When you thought that it was over,
You could feel it all around.
And everybody's out to get you,
Don't you let it drag you down.
So if you ever feel neglected,
If you think that all is lost.
I'll be counting out my demons,
Hoping everything's not lost.
Coldplay: Everything's Not Lost.
Chapter 2
His four remaining friends just stared at him, each with identical looks on their faces: total shock. But their surprise was nothing compared to his own. What ever had possessed him to say something like that? For a second, Hank thought they wouldn't believe him, not after everything that had happened recently; they were never going to believe that Eric would...
'I knew it!' said Bobby with a growl, swinging the Club at a nearby rock and smashing it in two. 'I goddamn knew it!'
The outburst jolted the others back into reality.
'Bobby!' gasped Sheila. 'Don't say that!'
'Why not?' demanded the Barbarian. 'I told ya it would be Eric's fault! It couldn't be Hank's! The Darkling was just a fluke!'
'Bobby!' said his sister again. 'No! He wouldn't have...I mean, he can't have...because...Eric wouldn't.' She stopped, looking around at the others, imploring them to back her up, but neither Presto nor Diana spoke.
Hank just stared at the Thief, the anger increasing again the instant she'd said the Cavalier's name. What the Hell was going on here? Sheila? His Sheila? Defending Eric?
The Barbarian gave a snort. He seemed to think that the Cavalier had it coming, but the others didn't look so sure. Hank started to panic. Unpleasant "What-if's" raced through his head. What if they wanted to look for him? Worse, what if they found him!
Don' t panic, the Voice whispered in his mind. They don't know anything.
Diana had turned to stare at him, her eyes wide and glittering with tears.
'Hank, please! You've gotta tell us!' she said. 'What happened?'
But he couldn't think of anything to say. They trusted him at the moment. Whatever high (well high-ish) opinion they had of Eric after the Grotto, they still trusted their Ranger more. He was their leader, the one they could always rely on.
'Hank, it's OK,' repeated Diana, laying her hand tentatively on his shoulder. He nodded mutely. Oh God, they're trying to make me feel better.
'What'll we do?' asked Presto, glancing at the two girls. It was the first time he'd taken his eyes off the Ranger since he'd met up with them. 'Do you think...?'
There was a distinctly uncomfortable silence.
'Who cares about the dumb Cavalier!' said Bobby suddenly. 'He shouldn't have been such a drip!'
'Anything could have happened to him,' said Sheila, her voice trembling. 'He could even be dead.'
The Barbarian opened his mouth to say something, by saw the glares from the other kids, and wisely shut it again. Hank saw Sheila turn away, tears gleaming in her eyes. Something inside hated himself for putting the Thief through this, she was so sensitive and caring, even to the most unworthy of people...
'But we can't stay here, guys,' continued Sheila. 'We have to find him. We have to know!'
Hank felt his stomach drop about two feet. If they did, they would find out what had happened, what had REALLY happened; that he, the Ranger, their Fearless Leader, and run away and abandoned one of his friends. Justification raced through Hank's mind, but it didn't make any difference. He'd turned, and run away, leaving Eric to the Orcs. Oh God...
And a tiny part of him was almost pleased that they wanted to help Eric. Who knows what would happen to him, in Venger's fortress? The Arch-Mage had a particular dislike of the Cavalier after that incident in Darkhaven.
Hank gulped. Sheila was right; anything could have happened, and the Cavalier was one of his friends, he couldn't just leave him to his fate!
Or could he? This time, the Voice in his head spoke much more clearly:
You've done it before.
Yes, but...'We have to find him,' Sheila was saying. Diana and Presto gave vague nods of agreement.
'But what about the portal,' asked Bobby, his tone still belligerent.
Hank's breath caught. The portal! How could he have forgotten the portal? They still had the chance to get home!
'Are you thinking we should go home without out him?' Sheila asked her brother sternly.
'Well, no, but...'
A strange kind of fear welled up inside Hank as he watched his friends. What were they thinking? This was Eric they were talking about: the stupid, dumb, infuriating and cowardly Cavalier. Was he really going to stand by and let them throw their freedom way on a boy as worthless as that?
Say something! whispered the voice. Anything!
'I...' said Hank suddenly, surprising the others, 'I don't think there's...anything...'
'I know Eric can be a jerk,' interrupted Sheila with a sniff. 'But we can't just go without trying to help!'
The conviction in her voice made Hank recoil in surprise. She really wanted to go find the stupid Cavalier, instead of just going home when they had the chance! Presto and Diana were looking expectantly at Hank, but the Ranger was suddenly beside himself with anger. Why couldn't they understand?
'Who was the one who didn't want to help Uni when Kelek caught her?' he demanded with a snarl. 'And who was the one who went off on his own instead of helping Dungeonmaster and defeating Warduke?'
The group was silent in shock at his outburst, but it was Sheila who recovered first
'That's not fair, Hank,' said the Thief. 'That was a long time ago. Eric's changed!'
Hank stared at her. How could she POSSIBLY be defending the stupid Cavalier, of all people! What was going on here? When had she become the Eric Montgomery Fan Club?
'What's gotten into you?' he hissed at her. 'This is Eric we're talking about!'
She just stared at him with tears in her eyes, and that made him all the more infuriated. How dare she even be sorry for the Cavalier! He was trouble, and Sheila of all people should be glad he was gone, considering all the teasing and insults. She was only saying it because she felt sorry for him; sorry that he was so weak, sorry that he was such a coward.
Hank's lip curled into a sneer. In that second, he hated the Cavalier more than he ever believed possible. Eric was the one that had caused all this. If he hadn't been so weak, none of this would have happened. If he hadn't been so annoying, so inconsiderate, so ... right about the portal.
That quiet thought packed a real punch, and the Ranger suddenly gasped for breath as if he'd really been struck. Eric had been right! They shouldn't have gone near that portal...until they'd looked more closely. He'd tried to warn them, he'd...
The Cavalier was just looking out for himself, said the Voice soothingly. Just as he always did! Hank wanted to argue with the Voice, but he couldn't think of anything convincing to say. The Cavalier didn't know what would happen, continued the Voice. And none of this would have happened if he hadn't been such a coward!
Something very small, very deep inside the Ranger wasn't completely happy with that explanation, but it was easily ignored. Instead, Hank looked up at his friends. They were all staring; even Bobby was looking at him with an odd expression.
Confused, he looked round in amazement. Why were they looking at him like that; like HE was the one that had done something wrong? The silence grew, and Hank's discomfort grew with it. Eventually, it was too much to bear. He had to get away from the looks on their faces. He had to get some peace.
'I need...' he managed to say, his voice sounding choked. 'I need to be alone. I have to.'
Abruptly, he pushed himself up, noticing that Sheila made no move to stop him. He could here the others muttering as he walked off. But he kept going, walking well out of earshot before slumping down against a tree. He sat alone for a long, long time; anger and fear making his heart lurch every third beat. The Ranger could hardly believe what was happening.
What are the others going to do? he wondered. But it was an unanswerable question, not even the Voice tried to reply.
Bobby, angry and defiant, was never going to trust the Cavalier over the Ranger; Hank was the equivalent of his Big Brother! Sheila had made her feelings pretty clear, but what about Presto? Or Diana? They were both close to Eric; Presto was his best friend, for Christ's sake.
The Ranger let his forehead rest in his hands, looking down at the pale green grass beside his boots.
What the Hell had happened? He should have known this was gonna happen. He should never have lead them into such an obvious trap. He should have known, he was the leader and he should have known!
But Eric knew, he thought.
And a flash of anger passed through him with all the strength and power of a lightning bolt, pushing away all reason and sense.
That goddamn Cavalier! All this was his fault, that stupid, reckless, thoughtless son-of-a-bitch! If he hadn't been so weak; if he hadn't been such a coward and given up at the first sign of trouble none of this would have happened! He'd folded like a paper hat the instant the Orcs had shown up, there had only been a few more than before, and Eric had a magic Shield! He shouldn't have been so pathetic!
Yesss! agreed the voice. The Cavalier deserved it!
Instantly, the memory of Eric's capture flashed through his mind. He could see the look of pain and shock on the other boy's face; see the blood trickling down over his lip; hear the crunch as a club connected with the armour.
Deserved it? thought Hank in disbelief, surprised that he could wish that on anyone. But...that isn't right! He was my friend and...
And now he isn't, insisted the Voice, but it wasn't loud enough to swamp his confusion completely. He is my friend and...
'Hank?' called a female voice. 'Hank, you OK?'
The uncertainty vanished as the Ranger tried to focus on the girl walking through the forest towards him.
It was Diana.
In spite of the anxiety simmering in the back of his mind, Hank smiled as the Acrobat approached. He had known Diana for a long time. He respected her, he relied her, more so than any of his other friends, he knew he could trust Diana with anything. They had gone through school together, they had been friends for longer than he could remember. And she had turned to Hank for comfort, after Kosar.
Night after night for the weeks following their visit to Torad, she'd sat next to him, crying and talking. He'd listened, and he'd helped all he could. Sometime she would cry on his shoulder, taking solace from the strength in his arms.
He watched her walk towards him and the gnawing, indecisive guilt inside him grew worse. He knew she was as upset about Eric's capture as Sheila had been. Diana didn't always like Eric, but he was part of the team. The Cavalier had had a bit of a thing for her back at school, but they'd hardly ever spoken without the standard exchange of insults. Diana never suffered fools gladly, and certainly not rich, spoiled fools that shirked work and whined constantly. But somewhere along the line they had forged a quirky kind of friendship. Not as strong a friendship as she shared with him, but a friendship nevertheless.
She sat down beside him, so close that they touched arms. The Acrobat smiled, but didn't say anything. Tonight, much like all those tearful nights after Torad, they sat side by side in the failing light, not talking but giving and receiving comfort from the other's presence.
He trusted her, perhaps he could trust her with anything, no matter what the Voice of reason inside his mind said. But it took him a long time to pluck up the courage to try.
'Diana,' he whispered eventually. 'Something's happening. I...I just can't explain it.' He turned and looked across into her eyes, his own filling with tears. 'Help me...'
'Tell me what's wrong Hank,' she said. 'I'll help you any way you can, you know that.'
The kind smile on her face somehow managed to make him feel worse. You can't trust her, said the Voice suddenly, after a long period of being silent. Be careful what you say.
'It's my fault,' he began. 'This isn't what I wanted...'
Be careful...'You can't be responsible for everyone all the time,' she said, obviously trying to reassure him.
'No, Diana, that's not what I meant.'
'Hank, there's no shame in admitting you're human.'
'No, Diana. It is my fault, I should have...' But when it came down to actually saying it, he couldn't get the words out properly.
'...I should have helped him,' he continued lamely. Was that really all he could come up with? He'd left the Cavalier at the mercy of some extremely large and annoyed Orcs; he'd watched with a smile as the Orc Captain struck him; he'd run away instead of staying to help. How was he ever going to put that into words?
Diana grasped his arm, looking intently into his eyes. He could sense her need to help him, and he wanted her help, he wanted some peace from the shame and guilt. She was his friend.
'I'm sure you tried your best,' she said.
Be careful, don't tell her what you did!'But Diana, I made this happen. This is all my fault.'
'We all believed the plan would work, Hank,' she said in response. 'We all tried our best, all of us, even you.'
Hank frowned, struggling not to become angry with her for trying to comfort him. She didn't understand and he couldn't tell her. It was just too hard, if only she would...
'What did Eric do that was so bad?' asked Diana suddenly.
The question can so unexpectedly that Hank just sat there gawping at her.
Don't tell her! She'll hate you! She'll tell the others and they'll hate you too!'Eric...' he whispered, his mind full of the Cavalier's abrupt capture. What did he do that was so bad?
The Cavalier deserved it!'...he...' murmured Hank, overwhelming guilt and shame flooding into the Ranger. Why couldn't he make her understand? He wanted to tell her what had happened, but he couldn't get the right words out. Diana gently took his hand.
'It's ok, Hank...' The Ranger struggled to breathe against the painful memories. It was never gonna be ok every again, not after what he'd done. Don't tell her! '...I know you tried your best to help Eric.'
It was like a match to a petrol can. Suddenly more angry than ever, he could barely think, let alone reason. He stood. Don't...
But Hank was so caught up in fury that he didn't hear anything else. He rounded on Diana.
'I left Eric deliberately!' he shouted at the startled Acrobat. 'I left him for the Orcs! I turned away and left! Deliberately! Do you understand! I HATE HIM!'
He was breathing hard. Diana was still sitting against the tree, her mouth open in shock. At least the stupid girl had shut up! At least she would stop saying all those things!
Then he looked into her eyes and understood what he'd done. He'd gone and said the one thing he wasn't going to say. He'd told her. How had he been stupid enough to get himself into this situation?
He watched as the words sank in, and a look at dismay crossed her face. He knew what was going to happen: She was going to tell the others. He'd been wrong. The Voice had been right, he should have been more careful.
Reacting by self-preservation rather than rational thought, he caught her arm, pulling her standing. She was fit and strong, but he was stronger. She just managed to scream before his hand closed over her mouth. Far away, or so it seemed, there were muffled shouts.
The others had heard her.
Cursing his slow reactions, he twisted her arm tightly behind her back, ignoring her struggles. There were only a few seconds to decide.
She knew. She was going to tell the others, and they would never trust him again.
Never.
Never-ever.
He shouldn't let her tell, he couldn't let them know...
You should kill her, whispered the persuasive Voice in his mind. All it would take was a little bit more pressure and ...
No!
But she knows. She'll tell them. Just do it! Do it...do it...DO IT!
NO! Not Diana!!
He suddenly shoved the girl to the ground, and started backing away, the voice in his head giving an angry hiss.
This shouldn't be happening, Hank thought, looking down at the still form of the Acrobat. This wasn't supposed to happen. If only they had stuck together, if only they had gone home...
The Ranger let a growl slip out. They should have gone home!
Yes! YES! said the Voice. And why didn't you get home?
Hank shuddered, remembering the fiasco at the locked portal. That Cavalier deserved everything he got for causing all of this. This was all Eric's fault; he shouldn't have argued in the first place; he shouldn't have been such a coward and he shouldn't have given up so easily. It served him right to be captured by the Orcs.
A small, cruel flashed over Hank's face.
Yesss! hissed the voice. The damned Cavalier deserves everything he gets.
Eric slumped gratefully down to his knees, taking short breaths and trying to make the most of the brief rest. The Orcs had decided to take a break from the march and were lounging by the riverside drinking and eating. They cast the occasional smirk at him, no doubt thinking of the future opportunities for making his life as miserable as possible. Ahead, a depressing number of miles away, was the dark and foreboding shape of yet another one of Venger's castles.
There was no doubt where they where taking him, and Venger would be no less companionable than the Orcs. The Cavalier was not looking forward to that meeting, but there was no point in being scared at the moment. Scared could wait, as there was no point in trying to think about what was going to happen next because, whatever it was, it was definitely going to be worse than this.
Even so, he'd never felt so wretched; all he could smell and taste was blood and had given up trying to keep list of the places he ached. The front of his breastplate was seriously dented, making breathing difficult and, underneath the dent, one, perhaps two of his ribs on the right side felt like they were broken. With his hands bound tightly behind his back, he'd lost most of the feeling in his lower arms; his shoulders ached where a club had hit him; and his legs felt like he had lead boots on.
With a grimace, he gave a painful sniff and coughed, spitting some of the blood from his mouth onto the ground beside him. Goddamned Orc Captain! It'd broken his nose too!
He let his eyes close for a few seconds, thinking bitterly that he had underestimated the Orcs. Individually, each had the keen intellect of a cardboard box and the speedy reactions of a dead snail, but together they could make a good job of brutalising the defenceless if they all made the effort.
Eric had tried not to think about his alarmingly easy capture, and so far it had worked; concentrating on getting one foot in front of the other had been enough to fill his pain-glazed mind.
But now the marching had stopped and there was relative calm, the Cavalier couldn't help going over it again; those few short seconds, just as he was captured. He had looked up, and seen Hank smiling, yes SMILING at his pain and fear, with a look of joyful glee on his face. And, though they might have had their differences in the past, the Cavalier was astute enough to realise that something was very, very wrong.
The others all trusted Hank implicitly; they had all agreed to that dumb plan in spite of his objections. But that wasn't the Ranger they all knew and as long as he was with them, the others were in danger.
Again, the Cavalier let his eyes close, unable to keep the worry at bay this time. What if this was just the start? What if one of the others disagreed with Hank? How far would the Ranger go? What would he do? Who would be next?
Eric choked back a small cry, trying not to attract attention, as worry gave way to bitter frustration. He was stuck here, helpless, with these damn Orcs, while the others were in major trouble!
Hank had changed; Hank might be capable of anything. And Eric had no way to warn them.