Title: Walkabout - Voyage of Rediscovery 9?
Author: Mike McD Rating: R Summary: Two bitter and lost souls on rock bottom decide to go Walkabout. Two years after 'Chosen.
Distribution: Anywhere, just let me know.
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer nor do I own any other characters. This is a work of fiction written for fun and enjoyment.
WARNING!!!
If you don't like fics with some Buffy bashing then move along now. Everyone else, enjoy.
-------
Xander's first mistake was waking up.
He had had hangovers before but rarely like this. This was a new level of pain and misery. He simply wanted to die and end the suffering. He shut his eye again.
Never again.
"How many times have you said that?" Willow asked him. Unaware that he had spoken aloud, he risked opening his eye to find his friend. He saw her laying on his sofa, wrapped in a blanket and noticed that she had kept the heavy curtains drawn shut and the room was nice and dark.
God bless that witch.
"Dying." Xander croaked, his mouth as dry as desert sand. Willow got up and brought over a glass of water with a straw to her suffering friend. He sipped at it and noted the taste of aspirin.
"Don't drink too much at once, we've got all day to get you back to the land of the living." Once he had had his fill, Willow set the glass aside on the bedside table and gently ran her fingers through his hair.
"Do you think you're up to a shower and a shave? Don't get me wrong, I love suave sophisticated Xander and I love stinky hung over Xander, but..."
Xander managed a weak smile.
"Give me a minute. Give the aspirin a chance to kick in and hopefully I won't throw up."
"Well, if you do feel like throwing up there's a bucket next to the bed." Willow indicated.
Looking around his room, Xander noticed the complete absence of mess that one would normally expect to see after a three-day booze bender.
"Did you clean up?"
"It gave me something to do while you were sleeping it off. The place was pretty trashed."
"I didn't get... um... you know... violent... or... uh... stuff..." Xander trailed off. He didn't remember all that much and he was worried that his inner daddy Harris had come out to play.
"You broke a couple of things, bottles mostly but that was before I came in. Said some confused but nasty things about Buffy, but that was about it."
"Oh."
Willow looked at her friend and wondered what it was like to be Xander. She knew him better than anyone on the planet and yet there were parts of Xander she didn't know. Parts that were hinted at in his darkest moments, things that had happened while she wasn't paying attention to Xander.
Willow wanted to throw light on those dark parts, to ease the burden he felt carrying them.
And maybe, just maybe, save the little boy she grew up with all those years ago.
"What was your happily ever after?"
Xander shifted uncomfortably in his bed at the question.
"Not now, Willow. Maybe later. Please?" he asked quietly. Willow considered pressing the issue for a second or two but decided to let it go for now. It would be a discussion for another day.
"Do you want me to organise some food while you're cleaning up?"
"I don't think I could handle food just yet." Xander admitted as he gingerly got out of bed and headed into the bathroom. Looking in the washbasin, Xander swore.
"Shit."
Willow hurried into the bathroom to see what the problem was.
She saw Xander pulling bit of broken electric shaver out of the basin.
"Have you got razors you could use?" Willow enquired. Xander shook his head.
"After I lost the eye, I had to switch to electric shavers because I'd ended up slicing half of my face off with a razor."
Willow looked at the broken shaver while she thought things out.
"Go and have a shower and I'll think of something in the mean time." She told him.
----
Xander stood unmoving under the shower; the pummelling spay of hot water massaging his abused body. After a few dry heaves, his stomach settled down to a general unhappy state and gave Xander hope of being able to eat something in an hour or two.
He was a mess, a wreck. He wasn't stupid; he knew that he was slowly killing himself with alcohol. He had seen it happen before in his parents and his Uncle Rory. It wasn't pleasant to watch and even less pleasant to suffer because of it. Xander idly wondered what horrors, what demons they drank to forget.
But up until now it hadn't mattered. Xander could have happily spent the rest of his life in Africa with a Harris death grip on a bottle of whisky and he would have done so with a clear conscious that comes from knowing that the only person he was hurting was himself.
But then along came Willow with her damn fool idea of rediscovering their inner child or some such crap.
He should have told her to fuck off.
Sure, he'd feel guilty about it, but what was one more thing in the great heap of shit he called a life?
But he didn't and he had to face the fact that what he did impacted on Willow now.
Just. Fucking. Great.
He hated this. Willow was a big part of his past; many of his happiest memories as well as the most painful ones revolved around the redhead. Having her in his life again hurt. She stirred emotions and feelings in him that he had tried to forget. She made him care about things and caring meant the inevitability getting hurt even more.
He resented her for that.
He hated himself for resenting her.
Xander picked up the soap and started washing the grime off his body.
He could only hope that in the end it would be worth all the pain that this was going to cause both him and Willow.
----
It was a cleaner and slightly better feeling Xander that emerged out of the bathroom half an hour later. Standing in the middle of his room was Willow who held up a can of aftershave and a razor.
"Shaving problem solved." She declared happily.
"Uh, Willow, remember how I said that the last time I tried to use a razor I nearly bled to death?"
"That's why I'm gonna do the shaving. No need to worry, it's a fresh blade and I know how to use a razor. So sit down and let me get to work." She hit him with resolve face to kill any argument.
With great trepidation he sat on the chair that Willow had set up as her impromptu barber's chair. Willow took a handful of shaving cream and started applying it to his face, the coolness of the cream and her fingers a contrast to the warmth of Xander's freshly showered face.
"Why are you doing this?"
"Shaving you?"
"Shaving me, cleaning up my mess, everything."
Willow finished applying the shaving cream before answering.
"Because I want to." She shrugged.
"Why?"
"Do I need a reason?"
"There's gotta be a reason."
"Shush! You keep flapping your lips and I'll end up slicing your face to bits."
Willow started carefully shaving off his three-day growth, a look of intense concentration on her face.
Xander closed his eye, fighting to maintain his composure. He didn't want to look at her. It felt like his skin was trying to crawl away from her touch as she shaved him. He didn't want anyone to be so close, physically and emotionally. Especially Willow.
That was the beauty of Africa; it had plenty of room to hold people away at a nice comfortable distance.
But even with his eye closed the feel and smell of Willow still managed to get through his defences. For a brief moment the sensation of Willow overwhelmingly filled his head and his mind screamed out in primal fear.
His body flinched.
"Xander?"
He opened his eye and saw Willow looking at him, a questioning expression on her face.
"Sorry." He apologised to the redhead who began to fuss over the cut on his face that started to bleed.
As Willow recommenced shaving, Xander alternatively opened and shut his eye in an attempt to distract himself from the unpleasant intensity of Willow's close proximity and the conflicting craving of human contact after living so long in self-imposed isolation.
Once Willow had finished with the razor, she wiped Xander's face with a wet cloth.
"I'm getting my drivers licence tomorrow." She informed Xander as she worked.
"Okay."
"When do you want to do this drive across Australia thing?"
Xander thought for a moment.
"Monday. I wanna get something a bit more suitable for the trip. Maybe a Range Rover or a Land Cruiser or something like that. Just in case we want to head off the beaten track."
"Getting off the beaten track in this part of the world is an invitation to a world of trouble, I doubt I'm going to be making too many detours. But it's your call."
"Don't worry too much. After two years in Africa where everything is off the beaten track I think I've got it covered."
"Like I said, it's your call." She told him and started to move away. Xander grabbed hold of her hand.
"Will, I..." Xander faltered, not sure what to say.
Willow gave him a reassuring smile.
"Anytime."
Author: Mike McD Rating: R Summary: Two bitter and lost souls on rock bottom decide to go Walkabout. Two years after 'Chosen.
Distribution: Anywhere, just let me know.
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer nor do I own any other characters. This is a work of fiction written for fun and enjoyment.
WARNING!!!
If you don't like fics with some Buffy bashing then move along now. Everyone else, enjoy.
-------
Xander's first mistake was waking up.
He had had hangovers before but rarely like this. This was a new level of pain and misery. He simply wanted to die and end the suffering. He shut his eye again.
Never again.
"How many times have you said that?" Willow asked him. Unaware that he had spoken aloud, he risked opening his eye to find his friend. He saw her laying on his sofa, wrapped in a blanket and noticed that she had kept the heavy curtains drawn shut and the room was nice and dark.
God bless that witch.
"Dying." Xander croaked, his mouth as dry as desert sand. Willow got up and brought over a glass of water with a straw to her suffering friend. He sipped at it and noted the taste of aspirin.
"Don't drink too much at once, we've got all day to get you back to the land of the living." Once he had had his fill, Willow set the glass aside on the bedside table and gently ran her fingers through his hair.
"Do you think you're up to a shower and a shave? Don't get me wrong, I love suave sophisticated Xander and I love stinky hung over Xander, but..."
Xander managed a weak smile.
"Give me a minute. Give the aspirin a chance to kick in and hopefully I won't throw up."
"Well, if you do feel like throwing up there's a bucket next to the bed." Willow indicated.
Looking around his room, Xander noticed the complete absence of mess that one would normally expect to see after a three-day booze bender.
"Did you clean up?"
"It gave me something to do while you were sleeping it off. The place was pretty trashed."
"I didn't get... um... you know... violent... or... uh... stuff..." Xander trailed off. He didn't remember all that much and he was worried that his inner daddy Harris had come out to play.
"You broke a couple of things, bottles mostly but that was before I came in. Said some confused but nasty things about Buffy, but that was about it."
"Oh."
Willow looked at her friend and wondered what it was like to be Xander. She knew him better than anyone on the planet and yet there were parts of Xander she didn't know. Parts that were hinted at in his darkest moments, things that had happened while she wasn't paying attention to Xander.
Willow wanted to throw light on those dark parts, to ease the burden he felt carrying them.
And maybe, just maybe, save the little boy she grew up with all those years ago.
"What was your happily ever after?"
Xander shifted uncomfortably in his bed at the question.
"Not now, Willow. Maybe later. Please?" he asked quietly. Willow considered pressing the issue for a second or two but decided to let it go for now. It would be a discussion for another day.
"Do you want me to organise some food while you're cleaning up?"
"I don't think I could handle food just yet." Xander admitted as he gingerly got out of bed and headed into the bathroom. Looking in the washbasin, Xander swore.
"Shit."
Willow hurried into the bathroom to see what the problem was.
She saw Xander pulling bit of broken electric shaver out of the basin.
"Have you got razors you could use?" Willow enquired. Xander shook his head.
"After I lost the eye, I had to switch to electric shavers because I'd ended up slicing half of my face off with a razor."
Willow looked at the broken shaver while she thought things out.
"Go and have a shower and I'll think of something in the mean time." She told him.
----
Xander stood unmoving under the shower; the pummelling spay of hot water massaging his abused body. After a few dry heaves, his stomach settled down to a general unhappy state and gave Xander hope of being able to eat something in an hour or two.
He was a mess, a wreck. He wasn't stupid; he knew that he was slowly killing himself with alcohol. He had seen it happen before in his parents and his Uncle Rory. It wasn't pleasant to watch and even less pleasant to suffer because of it. Xander idly wondered what horrors, what demons they drank to forget.
But up until now it hadn't mattered. Xander could have happily spent the rest of his life in Africa with a Harris death grip on a bottle of whisky and he would have done so with a clear conscious that comes from knowing that the only person he was hurting was himself.
But then along came Willow with her damn fool idea of rediscovering their inner child or some such crap.
He should have told her to fuck off.
Sure, he'd feel guilty about it, but what was one more thing in the great heap of shit he called a life?
But he didn't and he had to face the fact that what he did impacted on Willow now.
Just. Fucking. Great.
He hated this. Willow was a big part of his past; many of his happiest memories as well as the most painful ones revolved around the redhead. Having her in his life again hurt. She stirred emotions and feelings in him that he had tried to forget. She made him care about things and caring meant the inevitability getting hurt even more.
He resented her for that.
He hated himself for resenting her.
Xander picked up the soap and started washing the grime off his body.
He could only hope that in the end it would be worth all the pain that this was going to cause both him and Willow.
----
It was a cleaner and slightly better feeling Xander that emerged out of the bathroom half an hour later. Standing in the middle of his room was Willow who held up a can of aftershave and a razor.
"Shaving problem solved." She declared happily.
"Uh, Willow, remember how I said that the last time I tried to use a razor I nearly bled to death?"
"That's why I'm gonna do the shaving. No need to worry, it's a fresh blade and I know how to use a razor. So sit down and let me get to work." She hit him with resolve face to kill any argument.
With great trepidation he sat on the chair that Willow had set up as her impromptu barber's chair. Willow took a handful of shaving cream and started applying it to his face, the coolness of the cream and her fingers a contrast to the warmth of Xander's freshly showered face.
"Why are you doing this?"
"Shaving you?"
"Shaving me, cleaning up my mess, everything."
Willow finished applying the shaving cream before answering.
"Because I want to." She shrugged.
"Why?"
"Do I need a reason?"
"There's gotta be a reason."
"Shush! You keep flapping your lips and I'll end up slicing your face to bits."
Willow started carefully shaving off his three-day growth, a look of intense concentration on her face.
Xander closed his eye, fighting to maintain his composure. He didn't want to look at her. It felt like his skin was trying to crawl away from her touch as she shaved him. He didn't want anyone to be so close, physically and emotionally. Especially Willow.
That was the beauty of Africa; it had plenty of room to hold people away at a nice comfortable distance.
But even with his eye closed the feel and smell of Willow still managed to get through his defences. For a brief moment the sensation of Willow overwhelmingly filled his head and his mind screamed out in primal fear.
His body flinched.
"Xander?"
He opened his eye and saw Willow looking at him, a questioning expression on her face.
"Sorry." He apologised to the redhead who began to fuss over the cut on his face that started to bleed.
As Willow recommenced shaving, Xander alternatively opened and shut his eye in an attempt to distract himself from the unpleasant intensity of Willow's close proximity and the conflicting craving of human contact after living so long in self-imposed isolation.
Once Willow had finished with the razor, she wiped Xander's face with a wet cloth.
"I'm getting my drivers licence tomorrow." She informed Xander as she worked.
"Okay."
"When do you want to do this drive across Australia thing?"
Xander thought for a moment.
"Monday. I wanna get something a bit more suitable for the trip. Maybe a Range Rover or a Land Cruiser or something like that. Just in case we want to head off the beaten track."
"Getting off the beaten track in this part of the world is an invitation to a world of trouble, I doubt I'm going to be making too many detours. But it's your call."
"Don't worry too much. After two years in Africa where everything is off the beaten track I think I've got it covered."
"Like I said, it's your call." She told him and started to move away. Xander grabbed hold of her hand.
"Will, I..." Xander faltered, not sure what to say.
Willow gave him a reassuring smile.
"Anytime."