Disclaimer: I do not own any Degrassi ideas and or characters, and am only borrowing them for my sick and twisted amusement. I'll give 'em back...eventually.
Author's Notes: Oh, I haven't updated in a long time, have I? Sorry! I have excuses though! We had our Christmas Concert, and well, Christmas at school, and I got distracted by that. And I now have the new Vanessa Carlton cd. Gawd, it's so freaking awesome! You all have to go by it! Vanessa Carlton is the shiznite and she's so cool! –cough- OK...well...um...review responses!
JessyG: Thank you for the...um...what's the word I'm looking for? Kind yet sadistic review? Yeah, that's it. –smiles-
Rowenna7: See, I'm updating! As to your comment about how long it's taken them to get together. This is how I work. As long as it takes for them to get together, the same amount of time the couple has to be together. Get ready for lots of kisses...
Endbringer: Thanks for reviewing! As for your suggestion, it is nice, but don't worry. I have this whole thing plotted out, and I have everything in like, divisions. There's gonna be an equal amount of witchcraft as everything else. Make sense? Don't worry, we're getting there.
drew's baby: Thanks for reviewing! I'm writing more!
Inuko Metallium: Ellie/Paige slash makes me happy. Go read 'Pretty Girl' if it makes you happy to. I almost bought my friend a Gravitation manga for x-mas, but I'm poor and have no money. Glad you're liking the story!
Fucted Up Kid: Spinner does love Marco, and Marco does love Spinner, as we all be reminded five hundred times in this chapter. –cough- Thank you for reviewing! I hope your own Sparco ficlet is coming along well!
FreakManNinja: Semi-soft porn? I just called it shameless smut, but you're phrase makes it sound more classy. –throws tickle-me-Marco, jump-me-Spinner, and a smart-ass-Mozzy plush- Enjoy! And thank you for the review!
Ash: I'm glad you like this story! Well, you must really like it since your review was in ALL capital letters! I have started my vampire fic. You can click on my author name go to my profile and it'll be listed under the stories I've written. I hope you enjoy that, as well. Thank you so much for reviewing!
prinny: I think you just might like this story. –grins- Thanks for the kind, spazztastic review!
BlackOwl892006: Cliffy's are fun. I suggest you get used to them. Heh. I see where a friend of yours reviewed too. Awesome! Thank you for the support!
Bridget N: Maybe...maybe. You'll just have to read this chapter to figure it out! –winks-
The Dude: You are officially pimp, because you said you liked AFI. –cough- Thanks a lot for the great review. I hope you like this chapter too!
Cyanide Anytime: My teacher said long is good the other day. We all got very bad mental images. But I'm glad you liked the last chapter, and I hope you enjoy this one as well.
almost-never: You are welcome! It's fun to make Spinner and Marco do inappropriate things together, and one day I will write a story where it is them doing just that. Unfortunatly plot stuck it's dirty little head into my mind and worked itself into this story. Thanks for the review!
fox eye: He was playing gold fish with the cat because Spinner's weird like that. It doesn't have anything to do with anything. I'm glad you liked the chpater and thanks for reviewing!
Sloane Miette: Well, I hope your headache is better, and I hope you enjoy the rest of this story!
Mel16: Yeah, Queen rules. Thank you for the kind compliment and the awesome reviews!
Squrlie Jack: See, I'm updating! Don't be upset; be glad!
TenageMutantNinjaDuckies: Who hasn't been updating even more than I have. –coughs- I didn't say anything! The last chapter, and another chapter which I can't remember at the moment, were Marco reflected, thus they were in past tense. Thanks for reviewing!
My Chemical Lust: -twitch- I'm not okay! –giggles- Thank you so much for reviewing!
RiseAgainPhoenix: I want to set Marco up with some random dude just so I can see Spinner beat said random dude up and make out with Marco, because I'm cool like that. I'm happy you liked the chapter! Thank you for reviewing!
anjel919: Wouldn't you like to know what Spinner is doing with a dagger in his drawer? Well, okay, you will know in a bit if you read this chapter. I'm very pleased I've made people addicted. –pats self on back- Glad you liked the chapter and hope you like this one too.
KinseySix: -laughs evily- This is what you get for not updating 'Pretty Girl' in forever! Bwuhahaha. Don't worry! There will be some hot wild lip ring emo sex for the Sparco, only minus the lip ring and institute a tounge ring, because I noticed that Spinner had one. I like weapons. I think wepaons are very sexy. You can't kill Kendra. She likes anime! Just be patient! I promise in –holds out hands- the next chapter there will be...things... Lot's of them. –winks-
Enigmus: I take it you enjoyed that chapter? Well, I'm sure you'll like this one too! I hope, anyway.
Dreamer'sWasteland: Is Spinner the vampy dream dude? I don't know. You'll just have to read to find out! Thanks for the review!
Holy donkey ears I got a lot of reviews! I have 176! You guys rock so many socks even people in Africa have cold feet! Here is the next chapter, because you all deserve it!
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Chapter Sixteen: Three Seconds Notice
No.
This can't...
This isn't right.
This isn't happening.
I'm dreaming, I know I must be.
I...he...
No.
I stare down at the dagger, my breathing rapid as I try to take in the image. This can't be the same one. It just can't be. It must be some sort of replica, or something. As far as I know, they probably sell daggers exactly like this at Wal-Mart or the costume shop downtown. He could have gotten it because he thought it looked cool, or has some odd infatuation with dragons he's never told anyone about, or is planning to use it for a project or Halloween next year. Maybe it's not even his. It could be Kendra's. She could be in some sort of gang, and must have this knife for protection, or else rival gangs will come and kill her. He's probably just hiding it right now so their mom won't find it, or just in case some of the evil rival gangs come he'll have a way to defend himself. According to some of the movies I've seen, someone in the Japanese yakuza might have a dagger like this. All heavy and silver and weapony like. It's not his. I know it's not. There's just no possible way, after everything that's happened, that it could possibly belong to him.
And...and even if it was...it doesn't matter. Just because he happens to own this very dagger, doesn't mean that it automatically makes him the evil freaky dream dude. If I went around thinking every guy with a silver headed dragon dagger was out to kill me, well I'd never get anything done! I can't just jump to conclusions like that. It's wrong of me. Besides, it's, well it's Spinner.
If he were indeed evil freaky dream dude, then one, he would have to be a witch. Call me crazy, but if he was a witch, I would know, wouldn't I? My skills have been honed enough to detect magic around someone, especially if I hang around this someone practically everyday. Mozzy would have picked up on it, I swear she would have. Spin would also have to be evil. Now, even I'll admit, sometimes he can be a jerk, but he's not evil. He couldn't be, even if his life depended on it. I know he wouldn't hurt me. He would never sneak into my head, late at night, just to taunt and torment me. It just doesn't fit in with the whole puzzle that is Spinner. It just doesn't make any sense.
But...
No, no buts. I know all the facts, I know how I feel, I know the logic, and it doesn't work out. Spinner's not a witch, he's not evil, and he would never hurt me. Just because I found a dagger, doesn't mean it's the dagger. One piece of circumstantial evidence does not mean that I should immediately jump to the conclusion that he is indeed evil and insane, because I know he's not. How do I know there aren't plenty of other people who have a dagger exactly like this? I don't. There's just no way, no possible freaking way.
But...what if he is a witch? If he didn't use magic around me, then there's not any real way I could have been able to realize it. I'm not the best at detecting mystical energy. And Mozz, well, she's getting old –please, dear God, don't let her find out that I thought that. Maybe her sense of detection isn't too bright, either. Spinner may not be evil, but I have caught that look in his eyes, sometimes. The one that sends chills to my very core. It's the look he got around Slade, the one he gave those guys tonight at the movie's, like he would rip their hearts out with his bare hand, literally. This dagger, it seems rare. A one-of-a-kind thing. There might not be any people –especially in Degrassi- who would own something like this.
That's ridiculous! That just doesn't make sense. Why would he go through the trouble of drilling the fact that he is straight as an arrow into my brains if he was truly trying to turn me into some sort of consort, or something? Why would someone who wanted me as their 'lover' treat me like a leper when I came out? That doesn't fit.
Unless, of course, he was just doing it to throw me off track. But that's stupid! I was never on a track to begin with. Hell, I wasn't even in the stands yet! It would make no sense for him to try to make me think he wasn't freaky dream dude if I didn't even know about freaky dream dude yet. Or maybe that's just what he wants me to think.
This is way too confusing.
I know, I'll just ask him.
Oh, that's a brilliant idea! When he comes back in here, all I have to do is ask, 'Spinner, why in the hell do you have a dagger stored in your dresser?', and he will answer with something like, 'Oh, Marco my dearest love, I'd no idea you would ever find such a vial thing! I had it only to protect myself if ever intruders were to...err...intrude! Did you hurt yourself? Oh, you poor, adorable thing. Come hither and I shall mend the ghastly wound for you, after which I shall make mad, passionate love to you...' Or, you know...something like that.
My gaze drifts down to the dagger in my hands, and I study it for a moment. My first impression was right; it was really beautiful. I run my fingertips lightly over the top of it, tracing out the scales of the dragon's head. I flip the dagger over in my hands, running my eyes over the blade, and as I hold it up to the stream of light still coming from the hall, I notice a drop of crimson at the end. Of course, I know it must be from when I cut myself only minutes ago, but still, it's a frightening sight. With shaking breathing, I try to throw it back in the drawer. Suddenly I don't want to ask Spinner why he has it. Suddenly I don't care, I just have to get it away from me. My fingers will not release it. Frantically, I reach up with my other hand, wrapping it around the hilt to try and pull it away, but I can't. I can't let go, and I don't know why. Probably just nerves. I guess I was so nervous that I didn't realize my hand kind of froze around the dagger.
The sliver of light which hit the silver blade begins to widen, and as I look up, I see it is because the door is opening. Which, of course, means that Spin is done with his phone call, and is coming back in. My entire body is suddenly tense. I can hardly move, I can hardly breathe, hardly think... No, I have to stay calm now. I can't allow myself to just jump to conclusions. When he comes back inside, I will just calmly, rationally, show him the dagger and follow through with my previous plan of just asking him why he's got it. There's no reason to be afraid, I tell myself as the door swings completely open. It's Spinner, only Spinner, and I know he would never hurt me.
"Sorry," he murmurs, dropping the phone onto the dresser before turning back to shut the door. His voice is soft, yet somehow casual. "Didn't mean to be on so long. My mom has this odd, completely unfounded fear that I'm going to burn the house down, and..."
"It's you, isn't it?" I ask, my voice shaking, barely above a whisper.
I watch him, my vision blurring slightly as I feel warm, salty liquid beginning to form in the tear ducts of my eyes. He turns around, a look of confusion painted across his pale features as he looks towards me. He stops, however, when he notices the dagger my right hand still his a death grip on. Now his face has twisted into an expression of horror, regret, his breathing is coming faster and raged, and I realize that none of my fears can be put to rest. My gaze drops to the silver in my hand, and I stare at it, completely tense until I feel a tear roll down my cheek. I watch it splatter onto the hilt of the dagger, and for a moment it almost appears as if the dragon is crying. Crying for me, for Spinner, for everything that we just lost but never had to begin with.
It was him...it is him. I didn't even have to ask. The expression on his face when I first spoke, when he saw that I'd found the knife... As much as I don't want to believe it and as much as I try to tell myself it doesn't make sense, it's starting to fit. Pieces of the puzzle that I had dismissed so long ago now make such perfect sense I nearly fall over. The scent of cinnamon that always hung around in my dreams, the way the dream guy was always so warm, the neck fetish... It was Spinner all along.
Tears, falling more freely now, run down my cheeks and I am finally able to drop the dagger. I begin taking a few steps back, not knowing what else to do. "Why?" I whisper, brokenly, taking in deep breaths as my body begins to shake with deeper sobs. "Why...? Spinner..." I'm tripping over my words, but what else can I do? What the hell can I say to him? My best friend, my first true love...the person who has been haunting me for more than half of my life...
I'm so afraid right now, I'm shaking. I'm scared, and I'm angry, and I'm hurt and all I really want is for him to crack a smile and come hold me. Why aren't the cameras jumping out? Why aren't Craig and Jimmy and Ellie crawling out form underneath the bed and screaming out, "April Fools", or something like that? It has to be a joke, right? It has to be...a dream. Another nightmare. I don't know, I don't care... I just don't want this to be real.
Please, Spinner, tell me this isn't real.
"Oh God, Marco."
His voice is deep, hurt, shaking, and it answers all the questions the look he gave me had caused. He's not even going to try to deny it. He's not going to make up excuses, or try to trick me...he's just going to stand there and admit it. This isn't a joke, or a bad reality show, or a nightmare, this is real.
I look back up at him, meeting his eyes, and I am paralyzed again. What is he going to now? What can I do now? I should run, I know, get away from here as fast as I can. I shouldn't be just standing in the middle of the room, waiting for him to explain the fact that not only is he a witch, why exactly he's an evil witch, and why exactly he's been trying to round me up for the forces of darkness...or whatever. I should be calling out to Mozzy, yelling incantations to char him to a crisp or immobilize him or have him sent to God-only-knows-where while I escape. But I just...can't. The only thing I can do is watch him out of frightened eyes, waiting for something, for anything.
We continue staring at each other, our gazes locked, and neither of us are able to look away. He takes a cautious, small step forward, looking as if he is about so speak, but says nothing. I want to stay here, locked in place, and wait for him. I just want him to run to me and wrap his arms around me. God, am I pathetic, or what? I finally learn the true identity of the evil dream witch who has been haunting me and hurting me –not to mention molesting me- and I want to wait for him? I tell myself to run, but my heart isn't in it. What's wrong with me? I should want to run away, shouldn't I? I should want to get as far away from as I can, right? I mean he's...evil...he's...Spinner.
His face holds an expression of heartbreaking regret and sadness, and I wish I could comfort him somehow. "Marco, dude, I know what you're thinking," he says softly.
"Tell me I'm wrong, then," I plead. "Please, Spinner? Tell me that you have this for a project, or something. Tell me that it's like, Kendra's forgotten birthday present, for her Christmas present, for her...Thanksgiving present..."
"I can't..."
"Tell me you bought it. Tell me it was part of your Halloween costume, but you just forgot about it."
"I can't."
"Tell me that someone gave it to you. Tell me that a crazy redneck uncle of yours decided he wanted to take you out critter hunting and so he bought you this dagger, but you realized that critters are just to cute, so you've hidden away and..."
"I can't, Marco!" he screams. I wince slightly, but abruptly stop talking. There is anger in his eyes, frustration, fear... Shouldn't I be the one who's afraid? "I can't, all right? I can't tell you any of that, because it's not true."
"Then tell me I'm dreaming!" I yell back at him. "Please! You can't just...you can't just stand there and...I don't want to believe it. You're not...you're not evil. You're Spinner...you're..." I trail off.
He runs a hand through his hair, a small groan of frustration escaping him. I just stare at the floor, realizing I don't have the faintest idea as to what to do now. Before...before when Spinner was evil dream guy, everything was completely black and white. I knew that I could fear the man who was haunting me and feel safe with Spinner. But now...now I don't know what to think. I can't be afraid of Spinner. That's just...stupid. My body won't let me. But there's absolutely no way I can trust the person that's been haunting my dreams.
"Let me explain...?" he says, more like asks, in a soft voice, one that frightens more than comforts me.
I look up, watching as he begins moving towards me. The fear that I knew I was supposed to be feeling has started to kick in. I begin to back up again, mentally cursing myself for the move. How many times have I sat in the movie theater screaming at the top of my lungs at the blond girl on the screen to run towards the door, stupid, instead of allowing herself to be backed into a corner? I want to scream at him to just stop. I don't want him to come near me. I'm too confused right now. What if he comes over here, acting as if he's going to offer comfort, and instead he just slits my throat? Something tells me he wouldn't do something like that, but I can't trust my instincts anymore, I know that now.
He extends his arm, his skin looking paler than usual in the moonlight, and acts as if he is about to reach for my hand. The move startles me, and I jump back, the back of my knees banging against the bed, almost causing me to lose my balance. I skip what would most likely me a rather nasty fall –with my luck, I would get tangled in the sheets and end up hitting my head on the head board, killing myself or getting a concussion in the process- however, as two strong arms wrap around me.
For a split second, I feel safe, knowing that Spinner has got me, like I always thought he would. The image of the dagger, the same weapon that was used to cut into my skin only a few months ago in my dreams, in his dresser flashes across my mind, and my entire body goes ridged. No, this is wrong. I'm not supposed to be letting him hold me. I should be screaming for help right now. I should be fighting. I can't let him...
His hands slide up my arms, wrapping around my shoulders in a feather light grip before he begins to guide me down. I am now sitting on the edge of the bed, blinking tears out of my eyes as I watch his face. Mixtures of confusion and horror and sadness are there, and I can tell he must be just as lost as I am. I want to speak to him, to ask him why, to tell him to just let me leave, but I can't do anything. I can only stare blankly as he bites his bottom lip, take in a few deep breaths, and then fall to the bed next to me. I tense for a few moments, wondering what he's going to do. Just as I am convinced that he has more or less passed out, his arm shakily snakes around my waist, pulling me closer to him. My first thought is to resist, but I fall against his chest like a doll, wrapping my arms around him as I bury my face into the crook of his neck.
"My father was a witch," he begins softly, his voice shaky as if he is going to cry. I hope he doesn't. I don't know what I would do if I had to watch him cry. "And, my mother was a witch too. They met here, and I guess sort of fell in love. So, they got married, and a few years later, well, ta da." I angled my neck to an odd position while he said this, catching as he made a gesture to himself when he spoke the last words.
"Both of them had loved magic, I mean like, really enjoyed being a witch, but after my mom got pregnant... I don't know. They decided that they wanted to live normal, human lives for a while, and broke away from the rest of the fold. Hell, they hadn't even kept contact with the Council!"
I want to stop him, first to ask him what the Council was, and then to tell him to let me go. I want to get out of here. I need to hear this.
"So, when I was born, they were at a crossroads. They didn't know what to do. Start me off in the ways of witchcraft, even though they didn't even practice anymore, tell me when I was older, or just keep it from me completely. I guess they debated for a while, but it didn't really matter. By the time I was two-years-old, Francis, a watcher, popped up at the door step with my familiar...Tshurka. My parents didn't even have to think about it, after he came. Tshurka was well-known among witches, for his powers when he was alive, and for the people he had trained as a familiar."
He pauses, taking in more deep breaths.
"They...I guess they'd been out of it for so long that they didn't know...didn't know which side Tshurka was working for. They didn't know he'd turned. They didn't know that he...they didn't know he had been banished...or that he was looking for followers." He laughs a little, a harsh, bitter sound, that sounds completely foreign coming from him. "Tshurka was looking for the most powerful witches he could find, molding them to his beliefs, building a fucking army of brainwashed witches so he could go back to Rome and become the leader of us all, and my mom and dad were completely clueless."
I feel his arms tighten around me, his warm –burning- hands pressing to my cold skin. My fingers curl into the fabric of his shirt, and I let him hold me, my mind racing. What is he talking about? I have no idea what this Council is, and I've never heard anything about a rouge familiar trying to overthrow the witching world. Could he be...lying to me? I peer up at him, seeing the utterly broken look on his face, a few tears gathering in the corners of his eyes. No, he's not lying. There's no way he could seem so shattered if he was lying.
Shifting, pulling me closer to his chest, he begins speaking again. "He...he trained me in the art of everything he knew. When I was around, like, eight I think, he told me that I needed an apprentice. He said that I was going to be very powerful, and I had a lot of talent, and when I was older, I was going to hold a high ranking in the Council. Do you know what it felt like to have him tell me that, Marco? Me, Gavin Masson, part of the Council. He told me I was extraordinary, amazing, that one day everyone who had ever told me I was stupid and worthless would be bowing down to me. I...hell, I was eight, and it was the best offer I'd heard. I thought I was going to be some type of Prince, or something. I thought that...people would love me. I would have cut off my own head if Tshurka told me to, because I trusted him. He was my hero. He was so strong and he knew so much and...he promised me power and glory and fame and love. That's all I really wanted...people to look at me and not just write me off as some arrogant, retarded kid. I wanted people to think, 'Wow, isn't he amazing?'. I wanted it so bad..."
I can see the tears glistening, and suddenly I'm worried. Not about myself, but about him. I've never seen Spinner cry before. I've seen him close, once, when Rick put Terri in the hospital, and he nearly pounded the guy into the pavement. Uncertainly, I begin running my hand along his back, hoping to calm him in some way. I suppose it works, because he takes a shaky breath, then squeezes his eyes shut, waiting a few moments before opening them.
Briefly, he meets my eyes, then quickly stares back down at the floor. "When...I guess..." He stops for a moment, frowning as he trips over his words. "When he told me that we were going to find someone who was just as talented as me, with as much potential for power as I had, to become my assistant, I was more than happy to go along with him." With a soft smile, he adds, "I thought he was going to find me a playmate. A friend. I didn't have many friends when I was younger, so I was practically bouncing around the house when he told me. He made me promise not to tell my parents what we were doing. I thought I wasn't supposed to let them in on it because they were going to take my apprentice away from me, but it was just so he wouldn't get caught. After all, if he did...he would be brought back to Rome and killed."
"We scrolled for a long time, months, trying to pinpoint the person with exactly as much power as I had. It was like a magical Finding Waldo, only you know, without the freaky guy with glasses." His voice softens, as does his face, and he dares to catch my gaze as he speaks again. "Then...we found you."
My breathing hitches for a moment. This was what I wanted to know, isn't it? Why he would try to hurt me. I can't chicken out now. I make a small nod, urging for him to continue. Biting his lip for a moment, he sighs, then looks away from me.
"He showed me how to break into your dreams. I thought it was a game. Tshurka said it would be great. That I would bring you into our circle, you would be my best friend, and together, you, me, and him, would rule over witches. We would be the most powerful, most adored Kings in their history. I thought...I thought that we...I had no idea that..."
I push myself away from him a little, just enough so that I am no longer pressed into his neck, so that I can speak freely. "Didn't you notice something was wrong when he told you to start stabbing me?" I hiss bitterly. Guilt flickers through me at his hurt expression, but I tell myself to ignore it, for now anyway.
"He said I had to, Marco," he whispers sadly. "I never wanted to hurt you. I hated it when you were sad. But he told me that it was part of everything. Said that one day when there were thousands of people bowing down to us you would thank me for making you stronger. I knew it was wrong, deep down I knew what I was doing just wasn't right, that Tshurka wasn't right, but I wanted it all so bad. I thought I was helping you, in some sick way. That if I did it, my parents would be proud, everyone else would respect me, and that you would...love me." The last two words are barely above a whisper, and they sound so sad, so hurt, I begin to pull away from him a bit more.
"As I grew older, my blind faith in him began to lessen. I was starting to ask questions, to wonder why I was learning so many dangerous spells, why my parents could never help with our lessons, why I could never see you in person, stuff like that. He just told me it was for the best. Everything was always for the best. And for the longest time...I believed him. I ignored all my doubts and decided that if in the end I got everything I wanted, nothing else mattered."
"My parents adopted Kendra, around that time I was beginning to think that not everything was going so well. She was –well, is, technically- a werewolf. It was my job to take care of her, so I did a lot of research about werewolves, just so I could take care of her better. Then you moved here and...everything went to Hell."
His voice begins to grow stronger, and he looks up at me. All I can do is blink. Kendra...is a werewolf? I know, I know, not the biggest revelation here but...Kendra's a friggin werewolf?
"Tshurka told me that under no circumstances was I to befriend you. It didn't make sense. He wanted you to be my apprentice, so I thought it was a pretty good idea to get to know you for real, too. I mean, I knew I had set up a cover with Paige but...I really did care about her and I thought that you and I...we were just going to be friends... Everything just got so messed up."
He unwraps his arms from me completely, scooting back onto the bed, and as I watch him closer, I can see that he is shaking. His hands run through his hair, and I can hear cursing under his breath. My eyes widen, a bit frightened by his behavior. I take in shallow breaths, the back of my mind noting that I have stopped crying.
Spinner continues shaking his head, his hands fisting into hair almost angrily before he finally brings his arms back around himself. "I never meant for it to be like this," he says, trying to keep the tears from falling. "Tshurka wasn't supposed to be evil, and I wasn't supposed to fall for you, and you weren't supposed to be...so...you." I barely catch his words, his speaking so quickly, his voice going from almost a scream to a whisper, but I could have swore I just heard him say, 'fall for you'. "It was all so just... It was all screwed up so much..."
"When I was looking for stuff about Kendra, I stumbled into some old Romany records. I figured that hey, it couldn't hurt if I looked up anything; maybe I'd learn a new spell and impress Tshurka. I saw it...I read...found out that he had turned, that he was evil and against the Council. It took me a while, but finally I figured out what had happened. He'd been using me. Trying to get me to be one of his followers, well, me and you, too. He was gonna use as to take down the Council, then just kill us off once we'd done what he wanted. I was so angry. I was so confused. I didn't know...what I should do."
He looks at me, his eyes pleading for me to say something, or do something. All I can do is watch him. "God," he rasps, his voice sounding more like a sob. "Do you have any idea what it's like to find out that everything you've ever been told is a lie? That the person you looked up to most thought you were nothing? To find out that...that you're evil. I didn't want to be evil, Marco, really. I just wanted...I just wanted to make my parents proud and be able to make pencils float. I was afraid, I mean, I didn't know that the hell I had gotten myself into. I'd been raised, been taught dark magic. That isn't something you can just turn around and erase. I couldn't just say, 'Oh, well, apparently I'm the bad guy...guess I should change that.' I couldn't..."
"Why not?" I scream at him, cutting off the rest of his words. My voice is trembling, as is my entire body, but I can't help it. "Why couldn't you just come tell me that you didn't mean it. Tell your parents. Tell the Council."
His eyes narrow. "What do you mean? What, do you think evil comes with a little off and on switch?" he yells back.
"Yes!" I reply, crying again now. "I mean...no...but..." I trail off.
"I didn't want my power anymore. I didn't want thousands of people throwing themselves at me I just... I wanted to be a good person... I didn't want to hurt you anymore," he adds softly.
"I think you kind of messed up the last one," I say, not really thinking before the words leave my lips. I stare down at the comforter, wincing as I hear his fist connect with the headboard behind me.
"Don't you think I know that?!" he says harshly. "I messed up, Marco. I completely and totally fucked up and I was so lost! I didn't know what to do. I had no idea how to redeem myself."
"So you just decided to keep haunting me?"
He shakes his head fiercely. "No! I didn't want to I just..." Then, very quietly, he starts to speak again, his voice so low he almost sounds like a child. "I killed him."
I stare at him in astonishment, my mouth falling open as I do so. He...he killed him? Tshurka? Anxiety grips me, and my breathing slows again. "W-what? How?" I question, biting the back of my cheek to keep myself from shouting.
"With a great amount of difficulty, that's how," he replies quickly. "He knew a lot of tricks, a lot of spells... Too bad he taught me all of them," he adds softly.
"I don't...why?" I ask him, blinking.
Snapping his head up, he stares at me, eyes cold yet flashing at the same time. "What do you mean, why? He was evil Marco, he was trying to overthrow the Council, he was using me-"
"Why did it have to be you?" I interject. "Couldn't you have just told your parents, or contacted the watcher, what'd you say his name was...Francis? Couldn't you have called the Council and told them you had a rouge familiar trying to use you in his evil plot to take over the world? Why did you have to be the one putting yourself in danger? Why did you try to handle it all on your own?"
"What other choice did I have?" he counters, gaze dropping back to his feet. He pulls his knees up to himself, wrapping his arms around his legs. I want to scream at him. Tell him that he had every choice. That he didn't have to go through all of that pain alone, that he never had go through it alone. However, as soon as I open my mouth to begin to speak, I stop, catching a glimpse of a single tear running down his cheek.
Oh, Spinner, please don't cry. He looks too broke down when he cries. I can't be afraid of him if he cries.
"I couldn't tell my mother, my father...anyone. Do you know what they would do?" he implores, taking a pause to calm himself slightly. "They would have thought that I really was evil, that I'd turned to the dark side and was planning to kill them all off one by one...or something crazy like that! They would send me to Rome, the Council would pass judgement, find me guilty of treason, and hang my neck in the village square. Thanks, but no freaking way was I going to just throw away my chance of getting my life back together by handing myself over to them."
My hands clutch his comforter in my hands, and I am unable to stop them from shaking. "Couldn't you have just...told them you were still good? I mean, you're not evil, Spinner...you were misguided...that's all. They would have believed you. They would've listened to your story and realized..."
"Do you believe me, Marco?" he interrupts softly.
I blink a few times, not sure I exactly caught the question. "W-what?" I ask.
He finally meets my gaze, and I feel myself crumbling in those broken eyes. "Before you knew me, I mean, before you really knew me. If I had told you everything, that this evil witch had taught me everything I knew but I myself was a good guy, would you believe me?"
I want to say yes, I really do, but I can't, because deep down, I don't know if that's true. Maybe...maybe a year ago, I would have thought he was a little crazy, but I probably would have given him the benefit of a doubt. I think –I thought- everyone deserved to start off with a clean slate. But now... After everything I've been through, the magic, Slade, and now this...I don't know.
Since I do know him, I can honestly say that I do believe him. I mean it's...it's freaking Spinner. I don't care if he was raised by a rouge witch, or snuck into my subconscious, tried to brainwash me and molested me in the shower and cut me up; he just can't be the bad guy. Not really. Deep down, I know that he can't be. He's too good, he's too caring; he couldn't hurt people, not willingly, not when he knew what he was doing.
But if I was faced with it now...no, I probably wouldn't believe him. I hate to sound bitter, but at the risk of it, I would not believe a word he said. I couldn't. My experiences over these last months have led me to the conclusion that you can not trust people. If their someone you know and care about –and I mean really, truly know them, love them with every fiber of your being- and you know in your heart that they could never hurt you, not really, then you have to keep them close. People like your friends, your family, your...the one you love. But if you meet someone, and you have the slightest doubt or fear about their character, just stay away. There aren't many people in this world you can trust.
"I don't know, Spin," I tell him softly.
"I thought I could handle it," he says. "I told myself, self..."
Oh, hey! Great minds think alike! That's how I begin all the sentences I use when I talk to myself! Um...not that that has any significance, or anything.
"If you can use everything that Tshurka has taught you, turn his own evil against him, and defeat him, then that means you really do have the magical talent he was always bragging about. Then, if you can stay away from Marco, make him never want to see you again, and keep from hurting him, then not only are you starting your trip back to the side of good, you have will power, too."
He smiles a little. "I got the first one down, almost perfect. We were having a routine practice session and then...I spilled. Let him know I had him pegged down for what he really was, and we had a showdown. Got the hell blasted outta me, too. But, in the end, I guess he was careless, or something. I managed to paralyze him and..." His sentence trails off as he looks up at me. "You probably don't want to hear the details."
He's probably right.
"I started studying on my own. To my wonderful, blessed luck, no one noticed Tshurka was gone. I mean, it wasn't as if he was the family pet. He spent most of his time upstairs with me, and if we weren't training, he would be off somewhere. All I had to do was find another tamed chipmunk –not an easy task, I'll have you know- and no one was the wiser."
"...chipmunk?" I ask him, raising an eyebrow.
He nods his head. "Yeah. What, you didn't think familiars were limited to just being cats, did you?" he asks, and I nod my head in the affirmative. "No, Tshurka was a chipmunk. Made sense though, an evil chipmunk hell bent on ruling over the magic world. I always knew they were up to something..."
I stare at him, blinking back tears and astonishment as he trails off. He brushes a few strands of midnight hair from my face, starring into my eyes with a sort of hopelessness that I don't think even I have felt before, and that really is saying something.
"God Marco...I'm so sorry," he whispers, almost desperate, almost pleading. "I didn't know what else to do. I thought that... I wanted to stop haunting you...stop hurting you...I never meant to hurt you."
"But you did," I say before I can stop myself, and now I feel guilty because I can see that it hurts him, and I can't help but feel justified because he did hurt me. "I don't understand it," I murmur.
"I know you don't," he tells me. "You can't. I don't want to you to understand, because then you would have had to go through all of this, too, and you shouldn't have to."
I bury my face into his shoulder, inhaling his scent, taking in a few deep breaths. "You don't make any sense," I murmur into the warmth of his neck.
"You've never been this confused. You've never been made to believe one thing, that everything you did was right and then find out that that ominous dark cloud that threatens to destroy everything...is you. Do you know how much I hated myself? I just wanted to die. I realized I didn't deserve... I didn't deserve my power or my family or you...especially you...but that didn't stop me from wanting it. I wanted to keep everything I had gained. I just wanted to pretend that I really was good and that I could just keep it all because it belonged to me."
"But I didn't belong to you," I whisper, my voice hoarse and soft from crying and hurt.
"I wanted you to."
"But I didn't," I say, more harsh, with more defiance, with more disbelief on my part.
A pause that lasts a lifetime and he finally asks, "Do you now?"
And I know the answer to that. I do, I do belong to him, and I want to, because God, where else am I going to go? There's nowhere else I want to go. I just want to sit here like this forever and tell him that I love him and let him kiss me, but I can't. I can't tell him that, because now I know that deep down, he is the enemy, and even deeper down then that, he's the only one I've ever really loved, and even deeper down then that...he's just as lost and broken as I am. Can I really stay with him? Now that I know everything he's done and everything he is? It wasn't his fault, I get that completely. He was mislead from the beginning and so surrounded in lies that it took him years to finally find a way back out. But in the process, he ended up hurting me so bad...
"I don't know," I lie.
"Yes you do," he insists. "I won't blame you for hating me. It would be easy for you to hate me. I would hate me. And if you tell me right now that I never had you and that you can't forgive me for this, and that you can't trust me, I'll let you go and you'll never see me again. I'll come clean to my family and...and Hell...I'll even turn myself into the Council, and you won't have to worry."
Even as he says this, his arms tighten and he pulls me closer. He dips his head down, warm, soft, lying lips brushing over my skin and I want to believe him so badly it hurts.
"But if...if you can somehow find it that you still want me...that you've ever wanted me... Would you stay with me?"
"Why didn't you stop haunting me?" I ask. "After you found out that Tshurka was evil and you were like, inadvertently evil, why didn't you just...stop? Why didn't you leave me alone and just turn around and..."
"Do you think I didn't try?" he interrupts. "You just don't get how hard it was, and how hard it still is. Everyday I'm still tempted. I could just as easily pick up some black spell and kill every witch in the surrounding area, gain their power, and start that whole reign of chaos Tshurka always convinced me I would start. But I don't. Because now I know it's wrong."
"It," he begins, sighing. "It's like a drug addict. They know that what their doing is wrong, but they don't usually just stop cold turkey. They go little by little, giving up their addiction piece by piece... I don't know. That's what it was like. I didn't just turn around and get my Angel wings. I had to work for redemption. I had to turn in all the evil and make it good, and I had to make you trust me. I wanted to protect you...I thought I was. Whenever I snuck into your dreams...that was the only place that I could..."
"Molest me?"
"Be with you. Do you remember when I used to hold you and kiss you?"
"Yeah."
"Do you miss it?" he asks, more softly then the first question.
I nod. "Yeah."
"I miss it, too," he admits. "Do you think we could ever get it back?"
"What was with the dagger?" I bring up.
"Please Marco, please answer me," and he's pleading now. "Do you think we could get it back? I just...I want you back."
"I never understood the dagger. Was it some way to put your mark on me, or something? You didn't have to hurt me so much, Spinner. I would have...you didn't have to," I say softly.
"Did I ever have you?" he repeats.
"Why did you keep hurting me?"
"Because you kept hurting me!" he shouts, angry. "Every single fucking day you were there and you didn't look at me the way I needed you to! You were tripping over yourself to get Dylan and...you didn't...you didn't even see me sometimes. I grew up with my world revolving around you and you already gave your heart to a vampire queen and a hockey queen." He's panting, but calms down enough to continue speaking. "I hurt, okay? You were tearing me up inside and out and I was so lost I thought... I thought because you hurt me I could hurt you. I didn't want to... I thought maybe you would stop. I thought maybe someday...you might love me. Do you?"
"I never meant to hurt you," I apologize. "I'm sorry to, Spinner. I would have tried to help you. I'll still try. I didn't want you to feel like that. I never meant to..."
"Shut up," he whispers. "Just answer me, please? Do you love me?"
"Yes," I answer shakily.
He lets out a breath that he must have been holding for a while. "Will you say it?" he asks.
I nod my head, a little unsurely. Bringing my face up, I meet his eyes, and we're both crying now. "I love you Spinner."
He cranes his neck and I lift mine. More warm tears fall down my cheek when we kiss, lips and fear and sadness all mingling as his mouth moves over mine. I curl my fingers into his back, and I need this. This is what I've wanted for so long, and now that I have it, it's perfectly flawed and I think that maybe I can die happy. Reluctantly I pull back, wishing I didn't have to breathe.
"Will you stay with me?" he asks.
"I don't know..." I say, lowering my gaze to his chest.
"Will you stay with me?" he questions again. "Please?" he adds.
"I don't know," I answer again.
"I need you," he murmurs. "I need you to help me because I don't think I can do it without you."
"Do what?"
Taking in a breath, he answers, "Live."
A moment passes, and I don't know what to say. I love him, I do, but he betrayed me. It wasn't his fault. But he still hurt me so much. I don't know...
"I need you to," I admit.
He lets out a sigh. "Then stay with me."
"I don't know if I can."
"Do you want me to get on my knees and beg you Marco? Because I will, if that's what you need me to do. I'll give up everything else I have if you just promise you won't leave me. Please? I don't want you to leave me again. I couldn't live through it. I don't want to live through it if you won't love me."
"I do love you."
"Then just stay."
"How come the Council haven't come for you yet?"
"Because we were off the radar. That's why they never knew Tshurka was here. They don't care about my line anymore because they think we've given up magic."
"But why?"
"I don't know, all right? Just answer me."
"I can't. Not right now. I need more time to think. I don't want to leave you..."
"Then don't."
"...but I'm not sure if I can stay. You just need to give me time, Spin. I need to think things through. I'm so confused right now. I just need to make sure that this is what I need. What we need."
"I need you."
"A few days, a week or so, I won't keep you waiting long."
Before I can blink again he pulls me into another kiss and I melt back into his arms. He's so warm, is the only thing I can think clearly as I press my lips to his even harder, trying to gain more contact. He pushes me away slowly, even as I try to reach up and capture another kiss. His arms slide from around me, and I realize that he is letting me go.
"You've already kept me waiting."
For now.
I give him a sort of longing, betrayed look before I manage to shuffle off the bed. Slowly, I move towards his door, never taking my eyes off of the carpet. My mind is swimming, and I feel dizzy, and I have to stop a few times to keep my balance. This is too much. I was calm when he was holding me, even when he was telling me about Tshurka. I was calm when he was kissing me, even though I knew I was touching the same person who I thought was trying to kill me only six or more months ago.
Maybe I shouldn't leave. Maybe I should just turn around and run to him. Maybe I should just let him hold me and kiss me and touch me as much as he wants, because I know that's what I want to. It would be much less complicated if I just gave up know and went to him.
"Marco?"
My hand pauses on the doorknob. I blink, not having realized that I'd already made it to the door. Turning, I look over to the bed, only to see him lying on his side, his back to me.
"Yeah?"
"I love you."
I pause.
"I love you to."
He pauses, to.
"I hope you come back."
"I hope I come back to."
And then I open the door, walk out, and slam it shut. I turn and begin walking down the hallway, a numb, somewhat surreal feeling settling around me as I do. I step into the living room, where I see Mozzy curled up on the couch, eyes glued to a glaring television screen.
"Mozzy," I say, gaining her attention. "It's time to go."
What? she asks when she looks up at me. Now? But we can't go, Rom Baro! I have to figure out which of these morons killed their uncle. I get a free prize if I'm the tenth caller into the station with the right answer and I... Why aren't you wearing a shirt? Wait, I don't want to know! If the two of you have been having sex in that room right next to me I'm gonna pu-
"Mozzy," I say again. "We're leaving. Come on."
Why are we leaving if you were having sex? Was it not any good? Didn't he 'rock your world', Rom Baro?
I don't answer.
Did you damage your vocal chords or something? What's wrong with you?
"It was him," I whisper, feeling my knees shake.
What was him?
"Freaky dream guy. The one whose been haunting me."
I don't know what you're talking about.
"It's Spinner. The freaky dream guy is Spinner. He's been haunting me."
What?!
"We have to go home now, Mozzy." I look at her, my eyes tired and pleading. "Come on."
All right, she says, jumps off the couch, and follows me out the front door.
-
I lie on my bed, my arms wrapped around a pillow, while my face is buried into another as I sob. How could this happen? How could I not have known it was Spinner? But then, how could I have known it was Spinner?
I can't believe it was him. I can not believe Tshurka... We, the Council, everyone had forgotten about him. He was full of empty threats and losing magic. That must have been why he went to Spinner. He recognized a young talent with great power. I'm just glad it wasn't you that he chose.
"Why couldn't you sense it? If he had so much power..." I mutter.
Because he did a glamour. He hid his aura. Pretty strong magic, it must have been, too. I would have had to been looking for him to find him.
"You were looking for him," I remind her. "Remember?"
I was looking for black magic. He wasn't using any. He was being honest about what he told you, that he wasn't using his powers for evil anymore.
"What about what he did to me?"
It wasn't exactly evil power he needed to slip into your dreams, nor a great amount of it. You were completely unprotected.
"Why me? Why did Tshurka pick me?"
Because, she answers as she comes up to me, curling at my side. He was looking for a witch with tremendous untapped powers who was completely innocent to the world of magic and therefore easily manipulated and corrupted. You should be proud of your friend. He managed to defeat his evil. That is a very difficult thing to do. Not many witches, once turned to the side of darkness, would be able to redeem themselves.
Her words calm me. I sigh. "Do you think I should go back to him?"
It doesn't matter what I think.
"Why? I respect your opinion," I tell her.
It's not that.
"I get it," I murmur. "Is this one of those things that only I can answer? That I have to look deep down into my heart to find the truth? Like a whole Jedi knight thing?" If she says yes, I suppose I know what my answer will be.
I love him.
But I don't know if I trust him.
I need him.
But I don't know if I can forgive him.
In the end, the only choice that I can make is to-
No. It doesn't matter about my opinion, or yours. No matter what happens, you won't get to choose, anyway.
"What?"
Do you really think that now he has come clean to you, to me, he can stay out of the Council's radar? They will find him, put him on trial, find him guilty of treason and practicing of the dark craft, and kill him.
Horror suddenly fills me and I shoot straight up in bed. I stare at her, eyes wide and afraid. "W-what?" I ask her. She lays there, not answering, and I feel chilly slivers of ice cutting into my heart. "No. They can't do that. It wasn't his fault. Why would you tell them?"
Me? I'm not going to tell them Rom Baro. I know how much he means to you.
"Then how the hell would they know?" I ask her angrily. "If they haven't caught him by now, then why would they get him now? Why would they kill him? He hasn't done anything! Not on purpose! He-"
I am sorry. I do not want to be cruel, but things like this happen. He will die, of this I am sure. Try not to dwell on it.
"How can you be so heartless?" I ask her. "I have to go warn him."
He most likely already knows.
"I don't know what's wrong with you, but I'm not going to let this happen." I stand up hastily, the back of my teeth clenched. "I have to go tell him."
I begin running towards the door, heart racing. Spinner might die? I don't understand what Mozzy is talking about, but if he's in danger...I have to find a way to get to him first.
Stop, Marco, Mozzy tells me, and for some reason I do.
"What can you possibly say to me?" I ask her harshly.
Nothing. But she can.
"What...?"
I turn, only to yelp in surprise and fall backwards onto the floor. Blinking, I look up to see Samantha standing in front of my doorway. She has a gentle smile on her face, and she looks exactly as I remember. Elderly, kind, sweet, and completely out of her mind.
I have a bad feeling about this.
"Evening, deary," she says softly. "I believe you have gotten some news."
---
Gah! That was such a beeotch to write.
Spinner: Tell me about it.
...you didn't do anything!
Spinner: Yes-huh! I had to act all angsty in the proper places. And I had to cry. C-R-Y. That's hard!
Marco: Um...hello!
Spinner: Hello darling. –huggles Marco-
Marco: -sweat drops-
-sighs- Boys. OK, well, yes...review, please? It'll make me happy, and a happy fanfic writer is a productive fanfic writer.
Marco: Ha, tell that to Kaiba and Joey!
...I never said anything about a happy anime fanfic writer...