half demon. Looking up from the ground he uttered a very feminine shriek and passed out.
"Pathetic," Inuyasha muttered as he looked at the passed out human. He pushed his way confidently through the turnstile. He looked back to see Shippo stuck halfway through them. He gave it an almighty push and Shippo spun around a couple of timed before getting out. Shippo gave a weak chuckle.
Inside, the odd couple could see huts upon huts neatly arranged. The central and secondary city gardens were groomed so perfectly that not even a single blade of grass was misplaced. Elevator music played in the empty and amazingly clean streets. There was not a single scrap of garbage anywhere.
"It's quiet," Inuyasha said suspiciously as he looked down more and more empty streets. "Too quiet. Where is everybody?"
"Hey, look at this!" Shippo exclaimed as he ran to an information booth and pulled the lever. He ran behind Inuyasha when the contraption began to clatter and click. The clicking became more frequent, like a bomb about to go off. Inuyasha raised his arm, ready to shield his face should the worst happen.
Music erupted and the doors to the information booth swung open. There were minature wooden figures inside that appeared to be singing; and in irritatingly preppy voices.
"Welcome to Takeda
Such a perfect town.
Here we have some rules
Let us lay them down.
Don't make waves
Stay in line
And we'll get along fine
Takedais a perfect place.
Please keep off
Of the grass
Shine your shoes
Wipe your... face
Takeda is, Takeda is
Takeda is a perfect place!"
"Wow! Let's do that again!"
"Oi!" Inuyasha cried as he grabbed Shippo's tail. "No way kit!"
Their attention was called down the main street as fanfare music played and a crowed cheered.
"Brave knights," a voice called from within the base of the tower. "You are the best and the brightest in all the land." Shippo hummed the song from the information booth as they wandered down a corridor to the source of the fanfare music, cheering crowd, and speaker.
"Today one of you shall prove himself--"
"Oi, kit. You're about to be unable to ever speak again!" Inuyasha threatened with his claws extended out to Shippo.
"Sorry about that," Shippo appologized nervously.The crowd roared again. The two had entered what looked like a battle arena, complete with cheering crowds raised on the edges. On one side there was someone, presumably Lord Kouga, addressing a dozen knights below him.
"That champion shall have the honor-- no, no-- the privilege to go forth and rescue the lovely Princess Kagome from the fiery keep of the dragon. If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, the first runner-up will take his place and so on and so forth." Inuyasha was right behind the knights now. "Some of you may die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make." The crowd began cheering like Kouga was doing the most noble thing in the world. The man holding up the sign saying 'applause' wasn't helping either.
"Let the tournament begin!" Kouga announced. Inuyasha was fed up with this, revealed by his ears pushing against his hair, and pushed his way through the knights to make himself known to Kouga. The knights scattered out of the way for him. The music painfully died and the crowd began to gasp as Kouga asked what they were all thinking.
"What is that? Ugh! It's hideous!"
"Ah, that's not very nice." Inuyasha scolded as he looked back to Shippo. "It's only a dirty fox."
"Huh?" Shippo asked confused.
"Indeed," Kouga said dryly. "Knights, new plan! The one who kills the half-breed will be named champion! Have at him!"
"Oh, hey! Now come on!" he said, backing away. "Hang on now. Can't we just settle this over some sake?" he asked holding a large glass of sake he snatched from the table he bumped into. The knights continued to advance on him.
"No? Alright then." Inuyasha chugged the sake, wiped his mouth on his sleeve, and knocked off the plug on the huge barrel with the metal mug.
"Come on!" The force of the rushing liquid knocked several knights over. Grabbing a spear from a fallen knight he used to totrip another.
I don't give a damn about my reputation
Shippo was on top of a keg guiding it to roll over a couple humans.
Kouga looked livid.
You're living in the past
It's a new generation
The knights ran at Inuyasha in a mob. Inuyasha looked at them and grinned.
With one mighty sweep of his arm, Inuyasha threw 7 of the knights to the ground, knocked unconcious. Kouga looked on in disgust.
Shippo fell off the keg and knocked himself out. Inuyasha ignored him and jumped in a square pen where some horses were held, followed by a couple of soldiers. The animals jumped out in fright.
A girl can do what she wants to do
And that's what I'm gonna do
Using the elasticy lines of the pen like a wresting arena he stretched one back to launch himself, using his momentum and outstretched arms to knock out two more knights. The crowd 'booed' in dismay.
And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation
Inuyasha jumped over another knight, landing neatly on his shoulders and slamming him to the ground. He then jumped up on a post and belly flopped on yet another knight.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no
Not me
A man was standing behind him about to stab him in the ass. Inuyasha flipped up and over the knight grabbing him in a tight hold.
Me, me, me
A newly conscious Shippo was standing near a corner of the pen and called out to Inuyasha.
"Hey, Inuyasha, tag me! Tag me!
And I don't give a damn about my repuataion
Inuyasha dragged the knight still in a tight hold over to Shippo where Shippo headbutted him, going crosseyed for a moment.
Never said I wanted to improve my station
Inuyasha turned to the roaringcrowd and became a surprising exrtovert.
"Ah!" He growled loudly and beconed for morewhile another armed knight appraoched him from behind.
And I'm always feelin' good when I'm having fun
"Yeah!" He noticed the knighed at the last moment and jumped on him lightly as not to break his neck.
And I don't have to please no one.
"The chair! Give him the chair!" A woman cried from the crowds.
Inuyasha spun on his feet with the grace of a dancer and whacked the man over the head, breaking the chair.
And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation
Kouga shook his head in utter dismay.He couldn't believe his best men were being this badly beaten by a half demon.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no
Not me
The crowd roared happily as Inuyasha spun another knight into the ropes, propelling the human back into Inuyasha's jump kick.
Me, me, me
Inuyasha picked up another one and flipped him over his back and then twisted the man's legs in a rather painful looking way.
Oh, no, no, no, no
Not me, not me
He held another knight upside down and pounded his head into the ground, then spun him around over his head like a stick before throwing the poor guy into the corner near Shippo. Shippokicked the helmet and it gave off a clear ring
Not me!
The crowd was on its feet when Inuyasha jumped out of the arena victorious.
"Oh, yeah!" Inuyasha cried, flexing his muscles in triumph. "Thank you! Thank you very much! I'm here till Thursday. Try the veal! Ha, ha!"
Lord Kouga signalled his priest archers. As they pointed their arrows, deadly ofuda's on the shaft, to the half demon andthe crowd fell silent. Shippo moved closer to Inuyasha for protection.
"Shall I give the order sir?" One of Kouga's wolves asked him.
"No, I have a better idea." He signalled for the guard to return to attention.
"People of Takeda, I give you our champion!"
"What?" Inuyasha snorted in disbelief as the crowd began to cheer yet again.
"Congratulations, half breed. You've won the honour of embarking on a great and noble quest."
"Quest? I'm already on a quest, a quest to get my swamp back!"
"Your swamp?"
"Yeah, my swamp! Where you dumped all those pathetic excuses for demons!"
"Indeed," Kouga answered lightly. The people began to murmur at such a thought. "All right, half breed," Kouga said as if it fouled his mouth, "I'll make you a deal. Go on this quest for me, and I'll give you your swamp back."
"Exactly the way it was?"
"Down to the last slime covered toadstool."
"And the squatters?" Inuyasha pushed.
"As good as gone."
Inuyasha looked up at the armed priests, their arrows glowing a deadly pink, as if weighing the situation. "What kind of quest?"
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"Okay let me get this straight." Shippo told Inuyasha as they exited another field of sunflowers, arms laden with foods picked from the fields. "You're gonna go fight a dragon and rescue a priestess just so Kouga will give you back a swamp which you only don't have because he filled it full of freaks in the first place. Is that about right?"
"Maybe there's a good reason pups shouldn't talk."
"I am not a pup, I'm a kit," Shippo corrected angrily. "I don't get it. Why don't you just pull some of that super half demon stuff on him."
"What makes you think a half demon would be stronger than a full demon. Half demon means half power."
"Well everybody makes such a big deal about half demons I thought they were really strong and powerful or something. You know, throttle him, lay siege to his fortress. Squeeze the blood out of his heart, you know the whole demon thing."
"Oh, I know what, maybe I could have decapitated the entire village and put their heads on a pike, taken my claws, cut open their spleen and drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you?" Inuyasha asked sarcastically.
"Uh, no, not really, no."
"For your information, there's a lot more to half demons than people think."
"Example?" Shippo asked.
"Example? Okay, um, half demons are like onions." He held out an onion to show Shippo.
"They stink?"
"Yes-- No!"
"They make you cry?"
"No!"
"Oh, you leave then out in the sun too long and they get all brown and start sproutin' little white hairs."
"No! Layers!" Inuyasha cried out in frustration, waving his arms about to make it all the more clear to the little kit. "Onions have layers. Half demons have layers! Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers." He sighed after he threw the half peeled onion onto the ground.
"Oh, you both have layers. Oh." Shippo bent down to sniff the onion. "You know, not everbody likes onions. Cake!" He cried, running to catch up with Inuyasha.
"Everybody loves cakes! Cakes have layers."
"I don't care... what everybody likes. Half demons are not like cakes."
"You know what else everybody likes? Jawbreakers. Have you ever met a person, you say, 'Hey, let's go get some jawbreakers,' and they say, 'No, I don't like jawbreakers?' Jawbreakers are yummy."
"No!" Inuyasha roared. "You dense, irritating, little spawn of hell! Half demons are like onions! End of story."
Now a normal person...er, demon would be discouraged by this. But not Shippo; he just kept talking and walking along side Inuyasha.
"Jawbreakers may be the most delicious think on the whole damn planet."
"You know, I think I preferred your humming," Inuyasha admitted as they began marching through another field plump with crops.
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Inuyasha and Shippo had been travelling for days, through fields and over mountains. The particular mountain they were climbing led to the castle that held the priestess they were supposed to rescue in order to get Inuyasha's swamp back.
"Ooh! Inuyasha! Did you do that?" Shippo asked waving the air in front of himself. "You gotta warn somebody before you just do that. My mouth was open and everything."
"Believe me, Shippo, if it was me, you'd be dead." Inuyasha sniffed the air. "It's brimstone. We must be getting close."
"Yeah, right, brimstone," Shippo muttered under his breath. "I know what I smell, I'm a demon. It wasn't brimstone." The two climbed over a final ledge before laying eyes on the castled. It was most certainly what a typical dragon guarded castled looked like. The castled was in the middle of a volcano, surrounded by a river of flowing lava. The only way to reach the castled was by and old and rickety rope bridge. The castled itself was large and dark with only a single light lit at the height tower. There were clouds hovering around it to make it look more ominous and the castle was in ruins in many different places.
"Sure, it's big enough, but look at the location," Inuyasha chuckled at another joke Shippo did not understand.
"Uh, Inuyasha? Remember when you said half demons have layers?"
"Hn."
"Foxes don't have layers. We wear our fear right out there on our sleeves."
"Wait a second. Foxes don't have sleeves."
"You know what I mean," Shippo reprimanded.
"You can't tell me you're afraid of heights."
"No, I'm just a little uncomfortable about being on a rickety bridge over a boiling lake of lava!"
"Come on, kit. I'm right here beside you, okay? For... emotional support. We'll just tackle this thing together one little baby step at a time." He said as he shoved Shippo ahead of him.
"Really?"
"Really, really."
"Okay, that makes me feel so much better," Shippo sighed.
"Just keep moving." Inuyasha ordered as they started across. "And don't look down."
"Okay, don't look down. Don't look down." Shippo chanted to himself. "Don't look down. Keep on moving. Don't look down."
But as Shippo took another step the wood broke and he stumbled.
"Inuyasha! I'm looking down! Oh, Kami, I can't do this! Just let me off right now, please!" Shippo pleaded as he turned to the half demon.
"But you're already halfway."
"Yeah, but I know that half is safe!"
"Okay, fine. I don't have time for this. You go back."
"Inuyasha no! Wait!" Shippo cried as he tried to get around Inuyasha's large person.
"Just, Shippo-"
"Let's have a dance then, shall we?" Inuyasha asked as he swung the rope bridge.
"Don't do that!"
"Oh, I'm sorry." He said in a fake sincere voice. "Do what? Oh, this?" He asked when he swung the bridge again.
"Yes, that!"
"Yes? Yes, do it. Okay." Inuyasha began to swing the bridge wildly as he advanced towards the other side.
"Ahhhhhh! No! Stop it!" Shippo wailed as he backed up.
"You just said do it! I'm doin' it."
"Oh, Kami. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Inuyasha, I'm gonna die." Shippo stopped his ranting when he no longer felt the swing of the bridge and opened his eyes. "Oh!"
"That'll do, Fox. That'll do." Inuyasha patted Shippo's head and walked away grinning. Shippo looked from the bridge to Inuyasha.
"Cool." He caught up with Inuyasha. "So where is this fire-breathing-pain-in-the-neck anyway?"
"Inside, waiting for us to rescue her."
"I was talkin' about the dragon, Inuyasha," Shippo stated dryly.
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A/N: Sorry for the late update, it's due to the holidays and that I've had to greatly contribute to making our new recroom (from drywalling to plastering, priming, painting, and setting up the home theater syster >. ;;). Apologies to beta Kushielle for putting unnecessary stress for help when it was actually early and I'm late. I will post on Monday again.
Review Responses:
Emiri teh Strange: Thank you very much for your review and condolences.
rinthefluffylover: Sorry, no. Sesshy won't be in this. Perhaps I can use him in the second story if I decide to do that one.
Azmidiske: I know, that's one of the reason's I wanted to write this was because of Shippo, he's my favorite character
Shackles: (From earlier review) No I didn't know there was another crossover out there. I did check it out though and thought it was nifty. I didn't even know there was one until you mentioned it. Thanks for your reviews.
Thanks to following who reviewed:
PlushXD, SuNjEwElDrAgOn, RockyShoreline, someone, Daddy's Pixie, abnormally cool, lovebug.