Kurama sat on the bus ride home, watching out the window quietly. He could feel the tension between himself and Yuusuke sitting next to him, but for the life of him he couldn't figure out what to say to break it. He knew Botan and Yuusuke had discussed something important in the kitchen by themselves and it had hit Yuusuke hard, because it didn't take a psychic to see the worry in Yuusuke's eyes.
But there was still that hurdle to get over. He liked a guy?
It wasn't that he was closed minded about it, or that he disapproved of such relationships. But it was one thing to hear and see others being in that type of relationship. It was quite another to hear that you yourself were in one, in spite of the fact that you had no memories either way to support it or not. Kurama just couldn't wrap his mind around it. But at the same time he could see how much it was hurting Yuusuke.
How would he feel if the one he loved, the one he lived with suddenly forgot him and was suddenly in denial about their relationship? Kurama knew he'd feel really bad about it. And Yuusuke was probably blaming himself for the motorcycle accident at least a little.
Kurama glanced over at him and sighed softly as he watched Yuusuke shift in his seat and noticeably twist his hands together uncomfortably. He had to do something; he couldn't just sit there and make Yuusuke feel like this, not after everything that he'd already done.
Kurama took a slow breath, then did something that nether he nor Yuusuke expected. Kurama leaned over and laid his head gently on Yuusuke's shoulder, letting himself relax and his eyes close.
"Kurama?" He could feel Yuusuke jump a bit in surprise and turn to stare at him, but Kurama didn't move.
"Thank you Yuusuke, for everything." He said softly.
Silence leaned over them for a moment, then Kurama felt a hand reach over and clasp his and he found himself smiling softly as he heard the smile in Yuusuke's soft response.
"No. Thank you, love."
It was a strange sight to see a short boy, dressed completely in black, from head to toe. But even more strange, was the fact that he was moving quickly, actually managing to jump from tree top to tree top where no one else should have been able to find any footing. But then again, maybe it wouldn't have seemed so strange if those watching knew that this 'boy' was actually a well aged and powerful fire demon.
Luckily, humans had a habit of not looking up.
Hiei moved across the trees and jumped down, landing on the curving road which led up to Yuusuke and Kurama's favorite spot. Not caring about the road or the cars that could be driving on it, he wandered with his hands in his pockets inspecting the area with narrowed and suspicious eyes.
Demons didn't just lose their memories, not from a bump on the head. He didn't care what those human doctors said, there was no way they could know the intricacies of the human, much less the demon, body. And the fact that Kurama had been glowing the night before like he was about to transform only added to his suspicions. There was something else going on here, and while Yuusuke was asking Botan, he decided he'd go check out the area where they crashed.
Hiei glanced around him and listened for a moment, making sure there were no cars in the area. Then he reached up and untied the bandanna around his forehead, revealing a closed third eye that bulged out just a bit. Closing his two normal eyes, the third eye slid open to reveal a shimmering purple iris that pivoted and looked over the area. And as it moved, Hiei watched the images swim by.
He saw cars crossing around him, trucks blaring their horns to warn others around the corner who might not be able to see them. There was a young couple sneaking out in the middle of the night to enjoy some giggling and moaning fun in the bushes, and a family that pulled off to the side because the kids were begging their mother to see how far down the drop-off went past the railing.
The images moved in a weird time-stopped motion, yet faster then they should have. To anyone else it would have looked like a broken VCR that simultaneously eating the tape and fast-forwarding it at the same time. Yet the fire demon took it all in stride, waiting for the images he was looking for, and finally he found them.
Once again the road was deserted, and he commanded the images to slow down as he saw Yuusuke on his motorcycle with Kurama riding just behind him, leaning against him and holding on. The bike drove past Hiei and a couple of feet up the road was the place that Yuusuke had said it had happened. Those were the images Hiei was looking for.
But the bike never made it to that spot. And Hiei's images never followed it there.
Instead, just as the bike was nearing that area, there was a bright flash of light. For a single second power flowed over the road and Hiei was actually thrown backward against the stone wall, his hands coming up to cover the jagan on his forehead in a reflexive attempt to shield it. Power washed over him and the road painfully like a sheering hot wave, and then it was gone.
Hiei sat there for a moment, all three of his eyes closed. Then he slowly blinked over his two regular eyes and winced. The world around him was bright, like he hadn't used his real eyes for the last few years. Groaning a bit he turned and shielded his eyes, waiting for them to adjust, then slowly pulled himself to his feet.
Nothing in the area around him had changed. The road was still the same and, in fact, not even a car had passed during the visions or the reaction. But he could feel something clinging to the area. It was something small, but still very powerful. For a moment he considered walking over to the exact spot where it had happened, but he abandoned that thought.
If looking at that area with his jagan had thrown him off his feet, walking over there could potentially wound him, at least. Instead he pulled out his headband and fastened it back over his jagan and shoved his hands in his pockets, starting on the walk home.
He hadn't learned much, but he'd learned something very important. Who ever was doing this was powerful. And they didn't want anyone to interfere.
Back at the apartment Yuusuke was surprised to find Kurama sitting on the bed in the back. His backpack was open and books were scattered across the bed as he ruffled through the papers and flipped through a few bookmarked pages. Kurama has this cute little determined look on his face as he opened up his assignment notebook and he was apparently trying to translate his short hand abbreviations to figure out what books they were from. Yuusuke couldn't help but smile as he leaned against the wall and watched.
"Umm, what are you doing?"
"Tomorrow's Monday," Kurama responded, as if that were explanation enough.
"Yeah, it is. Wait, you're not honestly thinking of going to class, are you?"
Kurama looked up, holding a thick calculus book in his hands. "Why not? It's not like I'm incapable of sitting through class, I can still read, write and learn."
"Yeah but, isn't it going to be hard trying to remember where you were and what the teacher was teaching you? And there's all the students, and dealing with all those people expecting you to remember stuff. You're uncomfortable with me, how are you going to fell there?"
Kurama sighed softly, giving him a small smile. "Yuusuke, it's not that I'm uncomfortable with you…" He stopped and looked down at the books frowning a bit. "I thought maybe if I sat through class just like I did before it might jump start me into remembering. I've got to try at least. I really don't want to sit around here all day trying really hard to remember and coming up with nothing."
"You wouldn't be alone. I could stay here with you."
Kurama shook his head. "No, I don't want to make you miss class."
Yuusuke snorted a bit. "Not like I haven't missed it before. Besides, you're more important."
"You…" He stopped and actually smiled a bit. "Thanks Yuusuke, but I'd still like to go. Just tomorrow, then if it's too much, I'll stop until I get better."
Yuusuke just shook his head. "You never could stay away from school. It's like you live off it, I should have known."
Looking down at the book in his hand Kurama thought about that. He had been watching his school bag for the majority of the time when he'd been in the apartment. The only reason he hadn't gone over to open it up and look through it was an irrational fear of what was inside. It wasn't that he didn't like books and he didn't like school, that much he knew he liked, but more accepting what was inside. The contents of one's backpack in school told many things about them. And he'd been waiting for something big to be inside, something big he might not be able to accept yet.
Like a picture of him and Yuusuke.
He couldn't help but sigh just a little, but he managed to hide it as he looked down and started putting the books back in his bag. Wasn't a loved one supposed to be your support during things like this? Weren't they supposed to be his one link to sanity and hope when there was nothing else he could remember? Isn't that how the stories went?
If that was the case why was he so uncomfortable around Yuusuke? He hated it. He hated how he felt, and he hated how he was probably making Yuusuke feel. It had to be painful to see him so indecisive and unsure like this.
"Hey, Kurama?"
Kurama blinked and looked back up, not even realizing that he'd been caught in his own thoughts while Yuusuke was standing there. He watched Yuusuke lean down next to him and give a comforting smile.
"Don't push yourself too hard, ok? Take your time."
"Taking my time is the last thing I need. I hate not being able to recognize things. I feel lost."
"So when you're lost you have two options. You wait for someone to show you the way, or you wander until you find something that looks familiar."
Kurama blinked. And that was the end of it, the perfect explanation. He smiled a bit at Yuusuke and nodded. Now the question was how long it would take to see something that he recognized.
The next day at school found Yuusuke sitting in his desk, resisting the urge to throw his pencil at the head in front of him. The one sitting in front of him was Kuwabara and served as a way to usually pass the days when he'd been pushed into his seat with amusing distractions and promises of getting his ass kicked that were never fulfilled. Whenever Yuusuke was feeling down or depressed about something, all he usually had to do was throw a pencil – or an eraser if he had one handy – at the back of Kuwabara's head and the day would suddenly get that much more interesting as he watched the other guy try to sound threatening while not letting the teacher notice.
Yuusuke was holding the pencil, ready to launch it like a mini little spear into his hair, but he found himself not quite able to do it. It wasn't that he was scared, its just that he knew it wouldn't give him enough distraction as to Kurama's current situation.
Yuusuke sighed and dropped the pencil on his desk, turning his attention restlessly to the clock. It was only ten minutes in and class was dragging at a painfully slow rate, threatening to move slower each time he looked at the clock. It took all his self control not to stand up and grab the clock, shaking it back and forth, but he knew that wouldn't help. He doubted that would even make him feel better.
He hated being trapped in class when he couldn't do anything.
To tell the truth it wasn't just Kurama he was worried about. He was also worried about the little twerp of a demon who liked to go by the name of Hiei. As annoying as the little guy might be at times, he almost always stopped to sleep outside of his and Kurama's window every night, and last night he hadn't.
Nothing held Hiei to that spot, it was just a habit he'd seemed to drop into, something that Kurama had once told him happens a lot when demons find each other in the human world, they apparently tended to stay in tight little knit groups with at least one other demon they trusted. But Hiei hadn't returned the night before, and now Yuusuke was worried about him too.
"As if I need something else to worry about," he muttered angrily, flicking the pencil off his desk. He watched the little stick of wood spin out into the air and bump against the back of Kuwabara's chair, falling unnoticed to the floor. Damn, he was even so depressed he couldn't make a decent shot.
Yuusuke sighed loudly and leaned down to retrieve his pencil.
"You dropped this."
Yuusuke blinked and looked up, finding his pencil in another person's hand. He blinked again and his sight focused on the girl in front of him.
He recognized her from the back of the class. She was one of those quiet students who sat in the back and seemed to bury themselves in their work, but not because they loved it like Kurama always did, simply because they were using it to hide. In spite of that 'nerd-like' prospect, she was quite pretty looking with long black hair that hid her face and a mouth that tilted in a permanent shy little smile. Her eyes were a dark black with what looked like a hint of red, and made her very noticeable once you noticed. Yuusuke returned a smile and took his pencil from her out stretched hand.
"Umm, thanks."
She smiled at him and slid into the seat next to him. "The teacher just spoke about group projects, if you missed it. She assigned me to sit with you." Had Yuusuke heard this phrase from anyone else he might have taken offense to the way they phrased it. But this girl's voice was soft and sweet enough sounded that it didn't seem like anything she said could ever be offensive.
"Oh, great. Sorry, I wasn't really paying attention." Yuusuke moved his books aside a bit so she could sit next to him and start working on whatever project they had to do. She easily pulled out her books and started working on the problems, not really worried about him directing his attention elsewhere. After all, she did just give him a perfectly logical explination about her knowing how to do it and she could just finish it quicker…
Yuusuke tried to direct his thoughts back to what he'd been worried about before… but it wasn't coming to mind. In truth, nothing really seemed worth worrying about at the moment. He wanted to relax, that's what he always did in class, he didn't want to stress about anything at the moment so that's exactly what he did. He sat in his seat and relaxed.
And watched her.
Had she said her name? Had she really said anything to him? He couldn't remember, and the back of his mind really didn't care too much. Who needed to know a name? He was more concerned with relaxing and the fact that he was starting to get hungry.
"Do you have any plans for lunch?"
How had she known what he was thinking? "No, not really. Kurama said he'd be speaking with his teachers, so I'm on my own."
"Good. I have a large lunch and I almost never eat it. We can share if you want."
Yuusuke blinked, the words and phase not really seeming to register in his mind. Numbly he nodded, his brain feeling foggy and light. When had the room temperature raised?
"Right," Yuusuke blinked, glancing away from her to rub his eyes. For some reason the room around him looked fuzzy, at least everything but her did. That was the tip off that something wasn't right to him and he quickly looked away trying to regain his mental footing. A second later the feelings subsided and Yuusuke looked up…
To find her walking out the door.
He glanced around the classroom and realized class was over. It had passed in a second and now he was left alone in the classroom, his mind reeling as if he'd been kicked forward in time. Reverse déjà vu? Was there such a thing? Yuusuke took a deep breath and gathered up his measly pile of school supplies and headed out the door.
In spite of his earlier promise he skipped out on lunch. In fact, he skipped completely out on school and walked right off campus to try and get some fresh air and wander a bit in his own thoughts before picking Kurama up from class.
The library was simple enough, not very large by most school standards, with books stuffed and piled on shelves in something that was supposed to have been an order but failed miserably. Only the librarian could ever find anything in this mess, and it was what made sure the budget cuts didn't take her job as it had her assistants.
The mess also served another purpose of making sure that the students stayed away from library as much as anyone else. No one wanted to get lost in the endless piles of books, only to face the wrath of the protective librarian, and no one else wanted to actually be caught studying period.
Well, except for Kurama.
At the moment he was sitting in a back corner of the library, at a desk he'd managed to find under a pile of biology books. His own books were now spread out, the previous occupants piled neatly at his feet, as he poured over the assignments the teachers had given him.
Surprisingly he didn't have much trouble remembering where he'd been in these books. And now that he thought about it he hadn't had trouble doing the simple things like eating and talking or even walking for that matter. What he had forgotten seemed to be selective personal parts of his life, which mostly seemed to revolve around Yuusuke and the other people who he'd been told were his friends. But school work with equations and such were relatively simple and Kurama actually took comfort in the page long calculus problems he was currently looking over and solving.
The way the numbers always fit together to create an answer, which he could double check in the back of the book, brought him loads of comfort. More comfort then he'd felt since he'd woken up, actually. He found himself wishing that life were this easy, that things in life would fall this simply into place. Yuusuke and himself should equal a healthy relationship, or so he'd been told. The studio apartment they shared should equal home, or so he'd been told. And Botan and Hiei, and probably countless others should equal his friends, but he just couldn't figure it out.
As horribly geeky as he felt making the connection, he felt like a lonely x in the equation. Everyone could tell him he was supposed to equal a number. But the truth was he was a letter and he didn't really seem to fit in the equation at all, he was just a substitute for what really should be there.
Kurama closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead. Suddenly mathematical equations weren't comforting so much, anymore. All he wanted was to find the switch, the switch he could flip that would turn everything back. Or even just a hint that such a thing existed.
"I can't do this," he whispered softly.
And he couldn't. He couldn't put himself or the others through this. It was too hard to try and remember, too hard to force himself to be something that his blank mind told him he wasn't. It wasn't Yuusuke and his relationship at all, that was just the easiest and most visible thing he could blame it on. It was shallow, it was mean… but he couldn't find anywhere else to pin his blame. Still, it only made Kurama feel worse.
As he sat there, cornered from his own thoughts, a warmth flowed over him. The air became warm, almost solid, almost like arms sliding around him. In fact, that's exactly what it felt like. The arms of someone… warm… caring
Home.
Kurama jumped and stood up so fast he sent the chair cracking to the ground, knocking over the pile of books. His eyes flew around the piled shelves, but whatever was there was gone.
"Stupid!" Kurama didn't care about his voice and he didn't care if the librarian heard him. He's just done the stupidest thing in the world. The first thing he'd felt that seemed familiar and comforting in days and he'd kicked it away. Kurama cursed again, very unlike himself and sat back down in the chair.
When he reflected on it later, his next action seemed quite silly, but when one was moving around what was supposed to be their life without any direction, they would take what they could get. Kurama closed his eyes and called back to whatever he'd felt, mentally pleading for it to come back, assuring whatever it was that this time he wouldn't be startled and wouldn't push it away.
For a long moment silence just surrounded him, with nothing else. He could hear books being stacked on the other side of the library, and a couple somewhere giggling as they shared forbidden kisses. Then, like a blanket, the warmth seemed to surround him again and Kurama could almost feel two arms slide over his shoulders to hold him in a protective embrace.
A soft breath brushed against his ear and he could feel a weight behind him that wasn't the chair. A person. He could feel a person.
"Who are you?" Kurama whispered softly, not willing to open his eyes yet. He didn't want to scare this thing away again. The arms felt warm and familiar, comforting in their build. It was a touch he recognized, finally something he recognized.
"Wait for me Kurama, you'll know when."
"Wait, don't…" Kurama opened his eyes and turned in his seat, the quick movement and sight stealing away his breath as he stared behind him. Standing right behind his chair was a tall and… beautiful man. Beautiful wasn't a word that would fit any one else, except him.
He was built tall and large, but in a healthy fashion that showed his body to be at the peek of perfection and health beneath his lean and fitted clothing. Long black hair flowed down around his head, disappearing behind his back in such a way that it almost beckoned one to reach back and caress the strands to find exactly how long it really was. Royal violet robes surrounded his body with white designs and markings turning the outfit quite intricate and yet more of a royal simplicity. His clothing seemed a contradiction to his stance and Kurama could only stare at him, his eyes traveling to the face.
He should have been surprised. He should have taken a step back or even left the room. He shouldn't have been drawn closer to this thing, especially when his eyes traveled over the two large horns which framed either side of his angular face. Three ears were visible on either side of his head, adding more strange features, and his eyes seemed permanently closed, a very small scar visible across the lids, faded from old age in spite of his young face.
He should have been surprised or scared. But he wasn't. Instead Kurama felt the face was familiar and he actually reached his hand up, touching the man's cheek very lightly with his fingers.
"I know you," he murmured softly.
The man standing in front of him lifted his hand and caught Kurama's gently, holding it against his cheek. "Wait for me. I'll come to you soon."
Kurama slowly nodded, not able to do anything else but agree with that voice. He didn't want to do anything else. Something in his mind just told him that all of this was right, all of it. It never even occurred to him to doubt that.
The man reached forward and pressed his hand over Kurama's eyes, and Kurama responded by closing his eyes and letting out a slow breath. The warmth around him faded away and when he opened his eyes again he was standing in the library alone… cold.
That's when the panic took hold. Kurama shivered and all thoughts that might have made him comfortable about the thing – men didn't have horns and multiple ears like that! – that had appeared in front of him, withered away to leave a cold and hard fear in his mind, that stained his throat. Kurama grabbed his bag and books and bolted for the door, not stopping until he was far away from the library. He just kept running down the halls, not even noticing the students around him. Anything to get away, anything to outrun… whatever that had been.