Part 13

I heard soft voices all around me. Incoherent conversations, laced with sobs and yells. I felt paralyzed as I lay there with my eyes closed. It almost didn't seem like it was real.

I should try opening my eyes, I thought to myself. Maybe I can see what's going on.

My eyes gave a slight flutter before they cracked open. The voices stopped abruptly and I was left with silence.

I opened my eyes fully to be greeted by a crystal clear blue sky. The sun shined brightly overhead, though it wasn't too blinding. It was a bit of a comfort compared to the weather I had seen.

Wait…where was I?

I finally managed to move my limbs and forced myself into a sitting position. It was in a beautiful flower field. Miles upon miles of daffodils surrounded me, dancing with the light touches of the cool wind. The mixture of the cool wind and the warm sun left a feeling of contentment within me.

But I didn't recognize this place.

"Where am I?" I spoke aloud. I raised a hand and touched my face. "Wait…I remember. Akito beat me until I fell unconscious…"

I didn't know how Akito's beating landed me in a place like this. Maybe he banished me?

I forced myself to stand and that was when I realized I was no longer wearing my light shirt, jeans, and boots. I was wearing a long sleeveless white dress with thin straps. The hem was buried deep within the flowers beneath me, but I could tell that I was barefoot.

Where did I get such a beautiful dress? I wondered, grabbing the skirt. I didn't own it before!

I looked around the area, the light wind blowing strands of my hair in my face. Still miles of daffodils in every direction. What a strange place this was. How'd I get here?

I knew that I wouldn't get any answers just standing there. So I started walking. It was difficult because of my long skirt and I wanted to avoid stepping on the daffodils, but I somehow managed. I continued walking, trying to figure out where I was.

I took quite a beating, but I don't feel any pain. My back isn't sore. I don't even have a headache!

I suddenly stopped in my tracks and my blood froze. I did receive a vicious beating at Akito's hands. He ripped open my stitches and probably injured my only kidney left.

Am I dead? Did he beat me to death and this place is heaven? I started hyperventilating. No! I wasn't ready to die yet! What am I going to do?! Can I get back to my body?! This can't be happening!!

It was then that I noticed a pond amongst the flowers. It was as clear as the sky above me, but a little girl was sitting in front of it. She had dark hair and her back was to me.

Still feeling frightened, I walked down the short hill of flowers I had been standing on and headed over to the little girl. She would know if this was indeed heaven.

"Um, excuse me," I said hesitantly. "But can you tell me where we are?"

The girl gave me no response, as if she didn't hear me.

"I mean, is this heaven? Are we both dead? I mean, this does look something like how heaven is described, but—"

The little girl giggled. "Kagura, you aren't dead though you were pretty close to it."

I blinked several times. How did she know my name? Nonetheless, I was relieved that I wasn't dead.

"But where am I?" I asked.

The girl slowly stood and turned around. I gasped loudly as I recognized myself. My image when I was just a child.

"This is the cavern of your mind," said my younger self.

"My mind? Why am I here?"

"How should I know? Maybe something bad happened to you."

I sat down. "Akito beat me until I lost consciousness."

My younger self shrugged. "Why didn't you fight back?"

"Because he was jumping on my back! Right where my stitches were!"

"Why was he?"

"Because I let Isuzu out! If you're me, then you should know this!"

"I am you. But I can't comprehend why you so spontaneous."

"Isuzu—"

"She was starving to death, I know. But Hatori was also on his way home. Couldn't you just wait a half hour until he came back and told him? Or did you think that he wouldn't care?"

"I was desperate!! I wanted to get her out of there!!"

"And you did. Look at you now."

"I…" I lowered my head. "I just wanted to save her."

"Really? Trying to make up for all the other times?"

My head shot up. "What—"

"When you turned a blind eye to the suffering of your Juunishi."

"I—"

"You grew up having the full love from your mother. But what about everyone else? Who did they have to comfort them? What you took for granted they lacked. Or can't you remember?" My younger self pointed forward. "Look."

I stared forward, expecting to see the miles of daffodils. But I saw a white scene that faded into a series of images. Images that were brief, but stabbed at my heart as I watched my memories unfold before me.

Seeing a young, sullen Yuki being handed over to a young Akito by a mother who didn't even give it a second thought.

Seeing a young Haru fighting back tears as adults taunted and insulted him for merely being the Cow.

Seeing a young Momiji wearing a sad expression as he watched his father, mother, and baby sister do family things…without him.

Seeing a young Isuzu with a blank face as her parents completely and openly rejected her.

Seeing a young Kana walked off and away from a young Hatori, having no memory of their love.

My heart ached for them as I watched their misery at such young ages. They were all as good as they could be. They never deserved anything that happened to them.

"Stop it!" I cried. "They may have had their misery, but others did have happiness! I wasn't the only one!"

More images appeared, but they greatly contrasted to the ones I had just had to see.

Seeing a very young Kisa walking with her mother, each wearing matching shy smiles.

 Seeing a very young Hiro as the Sheep being cradled closely by Satsuki, his mother who wore a loving expression.

Seeing my young self going on a rampage and breaking some dishes while Mom watched with a passive expression.

Seeing a young Kyo with Kazuma…

"How amusing that you bring Kyo-kun into the happy spectrum," said my younger self. The image evaporated. "When his trials as a child only rivaled those of Yuki's."

I stared at her. "But—"

"This is more appropriate," she interrupted, pointing at the scene.

Once again, a young Kyo was shown. But the images were worse.

Seeing him at his mother's funeral; how everyone avoided him like he was a parasite.

Seeing his father avoiding him at all cost; holding him fully responsible for the death of his mother, only calling him 'it'.

Seeing everyone avoiding him, never wanting to be around him.

"That's not true!" I put in. "He did have friends! He had Kazuma, Haru, me—"

"But you remember what happened to that," said my younger self, pointing again.

I immediately realized which memory I was being shown. "No! I don't wanna see it!!"

But, I couldn't avoid it. It played in front of me, even when I tried closing my eyes.

That fateful day when I accidentally pulled Kyo's bracelet off. I watched Kyo as he transformed into his third form, the frightening form that rivaled his cute Cat form. I didn't fear it; I only hurt for Kyo, knowing the agony he went through whenever he transformed.

My younger self in the flashback didn't share my sentiments. She was trembling from head to toe, staring at Kyo with fright and horror. Kyo reached for her, and she darted away.

"Monster!!" she shrieked, tears falling down her face. "Get away, monster!!!"

I choked out a sob and covered my face, trembling uncontrollably.

"Feel so righteous now?" asked the younger me beside me.

"I know what I did was wrong!!" I wailed. "I know I shouldn't have said such terrible things! I was only a child!! I didn't know any better!!"

"Does that excuse the way you treated him that day?" she asked softly. "All you did was push him away. No matter how much you apologize and swore you accepted him, he didn't believe you. As far as he knew, you were the same as everyone else; no longer his Ne-chan."

I sobbed into my hands. "I didn't mean it! I didn't mean to push him away! I didn't mean to ignore everyone's suffering! If I knew better, I would've tried to do more for them!!"

"What could you have done? You were only a child. True, Akito was a child too. But he was a child with power and the entire family's backing. No one cared who suffered as long as it wasn't them."

"But I'm not like that! I saved Isuzu from Akito! She's back together with Haru! And Kyo-kun loves me!"

"And Mom is scarred for life for seeing you lying there like that, Momiji probably ruptured something for trying to save you, and you added on the heavy burden of everyone."

I lifted my hands from my face. "Oh my God. Momiji really was hurt from Akito's assault."

"He took a lot of the blows. Since you're here, who knows what happened to him."

"Oh my God!!" I sobbed into my hands again.

Suddenly, I felt a bright light on me. I looked up to see a light brighter than the sun.

"There's your escape from your pain," said my younger self. "And to escape being a burden."

I blinked against the light, holding up a hand to shield my face.

"Of course, that's the easy way out. You can stay or you can follow that light. What are you going to do?"

I stared up at the light, finding myself climbing to my feet.

I am pretty worthless, I thought. I burdened everyone with my cancer. Mom, Hatori, everyone. Even Kyo-kun…

I stood up fully, closing my eyes. Perhaps I should just go—

A hand grabbed mine. I thought it was my younger self, but when I looked down I got quite a shock.

A young Kyo was staring up at me with a blank expression. Something not unlike his usual expression that he wore as a teenager.

Suddenly, he broke out in this wide smile. It warmed my heart; I hadn't seen such a smile from him in so long.

"Ne-chan!!" he said cheerfully. "It's all right now! I don't hate you! No one does! Who could hate you?"

I stared down at him, tears starting to fill my eyes.

He tugged on my hand. "Let's go, Ne-chan! Everyone's waiting for you!"

I blinked back the tears as I nodded. "All right. Looks like I'll have to be a burden to everyone a little while longer."

Kyo nodded and looked towards my younger self. He held out his free hand to her. "Let's go!"

My younger self stared at his hand before she accepted it. She too was crying.

"Maybe I can be forgiven for hurting you," she said softly.

So, the three of us walked away, led by Kyo. I felt much better than before, and my younger self looked better. We walked together until a light enveloped us.