Kyuubi-chan Goes Human

Reviews

Thrice Crossed Fool

Why...

I ask myself this everytime someone writes a story like this...

Honestly, I might've gotten behind this idea-Might've even liked to story.

But the way its written bothers me for some reason, I have no idea why...

My first problem with this story is how 'Kyuubi' is written. She/He/It is a thousand years old demon who thrived on destruction for christs sake, ya think the Kyuubi would...Oh, I don't know...Probably be rampaging and destroying the world now that it's free?

I mean come on...A Demon who almost destroyed ALL of Konoha is free from her/his/its prison after being trapped for over fifteen years and you make it sound like...Well...Like shes a lame little sister when shes around Naruto and CO.

And the little authors notes (Whatever you feel like saying in parenthesis) they only serve to break the flow of the story...It's like I'm reading, totally paying attention, and you'll suddenly bring up something that has nothing to do with it anything!

(EX: Nee, now she sounds like Ryouga from Ranma ½).(I like to read about NARUTO...Not RANMA!)

I could've honestly like this story...I think you have the makings of a good author in you... Just work on your style some more...

All In all, the story seems too rushed and pieced together...I hope you can fix it.

Yours truly (I guess...),
Thrice-crossed

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O.o My, your VERY bitchy, aren't you? It's fanfiction, not a novel, for gods sake!

Dragon Man 180

Kyuubi should win, but not in a cruel way, maybe by using all of Naruto's experience as a trickster to outwit her opponents?

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Thank you! I take it to mind!

Chapter 10

Getting There; Mindless Fools

Damn, Kyuubi thought. It's cold. Damn Ino for pour that water on me! Not only am I wet and cold, I'm muddy too! I don't like tonight at all!

" Are you okay?" A voice said lightly. Kyuubi looked up to Red-Blue eyes, white skin, and a emotionless face. Yume.

" What....?" She asked nervously. " Why are you asking?" Yume's eyes opened a bit wider, and then she cracked a lethal smile.

" No reason. I just wouldn't want you to die. You are a good opponent." She turned around, and began to walk. She then suddenly stopped. " Watch out for the hunter group, Kyuubi. They'll want you're blood just for having the same name as a demon." She then finally padded off, in her soft socks. Kyuubi heaved a sigh of relief.

" Wait..." She suddenly said. " Hunter group....? What...?"

Naruto rushed through the crowds of anxious people, only to get pushed back and yelled at.

" Damn it! Where is that cursed fox?" He yelled, attracting more than a few stares. He suddenly saw a flash of pink and red in the crowds. He shifted, best he could, to make out who it was.

Sakura!
" Sakura!" He yelled. She turned around, wide-eyed, searching for who had called her. Whoever it was, he sounded anxious.

" Naruto?" She gasped. " Oh, god, Kyuubi is still at the arena! Ya haven't showed up as her sponsor yet!"

" I know!" He said. " Help me get there! Please!" Sakura smiled, holding up two gleaming tickets.

" VIP tickets. One for me, and one for my guest. What's wrong with you being that person?" Naruto's face lit up.

" ALL RIGHT!!"

" Let's go!"

It was strange. Kyuubi had no idea why, but she felt like someone was watching her. She could feel eyes on her, and she could tell they were human.

" Who is it? Come out." She said. No one answered. And no one came out. " Damn. I'm so paranoid."

" Or ARE you?" Asked a wicked voice. It was a tall, very busty women with dark purple hair and black clothes. " Hello, dear. I'm Haruma of the Hunter's Group. What's you name....?"

" Urmm....." Kyuubi said, sitting there and wondering if it would be all that wrong to take Yume's advice. " I'm Asuka Uzumaki. Nice ta meet ya!"

" Liar." Haruma's reply took Kyuubi by surprise.

" Oh, dear. So, who do you think I am, you paranoid freak?" She said, chuckling slightly. This woman was an idiot, messing with her.

" You are a demon!" She said. " One who has stolen a human body!....a dead one at that! I can tell!" Kyuubi snorted.

" That's just wonderful for you. Have a nice day, bai-bai!" Kyuubi rushed forward, flipping upwards in a perfect back-flip and nailing Haruma right in the chin. " Big, scary Hunters my ass."

" Oh, chu think so, lil' one?" Came a heavy voice. " I don think so." A huge shadow fell over a completely shocked Kyuubi. She narrowed her eyes, and threw Haruma's body aside.

Just in time, too. Haruma had taken out a huge sword and had been about to slam it into Kyuubi's delicate human skin. God there were times when she wished she had different skin!

" So..." She said quietly. " Yume was right...." Both fighters paused.

" Y-you....." Haruma stuttered. " Are an ally of Yume? Oh, w-we didn't know that, we are very sorry....give all respects out to Lady Yume...." Both fighters fell on their knees, bowing before Kyuubi.

The very shocked Kyuubi. " Oh..." She said. What IS Yume? She thought solemnly. What does she want?

Author's note: Quick update! Sooner then I thought, actually. Vote for winners and battle match-ups!

Winner Vote

Sakura: Six votes

Kyuubi: Three votes