Title: Walkabout - Voyage of Rediscovery 8/?
Author: Mike McD
Rating: R
Summary: Two bitter and lost souls on rock bottom decide to go Walkabout. Two years after 'Chosen'.
Distribution: Anywhere, just let me know.
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer nor do I own any other characters. This is a work of fiction written for fun and enjoyment.
WARNING!!!
If you don't like fics with some Buffy bashing then move along now. Everyone else, enjoy.
-------
Willow was worried.
No, scratch that. She had been worried three days ago.
Now she was worried multiplied by sick with concern multiplied by shit scared squared.
The fact that she was able to feel worried about anything was a good sign. For a while after Kennedy's death she hadn't felt anything at all.
For someone with the power to snuff out the world not to give a damn one way or another about the world's continued existence was the definition of bad.
Things had been going so well between her and Xander. Not perfect by any measure, it never was even back in the day when their friendship was the centre of their world. They had established a comfortable routine and the world, while still being something that the two of them tried to avoid as best they could, wasn't looking as bleak as it had once before.
Willow had thought there was a new openness between them, an openness that encompassed the entire spectrum of the good, the bad, and the ugly.
And the ugly for both of them got real ugly.
But something happened that night which saw Xander retreat into his room and into the bottle. What had triggered it was what had Willow so scared.
Was it her? Was she the reason for Xander's retreat into the bottle? Had talking about the intimate moments that he and Anya once shared opened up old wounds? Had she been too demanding, too smothering, too clingy? Had she crowded Xander too much, constantly in his face and leaving him with no personal space?
Was she an emotional vampire?
It was these fears that had kept Willow from going into Xander's room and trying to talk to her friend. If Xander's problem was 'All Willow, All the Time', them more Willow definitely wouldn't make things better.
So for three days she had given him space and privacy and tried to ignore her growing feeling of unease. She tried to ignore the sounds that drifted from Xander's room, the clink of bottles, the loud music, the drunken shouts. Her fear of making things worse warred with her instinctive impulse to go to him and try to make things better.
She went out to a local restaurant for dinner, reasoning that if she sat around in her room any longer she would kick down Xander's door in her rush to be there for her friend. The food was excellent but she didn't enjoy it as much as she otherwise would have.
She missed Xander.
Willow would have been the first to admit that she was pathetic. For nearly two years she and Xander hadn't spoken, separated by 5000 miles, and rarely she thought of him. Now, after three days of not speaking, separated by one door, he was pretty much all she thought about.
Walking back to the hotel Willow's mind wandered.
Was she an emotional vampire?
Xander, Buffy, Oz, Tara, Amy, Kennedy, she craved their attention and approval, their love and friendship like a vampire craved blood. Ever more desperate, she latched onto whoever gave her what she craved, the pathetic cycle culminating in her relationship with Kennedy.
Their relationship wasn't based on love; it was based on mutual self-gratification. Willow got her emotional fix and Kennedy got her power fix. The prime attraction of Willow to Kennedy was Willow's power, not Willow's heart.
Slayers and their attraction to the dark and the powerful. If Spike hadn't returned to Sunnydale then maybe Buffy would have fallen for Willow.
Maybe?
Probably not.
It wasn't so much that Buffy wasn't into girls (the jumping the fence wasn't a big as jumping the undead and demonic), more it was a matter of Willow not being up to standard.
Was she powerful enough? Without a doubt. Was she dark enough? No.
In Buffy's eyes, Willow would always be the cute, pink, fluffy Wicca of years gone by. Sure, she had gone all Darth!Willow, tried to kill Buffy and destroy the world, but it didn't rate. In Buffy's eyes Willow was the diet Coke of evil; only one calorie, not quite evil enough.
Not that it mattered much, Willow had never been into Buffy anywhere near as much as Xander used to be.
When did Xander stop being into Buffy?
Had Xander stopped?
The seething look of utter hatred he got in his eyes whenever the topic of Buffy was brought up said yes.
He had plenty of reasons to dislike Buffy. If Willow had been in his shoes, on the receiving end of Buffy's bullshit treatment, she would have told Buffy to fuck off long ago.
But he didn't just dislike Buffy, he hated her. Hate on a par with Angelus and Spike.
Something didn't quite add up with that.
Yet another thing that worried Willow about Xander.
Getting back to her room the sound of indistinct music filtered through the wall from Xander's room. Willow went up to the door separating their rooms and touched the handle. It took all her will power to not open the door and instead sit down on her sofa and turn on the TV.
She flipped through the channels, her mind not focused on the images.
She turned off the TV.
"Fuck it!" she spat, tossing the remote.
She was going into Xander's room and sorting it out, one way or another.
-----
Willow opened the door and stuck her head cautiously into his room.
The place was littered with empty bottles. Xander lay on the sofa, a half-empty beer in one hand and the stereo remote control in the other as he slurred along with the CD that was playing.
Do ya fuck on first dates?
Does ya Dad own a brewery?
Can I feel your tits?
Or will ya show 'em to me?
'Cause you got a nice head
And ya look pretty honest
My face will be leaving in a quarter of an hour
I'd like you to be on it.
Xander spotted Willow in the doorway and drunkenly fumbled with the remote before turning the music off.
"Sorry 'bout that. Just a little Kevin Bloody Wilson ta help get in touch with ma inner asshole." Xander slurred, waving at the CD player with his beer "Women dig assholes. 'Cept you of course, you're all into women 'n that's OK, Tara wuz lush."
Willow went over to Xander, took the beer and remote out of his hands, helped him sit up, then sat down next to him.
"You're not an asshole." She reassured.
"I left 'er at da altar. Ripped 'er fuck'n heart out 'n left 'er stand'n there. Anya shoulda fuck'n killed me."
"Is that what this is all about? Anya?"
Xander shook his head.
"Buffy."
"Buffy? This is about Buffy? Why?" Willow asked, relieved that her fears that this was her fault were unfounded.
"'Cause of 'er, no happy ever after for me."
"Buffy was the reason you left Anya at the altar?" Willow asked, trying to make sense of what Xander was saying. He had never said exactly what happened that day to anyone.
"Nah... that wuz Dad."
Willow was confused, Xander was making no sense at all. She mentally tried to backtrack.
"Buffy took away your happily ever after?"
A nod.
"Buffy took away your happily ever after with Anya?"
Xander shook his head.
"Buffy took away your happily ever after with Buffy?" Willow tried in desperation. Xander looked at her as if she was crazy.
"I fuck'n hate that bitch."
Willow ran her hand through her hair in frustration. It was beginning to turn into a game of twenty questions and Willow wasn't in the mood to play.
"Talk to me, tell me what's going on here." She pleaded.
"I wuz laying there, gutted like a fuck'n fish 'n Buffy practically steps over me ta get ta Spike. All the lies, the slinging 'er pussy at undead cock, the 'I am da law!' bullshit. Sorry, ya must be this evil to ride Buffy.
"But, get this. I don't hate Buffy for that. That's just Buffy being Buffy. Ya wanna know why I hate Buffy?"
Willow nodded.
"I wuz all about Buffy. Buffybuffybuffy and I fucked up the only shot at happily ever after I'll ever get. And the funny thing? There wuz no happily ever after. No noth'n.
"That's the punch line to the joke that's Xander Harris. He doesn't hate Buffy for what he should. He hates her for an illusion that wasn't her fault."
Tears welled up in Xander's eyes and spilled down his cheeks. Willow cradled his head to her chest and gently rocked him as he wept.
"What am I gonna do, Willow? What am I gonna do?"
Author: Mike McD
Rating: R
Summary: Two bitter and lost souls on rock bottom decide to go Walkabout. Two years after 'Chosen'.
Distribution: Anywhere, just let me know.
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer nor do I own any other characters. This is a work of fiction written for fun and enjoyment.
WARNING!!!
If you don't like fics with some Buffy bashing then move along now. Everyone else, enjoy.
-------
Willow was worried.
No, scratch that. She had been worried three days ago.
Now she was worried multiplied by sick with concern multiplied by shit scared squared.
The fact that she was able to feel worried about anything was a good sign. For a while after Kennedy's death she hadn't felt anything at all.
For someone with the power to snuff out the world not to give a damn one way or another about the world's continued existence was the definition of bad.
Things had been going so well between her and Xander. Not perfect by any measure, it never was even back in the day when their friendship was the centre of their world. They had established a comfortable routine and the world, while still being something that the two of them tried to avoid as best they could, wasn't looking as bleak as it had once before.
Willow had thought there was a new openness between them, an openness that encompassed the entire spectrum of the good, the bad, and the ugly.
And the ugly for both of them got real ugly.
But something happened that night which saw Xander retreat into his room and into the bottle. What had triggered it was what had Willow so scared.
Was it her? Was she the reason for Xander's retreat into the bottle? Had talking about the intimate moments that he and Anya once shared opened up old wounds? Had she been too demanding, too smothering, too clingy? Had she crowded Xander too much, constantly in his face and leaving him with no personal space?
Was she an emotional vampire?
It was these fears that had kept Willow from going into Xander's room and trying to talk to her friend. If Xander's problem was 'All Willow, All the Time', them more Willow definitely wouldn't make things better.
So for three days she had given him space and privacy and tried to ignore her growing feeling of unease. She tried to ignore the sounds that drifted from Xander's room, the clink of bottles, the loud music, the drunken shouts. Her fear of making things worse warred with her instinctive impulse to go to him and try to make things better.
She went out to a local restaurant for dinner, reasoning that if she sat around in her room any longer she would kick down Xander's door in her rush to be there for her friend. The food was excellent but she didn't enjoy it as much as she otherwise would have.
She missed Xander.
Willow would have been the first to admit that she was pathetic. For nearly two years she and Xander hadn't spoken, separated by 5000 miles, and rarely she thought of him. Now, after three days of not speaking, separated by one door, he was pretty much all she thought about.
Walking back to the hotel Willow's mind wandered.
Was she an emotional vampire?
Xander, Buffy, Oz, Tara, Amy, Kennedy, she craved their attention and approval, their love and friendship like a vampire craved blood. Ever more desperate, she latched onto whoever gave her what she craved, the pathetic cycle culminating in her relationship with Kennedy.
Their relationship wasn't based on love; it was based on mutual self-gratification. Willow got her emotional fix and Kennedy got her power fix. The prime attraction of Willow to Kennedy was Willow's power, not Willow's heart.
Slayers and their attraction to the dark and the powerful. If Spike hadn't returned to Sunnydale then maybe Buffy would have fallen for Willow.
Maybe?
Probably not.
It wasn't so much that Buffy wasn't into girls (the jumping the fence wasn't a big as jumping the undead and demonic), more it was a matter of Willow not being up to standard.
Was she powerful enough? Without a doubt. Was she dark enough? No.
In Buffy's eyes, Willow would always be the cute, pink, fluffy Wicca of years gone by. Sure, she had gone all Darth!Willow, tried to kill Buffy and destroy the world, but it didn't rate. In Buffy's eyes Willow was the diet Coke of evil; only one calorie, not quite evil enough.
Not that it mattered much, Willow had never been into Buffy anywhere near as much as Xander used to be.
When did Xander stop being into Buffy?
Had Xander stopped?
The seething look of utter hatred he got in his eyes whenever the topic of Buffy was brought up said yes.
He had plenty of reasons to dislike Buffy. If Willow had been in his shoes, on the receiving end of Buffy's bullshit treatment, she would have told Buffy to fuck off long ago.
But he didn't just dislike Buffy, he hated her. Hate on a par with Angelus and Spike.
Something didn't quite add up with that.
Yet another thing that worried Willow about Xander.
Getting back to her room the sound of indistinct music filtered through the wall from Xander's room. Willow went up to the door separating their rooms and touched the handle. It took all her will power to not open the door and instead sit down on her sofa and turn on the TV.
She flipped through the channels, her mind not focused on the images.
She turned off the TV.
"Fuck it!" she spat, tossing the remote.
She was going into Xander's room and sorting it out, one way or another.
-----
Willow opened the door and stuck her head cautiously into his room.
The place was littered with empty bottles. Xander lay on the sofa, a half-empty beer in one hand and the stereo remote control in the other as he slurred along with the CD that was playing.
Do ya fuck on first dates?
Does ya Dad own a brewery?
Can I feel your tits?
Or will ya show 'em to me?
'Cause you got a nice head
And ya look pretty honest
My face will be leaving in a quarter of an hour
I'd like you to be on it.
Xander spotted Willow in the doorway and drunkenly fumbled with the remote before turning the music off.
"Sorry 'bout that. Just a little Kevin Bloody Wilson ta help get in touch with ma inner asshole." Xander slurred, waving at the CD player with his beer "Women dig assholes. 'Cept you of course, you're all into women 'n that's OK, Tara wuz lush."
Willow went over to Xander, took the beer and remote out of his hands, helped him sit up, then sat down next to him.
"You're not an asshole." She reassured.
"I left 'er at da altar. Ripped 'er fuck'n heart out 'n left 'er stand'n there. Anya shoulda fuck'n killed me."
"Is that what this is all about? Anya?"
Xander shook his head.
"Buffy."
"Buffy? This is about Buffy? Why?" Willow asked, relieved that her fears that this was her fault were unfounded.
"'Cause of 'er, no happy ever after for me."
"Buffy was the reason you left Anya at the altar?" Willow asked, trying to make sense of what Xander was saying. He had never said exactly what happened that day to anyone.
"Nah... that wuz Dad."
Willow was confused, Xander was making no sense at all. She mentally tried to backtrack.
"Buffy took away your happily ever after?"
A nod.
"Buffy took away your happily ever after with Anya?"
Xander shook his head.
"Buffy took away your happily ever after with Buffy?" Willow tried in desperation. Xander looked at her as if she was crazy.
"I fuck'n hate that bitch."
Willow ran her hand through her hair in frustration. It was beginning to turn into a game of twenty questions and Willow wasn't in the mood to play.
"Talk to me, tell me what's going on here." She pleaded.
"I wuz laying there, gutted like a fuck'n fish 'n Buffy practically steps over me ta get ta Spike. All the lies, the slinging 'er pussy at undead cock, the 'I am da law!' bullshit. Sorry, ya must be this evil to ride Buffy.
"But, get this. I don't hate Buffy for that. That's just Buffy being Buffy. Ya wanna know why I hate Buffy?"
Willow nodded.
"I wuz all about Buffy. Buffybuffybuffy and I fucked up the only shot at happily ever after I'll ever get. And the funny thing? There wuz no happily ever after. No noth'n.
"That's the punch line to the joke that's Xander Harris. He doesn't hate Buffy for what he should. He hates her for an illusion that wasn't her fault."
Tears welled up in Xander's eyes and spilled down his cheeks. Willow cradled his head to her chest and gently rocked him as he wept.
"What am I gonna do, Willow? What am I gonna do?"