Part 7

I had no idea how to feel about this.

I mean, it was wonderful that Tohru had found someone to love very much; the same with Yuki. But why did I feel so guilty?

Simple: Kyo.

Kyo loved Tohru just as much as Yuki did. Although both were very discreet about it, it was very obvious. So obvious that you couldn't tell who loved her the most.

But, it was obvious whom Tohru loved the most now.

Somehow, I felt I had a part in it. I gave Tohru the advice; told her to follow her heart. Why was it so wrong then?

Probably because I was secretly wishing that it was Yuki she loved. And when this was confirmed I felt so relieved, so…happy.

This brings me back to my guilt. I knew that Kyo had never been in love before; not even with me. Tohru had been his first. It had to be devastating to him, losing his first love to his rival. Especially since the reason they had become friends to begin with was because of her.

But, I couldn't think about it. Feeling guilty gave me stress. And stress made me tired. And I needed my strength to have a successful recovery.

Everyone continued to stop by, except for Kyo. Even Hatsuharu made an appearance.

"Feeling better now?" he asked in his usual soft tone.

I nodded. "Yep. The cancer's been flushed out of my system."

"That's good. You're one of the strongest people I know. It's been strange, knowing you had cancer."

"Oh, I know. But everything's fine now."

"Are you going to be all right with just one kidney?"

"According to Hatori, humans in general only need one kidney. He told me the other one is still very healthy and will be quick to pick up the workload of the other."

Haru looked thoughtful. "I didn't know that."

"I didn't either. But it's good to learn something knew everyday."

I noticed that every now and then Haru was looking behind himself towards the door.

"Is something wrong?" I pressed, though I already knew what the answer was.

"Rin-san's not here," said Hiro matter-of-factly. I resisted the urge to glare at him. Ever since he stole my note to Kyo I was feeling rather hostile towards him. I wished all the more that he had thrown it out. Kyo didn't need rejecting and my pressing love all at the same time.

Haru didn't talk back to Hiro, but he stopped glancing towards the door.

"Isuzu's at the main house," I told them. "She wasn't feeling good again."

"Oh." I was rather surprised at the worry that flickered in Hiro's eyes. The only people I'd ever seen him concerned for were his mother and Kisa.

It made me think that Hiro had some idea what was happening to Isuzu, but Haru still didn't. Maybe if I…

"Akito's been "sick" too," I added with intended casualness. "Just as much as Isuzu's been."

 Hiro immediately understood what I was talking about. "I gotta go." He left the room quickly.

Haru watched him go with a confused expression on his face, which made me disappointed. He didn't take the hint. Maybe if he had been Black Haru…no, that can't happen. He'd smash everything in here.

I still didn't see too much of Isuzu, which made me think she was angry with me. No doubt Hiro went to confront her with this revelation about her "illnesses". And I knew that she didn't want anyone to know about it. "Anyone" being Haru.

Nonetheless, the days passed by smoothly for me. I was still worried that Hatori wasn't getting as much sleep as he could, but he never complained.

"You'll be discharged soon," he told me after a check-up. "The rest of your recovery will take place at home, unless something happens. Can I trust you not to go anywhere without consulting your mother and me first?"

"Yes." I still felt guilty for sneaking out and scaring Mom and Hatori. But I was glad they understood why I did it. Though I still had a strong feeling Hatori was going to give a long lecture about it once I fully recovered. Hopefully by that time, within the next year or so, he'll forget about it.

On the second to last day in the hospital, I got two surprise guests. Yuki and Tohru.

I hadn't seen either since they started going out. At first glance it doesn't seem like much had changed. They weren't hanging off each other and kissing every five seconds (though if they did Yuki would probably spend a lot of time as the Rat). But I immediately felt the change in them. They were so comfortable and happy around each other now; not that they weren't before.

"So you're being discharged in two days?" asked Tohru, all smiles as usual. She and Yuki took a seat next to the bed.

"Yep," I said cheerfully. "I'm glad. All I've seen for the past several days are these four walls. And the smell of hospital bandages is really getting to me."

"You'll have to get use to the smell for a while," said Yuki. "At least it's better now."

"I guess so. I just regret that my recovery will prevent me from seeing you guys."

"We'll come and see you!" said Tohru, her face determined.

"As long as Akito doesn't see me," mumbled Yuki, his eyes sliding closed. Tohru seemed to sense his sudden change. She took hold of his hand in hers. Yuki opened his eyes slightly and gave a small smile, intertwining their fingers.

Seeing both Yuki and Tohru like this made me feel very happy. But it also made my previous guilt deepen. So it was inevitable that I blurted out the next question.

"How's Kyo-kun doing?"

Tohru broke eye contact with Yuki and turned towards me. A strange expression was in her face that made my throat closed. She looked like she was about to cry.

"Excuse me," she said politely. She let go of Yuki's hand and quietly departed the room.

"I'm sorry—" I began.

Yuki waved a hand. "It's nothing you should worry about. Kyo stopped talking to us and being around us. I haven't really seen his face since we…" he trailed off.

This was a sobering for me. I knew that Kyo would take their relationship hard. But I never expected him to cut them off completely.

Not that I was taking sides, but I understood why Kyo did it.

"Are you happy, Yun-kun?" I asked tentatively.

Yuki looked at me indignantly. "Of course I am! Being with Honda-san is more than I could ever ask for. Even before we started going out!"

"That's good. Because we all deserve a little happiness. I'm glad it found you, Yun-kun."

"Thanks."

I looked at the clock on the wall. I had a feeling Tohru wasn't going to come back. "Where did Tohru go?"

"Probably to the roof." Yuki got up from his seat. "I know she loves Kyo and wouldn't do anything intentionally to hurt him. But he's treating us terribly now and she feels she's caused him great pain."

I said nothing to this and let Yuki go find her. Tohru was the master at comforting people, but wasn't exactly quick to accept comfort. But I knew Yuki would give her as much comfort as she needed.

I couldn't stop thinking about Kyo after their visit. I knew that Kyo would become depressed, much like I did when he rejected me. As someone who didn't receive much love as a child, it had to be crushing to see someone you love just slip away from you.

Doesn't he realize that Tohru does love him? I wondered that night, lacking all sleep. Of course he does. Maybe that's what makes it so hard for him to cope. He loves her. And she loves him. But the love he wanted from her wasn't the love she felt for him…

Thinking about Kyo did sullen me. I wanted to be in high spirits, especially since I was one day away from being discharged from the hospital. But all I could think about was how Kyo was suffering while I laid in my hospital bed getting check ups from Hatori.

"In the morning the nurse will bring you breakfast as usual," said Hatori after the check-up. "But afterwards other nurses will come in to help you get in regular clothing." He turned to Mom. "Make sure the clothing she gets is baggy."

"Already have it," said Mom. She went over to my bag to get the clothing.

"Afterwards another nurse will come in with a wheelchair," Hatori continued. "She'll wheel you down to the lobby where a medical bus will be waiting. The bus will take us to the Main House."

"Why not your car?" I asked.

"I don't want to take any risks opening your stitches. The bus won't do that."

"Oh."

I didn't really have any guests that day, and I knew it was because I was going home the next day. At least Hatori would finally be able to get some sleep.

When thinking about that, it made me look at Mom. She looked just as bad as Hatori did.

"Mom, you can go home tonight if you want," I said after Hatori left. I knew that guest cot couldn't be all too comfortable.

Mom shook her head. "Why would I want to do that? You're here—"

"I know, but you need some rest too. You haven't been home in days."

Mom sighed heavily. "Don't worry about me, sweetie. I'll be all right. I want to stay here with you."

"Mom, you've given me undying support. But now you need to rest. Don't worry, I'm a big girl. You need to relax too."

Mom debated this silently for several minutes before she said, "If anything happens no matter how minor it seems, you call the nurses. Okay?"

"Okay." I smiled.

Mom was slow in departing because she kept asking me if I was all right and for me to take care of myself. She also said that she would be there first thing in the morning to help me out. Finally, she gave me a kiss and went home.

I sighed tiredly, relaxing in my hospital bed. This was the first time in what seemed like forever that I was alone. Even if I appreciated the support from everyone, I welcomed the space.

The night nurses were confused to see Mom gone, but when I explained that she needed proper rest they understood.

When it was time for me to sleep it almost came to me instantly. I was so tired from worrying and being excited. I didn't even realize I had fallen asleep.

Until my hospital room door opened.

I came awake, startled. My room was shrouded in darkness, save the lights from the machines. Though tons of nurses had come into my room over the last several days, this somehow felt strange to me. It didn't feel like a nurse had come into my room. I reached for my side lamp the call time I reached for the call button. I pressed both at the same time. I was so shocked at who it was I yelled.

"Kyo-kun?!"

Kyo stood near the closed door. And he looked terrible!!

"Can I help you?" asked the nurse on the call monitor.

"S-sorry, that was accidental," I responded, my gaze never leaving Kyo.

"All right." The nurse disconnected.

I let go of the call button. "Kyo-kun?" I asked again, my tone softer this time.

Kyo slouched against the wall. "Yeah?"

It didn't feel like it was Kyo I was talking to. More like a stranger. The Kyo who stood in front of me looked like he hadn't taken a shower in days. He was wearing worn clothing, and I guessed he'd been wearing the same clothes for days. He was pale and thinner; like he hadn't been eating for a while.

"I…" I didn't know what to say.

Kyo sighed and walked across the room and stood in front of the window. "I heard you're getting discharged tomorrow."

That snapped me out of my daze. "Y-Yes."

"Sorry I haven't been by. Had a lot on my mind."

Silence followed this. I didn't want to upset him by bringing up Yuki and Tohru. But I didn't know what to say. It was funny; I had so much I wanted to talk to him about yet I couldn't think of it at that point.

"Kyo-kun—" I started.

"Have they been by here?" he cut in, his voice suddenly going soft.

"Yun-kun and Tohru?" I asked, though I knew exactly who he was talking about. "Yes, they stopped by yesterday."

"Then you know."

"…Yes. Kyo-kun—"

"I'm pretty fucking stupid, aren't I?" Kyo forced out a laugh. "I-I-I mean, everyone could see it! Why couldn't I?"

"Kyo-kun…"

"I was going to confess to her that night." Something tore at my heart when he said that. "I dunno; I had a bad omen or something. When she got home from visiting you there was this determined look in her face. Something told me right then and there to do it. So…" he closed his eyes. "I did."

My throat closed and my chest tightened. Kyo confessed his feelings? This seemed too unusual for him to express any feelings other than rage."

He opened his eyes, which seem to stare at nothing. "She got this new look in her eyes. Pity. At that moment I knew she didn't feel the same way. But she didn't outright reject me. All she said was 'I'm sorry' and went to her room. I started deluding myself into thinking what I saw wasn't real. 'Maybe she's confused'. 'Maybe she just needs more time to think'. Anything to keep thinking I meant more to her."

Tears were starting to spill from my eyes. My heart was hurting for Kyo; I knew what that feeling felt like.

"I went up to her room later to confront her and that Damn Rat was there with her. She was crying and he was comforting her. Then, all of a sudden she said it. 'I love you'. But it wasn't to me. It was to that damn Yuki!

"And of course he accepts her. He hugs her and turns into a Rat and they both start laughing. I just got…angry. I ran into there and started screaming at them. And I mean screaming. I was saying a bunch of stuff I probably shouldn't have said. But I was so mad!! Mad at Yuki for falling in love with her. Mad at Tohru…for not loving me."

I wiped my tears away, sniffling as quietly as I could. "Kyo-kun—"

"I fucking hate this!!" he yelled suddenly. "That fucking Yuki always wins!! He beats me at fighting, ping pong, and even takes the girl I love!! Why can't he allow me to get something just once?! Why can't I love someone without them being taken away?! First my mom, now Tohru!"

I stared stunned at Kyo. I could tell by his ragged breathing that he was crying. He turned and came to my bedside. Tears were pouring from his eyes.

"Why can't I ever win?" he asked me. "I really love her…" He punched the bed. "It's not fucking fair!! Not fair…"

He broke off into sobs. The motherly side of me took control as I took Kyo into my arms. I half-expected him to pull away, but he did the exact opposite. Instead he hugged me tightly, though he avoided my lower back. I said nothing as we just held each other, Kyo sobbing into my shoulder. Even if it was like this, I was happy to finally see Kyo again.