Disclaimer: I'm a bum. I live under a bridge. I don't even own the computer I'm writing this on, let alone the Artemis Fowl characters. I also don't own KMart.

((The author would like it known the above was a joke and she is not a bum, though she still doesn't own any of these characters (or KMart). Technically she doesn't even own the mary sue (which she only put in there because she was bored)))

NTS: I'm sorry, but I'm breaking up with you. I just can't see us going on any longer. I've been seeing someone else for three years. I know you'll understand. I hope you find someone who deserves you more than I do.

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Artemis fell down the stairs to the main hall. He fell because there was, for some reason, a rubber ducky on the steps. Long way to fall, too.

He walked into the kitchen. Butler was there.

"Good evening, Butler. How goes it?"

Like I said before: Artemis wasn't exactly in his usual frame of mind. Besides, this is the author's fanfic and she'll write Arty however she darn well pleases.

Butler looked back in the direction the music was coming from earlier, again. This time because there was a spider on the wall. Or was it a crack? No, it was a spider. He then looked back at his charge.

"Artemis, sir, there was a girl in here, earlier. She said she needed a banana."

"I know. I summoned her. Where is she?"
"She went shopping. Juliet went with her."

"Oh dear."

--

Juliet ran to catch up with the girl who's name was not Jessica. "Wait up!"

The not-Jessica turned around. "Come on! It's vital that I get this banana immediately!"
"Why?!"

"Hell if I know. C'mon!" she started running. There had to be a banana store around here somewhere.

Aha! KMart! That's good enough. They're sure to have bananas!

--

"How long ago did they leave?"

"About twelve minutes ago."

Just then! The doorbell rang. Not exactly the most exciting thing in the world, the author knows. But it's better than the phone. She means, who will it be?? Will it be the random chick? Will Juliet be with her? Will it be Artemis' grandfather? Will it be that mafia dude, back for revenge from the disintegrating money? We may never know!
Unless Artemis answers the door, which he does.

In all honesty, Butler should have answered the door.

Oh well.

It was the random chick. Juliet was with her.

"I got the banana!" She shouted. "Wanna see?"

Artemis gibbered. He was allergic to yellow!

She pulled a banana out of a goat-skin bag. It was green.

"Banana's aren't in season, so there weren't any ripe ones."

"Oh thank Gods." Artemis muttered, "Very... um... good, I guess."

"So, what next?"

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That's a very good question! You know the drill - Tune in next time to find out!