Chapter 4! Dun dun DAH! What awaits Dib at school? waves Dirty Chicken toy around Oooooooooooh! Diiiiib! Dirty Chicken rips Crud, now I have to start writing…
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The first thing Dib noticed was that Zim covered his face up whenever he saw Dib. The second thing he noticed was a group of girls taking pictures of him and Zim. And the last thing he noticed was that Torque Smacky wasn't at school.
"Hey," he said, tapping a girl with a camera, "where's Torque Smacky?"
The girl giggled nervously before, during, and after she answered. "Tee hee, he's, tee hee, suspended for, tee hee, fighting. Tee hee."
"Hm. Uh, thanks, I…guess," he said, backing up as the girl advanced upon him with her camera.
"Can I take a picture of you because I answered your question? I can? Great!"
Blinded by the flash, Dib staggered around for a while before grabbing onto someone and accidentally pulling them down with him. Dib blinked as his eyes cleared. He was holding onto Zim.
The girlish squeal behind him was the only warning he got before the horrific barrage of flashing cameras began.
Trying to escape the crazy camera girls, Zim and Dib found themselves staggering down the hallway blindly, groping the air in front of them like zombies. Once or twice they got tangled up and fell again, and the cameras would flash, starting their stumbling journey all over again.
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By the time they reached Miss Bitters class, they both felt sick. Staggering around with flashing lights in your face is very disorienting. Miss Bitters, however, was merciless.
"Zim! Dib! Both of you are late! Unfortunately, I have to admit you into class because of your new popular statuses. Take your seats. NOW!"
They both flung themselves into their seats. Once seated in an upright position, Zim and Dib shot each other a glance. Popular statuses?
There was some giggling behind Zim, and he turned around. Zeta blushed and giggled some more.
"What? What is it that you find so funny about Zim? Tell me! Tell me now or you shall suffer!!!" Zim threatened, getting worked up and leaping onto Zeta's desk.
Zeta giggled once more before answering. "It's nothing funny. I just think that you and Dib are so cute together!"
Zim was dumbfounded. "Eh? Together? Cute? But Zim is the only cute one! Maybe I make up for his lack of good looks. AAGH!!"
Zim screamed at the sudden pile of folded paper on Dib's desk. Now Dib would have a nearly infinite amount of ammo to throw balled up notes at him!
To his surprise, Dib opened one of the folded pieces of paper and read something on it, turned red, crumpled it up, and threw it out the window. Then Dib turned around and whispered to one of the smiling girls, "Never!"
The girl laughed evilly. "You know you want to."
"No, you want me to. You're sick. You write anymore of that stuff, and no more pictures."
She smirked. "Oh, we'll get pictures. You can't stop us with mere threats."
Dib turned around and faced forward in his seat, scowling. He had to devise a plan to divert the crazy camera girls. They would probably stalk him and Zim to the ends of the neighborhood…
So the stalkers become the stalked. How ironic. I didn't want to be popular. Just normal. I wonder how Zim's dealing with this…
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On the opposite side of the room, Zim wasn't faring much better.
"You and Dib should jump on each other and bang it all night long. From, Stalker Kate."
Zim made a face of disgust. "Hey, what is this!? Who dares send Zim this horrible note? WHO?"
"It says Kate, stupid!"
"KATE! From this day forth, you shall rue the day you picked up a pencil, scribbled this thought from your sick imagination down, and gave it to Zim! Start ruing, miserable worm!"
"Why don't you and Dib start wooing each other? Hee hee!"
"NEVER! I don't know what this woo means, but from the vomity look on Dib's face I can tell that it's not good!"
"Zim, I don't think vomity's a word."
"Aw, look, Zim's boyfriend is trying to correct his grammar. Awwwwww!"
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At lunch, Zim and Dib hid in the boys' bathroom from the crazy camera girls.
"Zim, we need to come up with a plan to destroy these girls!" Dib whispered frantically. "I don't think they're human!"
"They're not!" Zim yelled, alerting their presence to several girls roaming the halls. "They're little hell-spawned beasts with a passion for the gross!"
"Hey, girls! They're in the bathroom! Maybe they're making luuuuurrrrrve!"
"Well, I'm glad I'm near a toilet right now," Dib sighed, turning around and lifting up the lid.
"Why?"
"Cuz I'm gonna hurl."
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After school, they sprinted to Zim's house for shelter.
"All right, Zim, since these girl-things are hell-spawned, how can we send them back?" Dib asked.
Zim had been watching TV. "Eh?"
"You said those girls were hell-spawned! How do we send them back?"
"Oh…I think I have a book or something on it somewhere. Let me go look for it."
Zim got off the couch and disappeared into the kitchen, and Dib sat down on the couch to wait for him. Taking the remote, Dib flipped the channel to Mysterious Mysterys. Gir sat down next to him. Dib sighed. It was a rerun. When the clip of Frankenchokey played, Gir shrieked in delight, startling Dib.
"What? What is it?" Dib asked, not sure why the robot was so happy.
"I seen him before!" Gir yelled.
"Really? Where? You have actual evidence?" Dib asked in surprise.
"Yep! I even gots me a picture! Wait here!"
Gir ran off into the kitchen, and Dib heard it rummaging around as though searching for something. Gir came running back in with something behind its back.
"Look! FRANKENCHOKEY!" Gir yelled, thrusting a box of Frankenchokey cereal into Dib's face.
Dib tried hard not to smile but failed. "Yes, that's very good. You should report your discovery to Mysterious Mysterys."
"I will!" Gir screamed, and dashed out of the house with the box of Frankenchokey cereal.
Zim came out of the kitchen holding a very thick old book. He sat down next to Dib on the couch and started to look for a solution. Dib continued to watch the old Mysterious Mysterys show. Every now and then he would hear the fluttering of a page turning. Suddenly, the Poisonberry clip was replaced by a LIVE sign. The screen then showed Gir waving frantically and standing next to the host of Mysterious Mysterys.
"This amazing boy has found actual evidence that Frakenchokey exists! He says that Frankenchokey left his cereal at his house. Who would you like to dedicate your findings to, son?"
"I wanna say hi to Zim, my master, Dib, the big-headed boy-"
"Dib!? I hate that kid!"
"No, he's nice. And I wanna-"
Dib suddenly became aware of the fact that Zim wasn't turning the pages of the book anymore. Looking over, he saw that Zim had fallen asleep.
"Zim?" he asked, leaning over.
Zim suddenly fell over sideways, fast asleep and snoring, onto Dib's leg. Flushing red, Dib tried to wake him up.
"Zim? Zim. ZIM! Zim! ZimZimZim! Zimmy Zim Zim!"
Zim continued to snore peacefully, oblivious to Dib's name-calling.
Huh. Well, I guess I'll just sit here with Zim asleep on me for God knows how long…
A sudden flash at the window caught Dib's attention, and the following giggle confirmed his fears. He leapt off the couch, throwing Zim off as well.
"ZIM! The psycho stalker hell girls are back!"
"Huh, wha?"
"Wake up! They're here, now! Activate your defenses!"
"Duh-uuuh…Computer! Activate house perimeter defenses to fight off hell girls!"
Dib and Zim each watched from a window. The girls dodged the gnomes and their lasers with inhuman speed and quickly destroyed them with their stalker strength. Zim shrieked.
"My gnomes!"
"Ssh! Zim! They'll hear you!"
The girls quickly swarmed around the house, and Zim and Dib were forced to retreat into the kitchen.
"Quick! Give me that book!" Dib said, reaching for the thick book Zim had been reading.
Zim snorted. "If I couldn't find it, what makes you think you can?"
Dib pointed to a table of contents on the first page.
"I knew that," Zim scoffed.
"All right, it says that in order to send these girls to their doom, we have to kiss them. They are utterly destroyed by…cooties. Cooties don't even exist!"
"Silence! If we must kiss them, them kiss them we shall!"
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The girls gathered around the house waited eagerly for another photo opportunity.
The door to Zim's house suddenly swung open, and Zim and Dib launched themselves into the midst of the swarm.
Smooch!
"Ugh, they're all clammy!"
Boom!
"Hey! That girl I smooched exploded!"
"Er…what's a kiss again, Dib?"
"That thing I did with my lips where you screamed that it burned."
"Oh! THAT accursed thing! I can do that!"
Smooch!
"Uck! Human filth!"
Boom!
Smooch!
"Hey, it's working!"
Boom! Boom! Boom!
"Geez, what are you doing to them, Dib?"
"I blew up more than you did, Zim!"
"What? An invader bested by an earth child? Unheard of! Prepare yourself for the most vicious kisses you have ever seen!"
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And on that…interesting note we end chapter 4. Cooties. Ha ha. Where DO stalker girls come from? Hell, I think. Or maybe from too much free time. Or lack of a boyfriend. All sorts of places probably. Girls are freakin' scary.
Quote for…now?: "You can hide Zim, but you can't…hide!" –Dib (Bad, Bad Rubber Piggy